nativadron

[nativadron]

Wishing you a good day and I will be working for next chapters (yes, chapters to post here) for Autumn Breezes. So, stay tuned! Cheers :)))

- Nativad

In frame: A 1950s version of Mick Schumacher and Justine Huysman (it's a usual reface thing I did! XD)

[nativadron]

Autumn Breezes (Part II)

pairings: Mick Schumacher/Justine Huysman, Mick Schumacher/original female character (later, as the story goes)

tags: mick schumacher, michael schumacher, justine huysman, corinna schumacher, gina-maria schumacher

disclaimer: finally, this is part 2 of Autumn Breezes. I am sorry for the delay, but I hope this one will be as satisfying as before to read! Enjoy!

warnings: bullying, harsh language, labelling, racism, identity covering, identity crisis, anxiety, mild violence

note: this is an art of fanfiction. all images and lines displayed in this post belong to me as the author and the creator.

---

London, 1960

Talking about surviving two years ago made me realise that I did a pretty good job. I am in my end year of secondary school. And as the same as other years we spent together, we still visit our comfort zone to talk, to share, to make fun of almost anything we had in mind. We are both now 17 years of age and everything is changing. We are bolder and somehow stronger in bond.

Recalling our first encounter, I still look forward to telling her what I feel. I had confessed that I loved her, but I never called this a commitment between us. A commitment to something real that happens between us. We hold hands, spend time together, and share feelings, but still, something is empty. Undefined, maybe.

“I wasn’t just asking you to be here with me for some killing time together, Mick.”

“So, what are we going to do?”

She sighs and I notice some emotions at tense. Is she holding something bad?

“My Dad got a job in Switzerland,”

“That’s good news, Dutch. Congratulations!”

“I am glad upon hearing that too, but I can’t accept the fact that I have to go with him.”

I don’t think she will leave you. Is that even the truth now?

“I will be leaving in two weeks. I may not go to graduation with you.”

“I don’t think we should be concerned about what’s ahead of you. Time is all we have now. While we are here, we will be whole.”

I know we are both hurt by the fact, but at least, the last time is all we get to live on. Knowing how much I will be missing her, I am sure it is the best time to create memories together.

“Aren’t you disappointed that I’ll leave you?”

But what is left for me to do? “I can’t tell much about it.”

“Will you even miss me?”

“I don’t know if I could not miss you.”

“Will we even exchange letters?”

“I can’t see that I neglect the idea.”

And there she stands up, in front of me, with all disappointment that I can’t understand.

“I don’t think you consider this as a whole deal.”

“Justine, you need to hold it right there.”

“You are ignoring the fact that what we had all along is not important and you think less of me!”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you are! You talk less, you are flat, and you don’t seem to care what it looks like for me leaving you!”

“No, I don’t, Justine! I don’t!”

“Oh, don’t talk nonsense to me! You haven’t learned to confess yourself better, have you?”

“Justine, please. You are not—”

“What am I not doing now? Can’t read you better? Is that what you are trying to tell me?”

Indeed, she is. Who is oblivious now? “YES! YES, YOU ARE!”

Never once did I scream my word. Not even to someone that I loved. Only this time, maybe effective is the only measurement I could take in behalf of my action. “I can’t talk better, even in a situation like this—this making me much troubled at words. But all I know is, that I can’t let you go. I can’t let this be our last goodbye.”

She looks at me, dumbfounded. Shock, maybe. I am not sure. Before I realize it, I take two steps forward and make us suddenly crowded by our stuck voices and minds. “I loved you, Justine. I can’t accept that I must let you go,”

“Is it selfish for me to love you better?”

She looks at me, obviously speechless for what she just heard. I could notice that she grew red. She even tried to say something, but her mouth could not even make any word to deliver. I know how strange to break the ice at the most intense moment that you had with someone you cared about, but here I am, instantly letting out a chuckle only to be followed by her too. Aren’t we hilarious?

“What are we? So crowded with thoughts of being abandoned, is that it?”

“But it is what I am afraid of. Can’t imagine to let you slip away.”

“The wind will never stay, remember?”

“But love remains, is that it?”

She turns away, hiding herself and shielding the unconfessed reeling. Frustration will always be our weakness to be shared. None of us truly hit the core to be plain about it.

“Justine?”

“Yes?”

“Will you still love me, then?”

She ducks her head, utterly confused that I could see how much she didn’t want to be the one who did the talk. There is also a reflection of neglect, something grew sour and I couldn’t uncover it.

 She reaches for my hand, holding it for a moment as she closes her eyes; savouring the last intimate feeling, I could say. Only, I can’t even feel her anymore. It’s like—it’s like fading.

