nctburrin

[nctburrin]

versios​:

iden knew that if she had been in the same kind of position that he was in now, barely surviving a reckless risk that he had taken, she would have had the exact same attitude about it. if it was something that worked, at the end of the day that was all that really mattered to her, no matter what the personal cost that came along was. she would do anything for a cause that she devoted herself to. that was what she had been trained for, after all. her allegiance may have changed, but there were many things that she had learned and been trained that were imperial, things that she hadn’t let go of. she thought they made her stronger. “i get it.” she remarked with the slightest nod of her head, her fingers lacing together casually. 

it made sense that he would have been considerably out of it given all that he had been through, but it still didn’t seem like him to be okay with not knowing all of the details, with not getting everything he could –– especially after the enormous risk that he had taken to get the information in the first place. something didn’t settle right with her, but she couldn’t pinpoint the lie beyond a gut feeling. she was supposed to be trusting fellow rebels. ugh. “operation: cinder forced a lot of people to lose their faith in the empire.” however misplaced it had been at the beginning. she took a deep breath, her arms folding. “you have any information on them? gender, species, position in the empire, anything?” 

there’s no point going on about it anymore. it just.. is what it is. being a spy is a risk you take, one you can’t avoid. no matter what assignment you’re on, what mission you’re running, you do so knowing that your life is in danger with every breath you take. and you do it for a reason. the risk is worth it, for the kinda people spies are. for one reason or another, it’s worth it. he knows iden understands that to some degree, or he wouldn’t have bothered explaining it to her to begin with.

he knows he can’t get away with giving her no information, and he knows tyr is at the very least skilled enough not to get caught out in the open. the knights - whatever they are - have their ways of operating. taking a deep breath, apollo’s gaze shifts to the floor as he feigns trying to remember, trying to recall details he knows a little too well, if he’s being too honest. it might’ve been a long time since they saw each other, but... apollo wouldn’t forget his brother’s face so easily. “male, human - or human appearance, at the very least. tall, taller than me - uh, broad shouldered, short dark hair. i.. don’t remember ever talking to them, but i think i saw their face around the isb at least once so he could’ve been an agent on mission. maybe - i dunno, i can keep an eye on recruits moving forward and see if he tries to join the rebellion? see if i recognise him at least.” glancing back towards iden he can’t help but chuckle bitterly, “i’m not sure what use i am beyond that, now i’ve been caught.”

[nctburrin]

ofbatuu​:

.

it wasn’t that yr didn’t understand sacrifice, it was the ability the resistance had to sacrifice themselves for something so dull– a prospect of something that never would come to be. the galaxy had made it clear that peace wasn’t possible– how apollo had gotten wrapped up in that? had been able to gain any sort of hope– their parents would’ve been disappointed, and that only made tyr glad that apollo had chosen that path. 

not that he would tell him. 

“not sure it was as different as you think,” he commented off-handily, this conversation wasn’t important. he didn’t expect his brother to get it, he didn’t care either. he was focused enough on this decision to get him out. 

his lip did quirk at the joke, he knew his excuse was shit. he didn’t care, but, he was glad he wasn’t being questioned further– he didn’t particularly feel like explains his emotions now. well, not really ever to apollo. “what do you need, weeks notice? time to admit your real name?” he grumbled, blinking a bit at the response, nodding, “don’t plan to. just long enough to get word to someone,” he mumbled, “care to enlighten me on the location of this place?”

.

he doesn’t expect tyr to understand. most people who knew him growing up wouldn’t. he’s not going to bother explaining it, especially given he’s barely holding onto consciousness right now. he’ll be lucky to make it to the safehouse - even then, who knows how long until someone from the rebellion comes to help him? he’s not out of the woods yet. he can’t waste energy on this.

“you never got it, how it was different for me. and i’m too fucking exhausted to explain it to you.” his brother might’ve done one good thing for him, getting him out of there alive, but that doesn’t mean he’s in the clear for all the other shit. and it doesn’t mean apollo’s just going to trust him.

rolling his eyes, apollo shakes his head weakly, immediately regretting it as his head pounds. “this is my real name. m’gonna die apollo corren whether you like it or not.” he’s spent more than enough time with this name, done everythin ghe could to abandon the old one. he’s not going to go back just because he might die. “yeah, it’s not far from here.. just uh -” squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, apollo leans heavily on tyr’s side, the pain and blood loss starting to get to him. “gotta be quick about it, lemme put the coordinates in your holo.”

[nctburrin]

ruthlessren​:

the way that they had chosen to go inside of his head was chaotic, certainly, which would not have been a surprise to anyone who knew it. it had less to do with their familiarity with what they were doing and more to do with who they were as a person, it just so happened for this particular person, their nature meshed up quite well with the fact that this was supposed to be a torture session. his agony only spurred her to dig in deeper inside of his head and cause him more pain. her lips curled up into a tight smile, not bothering to hide his enjoyment. he was so out of it, she doubted that he would even notice.

but aiya had got what they needed out of him. if she were a being with mercy, then she would have snapped his neck and left his body for the others to take care of. ending his suffering would have been the easy and natural thing to do. but there would likely be more information that they could get out of him, once he had a little time to recover from this. if they continued to push now, then he would die.

“oh, no. plenty of you care about living more than the rebellion.” they remarked with a dismissive chuckle. “us knights wouldn’t be in this position to begin with.” her confidence had always been rather suffocating for anyone who wasn’t on the same side. they stared at him for a moment before suddenly, violently backhanding him. “too bad if i keep going inside of your head, you’re going to die. but that doesn’t mean i can’t still have fun with you.”

running his mouth isn’t going to work in his favour. the knight might’ve found what she wanted to know, but apollo has plenty more secrets locked away in his head that he does not want to share, and he’s not sure how much he can hold out if she decides to push. from what he’s gathered so far, this particular knight seems to enjoy the pain they’re causing - though, given his brother’s nature, maybe that’s just a job requirement.

physical pain, though, is something much more familiar, and while he can’t stop the grunt of pain when the knight backhands him, the sharp sting of it actually helps in some twisted, terrible way. it probably shouldn’t, and he’s sure it says a lot about him, but he’s been hit enough times to know how to focus the pain. it’s something, through the jagged mess in his mind, that he can latch onto. at the very least, it helps him focus. “not their fault you - scramble their heads until they don’t.. don’t know any better -” he coughs, pain radiating through his body as he does, and he can taste the blood in his mouth from how hard she’d hit him, metallic and awful. great, just what he needs.

it takes much more effort than it should, but apollo manages - barely - to lift his head off the interrogation slab he’s still strapped to. he’s a mess, he knows he’s anything but intimidating, but he doesn’t care. if he’s gonna die here he’s not gonna do it begging for his life. “you got - a pretty lenient boss, if they don’t mind you.. wasting time around here.” it’s utter bullshit. everyone knows kylo ren leads the knights, and everyone knows he’s not a patient person. months in the isb made it impossible not to hear the stories.

