ndnbutch

[ndnbutch]

getting caught up on dndads. I have such… complex feelings about the Trudy and Timmy scene on the raft. I’ll get into it later maybe who knows

[ndnbutch]

I wouldn't be a good sacrificial lamb I'd be like a huge bitch about it

[ndnbutch]

is it even possible to just like… cry regular style when you feel really bad and like you need to cry? or is crying something that only happens when reading posts about Hermie the Unworthy

[ndnbutch]

Hermie died feeling unloved, but that was how it's suposed to be.

Ther were a goof, a product of a scam- they weren't made to develop a personality or a mind of their own, they were made to scam people and prank them, to be a chaotic entity.

Their parents left him and forgot about them, Hermie never felt connected to their adoptive parents, they used acting as a coping mechanism.

They were never made to be loved, so it was fitting that their last words, "I like you too", will never be heard by that person.

Hermie died. But they were loved.

They were so loved that Normal carried their body trough realms searching for a way to bring them back, Normal punched a chaos entity of great power for them when he discovered that it was too late.

Normal loved Hermie so much that he put the sun back on the sky for them, so they could finally see a sunrise.

And now, everyone in the Forgotten Realms / Earth will remember Hermie The Unworthy, because they were so loved that Normal's grief brought the sun back to them.

[ndnbutch]

[ndnbutch]

[ndnbutch]

Elephants have hearts of gold....

[ndnbutch]

one of my cousins got engaged and my dad is recommending I don’t go to the party because my great uncle might be there and he’s extremely transphobic. and idk why that makes me want to go more? like i actually didn’t want to go because i honestly don’t like my cousin’s fiance but now i just wanna fuck up this old man’s whole year

[ndnbutch]

hello dndads fandom

[ndnbutch]

every day i receive text messages from the man i love

[ndnbutch]

every day i receive text messages from the man i love

[ndnbutch]

would be fascinated if you added the metric by which you measure the concept of "a better life"

[ndnbutch]

I am gently taking your hands and begging you, BEGGING YOU, to understand that humans are not inherently harmful to the planet. We are animals who are part of the ecosystem. We belong here. This is our home. We belong here. You belong here. Yes, you belong here.

[ndnbutch]

writing omegaverse CPR because apparently that's how my brain expresses itself these days

[ndnbutch]

the post I just reblogged got me thinking, and I’m gonna put most of this under a read more just in case. but as someone who has been chronically suicidal for a really long time and also has ocd, I feel like the difference between genuine suicidality and suicide-related intrusive thoughts is really interesting and important to talk about

In the moments when I’ve been at my lowest and been very suicidal, including times I’ve made attempts, suicide genuinely seems like a good option to me. obviously I know that it’s not, please do not piss on the poor and believe I am actually saying suicide is good. but what I am saying is that when you’re in the throes of it, it often can feel almost comforting or peaceful or like you’re finally going to get relief from pain and trauma. I mean I think if being extremely suicidal didn’t trick the brain into feeling that way, nobody would ever do it.

but suicide-related intrusive thoughts feel COMPLETELY different to me. they cause me intense distress and discomfort, I want to be able to think about literally anything else. it doesn’t feel like a good idea and I’m actively upset with my brain for suggesting it!

I guess I just feel like it’s important to talk about these distinctions, especially because intrusive thoughts are so commonly misunderstood. they are not just like your most secret true desires you can’t act on, like some people seem to think. generally speaking they are very much the opposite, they are thoughts that you genuinely do not want and that cause a lot of distress and discomfort.

And especially in our current very carceral mental health system (in the USA specifically, your mileage may very elsewhere), where suicidality is so heavily criminalized, it can be REALLY hard to seek help for suicide-based intrusive thoughts. I’m lucky enough now to have a therapist who I can talk about stuff like this with, who knows my history with involuntary institutionalization and takes incredible care to still follow the legal responsibilities she’s forced to follow while also trusting me when I say that I’m safe. But that hasn’t always been the case for me, and it isn’t always the case for everyone.

I’m struggling to know how to end this, I just hope people will take better care to understand OCD and intrusive thoughts and what they can look like and how they work. And especially extend that understanding to intrusive thoughts that seem to be morally abhorrent! The thoughts are not there because we want them and want to do them. It is very much the opposite!