“Goodbye, my beloved Germania.” She kisses my cheek.

“Ich werde dich immer noch lieben, Dutch.”

I have grown to be someone that I never thought I’d be; someone who longs and waits despite clear uncertainty. Every day, I still visit the same spot we used to hang around together, lying down there, restlessly and playing with the flowers and grass as if I were a little child again. Even to this day, I do not write a letter or receive one from her. I want to be the one who cracks the distance and embraces the feeling that I almost buried for her to be alive again, but then, do I deserve it, at all?

Days are growing dulled until they turn to gloomy weeks and then to sorrowful months. In between the loneliness I dealt with, my Dad sent me to Austria to pursue my university degree. I never felt homesick before, but then I knew how bad it was to be in such a condition and I was too late to realize as I was already far from the place I called my home throughout my entire youth.

The first month was not torturing at all, even though I noticed how hard I conquered nighttime, so I ended up sleep-deprived. It was not seriously troubling, but sometimes, I could be a sore loser in understanding my lesson in class. Surprisingly, I would still be a favourite among other students to my lecturers here. From there, I got a nickname, “Der Glückliche” and some called me, “Der charismatische”. It’s not that I am sly, I just somehow find my way.

Unlike any other students who inhabited the university dormitory, I rented the nearest boarding house and would still go early by bike to the university. Sometimes, I would stop by a bread shop to have my breakfast there. The owner would be kindly giving me extra since I am the only spotted regular there and he took me as if I were his son.

“Dad?”

“Mick! How is it going so far in Austria?”

“Everything’s good, but not so much,” I chew on my lip, feeling sad a little since this was the first time I got to hear my Dad’s voice again.

Months before, I was not so brave to break my wall to pour all my missing feelings away to them by letter or telephone, because I knew too well that I wouldn’t be able to bid goodbye after. But here I am, putting all odds aside and starting to talk about whatever I had in mind.

“I miss you. And Mom. And Gina.”

“Is that Mick?”

“Yes, darling. He missed you so much, he said.”

“Oh, my darling Mick!”

“How about you and others? Is London growing different without me?”

“Don’t worry, son, we are holding up well here and London is not so much different since you left! Only, we got a few horses shipped out straight from Felixstowe and your sister loved them all!”

“Oh, that’s cheerful to hear! Does she name one of them?”

“Of course! She has grown to love horses just like your mother! She named her favourite Billy.”

“Billy? Sounds more like a name for a dog.”

“Don’t tell that to your sister!”

We both laughed and there, my loneliness suddenly erased. Instantly. Even my mother’s laugh is heard by me in the background.

“So, where’s Gina?”

“Gina is outside, in the ranch. She seems—”

My Dad chuckles, “She is busy. With Billy.”

“So, Billy is going to replace me now?”

“Fret not, you will always be loved! Remember that!”

So, our conversation flies without time boundaries. Dad was sharing mostly about the development of the farm and the ranch. Last month, they made some money from selling milk, homemade butter, and some herbs at the local farmer’s market in London. And, Uncle Ralf was visiting them too. He was bringing along his little family. My Dad was pouring out his feelings about how happy he was to have David around because he was reminding him of me. Of course, I want to meet David too when I get back by the time I get days off.

“Do you like Austria?”

It was always a kind of question that I had anticipated, but I never knew that my Dad would be the one who asked me. My head was circling a thought of a question of my origin.

“Dad?”

“Yes, Mick, I’m here.”

“Do you ever miss Germany?”

I can hear him breathing steadily, but he makes me nervous about the answer that I would hear from him.

“I had grown to forget what I had back there, son,” He let out a breath. “I don’t feel that I am of German descent anymore.”

That’s not surprising. “What do you have with Uncle Ralf? You seem to hide something.”

“Will you promise me that you wait until you turn 21, you won’t ask about this again?”

Before I could protest, my Dad continued, “I will tell you everything when you turn 21. Keep my word.”

“I will not ask about this until I turn 21.”

“Deal?”

“Promise is a promise, Dad.”

One day, after I got home, a mailman approached me at my door and delivered a letter. I thought it was from my parents or Gina. But then—

Justine.

“Thank you. Have a great day!” and the mailman took off.

I was still standing in front of my door, frozen. After all this time, I never thought this day would happen. But, what is this about?

I tear the letter open, gently pull the paper out of the envelope, and start to unfold it. I am almost pessimistic about what she will write about because a letter after a long absence is certainly a bad omen to me.

Suisse, July 18th, 1960

Dear Germania,

I hope you weren’t so mad about how long it took for me to write a letter to you. It was also weird for you to think about how I found your address, right? Don’t worry, I called your Dad and he told me everything; mostly, you.