[nctburrin]

versios​:

with all of the thoughts about seyn that seemed to suddenly consume her mind without any real control over the rise and fall of the memories of their death, there had to be something somewhat useful that she could gain out of it. some kind of recollection that would teach her to better, that would guide her for what she needed to do about it now. but what was the right next step? what lesson was there to learn from the failure with seyn? to keep a closer eye. in his situation… it hadn’t exactly been possible. he’d been in on his own. that shouldn’t have been the confounding variable given that seyn had been surrounded by all of them. she needed to make sure that he, or anyone else, would be more prepared. more careful. but how would she know what was enough?

“you took a big risk,” iden breathed in through her nose immediately after the words came out, letting go of the breath a moment later. “but you got us a vital amount of information that we wouldn’t have otherwise gotten. that’s not worth nothing.” it was clear that he thought that on some level too, that his pain and suffering hadn’t been for nothing. as much as it was a loss for him personally, it was also a major gain for the rebellion that they needed, even if takodana hadn’t gone precisely as planned. the imperial presence there had been unpredicted in its size, but it hadn’t been anything that inferno squad wasn’t capable of handling. x-wings didn’t fly as smoothly as tie fighters did, but she knew how to whip around them. “that’s… lucky.” there was a clear note of skepticism in her voice. defectors were plentiful, she knew that. but if they were willing to take the risk of getting out someone like him, she would have assumed they had interest in the rebellion. “you didn’t get any information on who they are? anything about what they might know?”

“i know.” apollo answers immediately, without hesitation. he never doubted the result of the risk he took. he never regretted it, either. even strapped to that chair with that knight digging around carelessly in his mind, apollo didn’t regret it. he’d never been given a chance to fight for something bigger, not when he was a child. his parents never gave them any kind of luxury of free will and choice. he might not always get it right, but.. now he can work for something bigger. something good. and after half a lifetime of shit, it’s all he wants to do. nothing could make him regret that. “i’m not sorry i did it. it - sucked. beyond sucked. but i don’t regret my decision. i wouldn’t have even if it got me killed in there.”

iden’s skepticism isn’t all that surprising. apollo would’ve been more concerned if she’d just - accepted it without a word. the idea that someone in the empire helped him escape is a long-shot, apollo knows, but that’s what he was sent in there to find to begin with. defectors. people who wanted to start over, do better with their lives. “i... wish i had. i could hardly hold myself, to be honest, never mind figure out who was helping me.” shaking his head, apollo glances down at his hands, feigning trying to remember. he knows the signs of a lie, knows what people look for - too much eye contact is a dead giveaway. “i was pretty out of it, but i remember they said..” he hesitates, as if trying to pull up the words - words that don’t exist, but ones he hopes will resonate with iden given her own past - “destroying one of their own planets was too far.” his gaze shifts back up towards iden, “that.. even if they didn’t believe in the new republic yet, they couldn’t believe in the empire anymore. not after killing their own people.”

[nctburrin]

ofbatuu​:

.

tyr could feel apollo’s attempts as supporting himself. something he would normally comment was hardly helpful. but with how shit condition he was in? tyr was willing to bite his tongue about that for now at least. hauling him away he let out a breath, hoping he’d just accept the help. 

“i don’t get it,” he mumbled, “not sure i could if i tried,” he offered in response. the resistance had never been tyr. sure his allegiance to the first order was out of necessity… he didn’t get how apollo had come to that. 

at his laugh, he rolled his eyes under his helmet, not really wanting to deal with this. if anything he was only considering leaving him at this point. “look. if someone’s gonna kill you? it’s going to be me, alright? and i’m not feeling up to it today,” he said quietly, “so shut up.” continuing forward for a moment, he waited until they were out of earshot, “where’s a decent place to take you that you’ll be safe– that… whoever can come get you.”

-

it doesn’t surprise him, that tyr doesn’t get it. not that either of them are necessarily better or worse than each other, but... it’s not in tyr’s nature, to understand sacrifice for other people. which makes this that much weirder. this isn’t who tyr is, to risk his own life for anything else. for anyone else. even if apollo wasn’t scrambled and exhausted, he wouldn’t understand.

“we all grew up different.” he answers weakly. the last thing he wants right now is to get into an argument about this. he’s never going to be able to change tyr’s mind - this is an anomaly. a one-off.

tyr’s excuse is laughable. if they weren’t trying to escape he actually would laugh. the idea that he’s only doing this so he can be the one to kill apollo some day is ridiculous. but right now he doesn’t have the energy to complain - all he wants is to get out of here and get somewhere relatively safe. “fine, just give me a heads up when you do feel like killing me so i can get my shit in order.” he responds bluntly, though.. there’s a part of him that wonder if that will ever even come. not even tyr would save him now to kill him later. “uh..” should he give tyr the coordinates of the safehouse? maybe not. probably not. but right now apollo’s not sure he can get there himself - he feels very much like collapsing, actually. “yeah, there’s.. a place nearby. you can’t stay, though. i doubt your friends are gonna react well if you’re gone for too long.”

[nctburrin]

versios​:

this kind of thing never got easier. he’s not seyn, not a fresh-faced imperial who hadn’t had grueling years of exposure to make this kind of thing easier, and she had to remind herself of that. as much as they were on her mind lately, this wasn’t history repeating itself. a deep breath filled her lungs and she merely nodded her head in understanding about how the jedi had helped. they never ceased to confuse or amaze her, considering all of the things that she had grown up to believe about their kind. every time she had worked with them, directly or more indirectly like this, things went well. at least she had plenty of proof to counter her preconceived notions.

