nessiesyn

[nessiesyn]

I am twenty four floors off the ground, in some hotel room thinking about jumping at any moment: hell can’t be worst than choosing between life or death. You don’t know what I’ve been through since we last saw each other. I lost everything that I had left after I lost you - the car, the house and the job -, I’ve got more debts than your neighbor Manuel and I didn’t need to indulge in the game, all I needed was to start looking for you. I look at the stars and think about how I will be remembered by my family, but it isn’t enough to make me back off: I always did the best I could for them and they don’t need me anymore. I open my arms, welcoming the wind that whips my skin, that with you was everything and now it’s nothing because only when I touch you I exist and without you I don’t know who I am. There’s twenty four floors in this hotel and I chose the last to finish myself - the end of a building being the end of my life, like the last kiss we exchanged was the last breath of my soul. I think of you, uncontrolled and hot tears (like your body felt on mine) fall down my cheeks. I clean them: they are useless in the fight of not having you by my side. I can hear your voice in my mind if I devote myself to think of you; it’s like you’re here with me and the words you used to say to me make me hesitate. I don’t wanna die without you, I don’t wanna live without you: missing you is killing me more than the fall. If this is all there is, at least I breathe and tonight is all it takes to dream of you. I’ll dream that you dream me. I take a step back and a sigh that would be yours breaks free from my chest: there’s so much of you in me. I imagine one last time what would be like to fall and feel the air through my body, so cold - so different from everything that you are -, I could be free from what I feel right now, but none of it would be worthy if I could not remember you. I grab my stuff and go down using the stairs - so my legs know how much it hurts wanting to jump and I can think twice before getting up there again -, when I arrive the entrance I know I don’t need to finish myself to feel finished, I don’t need to jump to feel the fall and, sure as hell, I don’t need to die to feel dead: it was enough for me to meet you.

[nessiesyn]

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[nessiesyn]

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“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity”

— Dale Carnegie | How to win friends & Influence people

[nessiesyn]

[nessiesyn]

the night sky reminds me of you

[nessiesyn]

it’s a hell of a ride loving you

5sos edit holiday exchange for molly @burstingsunrise <3

[nessiesyn]

[nessiesyn]

[nessiesyn]

“I’m still learning to love the parts of me that no one claps for.”

— Rudy Francisco

[nessiesyn]

“Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you’re not as terrible as you think you are.”

— Unknown

[nessiesyn]

you just had to be there

[nessiesyn]

“There’s a difference between loving the idea of someone and loving the person they really are.”

— Unknown

[nessiesyn]

“She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

[nessiesyn]

OS/CO

[nessiesyn]

@caramellhaze