I am sorry that our last goodbye was more sour despite what we had for years, together. I am living my life, even enjoying Switzerland better than the first year I got to be here. But still, everything is different without you. By the way, how’s Austria treating you?

There is news that I heard from my Dad about us potentially moving back to London. But, the certainty is still far from confirmed. I just wish that when I finally back, I would meet you at the same place where we used to hang out together. Isn’t that nice for us?

There are so many things I want to write and share in this letter, but I know I won’t make you stuck just to read my ramblings here. One certain thing, I will send another letter and I hope you don’t mind to write me back.

Note: You will always be my Germania.

Warmest hug,

Dutch.

I never thought that she still loved me.

But, is that what I want?

To wear her love with me?

I fetch three pieces of paper and a pen. My mind is rustling with words and openings, but not a single word comes to stain the paper under the tip of my pen. When I finally started to scribble, it would only be a stutter of my mind that wouldn’t pour out to the paper and I would only crumple it and throw it away in a mess around the floor of my room.

I try again; take a deep breath, stare at the blank paper under the palm of my hands, and close my eyes to sync in with my head.

Until…

Dear Dutch,

Liebst du mich noch?

And I don’t think again, but to fold it neat, seal it inside the envelope, and run to the postal box in front of my boarding house and send it away.

If only she loved me, what becomes of my heart to bury it away a long time ago?

It’s like any other morning that I would on my bike, riding through the calm Austria in the morning and heading to the bakery shop that I always visited from time to time since I was here. The wind is still chilling and the sound of the birds is colouring the atmosphere. These are the two things that I started to love to fill my morning, today and every day. It took only five minutes to reach the bakery shop and I was there, as always, when the crews started to brew the first batch of their finest coffee by 6:00.

“Mister Shoemaker!”

“Ah, good morning, sir! How are you feeling today?”

“That’s kind of to ask, young man, but I am fine! Do you want eclairs? We got it fresh from the oven!”

“I’ll take it along with the usual bread toast and… a milk, please.”

“Right away, young man!”

I claimed my usual spot near the window at the far end of the chair lines. I also brought my favourite go-to book to read while having my breakfast. I never thought I would love poems and classic novels when I set foot in Austria. Some of them came from Justine, it’s not that I didn’t try at all before she showered me with all this stuff.

Justine.

Will she answer my letter?

Will she still love me the way before?

Day by day, new letters come to my door. It’s strange when you think that you are falling apart, but then you are slowly resurfacing; rekindling the feeling, the blossoming love, you thought you wasted before. Even your heart is no more borrowed. It is owned now.

College days could be as hard as ever, but the hardest part even rolling you into the highest tide of spirit. Especially when you are not fighting it alone, with love and affection, you may able to conquer your storms of the day.

Now, riding my way back to my apartment is no longer an empty feeling anymore. I hope that this feeling will last, as it has ever been since the first time I admitted to the love I never knew I needed. The wind is giving an exciting chill as I slip my mind to every row of trees that I am passing through. My heart beats faster with happiness. I feel like a child; innocent, purely unburdened with life, and free.

When I reached my apartment, I checked the postal box immediately. As I expected, I got three letters from my beloved person: Gina, Mom, and of course, Justine.

I dive directly into Justine’s letter and leave the other two in the front cabinet in the entry room. When the envelope opened, I was greeted by the newest photo of her. She took a photo in front of her current residence in Switzerland, with a bright smile that beautifies the face I never once forget. Maybe there are some changes in her, but overall, she is who she is.

The letter inside talks mostly about her life and college journey. Not to mention that she also talked about her father’s growing business there and some of the new collection of her favourite books. Not a topic that will drive every person but I’m happy to know that she is walking and growing every day. Every little thing she mentioned could give me rejoice and the love surely expands.

… Maybe, I’ll send some of my newest collection for you to check out. I’m sure you’ll be feeling hooked! …

Wish you tons of wellness! … If maybe I could visit you there and have a day to spend just like in London back then! …

… Until the next letter, Germania!

Until then, for the heart that I hold so dear.

And I found the answer that I longed to read since the last time:

Yes. I still love you.

[nativadron]

Autumn Breezes (Part I)

pairings: Mick Schumacher/Justine Huysman, Mick Schumacher/original female character (later, as the story goes)

tags: mick schumacher, michael schumacher, justine huysman, corinna schumacher, gina-maria schumacher

disclaimer: this work is going to have several parts that I intended to share with you part by part (I hope I can share it with you sooner since I had it already in my draft and just to find the right time to do it!). At the moment, this is part 1 for you! Enjoy!

warnings: bullying, harsh language, labelling, racism, identity covering, identity crisis, anxiety, mild violence

note: this is an art of fanfiction. all images and lines displayed in this post belong to me as the author and the creator. you can also find me on Wattpad (@Hadiwasito16). feel free to visit my works (Winds of Summer is already published there!) and hit the vote button/comment as you like! Thank you!