“yeah, it is.” iden won’t lie to him and tell him that it was no big deal, that everything was dandy, because that was far from the case. he was right, things didn’t get a lot worse than how they had gone, short of him being dead. but she doubted that she needed to ream him and tell him how lucky he was to be alive, not when it was clear that he already knew from the look on his face. he owned up to his mistake, which was mostly sufficient. not everyone was willing to do that much. “it’s not like you to be sloppy.” it was a simple challenge to his words, one brow giving a slight raise. but she listened closely to the details that he had offered, the mention of a knight of ren using the force quickly crushing her previous kinder thoughts about those capable of using the force. still terrifyingly dangerous. still hard to trust. “but you still escaped. how? did they let you go?” frankly, it was the only explanation that made any sense, even if there are other simplications there, implications that she didn’t like.

there’s no point sugar coating any of this. it’s not in iden’s nature anyway, and apollo wouldn’t have it if she tried. he doesn’t need to be coddled. he just.. needs to get this out of the way so he knows what comes next. a spy is only as useful as their skills and if he can’t even manage to do his job without getting caught - well, he’s not much use as far as he’s concerned. but he’d rather know it now than have to wait for reviews and committees and whatever else to decide what desk he’s going to end up on.

he shrugs a shoulder absently at her agreement. not because it doesn’t matter, but because there’s really no point in dwelling on it. he’s already accepted he screwed up, what good will it do him to pretend things weren’t absolute shit after he got caught? none. doesn’t help iden or the resistance either, given they need to work with whatever intel he can give them. “i - didn’t account for the extra security they had in place for that meeting. i didn’t know. still my fault, i should’ve done my homework before planting the bug to begin with.” he laughs bitterly at the question, shaking his head. he can’t tell her about tyr - no one can know about that part of his life, and especially not that he has a brother who is a knight of ren. he’d be put under the worst scrutiny you could expect. his entire career would be down the drain in an instant. and it’s not that apollo hasn’t been cast out and left on his own before, be can live with it - but he doesn’t really want to if he can avoid it. fortunately, if there’s one thing apollo’s good at it’s lying. “yeah, they gave me a pat on the head and sent me on their way.” he responds sarcastically, shaking his head. “there’s still people in there who want out, who don’t like what the empire are doing. especially after operation cinder. one of them.. took a shot. got me out of there and made their escape at the same time. i’d be dead in an imperial furnace somewhere if not for them.”

[nctburrin]

spcewrs​:

ezra had been itching to get away from the base to go on any possible mission since he’d gone there with hera and kanan. it’s not that he isn’t happy to be back on a planet, it’s more that he can’t seem to keep still. he’s fighting with himself when he’s alone – when he’s forced to deal with his thoughts, when he sees red eyes – and hears taunts of not being able to save his master, in his nightmares, in visions. he doesn’t know why it can’t seem to fade completely. he wants to move past it more then anything. so, missions – any mission. even a potential dangerous rescue mission, which is actually kind of fun other then the being worried about apollo thing. 

“yeah, well i didn’t say it was perfect.” he goes silent for a moment, thinking of his family. he turns to meet apollo’s eyes, “if all you do is fight for your own life, then your life is worth nothing.” he quotes, using the words hera had said to him all those years ago. hoping that it explains just why he can’t turn away anyone. why he means it when he says he will try to help anyone. he considers that for a moment, tries to think of the best way to answer it. ezra probably wasn’t the one to to have this disagreement with. he had been willing to give his life to save his planet. there were some people he didn’t even know there. “the power doesn’t come from the lightsaber. it’s more complicated then that, it’s a need in you to make things better, for everyone. my life is not more important then anyone else’s just because i have a laser sword,” he doesn’t know how they got to here but he’s sure he’s making some sort of impression. “i know how it sounds, but it makes a difference. i’ve sacrificed things before,” he sacrificed everything, “for the better of a planet. and it worked, after we took the empire off of lothal they never returned.” he’s not sure that apollo knows of what happened – it doesn’t really matter, it’s not his point. his point is that some acts, have to be done. sometimes extreme moves are necessary. “i could explain the mechanics of it, even if you did want to know.” he puts the rags down – now bloodied. as he meets his eyes he offers a small smile, “yeah, don’t worry about it. i did what i thought was best. and like i said, i had to get off that base.” he can’t really take a compliment. he never could, not without making a joke. he considers apollos words and nods, “well, i could always check on them more on the ship. can you walk?? i don’t mind healing some smaller things when we’re safe and on our way, even if you think it’s not necessary.” he won’t push apollo to talk about everything, it’s not his place and he’s sure it’s not easy. he grabs ahold of the kit and shakes his head, “you just get your energy up, i’ll clean you up. unless you didn’t want me to??”

considering apollo’s life, his upbringing, it’s a miracle he does what he does. his family wasn’t really known for selfless acts - his way of diving into the rebellion, his missions and undercover work, it’s for something bigger. sure, it started out as self preservation but it’s something else not. something bigger. and apollo wouldn’t give that up. but even then, it’s nothing compared to how jedi seem to think they’re meant to be. and this hero-slash-martyr deal sounds completely ridiculous to him.

“you’re not listening to me, buddy. i get the whole - wanting to help people and save people. that.. being able to help people means you should. very noble and all. i get that - i don’t do this stuff for shits and giggles. clearly.” maybe he’s getting a little riled up about it, more than he should given the shape he’s in. and now probably isn’t the best time for this particular conversation. but now that’s started he can’t stop. he’s got a thing about people making it seem like they’re ahead of everyone else somehow. “just because you’ve got the force and a shiny weapon doesn’t mean you’re the only ones who can help people. you might be good with that but you lot wouldn’t have any intel to go on if people like me weren’t able to pull off months undercover like i just did. just -” letting out a sigh, apollo drops his head back against the wall. “take yourself off the pedestal. you’re not the only ones with useful skills trying to do good, so it’s not all on your shoulders to make things better.” sounds a little weird when ezra’s patching apollo up, but.. it’s a touchy subject, he can’t help it. not that he has a whole lot of energy left to keep arguing if apollo wants to, but he wanted to make his point. “uh - maybe save the details for a time that i don’t feel like passing out. i doubt i’d remember much of it anyway.” rolling his eyes, apollo shakes his head weakly against the wall. “you’re not so good at just accepting thanks, are you.” he points out, closing his eyes for a moment. they should really get going, the safehouse is only going to be safe for so long and he can’t ask ezra to hang around for too long and put himself in danger. besides, he can’t risk the possibility that maybe tyr’s intentions aren’t as pure as he made them out to be. “we.. really should get going. my arm was the worst physical injury they gave me, the rest can probably wait. just - yeah, yeah. go ahead, i.. don’t mind. clean up as much as you can so we don’t attract too much attention out there. a few minutes and i should be good to go.”

