natyf03

[natyf03]

Due to personal reasons I will be loving myself with my whole heart

[natyf03]

Oh I forgot to mention, I went to Taylor’s eras tour (a life long dream) and it felt like closure but more it felt like the end of my bucket list. So, yeah, like life is marking cues for the end.

[natyf03]

Tomorrow is my birthday. My 20th birthday and really I have not much to live for. I have no mother, a single good friend (which I’ve come to the conclusion I only cause ill and she remains with me due to her toxic patterns). My life long best friend is gone, she no longer contacts me. I had the opportunity of being with a beautiful boy that seemed to love me and yet I spoiled it as if a robot had taken power over my body and did not express just how much I loved him. I have wished to die since I was 13, I thought I would’ve attempted it by now, I had planned on it by my 18th birthday. Yet, I believe I was fearful enough no to do so. I still had, you know, a will.

Now I have nothing truly, and life feels unalive. I feel absolutely nothing. And I say this as I cry. “It’s better to feel pain than nothing at all”, but what happens when pain feels like nothing at all? I’m not sure I will continue. I Can, definitely, but im not confident I like the idea of continuing.

I know it will hurt Angie, I know it will hurt my father, perhaps my brother but I know all of them will move on. And they will be able to continue yet I am y capable under these circumstances. I don’t want to live, and dying doesn’t seem as a bad option right now.

But here comes another thought, I don’t want to kill myself either. I want a se truck to roll me over, a person to push me, be accidentally poisoned. But I don’t want to hurt myself. I am a coward even for that.

I a not sure this is just a post explaining how I feel or if it is a cru for help, whichever it is, thank you for reading.

[natyf03]

i don’t forgive you (but please don’t hold me to it)

1. the front bottoms; father 2. shameless; the american dream 3. phoebe bridgers; kyoto 4. unknown 5. ocean vuong; someday i’ll love ocean vuong 6. domenico ghirlandaio; francesco sassetti and his son teodoro 7. mitski; a burning hill 8. unknown 9. halsey; i would leave me if i could 10. euphoria; the theater and its double

[natyf03]

hey besties, it's almost textbook time again

try to save some money

[natyf03]

Free textbooks

These are links to free ebooks because we’re broke from paying full tuition for online classes. Just search your textbooks in one of these links and you can download a free PDF version of your textbooks! We love to pirate textbooks and save hundreds of dollars. :D 

https://b-ok.cc

https://www.pdfdrive.com

http://gen.lib.rus.ec

http://www.gutenberg.org

http://slader.com (for textbook answers)

https://openstax.org/ (FREE textbooks on a variety of subjects groups)

Please share this with your fellow classmates because we love to save $$. Help a friend! This is totally legal. Happy studying!

Feel free to add new links to free textbooks :)

[natyf03]

For my friends starting school, I'd love to invite you into one of my favorite hobbies: textbook piracy!!

Here are all the books I have already

How to find books on your own and permanently download rented books

If you can't find a book, request it from me with this form and I'll try to find it and get it to you!!!

Information should be free!!!

[natyf03]

Words of advice from my chronically ill mother:

Part of taking care of your body is not having shame about it. If you're spending all your energy being guilty then you're not giving your body the rest that it needs to recover

[natyf03]

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling but I just thought you should know that you’re amazing and deserve to be happy.

[natyf03]

I know you didn’t want me alive, but at least pretend while I’m blowing the candles

[natyf03]

Spoke to a gen z person the other night and apparently the young folks don't know about the very legal sites from which you can access public domain media (including Dracula, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and other Victorian gothic horror stories)?

Like this young person didn't even know about goddamn Gutenberg which is a SHAME. I linked to it and they went "aw yiss time to do a theft" and I was like "I mean yo ho ho and all that, sure, but. you know gutenberg is entirely legal, right?"

Anyway I'm gonna put this in a few Choice Tags (sorry dracula fans I DID mention it though so it's fair game) and then put some Cool Links in a reblog so this post will still show UP in said tags lmao.