--

London, 1958

It was a different time back then when I was still unable to learn what made my family a runaway. Things haven’t changed; I still live in the shadows. Being of German descent still makes me aware enough that I have eyes on me and they never should know who I am.

I am fourteen and never looked like I wanted to be doing my life; growing up and putting things as if they were more than a dream of thousand dreams of mine.

“Mick!”

“Yes, Dad?”

“Come! Help me with the machine, will you?”

My Dad, Michael, was a retired Air Commander of The Royal Air Force. He is now a local mechanic, opening a car shop in town and I will be a helping hand for a whole day at the weekend and I’m not even bored to do it. He is a determined worker, as he always had before. He is also selfless, knowing that a good heart will always bring goodness too.

“Dad?”

“How was it to be an Air Commander?”

Michael is sure that war stories are never a good thing to be told to children, even to his son. “There was nothing special of being a man that grew to lead a thousand men,”

“I was born to be lucky. That’s what I always believe.”

Being a fourteen-year-old kid is not something I would imagine to be some kind of exciting. For the first 13 years, I felt good surrounded by the ones I loved most. Then, I had to embrace the outside world as I started to reach my second year at a local secondary school. It is just about a mile or two from my home, so I will mostly ride my bike in the morning. Mama always packs me lunch and some snacks too, in case I have to stay longer for an extracurricular activity.

Today as any other day, I would be listed as the earlier student to get into school as I hate to be late. On my way to the classroom, I saw a girl who also caught me yesterday and the last year of my life here as a student and wondered why she was mostly spending her time alone and sitting there with her only favourite book. She seemed so content, only there was something that I couldn’t extract from her eyes but I felt sadness other than any I could recognise. If I may meet her again during the break time, I would try to make my first encounter with her and I hope I wouldn’t make it more uncomfortable for her.

“Look at now, a Shoemaker just landed!”

Unbelievable. As I think that my second year will be greater than ever, this boy and his fellow are a complete mess to ruin my day.

“As plainer as any Nazis could ever exist!”

“Even he didn’t know that he probably might be a Nazi!”

Some other students are putting this thing highly over me as they would describe me as someone of a non-English breed. It is true, only I never knew why they had to call me such. As much as I hate it, I’m still wondering too, whether I am of German descent that also got something behind it more than just an identity that made me of a man that walked this earth.

I let them by as if I never heard any mockery got my ears burned. As I turn to look at the same spot where the girl is sitting, our eyes meet and I can sense how much she gets questions about me. She doesn’t stay and walks away as the time for the class comes just right at the time.

Since I recognise myself as a bright-brainer, I never felt any class would be such an annoyance to my day. I would beat everything in a single go and pass it well. If I got stuck or found any difficulties, I would still manage to get through and done. The class is over and I run instantly out from the classroom to the school’s garden where the girl is mostly caught to spend her day there and I hope I can meet her.

As I am breathlessly trying to catch my breath, there she is, reading a book with a lunchbox in her lap. I regain all my thoughts and fix my posture before I finally walk down the path to claim my seat that is positioned across from her.

“Hello! Do you mind if I join you?”

I’ve never really been a good conversationist, but she looks at me hesitantly. She was a little bit tense, but then a welcoming smile reached her lips that offered to me and I couldn’t be more grateful to be welcomed by her. I hope this is some kind of gaining her trust towards me as I wish that this thing would go on since today’s encounter.

I unpack my lunchbox and dive instantly for the pasta carbonara that my mom made for me this morning. I also got an apple and some broccoli inside, which I am grateful for filling up my lunch break.

“That spaghetti isn’t telling much about you, I bet.”

I was about to have my first chew, but she stopped me. “Why is that? Do people measure a person’s identity from their food these days?”

She closes her book and secures it next to her. I reckon that she almost finished her lunch too, “Shoemaker, right? I bet you’re a true Englishman but not from London. You must be from The Isle of Scotland or maybe Ireland.”

I don’t care much about it as I take my first chew slowly. She waits for me, patiently and not even intimidating at all.

“Scotland? Never heard of people telling me that I am Scottish. Even worse, Ireland is far from expectation after all.”

“Really? Your name seemed fit.”

“My accent betrays me.”

“So does your appearance.”

That strikes me deeply. Fewer stings, but deep. If this is another way to get bullied, I would rather never listen to her anymore. “What do you think of me?”