[nctburrin]

ruthlessren​:

the reason that they had been sent in here instead of some imperial dressed up nice in a typical, clean-cut uniform. aiya was eager to prove theirself, as they always had been, obsessive in making sure that they were everything that they wanted to be and more. this was not a opportunity that she would take lightly and if it meant making sure that this boy turned into being nothing more than a fragment, a shell of who they were before, then so be it. aiya did not care what happened to him after, he was nothing more than bantha fodder in the road to getting what she wanted and proving herself. he could drool in a puddle of his own piss on the floor, for all they cared. tearing through his mind for what they wanted, knowing where to find it – that did not come quite so naturally for them, which only made it more drawn out, more agonizing for him. they didn’t think that was such a bad things.

nails dig into his cheeks and draw blood, thumbs tight in his temple, the rest of the half-moon bloody indentions appearing along his cheeks, tiny, little marks to remember them by every time he looked at himself inn the mirror, should he actually survive. they wouldn’t leave much of a scar, but still something, without proper intervention. 

aiya perused through his mind for what must have felt like hours, even if it was really a matter of minutes, before she finally stopped. they released their grip on his face, moving back into his line of sight. “maybe now you understand the magnitude of the situation, rebel scum,” they sneered at him. “you should have answered the question.”

whatever pain threshold apollo has, whatever he’d been prepared to handle before - it’s nothing compared to this. it’s not even about the level of pain but the type, the excruciating feeling that someone’s tearing brutally through his mind. not only physical and not only mental but both, neither, everything. even if he weren’t in the middle of torture, apollo wouldn’t know how to describe it. all he knows is it’s worse than agony, and it’s worse than anything he’s ever had to try and handle before. it’s as though she’s shearing pieces of his psyche apart - who knows how he’s meant to put all of that back together?

he’s not sure exactly how long she digs around in his mind without remorse, but his voice is hoarse and weak by the time she’s done. he barely even notices the remaining wounds on his face from her nails - they’re practically tickles in comparison to the torture she’d put him through. energy completely drained, apollo’s body sags against the restraints - if he weren’t practically bolted to the torture table he would’ve fallen to the floor, barely able to hold himself up.

the knight’s voice, though, is enough to make apollo find the energy to raise his head. blood trickles from the nail-wounds she’d left on his face, his entire body trembling with the effort just to look up at her, to stay conscious, but he’s not going to give her the satisfaction of seeing him pass out. hopefully. “like.. like any rebel would - would give you anything willingly -” he manages to gasp out, barely really registering what he’s saying. if he’s honest, they could ask him anything and he’d probably be too shattered to resist, but it seems they have what they want anyway. “you.. you knights wouldn’t get it -”

[nctburrin]

bcrrinbatuu​:

This wasn’t something Cienna ever imagined herself doing. Her mind hardly lingered on the thoughts of her brothers- she had managed to convince herself it wasn’t worth it to think about them years ago, that it was best that they were dead. Honestly, would probably have been better for them if they were dead, a lot less suffering in the long run. But to learn that both of her brothers were alive and in this time to boot, she didn’t know what to do.  Beyond that, Calo worked for the same people she did. That he had been in the resistance and now the rebellion, how had she not known? Was she truly that oblivious? Once she had learned that he was on base it wasn’t that difficult to track him down, personal information was never difficult to uncover once you had a name and despite the fact he was calling himself something different Calo wasn’t hard to find. One look at  a scan and she knew it was him, he looked the same as he had growing up.

After hours, knowing he was bound to come around sometime soon Cienna sat and waited for her long lost brother, leaning back against the wall and looking up at the ceiling as her eyes followed every crack and crevice. That was, until she heard someone come in. It was him.

“Heard you’ve been going by a new name. Finally smart enough to ditch the family one?”

@nctburrin​

///closed starter

apollo is exhausted. utterly drained. between the mission, the torture, the escape, the.. jedi and whatever he’d done. iden. the medbay. apollo’s not even sure how he’s carrying himself back to his quarters, but his plan is to lock himself inside and sleep for days, assuming no one needs him. and given how badly he screwed up, odds are no one’s going to want him for a while anyway.

he thought the last thing he’d want to deal with would be more company. he was wrong.

the last thing he wants to deal with is his sister. he certainly hadn’t expected to see her waiting for him. and while some people might be excited to see their long-lost family, apollo is anything but. “one of us had to me, and you and tyr never seemed to be.” he responds shortly, crossing his arms over his chest.

the three of them were never really siblings, if apollo’s being honest. sure, they were part of the same family. same parents, adopted or otherwise. but from the second he and cienna had been picked up they were assets. which means all she and tyr ever wanted was to outdo him one way or another. prove themselves, even if it landed him in shit. and now, after leaving him for dead on batuu - she thinks she can just show up? “cool, nice reunion. i’m going to bed.” apollo announces, making a beeline for his door so he can head inside and lock her out.

[nctburrin]

versios​:

it was sheer luck that the jedi ( regardless of her complicated feelings about jedi in general ) had been close enough to get the safehouse and extract apollo after everything, but it didn’t check out for how he had these injuries, even if they were apparently minor now, and was still alive. there were questions that needed answering. ultimately what had happened to him was her responsibility and that was a level of guilt that she would need to learn to live with again. of course, that would have been a lot easier without seyn on her mind.

