neurotic-rainbow

[neurotic-rainbow]

They don't want to know you when you show symptoms of your depression...they want you to keep smiling and pretending and not giving up even when you're so tired you can't stand it. They just get angry at you until you go back to pretending and putting on a happy face.

[neurotic-rainbow]

George Seferis, from Collected Poems (tr. from the Greek by Edmund Keeley and Philip Sherrard)

[Text ID: If I chose to remain alone, what I longed for / was solitude, not this kind of waiting, / my soul shattered on the horizon, / these lines, these colours, this silence.]

[neurotic-rainbow]

every damn day

[neurotic-rainbow]

[neurotic-rainbow]

MISANTHROPY

[neurotic-rainbow]

Be patient with yourself<3

[neurotic-rainbow]

I meant to make a longer post about this, might do at some point, but I just need to point out… that at one point in history… in an era that’s technically considered “prehistory”, because no one had writing at this point, at the very beginning of something we can generously call cities…

A family of four could spend three weeks harvesting the grain that grew wild around them, and they would not have to do that again for an entire year. (As a note: this wild grain? literally could never stand up to modern crops, which have been selectively bred since then for yield and hardiness and etc.) They didn’t have to pay rent, because that wasn’t a thing yet. They didn’t have to pay for water, because water’s fucking WATER, everyone has a right to it. Three weeks of (admittedly hard, probably “leave your body aching” labor), and your family is fed for an entire year. Yeah, you definitely want to supplement that with gardening and buying some meat from your neighbor who raises goats, but your whole family can fully live on three weeks of work.

And we, in this day and age, where we can absolutely produce enough food to make sure no one goes hungry, act as if working yourself to death is a virtue, because our ancestors had it worse… Our oldest ancestors worked very little just to get by. The idea that you will always have to be at work constantly just to live… that’s new, and that’s absurd. Those ancient people I’m talking about, who could get a year’s worth of sustenance for a few weeks of work… they painted their walls with the most beautiful murals. All of them did, in every house we can reconstruct. They had free time and the ability to artistically improve their space, and they did that. In the oldest city we know of.

They didn’t have to work eight hours a day to live their lives. That’s entirely artificial, absurd, capitalistic bullshit. Humans were built to work as little as possible for maximum benefit to the individual and the group… and somehow that’s become warped into spending our lives working for the bare minimum so a few billionaires can live like god-kings. None of this is natural. None of it is inherent. This *can* be overturned and made into a new form that actually respects the humanity of the individual.

We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings

[neurotic-rainbow]

the super power game

i was just watching this video that was uploaded on the anonymous youtube channel( https://youtu.be/EiENCrCJB5I) , it was talking about how human’s energy is being collected and translated into fiat money. i've been watching these videos about fiat money, conspiracy theories and the manipulative games that all major corporates do to the citizens of the world as a whole. As a 24 year old i didn't grasp how all these topics were effecting since i had some privileges growing up and i would consider my self to be a part of the “middle class”. 

when i started assessing my future in interior design i realized my path would always fall under some sort of destructive system. everything i would've created could've fallen under the umbrella of a cossumerative product and i would've just created more junk on earth. so i went started reading about sustainability and even that topic was corrupted , because it would focus on materialistic aspects which would also fall under the umbrella of buying  smart technological systems that would control the environment that the human would be living in. it felt like i was thrown into this world that was made to create leverage and luxurity for the people that could afford it or could at least grasp the concepts behind the art work. 

after 3 years of being in a gap year i ran into Biogeometry, its the only science in the world that measures the energetic level of objects . its also a science that was created to see how every object can effect the human energetic level or interferes with it causing an imbalance. i fell in love with how many applications i could see for this kind of information. it brought a new perspective on how i can go about my career. i was no longer a theorist and believer in energy , i was in fact a do’er. i can bring actual change to the human psyche through designing objects that would amplify the human experience with positivity.

the moral of the story is that there is always hope if a person just trust their gut . if humans would just face realty for what it is and to stop following each other's lead like sheep , we would have a diverse, creative, problem solving,compassionate global population. the differences that control our vision like race , religion and social class would be gone and we could live in a communicative,self aware and compassionate world.

[neurotic-rainbow]

the destruction of the human psyche at the age of information

I wanted to get this out of my system after watching this doc series called uncoded by amr waked on jazeera in english youtube channel. Being alive right now means that a person has to either hide in ignorance of consistently hiding from the painful truth of the mental and physical brutal destructions that are effecting all countries around the world. From high homeless rates to children's famines , a person can be affected very negatively mentally by all these problems that are endless. so again going back to my point , you either choose to hide yourself from the real world problems surrounding you from every direction or you decide to acknowledge the facts and do something about it. Being able to face all these problems without them effecting you psyche is almost impossible. The ability to heal yourself or to just deal with all those negative news and realities that will start unravelling in front requires a lot of self awareness to be able to sooth your self and strengthen your mental abilities to stay positive or to be hopeful. Being able to prevent your psyche from crashing is a very challenging thing and i say this from personal experience , i had to overcome a psychosis illness 2 years ago. being able to challenge your vision of the world or how your brain sees the world and to be able to function or to be as “normal” as others, surrounding you  can be very challenging. i don't know if what i said is clear but basically being resilient is one of the hardest skills humans have to learn throughout their life. i believe resilience or adaptability to ones environment is a crucial survival skill that everyone had to learn during the past 3 years because of the pandemic of corona. the lockdowns and the fear that everyone had to live through broke a lot of societal structures that were very distracting to  a lot of people. what people were distracted from was themselves and their connection to who they are or what meaning they had of what their life was made of. which caused a lot of depression and that was very clear when people started realising that governments were using the pandemic as a fear tactic to change the worlds economy at the cost of peoples freedoms. i learned about a lot of theories regarding the creation of the corona virus and the orchestrated political and economic tactics that the world fell under. politically this is not the first orchestrated chain of events were humans rights have been violated, nor was this the first time lives were sacrificed for a capitalist world regime to thrive. this game that elites have been playing for a while have been and is still very intricately confusing. the amount of intertwined world conflicts are very revealing to how the world is run but a capitalist mentality. where money is the god and everyone else falls under the roll of the slave. Fear in my humble opinion is the controlling factor in this equation , to be able to keep mass populations and governments under control. Greed can also be another human quality that gets played chess with and many other humanistic negative qualities. So how can one be able to see all of this shit and not loose it? how can a child thrive in a society that is built on the systemic brainwashing of millions just for the sake of elite groups that only care about their legacy and wealth. i think i've shared enough for now or summarized what i watched in the doc series i mentioned in the beginning of this journal . i hope that anyone who reads this to go and watch the doc series and to expose themselves to all truth behind the corruption of this world. 

[neurotic-rainbow]

a journey of self discovery

this is my first journaling experience and im going to make it into a habit. i really want to post three journals a day.

the first one can be about my intention for the day and what the values i will be implementing mean to me .

the second one can be a shadow work prompt and there are many of those .

the third will be a reflection of my day, hopefully filled with gratitude. 

my intention behind starting this blog is to feel like im connecting with people and that i will start to put my slef out there and express my self. ill be aware of the fact that someone might end up reading my journals and that i will be heard in this phase I'm going through. Also all these journals might be a fun read for me as i get older to see the progress of my beliefs and goals.