“So, I’ve heard, but I don’t think less of you as any of boys did. You’re probably less English, but I never think that you are of a Nazi. What makes them define you as the lowly subject that earth ever had?”

“I am, too, not coming from here. Being Dutch is never a big thing, only I got labelled as Indische Conqueror, even though I got nothing correlated to my country’s actions.”

Her preaching weirdly touches me. I almost hate that she will be just like any other who throws a mock at my face, but she is turning out to be stuck in the same situation as I am. We are the commoners to the royals of the court, so it seems.

“I am Mick. Mick Shoemaker… as you’ve known.”

It’s always weird to be the one who offers a handshake, but she takes my hand delightfully. Her smile mirrors my comfort upon meeting her as everything began to loosen up and flow better between us.

“Justine Huysman.”

And the conversation goes on until we both realize that time makes us walk again to have another class.

I’ve grown better since I met Justine. I don’t know what it may be, but I haven’t decided any to be called feelings. I think we are fine. And I love to have her around without anything to worry about; which is, our feelings for each other.

“So, Justine… why they nicknamed you that?”

Justine shrugs, but that’s not because she didn’t get any idea of it. “Well, colonialism. Maybe you should listen to the radio daily and not stress about what you did with your Dad in his car shop.”

“Hey, it’s nothing to brag about! That’s my shared hobby with him, by the way.”

“Oh? Contradictive, it seems, considering your last name doesn’t suit your hobby in any way.”

“Stop that!”

“Okay, okay! I’m just being hilarious, that’s all!”

We’ve been riding our bikes together since our first day knowing each other. She enjoyed my company along the way on the way home, and so did myself. Sometimes, we take a different path just to make our ride last longer and feel the time well spent together. Time after time, it feels like I almost can’t think of having my day without her. But, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that she doesn’t call this anything but some kind of passable moment we have.

One day, it becomes harder to contain my burdened feelings about her. I decided to call it love. Her, as everything above stars and galaxies, is my first love.

We walk toward the sea of flowers that noon on Saturday, side by side while pushing our bikes slowly. The sun is amazingly bright but does not sting the skin. Justine brought me here and she said that this is her favourite spot to spend some time alone with her books. After quite a while, we finally sit and talk casually. I’m sharing about my work in the car shop and she tells me about her hometown back in the Netherlands. With such amazing eyes looking at me, she is sparkling with happiness and her precious memories about her past life there and I am touched.

I grow to adore her; her happiness, her sincerity, her selfless mind. And that’s the first time, without any doubt, I decided I couldn’t be a liar anymore. I can’t be hiding as I never know how to call it better when I never said the word.

“Ich hab dich lieb, Justine.”

It’s just blurted out. I don’t even feel any single guilt upon confessing my true feelings toward her.

“You spoke German?”

“What?”

“Did you just speak German?”

I knew that I shouldn’t, I knew that this would be a mistake, “I… I did.”

She holds my hand. I am looking at her, feeling extremely scared and I can feel my cheeks flushed, but then she greets me with a smile. Still, I don’t even know what it means until she envelops both of my hands and holds them all together.

“I’ve loved you first, Mick.”

And my heart never felt the same as the past weeks before; restless and blue. She puts a beat that I never want to trade for another. And I don’t feel insecure or betrayed by my surroundings for the first time.

“How?”

“I guess it just comes as a resolution of meeting someone that had the same fate in an unexpected place, Mick.” 

And I kiss her there, for the first time when the autumn breeze blows.

-

After our last meeting, I didn’t see her at school. I’ve grown weary as if I never got to see her again. What if it’s true? Or, what if she is not seeing through what we had as one?

“Hey, Shoemaker!”

I was in the middle of a hurry when all those bullies called me. I don’t spare my time for them and keep running, but they pull me out of the hallway and slam me against the wall in the bathroom.

“Don’t you dare to call us off, you Nazi!”

“I don’t have time for this, I have to go home.”

“Home? I don’t see why you have to go home early.”

“That’s why you just don’t see it why!”

“So, what? You want to run to the Nazi Dad of yours to find help?”

Nazi.

Nazi.

Nazi.

I am nothing Nazi. I have never been such.

“I am not a Nazi!”

That was the first time I called myself to hit them. I don’t care if I have to be bruised, but I will walk away free and justify how much I hate to be labelled something that I am not even a part of.

“I AM NOT A NAZI!”

I can finally feel how much I loved to stand up for myself, but they still had the upper hand and I am the minor. I have fought for what I believed I was not, yet they are still unbeatable. They knocked me out when I thought I would be the winner. It’s like I don’t have a chance to be alive anymore: to feel equal and free as I have always been.