“good. i’m glad.” iden’s expression didn’t show it though the words were genuine. she’d been willing to let del take lead of the mission on takodana even if he had been in the corvus instead of an x-wing, but it would have taken significantly longer for her to get there. when apollo began to apologize, she sighed, dragging over a stool and sitting in it backwards as she faced him, thighs straddling the back of the chair. “missions go south sometimes. that’s just how it is. you know that.” she won’t say there there wasn’t anything he hadn’t done wrong yet, because she didn’t know. coddling wasn’t in her nature. “i think i’m morally obligated to tell you that you need to take a break for a few days. but if you’re fine, then now’s a good time to debrief me.”

as far as apollo figures things, iden has every right to be mad at him. to suspend him, strip his rank - whatever the hell it is in this time, at least - and stick him on a desk or something if she wanted to. she’d be well within her rights to. apollo couldn’t even follow basic procedure to make sure he wasn’t captured. he can’t imagine she’s too pleased with him right now - and for her to visit him so quickly in the medbay can’t be a good sign. it doesn’t even cross his mind that he’s just preconditioned to believe people will assume the worst, and it’s rarely true.

it’s not like he’s had enough people care about him to learn any different.

he does believe she’s glad he’s recovering well, but.. that doesn’t mean he’s off the hook. “he did some.. force healing thing. never seen it before.” apollo explains shortly, like he needs to justify why he’s not in worse shape somehow. he watches her carefully, waiting for the inevitable anger, the lecture, the reminder that he’s still a screwup - but it doesn’t come. all apollo can do is watch, stunned, as iden sits down. “this was pretty far south, as far as south goes.” he responds quietly, looking down at his hands resting in his lap. “not a lot to debrief, commander. they traced the hack back to me - i got sloppy, didn’t cover my tracks properly.” not true, he’d been careful as ever. but it had been a higher risk, more security that had been hard to mask himself from entirely. still his fault. “ah - they caught before i could use the contingency. isb interrogators had a go at me but they didn’t get far.” physical pain wasn’t really a concern for apollo, but what that knight had done.. his hands ball into fists just thinking about it, mind drifting back to the way she’d torn through his mind without care or regard. something apollo had never felt before. something he never wants to feel again. “they sent a knight of ren to do the rest. they used the - the force to extract the information. they know what i stole and put on the datacube.”

[nctburrin]

versios​:

@nctburrin​   //   apollo corren.

iden was disappointed. not in apollo – he had done everything that he could and there was a very well-known amount of risk that came in doing anything undercover, a willingness to do the otherwise unthinkable. war wasn’t pretty, it didn’t matter what part of the fight one was on. he had done everything that he could and she understood that, and… a good portion of it had to do with seyn, if she was willing to be completely honest with herself. the disappointment laid with herself. she still remembered the look on their face, when they died. seyn had once pointed out that she and del would ever have to live with things in the same way because they didn’t have eidetic memories. she thought she’d found the exception.

it felt like it hadn’t been that long since she had last been in a medbay and she didn’t like it anymore on this side of things. her gaze was hard to read, not cold but distanced. clinical. she had tried to prepare herself for what to do, what to say, though she’d been occupied by takodana at first. but he was out now and surprisingly alive. “how are you recovering?”

he can’t avoid iden forever, he knows that. eventually they’re going to cross paths again all things considered. but apollo didn’t expect it to be so soon, didn’t expect her to come straight to the medbay while he’s still being held for observation. that in itself has him agitated - ezra had healed so much of his injuries before they’d come back to base, going to the medbay was basically just a formality at this point. he’s just thankful someone brought buddy to keep him company or he’d be clawing at the walls to get out by now.

easing himself up in his cot, apollo sits up and lifts buddy up to rest on his shoulder, feeling more at ease with the droid close-by, grasping onto his collar like he always does. “i’m fine, honestly. that jedi sorted me out before we even left the safehouse. i shouldn’t be in here.” he answers honestly. not that he expects iden to spring him out of here or anything, but maybe he can distract her from the lecture he’s sure is coming. because, like it or not, he deserves it. he got caught. and he shouldn’t be here - he should’ve died rather than get captured and give away important intel. “i’m sorry, commander.” he may as well just jump right into the deep end, right? get it over with. “i - i know i screwed up. if you’re here to demote me or - take me off field work, i get it.”

[nctburrin]

ofbatuu​:

.

tyr didn’t blame his brother for being so confused. tyr was confused by why he was doing this in a way. why he was risking everything… why he was doing it now. calo had been a surprise apollo being a spy had been a surprise. 

he did roll his eyes at his comment, “all you resistance are the same, killing yourselves for each other, what’s the point,” he grumbled as he pulled him across to the exit. figured calo had gotten himself wrapped up into as much despite his treatment.

“just– just shut up, if we’re going to pull this off you need to be quieter.”

.

as much as this makes no sense to apollo, he doesn’t resist as his brother pulls him towards the exit, just tries to support himself as best as he can. which isn’t really all that much right now but it’s better than tyr having to pull completely dead weight along with him.

“you wouldn’t get it.” apollo mumbles weakly, choosing not to pour what little energy he has into an argument he knows tyr is too self serving to understand. but that’s not entirely his fault. their parents never really gave them a choice. it’s a miracle apollo didn’t follow in similar footsteps, really.

he lets out a pained sort of half-laugh at his brother’s response. maybe it’s not wise to annoy the person trying to save his life but - that’s basically what their relationship has always been anyway. “well then you’re gonna have to explain this to me or i’m gonna keep making a lot of noise. tell me why, tyr.”