[natyf03]

Major Arcana's Meanings Reversed & Upright With Yes Or No Questions Answered

Tarot is one of the most well known and used types of divination that you can find. Millions every year buy tarot decks and ask for guidance to maneuver this world and often it does not fail to reveal the truth these individuals have been looking for. Today, I’m going to start a series of posts on tarot where I can share the information that I have learned with you. I’m going to begin with the Major Arcana, the trump cards of the tarot deck.  The Major Arcana are the first 22 cards numbered 0-21 in a tarot deck, ranging from the Fool to the World. Many decks may have different artwork, but the symbolism remains the same. The numbers on each card including the Minor Arcana, the remaining 56 cards, have meanings as well. The Major Arcana generally is an indicator of important life events, lessons or milestones. The following are each of the meanings for the Major Arcana cards upright and reversed and their meaning for yes or no questions.

0 ~ The Fool

Upright: Innocence, enthusiasm, start of a new journey, inexperience, beginners luck, improvisation, opportunity, potential, freedom.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Appears when we are lost, confused, overwhelmed, reckless, naive. It is the ending of a journey or others may be taking advantage of you.

Yes or No: No

1 ~ The Magician

Upright: Control over one’s destiny, strong willpower, desire, manifestation, perseverance.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Illusion, indecision, lack of self-confidence.

Yes or No: No

2 ~ The High Priestess

Upright: Strong intuition, spiritual knowledge, mystery, follow your intuition, self-exploration, seeking knowledge.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Blockage in intuition, focus on yourself, confusion, reconnect with yourself.

Yes or No: No

3 ~ The Empress

Upright: Inspiration, competence, a project nears completion, femininity, beauty, creativity and a nurturing energy, positive growth, abundance, potential success, business ventures, creative ideas.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Lack of growth, narrow-minded vision, too many outside influences, neglect of your creative side.

Yes or No: No

4 ~ The Emperor

Upright: Assertive, structure, focus, reason dominates, encouragement to proceed on your path, confidence, perseverance.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: stubbornness, feelings of superiority, lacking responsibility, take a look at your drive and motivation, imbalance.

Yes or No: No

5 ~ The High Priest/Hieropohant

Upright: Spiritual truths and energy, spiritual lessons, commitment, tradition, seek advice, move forward, spiritual guidance.

Yes or No: Yes/ Maybe

Reversed: Rebellion, encouragement to question your own beliefs, breaking away from rules and restrictions.

Yes or No: No

6 ~ The Lovers

Upright: The greater perspective of unity results in trust and partnership, relationships, choices, a decision concerning a current relationship, love.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Relationships are strained, communication is hard, feelings in a relationship are not mutual.

Yes or No: No

7 ~ The Chariot

Upright: Success, determination, discipline, you're on the right path to making your dreams a reality, strong Willpower, strong Confidence.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Out of control, no willpower, hurdles must be crossed, lack of focus, powerless, insecure, develop self-confidence.

Yes or No: No

8 ~ Strength

Upright: Self-confidence, power, courage, willpower, mindfulness, you are someone others look up to.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Loss of inner strength, moments of weakness, insecurity.

Yes or No: No

9 ~ The Hermit

Upright: Search for wisdom and enlightenment, turn inwards, do not make drastic decisions, connect with yourself, spend time alone.

Yes or No: No

Reversed: The time of solitude is in the past and you are ready to get yourself out there again, inspired, aware, motivated, balanced.

Yes or No: Yes

10 ~ The Wheel

Upright: Positive energy, excitement, changes coming soon for the better, luck, fortune, encouragement, follow your intuition, destiny, seeking purpose.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Trying to maintain control of a certain outcome, mistrust, misbelief, stagnation, moving on to the next goal in life.

Yes or No: No

11 ~ Justice

Upright: Fairness, virtue, righteousness, making a wrong right, the fairest decision will be made, comes up whe n there is a choice being made with long-term repercussions.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: You may have done something morally wrong, unfairness, lack of accountability, dishonesty.

Yes or No: No

12 ~ The Hanged Man

Upright: Pause, surrender, letting go, new perspectives, inner peace, suspended activity, wisdom not applied, ultimate surrender.

Yes or No: Maybe

Reversed: You need to press pause but won’t, distraction from the actually important things, your spirit and mind are asking you to slow down, blocked, stuck, resisted, you are content in waiting, stalling a decision.

Yes or No: No

13 ~ Death

Upright: Transformation, the end of something, relationships coming to an end, change, transition.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: You're on the brink of change, you still carry baggage from the past that may affect your future, massive personal transformation, self evaluation, teaching others.

Yes or No:  Yes

14 ~ Temperance

Upright: There are risks around you and you must depend on your intuition to make the right choice, don’t make hasty decisions, balance, no reckless choices, confidence, patience, moderation.