“Blue-eyed Nazi!”

“Dirty Aryan!”

“Go back to Germany!”

I never thought I would cry wholly when they are beaming at me, madly satisfied that their mockery hits me.

How do they know that I am German?

Why did they call me a Nazi?

I don’t even know that I am an Aryan breed.

I don’t even know if I had a place I called home in Germany.

“Hey! What is going on here?!”

And that’s when the hitting stops. I can taste bile in my mouth, even my eyesight is far from better. I try to get up, but only get to fall again. But at least, I get to see Justine that stands there but still so far to reach out.

And I pass out.

-

The next time I woke up, I saw my mom with a worry-plastered face. Dad is not so different, even. Gina is the worst. I am hurt, but not so deep as my aching pride upon seeing them together here makes me even smaller.

“No, you better lay still, son.”

“Dad, it is—” Yes, it hurts. Even my eyes were barely able to see. But at least, I am not fading.

“I told you. It’s all going to be fine if you lay still.”

“Why you weren’t at school?” I know, I am supposed to worry about my condition, but I can’t let my mind slide and not ask her why she is here instead of school.

“Mick, you were being silly, you know that?”

“I—well, still, you’re supposed to be at school.”

“Stop it. Both of you. It’s not time for arguing.”

“We’re not arguing—” and that sounds weirder than ever to have the same word thrown over at the same time with a person who is not on the same page with you.

“Dad, it is not me who started all—”

“I knew you didn’t, son. You would have not.”

Still, it doesn’t give me the reassurance I want. I’m afraid he didn’t believe me. And I know that I am never good at reasoning.

“My dearest, I’d like to speak with Mick briefly.”

“I will take Gina to the cafeteria. Do you want anything?”

“No, thank you, my love. We’ll be fine.”

Dad takes a spot on the edge of the bed and sits comfortably as he lays one of his hands on my leg. He doesn’t seem to be angry with me or hold a grudge to the recent event.

“I would never ask whom or when the event happened. I just want to know if you are all right,” He knows all too well that asking for details will only ruin everything for me and I did appreciate that.

“I just want to know if our presence here is nothing to make you feel that you are smaller than the ones who did this to you. You are loved. That’s all you have to understand.”

“What if it’s not what it looks like? What if these will only make them consider that I am nothing but a weak boy?”

“You are not weak. You found help and we will always help you. Nothing will ever change that, Mick.”

It’s like time changing. Too fast, barely there to breathe and bask in. It is slipping out of my touch. Now I’m here, looking in the mirror and taking a long deep breath to start another new page of the journey. School is another thing I enjoy as the bullies are moving out. They get a bright future ahead as their parents pursue their goals somewhere better than in The United Kingdom. We made amends, though. That’s what relieves me the most.

Justine is making everything easy, too. I never ask for such a blessing to come right at me, but she sure is. And we grow closer.

“So, what’s in your head at the moment?”

We are staring at the sun above us with our eyes closed, basking in the light, with our hands entwined as we lie side by side in the grass. We never thought that months after our first encounter, it would become a thing that I would adore and nurture. I’m sure I wouldn’t be the same man if I hadn’t met her in the first place.

“I’m thinking of surviving school, of course!”

She laughs as if she didn’t intend to do the same thing. “Well, we both will! But, what’s ahead of everything we had at the moment?”

There, I am sure I haven’t thought about anything at the moment, of what lies ahead of me. It’s almost pointless and to be not disturbed by becoming a hard thinker, is surely peculiar.

“I can only say nothing,”

“Nothing?”

“But surely, I am grateful we are in the present moment. Together. Surviving.”

“Surviving… yes, we both are.”

I hold her hand, beam at the sight and feel silly for being in love with someone I used to call a friend. She smiles, surely sending a thousand watts of happiness that justifies my everlasting love for her. Maybe, in another year, I could look back and call this a fling.

Or maybe, I could let this memory alive and call this real love.

That dusk, we ride our bicycles together, side by side and holding each other’s hands. Justine is smiling all the way home and I don’t even bother to look at it for another year if God allows me.

“See you sooner, Germania!”

“See you sooner, Dutch!”

I swear that she can be the only one who called me Germania.

--

“Mick! Oh, where have you been?”

“You know I won’t go anywhere far, Dad. How’s today?”

“Let me take a look at you.”

I am as red as a tomato, fell in love, and am extremely happy with the person who bought my love back. What is there to hide?

“You are… okay, I suppose?”

“Indeed, I am.” A cheeky one. I can’t even let my Dad mock me for being in love.

“Who’s the other girl?”

Oh, here it comes. “My friend. A dear friend, I could say.”

“And her name is?”

“Justine. She’s Dutch.”