[nctburrin]

ruthlessren​:

“well, don’t worry about it…” aiya can play with the banter without hesitation, feed into it. they don’t think it will give him any kind of false sense of security, they both to an extent knew exactly what they were doing here. she didn’t wear any kind of officer’s uniform, shiny layers of black that was clearly armored around their waist, gave the appearance of being slightly broader than they really were. they were tall enough to deceive to an extent, but it helped. “i’m not going anywhere just yet.” nowhere until they got exactly what they wanted. they weren’t going to fail. a bit of physical pain would just make the rest come all the smoother for them.

they didn’t care to argue the semantics of success, familiar enough with the mindset of a typical resistance member, and they assumed that this one was no different than the rest. the datacube was gone which would prove to be a problem but it wouldn’t be long before they knew what exactly had been lost. she assumed that he did not know what had been gained from searching through the wreckage that remained on takodana now. “then perhaps you should be a little wiser about what you say to me, hm? imagine what i can take from you just for fun.” the empire isn’t made for the soft-hearted and there was no one around that could stop her from doing what they wanted, not really. no one that would have considered the benefit worth the risk. “you might want to take a deep breath.” they gripped onto the sides of his face, nails digging into his skin, and began to push their way messily inside of his head, searing through his mind. 

apollo knows he’s in a bad spot here. it’s one thing to be dealing with imperial interrogators who just use their fists or weapons. that’s something he can handle easily, he’s been able to since before he joined the new republic, before he became apollo corren. but this one.. they’re different. apollo can feel it. he just doesn’t know why. he doesn’t know what they can do, and that in itself is concerning. “well that’s a relief. we’ve hardly even gotten to know each other.” he responds, much more confident than he feels. that’s years of dealing with his parents, and then living on the streets. adapt or die. look strong or get destroyed.

he’s not sure how much it’s going to help him here, though.

she’s clearly gearing up for something, and given apollo has no intention of telling her anything he knows this is about to get much worse. the pain in his arm makes it hard to focus, to prepare himself for anything even as he tries to breathe through the pain. he opens his mouth to try and throw something snarky back at her, but it’s cut short almost immediately, pushed aside with a new kind of pain. apollo barely registers the nails digging into his face as pain erupts in his mind. it’s worse than anything he’s experienced, to have someone force their way into his head, digging around without a care for the pain they cause - or trying to cause as much pain as possible. someone’s yelling, awful, blood-curdling screaming and apollo barely registers that it’s him - all he can focus on is pathetically trying to force this new unwanted presence out of his head but the harder he pushes against her the more it hurts, like his mind is being pulled and pushed and ripped into pieces as she searches. whatever pain apollo’s prepared himself for in his life, it’s nothing compared to this.

[nctburrin]

spcewrs​:

ezra has only really known one spy for the rebellion, and he’s not sure that kallus even really counts. yeah, he spied for them but he was technically a defector not really a full out spy. he’s sure that apollo has interesting stories though – and someday when he’s definitely not feeling exhausted, as ezra is sure he is – he’ll demand to hear everything, well at least as much as he’s willing to share. 

“i definitely owe you one now,” he doesn’t mind the sarcasm in the others tone, if anything he thinks that the quipping is probably a good distraction for now. any distraction can be a good distraction when pain is involved. “i just meant that it might help you gain some strength if you relax more. we’re gonna need to clean you up as much as possible in case anyone sees us out on the street and decides to take interest.” he keeps his eyes down as apollo asks him what he’s mentioning. “uh, let’s just say it’s some force healing.” he says it as casually as he can because he’s worried if he oversells it that it’ll disappoint the other man if he’s unable to do it. he doesn’t continue the conversation though, letting apollo relax because of how much pain the other must be in. it’s good that he feels like he can relax while ezra is taking care of him. it means he knows that he’s trustworthy enough. he’s seen bad things, but it’s the fact that he knows this is an instant result of the empire. he once again finds himself wishing to just take it down. he doesn’t know how they are surviving when all the empire can seem to do is cause people pain. the question startles laughter out of him, mainly because he’s already seems to have ezra pegged. “uh, yeah. i don’t know that many jedi but as much as i know about them the hero complex comes with the lightsaber. it’s like you wanna wield one?? better be prepared to save everyone. the medical droid can fix you after i finish this, i promise.” he knows that apollo is right, there’s not enough money to repair him as much as would be needed if there is extensive damage. but he’s hoping that with his healing maybe he won’t even need much from a droid – or anyone else in the long run. he’s not sure it’ll work the way he thinks it will, but it has no risk in trying to help him. he isn’t sure how much he can heal him. if he could heal everything or just the worst of it. he’s going to offer to help with anything that is really putting him in pain. he winces at the hissing sound that he hears, he knew it was coming but he didn’t want to increase the pain even in healing him. “yes, i think after everything you’ve been through you can probably handle just about anything.” he wants the other to know that he can see how much he’s been through how well he’s doing considering everything else that is going on. it’s a bit tiring but not even as tired as ezra has ever been to do that. he could probably do it again if he had to right now, but he’s not sure he will. he’s not sure if apollo will over him more injuries to try – or if it’ll upset him that ezra had used the force on him without even really giving him a warning. he looks at the wound though, before picking up some more gauze to wipe the excess blood off of his hands, and looking up to smile at apollo. “uh, i don’t really know the mechanics of it.” he admits, with a small shrug. “it’s a force thing yes, it’s not – as far as i know there is limits to it. like i couldn’t do my scars,” he tilts his head a bit to show the scars on his cheek. he’s not sure that he even wants to know more about it. he meets his eyes again and smiles a tiny pleased smile. “you don’t have to thank me, i – i just felt like i had to try it. i can try it again if you have anything else you need me to.” 

jedi aren’t really apollo’s area of expertise. aside from his brother being sent off to jedi school to make something of himself - which clearly didn’t go well - he knows next to nothing about them. actually, ezra’s probably the first one he’s actually met, given they’re so rare in his time. even in this time, it seems. but given they’re painted as these all-powerful beings who can do anything and save anyone, it’s a little weird to meet someone who seems so.. normal. well, apart from the force healing. which is something else entirely.