Yes or No: Yes, but don’t be hasty.

Reversed: Imbalance, recklessness, take time to reflect, focus on you, it’s important to have clear vision and focus, no sense of purpose or passion, emotion ruling reason, disharmony will end when unity is regained.

Yes or No: No

15 ~ The Devil

Upright: Shadow self, attachment, addiction, restriction, sexuality, trapped between short term pleasure and long term pain, comes up when you feel like you can not break free of your shadow self, unhealthy relationships.

Yes or No: No

Reversed: You’re on the verge of a breakthrough, confront your inner fears and anxieties, eliminate those that are harmful to you, release limiting beliefs, you are keeping a secret.

Yes or No: Yes

16 ~ The Tower

Upright: Sudden change, old beliefs vanish with enlightenment, upheaval, chaos, awakening, expect the unexpected, you’ve been building your life on unstable foundations, self-destruct to begin anew, spiritual awakening.

Yes or No: Yes if you ask if change is coming.

Reversed: Resisting change, avoiding self-destruction, clinging to an old belief or way of life.

Yes or No: Maybe

17 ~ The Star

Upright: Opportunity, good prospects, hope, creativity, inspiration, new beginnings, peace, optimism, changing your perspective, growing spiritually.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Insecure, afraid that you won’t reach your goals, start believing in yourself, attract positivity, build confidence, seeking creativity and success.

Yes or No: Yes, but have more faith in yourself.

18 ~ The Moon

Upright: Take a step back and listen to your intuition, don’t make hasty decisions, be honest with yourself, cut cords if you have to, represents emotions or suppressed emotions, encouragement to face your fears.

Yes or No: No

Reversed: You’re on the right track to releasing what is holding you back, moving forwards, growing, awareness of facades.

Yes or No: Yes

19 ~ The Sun

Upright: Success, contentment, mental and spiritual growth, manifestation, productivity, potential, personal development, encouragement, reassurance, opportunities, abundance.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Believe in yourself, have faith that things will work out, practice gratitude, empowerment, success delayed, answer to problems discovered.

Yes or No: Yes

20 ~ Judgement

Upright: Judgement, rebirth, inner calling, embrace your higher self, life-changing decision, spiritual awakening, decision requires intellect and intuition.

Yes or No: No

Reversed: Period of reflection, meditate, contemplate, focus on self-love/acceptance, acknowledge your fear, break free from self-criticism.

Yes or No: Yes

21 ~ The World

Upright: Achievement, fulfillment, unity, success, completion of a personal journey, everything's coming together, you feel confident, inspiration.

Yes or No: Yes

Reversed: Lingering feelings are causing a blockage, find closure.

Yes or No: No

So there it is, all of the Major Arcana’s meanings reversed and upright, along with their meanings for yes or no questions. Hopefully this gave you some good information and a starting point to begin with tarot. Thank you for reading!

[natyf03]

“We don’t like to admit it, but the idea of losing control is one that fascinates controlled people such as ourselves more than anything.”

— Donna Tartt, The Secret History

[natyf03]

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

[natyf03]

This scene was designed for this meme

[natyf03]

🕊16 days of Shadow Work

✨ Here are the prompts as I promised! They are timeless, whenever they find you, feel free to use them.

Feel free to share your thoughts with me!!

✧ Day 1 What do I need to stop running away from? Why am I always running away from this and what is going to happen if I face it head-on?

✧ Day 2 What is my definition of failure? What’s something that I have previously failed at and how did it make me feel? How can I deal with failure in a healthy way?

✧ Day 3 How do I lie to myself everyday? Why am I doing this and what am I trying to avoid?

✧ Day 4 If I could say one thing to the person who hurt me the most, what would it be and why? How would I feel afterwards? 

Keep reading

[natyf03]

🕊16 days of Shadow Work

✨ Here are the prompts as I promised! They are timeless, whenever they find you, feel free to use them.

Feel free to share your thoughts with me!!

✧ Day 1 What do I need to stop running away from? Why am I always running away from this and what is going to happen if I face it head-on?

✧ Day 2 What is my definition of failure? What’s something that I have previously failed at and how did it make me feel? How can I deal with failure in a healthy way?

✧ Day 3 How do I lie to myself everyday? Why am I doing this and what am I trying to avoid?

✧ Day 4 If I could say one thing to the person who hurt me the most, what would it be and why? How would I feel afterwards? 

Keep reading