“Nederlander? Are you sure?”

“Yes, Dad. She is.”

“She seems a good companion.”

“Oh, Dad, please—”

“I’m not teasing you! I know she is well-mannered and surely raised in a better family environment.”

“That is the fact.”

“All right, get washed up and be ready for dinner. Your mother is waiting for you.”

“Be there a minute, Dad!”

“So, you met a girl?”

“Seems everyone is conspiring to know about my days recently.”

“No, Mick. I saw you too, don’t you realise?”

“I bet you do.”

Even Gina is not looking less like my Dad. She is digging something. “There is nothing I could tell about her. I am trying to get to know her more.”

“I am convinced that she does the same way as you.”

“I just—I’m afraid I lost her before I knew her.”

Gina walks forward and gently squeezes my shoulders, “I don’t think she will leave you.”

“How do I know she won’t?”

“Believe is not something hard to do, is it?”

“No, it isn’t.” I smile.

“Now, that looks better! So, how about some more tea?”

“Yes, please.”

[nativadron]

A very basic teaser of gif. image compilations that represents "Autumn Breezes".

Hope that will add up some hype to your excitement upon waiting the work to be published!

// nativad //

[nativadron]

Hello! I'm back and I kinda want to give you all update to "Winds of Summer" sequel: "AUTUMN BREEZES". This is an on-progress fanfiction that I've been holding for too long and I hope I could post it here once I am done writing! If you probably have an interest to check it out, hit me some support here by hitting the like button and that would be much appreciated! Thank you! :) <3

[nativadron]

It's sneak peek time for you, guys! Well, I have been unactive for a while, but this one is worth the wait! I've been writing a sequel to Winds of Summer and you guess what, the story will still continue around the life of The Shoemaker! By the way, what do you think of Mick sporting 1950s casual men style? Let me know what you think! Cheers! :))))

P.S. : I've grown too much to love to do a re-face thing!

[nativadron]

Recently, I've been obsessed with Glory (1989) by Edward Zwick. This movie had a place in my heart that I never thought I'd be fallen in love, especially with the storyline, the characters, and the core aesthetic of the uniform of The Union Army. This is not my first time knowing and loving The Union Army since I had watched "Grant", a documentary that aired on History Channel back in 2021 (if I wasn't wrong). So, here is a short glimpse that I can share here with you all to appreciate Mister Zwick's masterpiece that ever witnessed by the world! Enjoy!

[nativadron]

Alright, people! Since we had a blast of making edits of Formula 1 driver wearing a classic World War II British Armed Forces (recently, we got two!) and I decide that this one is special! Thank you so much for the ones that put a like on my recent fanfiction and this one is for you, Lance Stroll in The British Royal Army's World War II uniform.

PS: Should I start a series of Formula One drivers in World War II uniform? Let me know your insights here! Thank you.

[nativadron]

Aaaaannnndddd, this is Michael Shoemaker a.k.a Michael Schumacher in British Royal Air Force World War II uniform. I think this could be the photograph of his early days with The Royal Air Force, considering that this can't be the uniform of an Air Commandant. Cheers!

[nativadron]

Well, well, everyone... Not my fault, but this one is an edit for you (specially made for you who liked my recent fanfiction, "Winds of Summer"), this is Lieutenant Ralph Shoemaker a.k.a Ralf Schumacher in British Royal Army's World War II uniform! :)))))

[nativadron]

GIANCARLO FISICHELLA, NICK HEIDFELD, MICHAEL SCHUMACHER, RALF SCHUMACHER, KIMI RÄIKKÖNEN, JOS VERSTAPPEN, AND MIKA HÄKKINEN observe a minute of silence in remembrance of the victims of the terrorist attacks in the United States before the Italian Grand Prix on September 16, 2001.

[nativadron]

random things #1

yes, you are right! not that i’m changing the last name of ‘schumacher’ that sounds more German into a very English version, ‘shoemaker’ and you are free to tell me everything about this! 

i felt like an idiot, but this served me some purpose since i write fan fiction and to generalise and give life to characters! hahaha. 

be advised: i did this out of any intention to change someone’s identity. it’s all a temporary purpose. 

have a great day all! 

[nativadron]

Winds of Summer

character pairings: ralf schumacher/cora caroline brinkmann (cora schumacher), michael schumacher/corinna schumacher, rolf schumacher/elisabeth schumacher, paul di resta/laura jordan 

character tags: ralf schumacher, michael schumacher, paul di resta, heinz-harald frentzen, timo glock, corinna schumacher, cora schumacher, rolf schumacher, elisabeth schumacher, mick schumacher, gina-maria schumacher, david schumacher, niki lauda, nigel mansell (mentioned)

warnings: war violence/brutality, racism, anxiety, gun violence, physical violence

note: I’ll try my best to update this post to make you all comfortable while reading it (of course, after you discovered this post, somehow!). I’m sorry if you found grammatical errors here and there, because I’m not much of an English master, but I don’t mind learning for everything! Thank you to the ones who enjoyed this fanfiction, I really appreciate it! And now, I’ll be giving you a cover that I made for this work! Cheers! 