“you do realise that’s kinda.. stupid, right?” apollo says bluntly. it feels a little silly to try and point out that jedi shouldn’t have to save everyone when he’s just healed the horrific gash on his arm that probably would’ve lead to permanent damage if ezra hadn’t been the one to come and get him, but that’s not the point. “like - having a laser sword and being able to throw things around with your mind isn’t really grounds for needing to carry the galaxy on your shoulders. just - it seems kinda excessive to me.” apparently not being in such physical excruciating pain, plus being mentally drained and damaged from the torture, makes apollo a little less able to keep his mouth shut than usual. which is not a good thing for someone like him, someone who carries as many secrets as he does in his life. the sooner ezra can get him out of here and somewhere safe, the better. he turns his attention back to his freshly healed arm - the wound is completely gone without even a trace, not even a scar to show for the injury that had been inflicted mere hours ago. it’s as if it’s not even there - and not only is the injury gone, but the pain in his arm is gone too. the adrenalin with it, and apollo can’t deny he’s worn out, physically and mentally. “i’ll be honest, i don’t.. care about the mechanics of it. i care that my arm isn’t throbbing in agony anymore, so - yeah, i.. i do have to thank you. really, i -” apollo’s gaze moves back to ezra’s, the slightest hint of a very tired smile on his face, “thank you. for putting so much into helping me. and for coming.” shaking his head quickly, apollo leans his head back against the wall again, letting out a slow, somewhat steadier breath. steadier than before, at least. “the rest is not so bad, you really don’t need to put yourself out to fix them - that was the worst physical injury, the rest is just - scratches, bruises, they won’t last long.” he hopes so, at least. he’s more worried about what he needs to do to sort out his head - that knight hadn’t been even remotely kind, and apollo doesn’t even know where to start. but he can’t force ezra to deal with that - he shouldn’t have to, he’s done enough. “here - can you hand me the kit? i should clean up some of this blood so we can get out of here.”

[nctburrin]

ruthlessren​:

“there he is.” aiya cooed as though he was a shy child just now coming out of his shell, with a smile that showed teeth. that seemed like something much closer to some version of truth, the little spark of defiance as she questioned his competence. she removed her gloves and pressed her bare thumb into the wound, splitting it open further for a moment and letting his blood drip down her hand and to her wrist. they were all too comfortable to get far too close to him, to invade every ounce of his personal space and make sure that he recognized just how much he had lost now that he was here.

a deep breath pushed through her lungs, one of vague satisfaction. “clearly, you do. or you wouldn’t be in this position, now would you? too bad your friends are is incompetent as you are.” one shoulder lifted and fell in a shrug, haphazardly tossing aside the vibroblade. they didn’t need it for what they were really sent here to accomplish, after all. anyone could have broken down every bone in his body and taken painstaking time but their own cause was more specific, something that was much more geared at getting the answer quickly. “you don’t have to tell me. i thought i’d be nice and give you the chance. but i’ll just take it.” aiya stepped behind him, running a sharp nail against his hairline, just scratching the skin for their own entertainment. “i’ll even start with something nice and easy. what information did you put on that little stolen cube?”

there’s no point in trying to keep up the pretence any longer. apollo won’t have the energy to keep pretending to be nothing but the tech guy who doesn’t know anything. between the gash in his arm, the knight’s demeanour, and their very clear intention to get this information by any means necessary means he needs to focus on getting through this while giving them as little information as he can manage. which... isn’t going to be easy, but he’s going to try his damn best. “couldn’t let you leave without meeting the real me.” he sneers, relieved his voice doesn’t shake despite the pain radiating from his arm. he’s had worse. he’s had worse. he just keeps reminding himself of that so he can get through this.

he lets out a laugh, harsh and clearly pained. “you and i have very different ideas of success. you’d never get it.” it’s not about self preservation, not about whether he gets out of here. his job is done, he’s saved lives and given the rebellion vital information they can use. that’s what matters, at this point. whether apollo gets out of here or not - well that’s just an afterthought, at this point. it’s a risk of the job, one he’d made his peace with before he took the mission to begin with. but the knights, the first order, the empire, they’d never understand that. never understand working for something bigger. “that’s what you call nice? your friends must hate when you’re in a bad mood.” he watches her as far as he can before she disappears from his view, gritting his teeth to brace himself as he feels her nail scratch against his skin. not enough to cause any real damage - but the warning is pretty clear. “if you’re practicing your asking nicely skills, you’ve got a way to go.” if he drags this out, loses enough blood, he might lose consciousness - and then she can’t get anything outta him anyway. he just needs to buy some time. maybe.

[nctburrin]

spcewrs​:

he can feel the overwhelming pain in the force, he’s not sure if he can help as much as he’d like to but he’s going to try his absolute best. he is having a hard time looking at the other with how roughed up he is – it doesn’t seem right. he knows this is what the empire does, especially to rebels but it’s not easy to look at, paired with that pain he knows the other must be feeling. he walks the rest of the way so he’s right in front of him and grits his teeth before scanning him up and down with his eyes – looking for anything that might be more then what he can help with. 

“i’d say thanks to you for getting me a mission that let me leave the base but – i wish it was under better circumstances.” he puts a hand on the others shoulder, carefully, “i think you should relax for a bit. you’re looking like you might faint. and i don’t think i can carry you.” he tells him and quickly removes the hand in case it adds any extra pain. ezra can’t give him blood for what he’s sure he’s lost – but he can help heal him. and that’s going to have to be good enough. he’s not sure why he feels the need to help the other so much – well, he always wants to help anyone who needs it. he has since he joined the spectres but he does feel l the pull to do as much as he can for apollo. “alright, i’ve only done this one other time, so i don’t know how well it’ll work. which probably doesn’t sound as confident as he means it. he does think he can do this he’s just not sure how much he will be able to do. which is why the gauze and everything else in the medpac are important to have close. he waits for the other to show him, blue eyes widen at the wound. “karabast,” he mutters, he’s not sure if it’s the blood that makes it look so much worse or if it’s just really that bad. the comment catches him off guard though, and has him raising an eyebrow, looking up to meet his eyes. “kriff that, i’m going to get you out of as much pain as i can now, and anything that i can’t will wait for them.” he grabs the guaze first, moving it gently over the worst of the wounds to clean it up as much as he can. he drops them onto the floor when he’s got them soaked, and then steps back removing his fingerless gloves and pushing them into the pocket of his backpack. he grabs the disinfectant spray, “this might sting just a little,” he’s not sure if he needs to do this with what he’s going to do next but the small extra step is minimum if it does matter. he then sprays some of it on his hands before rubbing them together. “this won’t sting, it shouldn’t hurt at all.” he places his hands overtop of the wound and closes his eyes. he says it to himself, over and over in his head that he’s one with the force and the force is with him. focuses all of his energy into healing the wounds left on apollo. he’s not sure it’ll work – or the extent of it. he’s aiming for all of it. he opens his eyes after a moment, removing his hands and smiles at his work. “pretty good, huh??”

as much as apollo’s seen in his time, he hasn’t had much to do with jedi. he doesn’t really know what to expect. short of lifting him and moving him about with the force, exactly how else is ezra going to help him? apollo can’t imagine it, truth be told. he’s fully expecting to just be given painkillers and carried back to whatever ship ezra’s brought with him - and really, that’s more than enough. besides, with how drained apollo is he can’t really force himself to try and imagine what else ezra might be able to do to help him out here.

