never-letters
Never Letters
37 posts
Messages I will never send.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
never-letters · 1 year ago
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>First, we’ve discovered that about a quarter of all the internet connection in or out of the house were ad related. In a few hours, that’s about 10,000 out of 40,000 processed.
>We also discovered that every link on Twitter was blocked. This was solved by whitelisting the https://t.co domain.
>Once out browsing the Web, everything is loading pretty much instantly. It turns out most of that Page Loading malarkey we’ve been accustomed to is related to sites running auctions to sell Ad space to show you before the page loads. All gone now.
>We then found that the Samsung TV (which I really like) is very fond of yapping all about itself to Samsung HQ. All stopped now. No sign of any breakages in its function, so I’m happy enough with that.
>The primary source of distress came from the habitual Lemmings player in the house, who found they could no longer watch ads to build up their in-app gold. A workaround is being considered for this.
>The next ambition is to advance the Ad blocking so that it seamlessly removed YouTube Ads. This is the subject of ongoing research, and tinkering continues. All in all, a very successful experiment.
>Certainly this exceeds my equivalent childhood project of disassembling and assembling our rotary dial telephone. A project whose only utility was finding out how to make the phone ring when nobody was calling.
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>Update: All4 on the telly appears not to have any ads any more. Goodbye Arnold Clarke!
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>Lemmings problem now solved.
>Can confirm, after small tests, that RTÉ Player ads are now gone and the player on the phone is now just delivering swift, ad free streams at first click.
>Some queries along the lines of “Are you not stealing the internet?” Firstly, this is my network, so I may set it up as I please (or, you know, my son can do it and I can give him a stupid thumbs up in response). But there is a wider question, based on the ads=internet model.
>I’m afraid I passed the You Wouldn’t Download A Car point back when I first installed ad-blocking plug-ins on a browser. But consider my chatty TV. Individual consumer choice is not the method of addressing pervasive commercial surveillance.
>Should I feel morally obliged not to mute the TV when the ads come on? No, this is a standing tension- a clash of interests. But I think my interest in my family not being under intrusive or covert surveillance at home is superior to the ad company’s wish to profile them.
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>Aside: 24 hours of Pi Hole stats suggests that Samsung TVs are very chatty. 14,170 chats a day.
>YouTube blocking seems difficult, as the ads usually come from the same domain as the videos. Haven’t tried it, but all of the content can also be delivered from a no-cookies version of the YouTube domain, which doesn’t have the ads. I have asked my son to poke at that idea.
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never-letters · 1 year ago
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please enjoy this interview with patricia clarkson in which she regrets nothing about never marrying or having children. the possible ways in which you can enjoy yourself and be fulfilled in this world are endless! down with the nuclear family! up with great sexy ass lives!
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never-letters · 1 year ago
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never-letters · 1 year ago
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never-letters · 2 years ago
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A good friend gave me an important advice regarding my romantic life: be honest and concrete about what exactly you're looking for.
Here's my attempt at that. An ever evolving list of what I'm looking for in a life partner:
- someone who I can come home to.
- someone who I feel safe to be myself with.
- someone who won't judge me negatively on my weaknesses and mistakes.
- someone who I feel real sexual attraction for and would feel the same towards me. Someone who I can explore a healthy sex life with.
- someone who can be supportive, patient, and willing to understand as I go through the phases of healing.
- I want to be taken care of. I want to feel that someone cares about my well being, my protection, my happiness.
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never-letters · 2 years ago
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Dear Mr S,
Hello. And maybe I'm sorry for saying hello. Excuse me, I was just passing by.
I noticed you noticing me. You see, I am exactly THAT vain person, not even a caricature. The one who's always the main character in some movie, with an imaginary audience held captive and a preplanned story.
I was bored to tears and disappointed by the outcome of so many things, including this trip I was on. I'm dismayed by the limbo I'm in and desperate for something else to happen in this story. "Hello", I said, and got you a beer.
Maybe I think I meant it at the moment, was interested in you and wanted to talk to you. But I realized now I was more interested in breaking the dullness and apathy that was creeping in with regards this story that I'm on. I was more interested in taking charge of my story than I was interested in you.
If I can take you through all the psychological issues that manifested from the moment we broke apart for me to board my flight, up to the last three days of constant texting, I'm sure you won't wonder why I'm single and lonely, and you'd drop me like a hot toxic potato.
Three days spent on over analyzing the contextual messages between every line of text and I still don't know anything important about you. You made sure of that. One thing was apparent - this is not going to work. The reasons are both numerous and outright, but the most important ones are subtle and tricky. I might be a walking poster for insecurity, low self-worth, and depression. But I have a talent for reading people. And I try to be ruthlessly honest with myself.
I was drunk and making pillars out of the grains of attention, because here was finally some kind of proof against the insecurities I have about my self and entire existence. Some proof, maybe, if I squint and tilt my head sideways. I wanted to be in love, finally, with someone who would maybe choose me.
It was clear from the get go you were not it, and we are not it. It did not take long for me to let go of the high I so desperately wanted to cling to. I'm glad. I'm relieved. Maybe it's a product of having matured somewhat, even though I have chasms of mental health issues I need to traverse. Or maybe it's also that we have absolutely no spark that even I could not delude myself too long into a fantasy.
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never-letters · 2 years ago
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All my grief says the same thing— this isn't how it's supposed to be. And the world laughs, holds my hope by my throat, says: but this is how it is.
Fortesa Latifi, The Truth About Grief
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never-letters · 2 years ago
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Like I'm at the point where parasocial relationships are actively harmful. Celebrity culture is actively harmful. Putting someone on a pedestal, anyone but especially a stranger, is actively harmful. To yourself, to how you interact with others, to how you interact with media. Stan culture is actively harmful. Thinking someone is good at their craft =/= genuinely believing you know someone you absolutely do not and can never know.
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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220 days remaining. I am going to win this in 220 days.
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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224 days remaining. I am going to win this in 224 days.
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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228 days remaining. I am going to win this in 228 days.
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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230 days remaining. I am going to win this in 230 days.
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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there’s a special kind of grief you feel towards yourself when you’ve been mentally ill for as long as you remember. you see ppl saying they long to return to their old self but you don’t have an old self, or if there was, you can’t remember it. ur “old self” was a child. this self is all you’ve ever known. then there’s the fear that comes with trying to find out who you are without your mental illnesses, it’s all new to you and you don’t know if you’ll like who you’ll be
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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There will be days you message me and I'm not very talkative. Please, don't take it personally. Some days I just can't keep a conversation going.
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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Mentalhealthceo
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never-letters · 3 years ago
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Dear Mom,
I meant to write this down a few days ago, but it somehow just got away from me.
I dreamt of you again.
We were travelling together in Paris with Little Sister.
I can no longer recall some of the details of my dream now. But I remember that we were on a small boat. We rowed under a bridge and it led us to this spectacular view of trees, a city line and a dusky sky.
I held my phone aloft trying to take the best pictures. The view was so beautiful and there simply was not a good way to frame everything through my phone's camera. I held it aloft, trying to record everything for posterity.
There was this distinct feeling of time running out. We had to get back to our hotel soon, because we were running late for something. Maybe it was our flight.
These dreams bring to mind so many things that I want to do with you, say to you, if only you were here.
You traveled so much when you were alive. There was a time when you were gone so much, I think you averaged going abroad more than once a month. You took me with you to a lot of them. We should have gone to so much more.
I really hope that the afterlife is real. I really hope that you are still out there - happy and at peace, looking out for us. I really hope I get to be with you someday.
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