nextnumbermuppetjokerfan

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

Heh... your pants look awfully pissable, darling... would be a shame if somebody peed them (devilish smirk)

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

People are always so mean to those of us who may or may not self pleasure while at work ON BREAK and ALONE IN THE EMPLOYEE BATHROOM. Muppet porn is my fucking coping mechanism for the stress of working, okay? God. I thought we were woke nowadays.

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

I think my one coworker saw me looking at Kermit inflation porn and now they are giving me judgemental eyeballs. What a cunt. I am the assistant manager!!! I am allowed to look at big and round muppets about to burst on the clock if I fucking need to okay!!!

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

What if I put my boss in the deep fryer.

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

If elected as President, what changes would you make to labour laws?

Mandatory annual billionaire hunger games

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

Yesterday was my birthday.

And usually I hate that day. I hate it because it reminds me of everything in my life that I have lost, or everything I never had to begin with. I lost my mother, and I never had a good father. I lost Isaac, and I never had any other friends.

But this year was different.

I have friends. I have family. I have a boyfriend who, despite acting silly, loves me. I got to celebrate myself for the first time.

I'm 17 now. And I'm not alone anymore.

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

I LOVE BEING A COG IN THE CORPERATE MACHINE! I HOPE THEY BURY ME IN THE ELEVEN HERBS AND SPICES! SOMEONE KENTUCKY FRIED FUCKING KILL ME!

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

My liege how are things at KFC going? You’ve been silent for a few days and we worry

(PS I’m not sure of your exact duties but could we say that KFC stands for Kermit Frying Chicken?)

Clock in deep fry chicken wing clock out clock in deep fry chicken leg clock out clock in deep fry customer clock out clock in deep fry consciousness clock out

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

I know today is hard for you, but I just wanted to express how happy and honoured I am to be your best friend. you truly mean more to me than you'll ever know my Birdie girl. thank you for coming into my life and making it so much better, without you I wouldn't have the wonderful friends I have now. keep being your amazing and wonderful self, I love you <3

-Zach

You changed my life, Zach. You're the best friend I've ever had. I love you too <3

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

Do you and Eric want to come over to Ripley's to have cake?

🐦

of course we'd love to Birdie girl! happy birthday <3

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

Even if you hate the day, I'm really glad you were born. You're a great friend, and we all really appreciate your existence

🐦‍⬛

(⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

thank you.

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

whats your favorite gemstone?

I like obsidian. not sure if that counts as a gemstone.

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

okay i'm coming to save you babe

🐦

They tried to make me pay for the food so i ran

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

today is the terrible day

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

...did you get kidnapped by a restaurant?

🐦

Maybe

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

mmmmm okay. which restaurant is it.

🐦

I don’t know they found me on the streets and picked me up i think they thought i was a stray or something

[nextnumbermuppetjokerfan]

laika are you there

🐦

Yeah i broke into a fancy restaurant and im eating their bread