“oh well then, you’re welcome. i’m so glad i could help you out.” apollo responds sarcastically, but there’s no heat to his words really. he’s just grateful someone’s come to help him out. if ezra hadn’t shown up, apollo’s fairly sure he would’ve just passed out - or bled out, who knows. “sure, okay. relax. i dunno why i didn’t think of that before.” he responds tiredly, leaning his head back against the wall while ezra inspects the wound. “what’s this exactly? You’re not giving me a lot of information to go on.” he asks, almost curious about what’s about to happen. almost. given ezra’s here now, apollo’s pretty sure he can just clock out a little. right? he could just.. close his eyes, let himself drift off.. that should be okay, right? “huh -” he groans and opens his eyes, a little surprised to see just how shocked ezra is at the wound. surely a jedi would’ve seen worse than this, right? “do all jedi have this kind of hero complex? c’mon - some things you can’t just fix. this is gonna need a medical droid and a lot of time. assuming there’s no permanent damage - not like the rebellion can afford to fix that kinda thing, so..” he sighs weakly as he looks down at the gash on his arm. it’s the worst of his injuries, certainly the most painful - but it’s not his only one. he’s got a long way to go before he recovers from all of this, he’s sure. he’s  resigned himself to that fact. it’s okay. he can’t help but hiss in pain as ezra gets to cleaning up the wound, part of him wanting to tell the guy to stop - and the other part of him hoping he can actually do something. anything. just.. something to make this less painful. “y’know, after all this - i reckon i can handle it -” still he lifts his head off the wall to watch ezra, curious as to exactly how he plans on making this better. he assumes it’s some kind of.. something to help with the bleeding at least. what he doesn’t expect is for the bleeding to stop. before his eyes apollo watches as blood vessels and muscle begin to knight themselves back together, starting at the deepest part of the wound and working it’s way out. but not only that - the pain lessens too. not in all of his body, and his mind is still.. scrambled, an exhausted mess if he’s honest, but his arm... “how..” he gasps, eyes wide as he lifts his arm up to take a closer look. “how did you - is that some - force thing? how did you do that? it feels... it’s...” his gaze shifts from his arm to meet ezra’s eyes, completely and utterly in awe of what the other can do. “that’s amazing, i - wow. thank you. really - thank you.”

[nctburrin]

spcewrs​:

ezra is glad that the lightsaber had worked to show his clear allegiance. he really doesn’t want to make things more painful for the other when it’s clear he’s in physical pain. he takes a few moments to take in the other – to look at the wounds and to gauge if the other will successfully be able to make it back to the phantom. ezra knows he could force carrying him, but he doesn’t know if he could do it for long enough and that’s not exactly conspicuous – which is definitely what they are going for. 

he’s glad that the other drops the blaster, that he sees how openly ezra is moving, that he’s careful in every single one. ezra has never liked the empire but this guy hadn’t been imperial he’d be a spy for the rebels, which he liked. he was definitely going to annoy him when he was better with questions of how it was – if they were really as boring as he thought they were – if he had to wear the stupid hats so many of the imps seem to. “i’m sure!! i’m positive even!! and you can just call me ezra.” he pulls his backpack off his back and drops it onto the floor, pulling out a canteen of water. “here, drink some of this – slow sips.” he holds it out before he moves the rest of the way in determined steps. he kneels down and looks at the man again. “don’t worry about it, i’d snap too if i was going through that. i’m okay with a first aid kit, and i can do that, but i’d like to try something else first. can you tell me where it’s the worst??” he uses the force to pull the kit closer to him though so he can look through whats there. there’s a bit he can use, but he might not need it all if he’s okay with ezra trying out his idea. “don’t worry, i’ll take care of you.” 

along with the relief that he’s not about to be attacked again comes the pain. the imperial officers had done a decent job roughing him up, but that knight hadn’t held back. apollo’s not sure how long it’s going to take him to recover from these wounds, if he’s being honest. he’s been in some bad situations before, but this is something else. not just the physical wounds, but the way she had torn into his mind. he doesn’t even know where to start to try and pull himself together. maybe this jedi will have some way to help him.

either way, he’s grateful for the chance to get out of here. interrogation is a risk in any mission like this, but.. apollo needs to feel safe again. even if only for a little while. he watches ezra approach wearily, trying to breath through the pain radiating through his body. “well.. thanks, ezra. for coming for a total stranger, i guess.” his voice is soft, a little faint - if he’s being honest his vision is getting a little hazy around the edges. blood loss and exhaustion, adrenalin wearing off. it’s only going to get worse from here, he knows. moving slowly, he takes the offered canteen and takes a careful sip of water. it helps to have something else to focus on, someone else here. someone who can help him. hopefully. jedi are meant to be pretty good at that, from what apollo’s heard. “honestly? right now, you can try anything you want so long as it makes this all less -” apollo can’t even pinpoint the right word for what he’s feeling. he watches as ezra pulls the first aid kit closer using the force - something that’s pretty rare for apollo to see. jedi are pretty well few and far between in the future, after all. maybe if his face didn’t hurt so much from the beating and the scratches and the knights fingernails digging into his skin - “uh - sorry, probably -” he lifts his arm gingerly to draw ezra’s attention to the large gash. the first, and worst, of the knight’s physical wounds. ezra’s words almost make him laugh - if he wasn’t in so much pain, he probably would. apollo hasn’t even considered the idea of anyone taking care of him in.. well, ever. if he hadn’t been incapable of holding himself up, he probably wouldn’t have even let tyr get him out of there to begin with. “you don’t have to - do a whole lot, just.. patch me up enough to get me back to base, medics can take care of the rest.”