--

    My name is Ralf. Short story, I’d like to be a lone wolf because the crowd makes me exhausted. When we visited Africa, there was a place where I can be myself whole fully. It’s a family retreat villa and we would visit there twice to three times a month. Strolling the land with my brother, Michael would be something I always loved while I spend my time there.

“Have you thought what high school would look like?” Michael always be the one who checks up on me, even though it feels boring, but I found it as my source of calmness when I got nothing to run to inside my head.

“High school? Never really indulge me to get to know all about it.” It sounds silly, but I found my self-esteem low and lower unlike ever.

“It’s okay. But it won’t treat you badly, I promise. You’ll meet someone and grow. Besides, you’ll go to the same boarding school as me.”

Boarding school? “Pardon? Boarding school?” High school isn’t hearing cringe to me, but, boarding school? What does that even look like?

“Yes. Poland is not so different from Germany. You’ll love it.” Michael encourages me with a nudge to my waist.

The next time we are leaving Africa, it feels less exciting just like when I felt excited to embrace home again. On the train, I keep staring out the window, watching the trees and the houses fold like paper towns. I clutch tight to my little toy soldiers, which always remind me of childhood and give me strength in my vulnerable times.

I’ve never seen so much of Poland. Our Mother brings us here to visit our relatives, The Glock family.

“Greetings! Come, come! We have served a warm blueberry pie!”

“Ah, what a lovely home! Thank you for all of these!”

“This is not all, though! We have more to come! Make yourself at home!”

“Timo!”

“Ralf! It’s been a long time, is it?” the last time we met was when we were still kids, barely able to talk through anything and now we’re here, growing as early teenagers.  Michael is about to go to college, too.

“You’ll go to Barrenhaus too?” I feel insecure when I have to talk near the crowds, even though the crowds are my family. Timo understands that.

“Ralf, you’ll be fine. I’m glad you asked because we will be in the same place. Can you imagine that?” Timo is floating flat on the lake while I’m sitting on the edge of it.

“But you are down under. I’ll be with others that probably not so fun as you.”

Timo slaps the water and swims back to the edge, “It’s not so hard when you are growing old. You just need to shrug off and look at the bright side.”

That’s the last time I talked to Timo and I never know where he is because he never attends Barrenhaus. Michael knew how disappointed I was and convinced me that maybe Timo had a reason for not being here with me.

I could say that Barrenhaus was not so bad, yes, just like Michael told me before. I spent my years there without even falling into every stomping stone I should step into. I had eureka moments and I never really regretted being sent here. I just turned 21 when I came back to Germany and everything is different; kids around town were sporting brown uniforms like they are in Boy Scouts. Some of them are teenagers, younger and fresh. I’m heading out to grab some bread and milk and also catch up with some job vacancies that are probably displayed on the Town Wall Information site.

I decide to postpone college as I want to fund myself and that’s a promise; I want to do it right for myself and let my parents worry less about me. Michael is working at the factory now as The Head of Engineers since he put a high interest in engineering and machinery. I’m cycling to the usual bakery and he knew that my Mother is a regular customer there.

“Hello. The usual, please, and three bottles of fresh milk.”

“Ralf! How’s your day? Busy?” Mister Lauda. He is always a warm welcome to everyone’s busy and rough day. Today is quite busy, but I’m not even having a scratch. Consider myself lucky.

“What’s to do with the kids around town now? I’ve never seen the colour they are sporting these days, sir.”

“I called it Brown Legionaries, but it’s quite fancy, eh?” He packs up my bread in a paper wrapping and picks three bottles of fresh milk from the shelves.

“Sorry? Brown Legionaries? What is that?”

Mister Lauda is holding up something, I believe. “How much for everything, sir?”

“Still the same price, young man. And today, you’ll bring some butter for your Mama. Here,” he hands the bags to me. How delicate he is to give some of his special product at a time when everything almost running out for everyone.

“Some butter? Mister Lauda, I’m sure you need it more than we do.” I’m fishing up inside the bags to return the butter, but he ensures me that it’s an appreciation gift for being a kind customer through times. He is grateful to serve some of his finest homemade products.

“Just make sure you will have great festivities even though it’s not a time of celebration, young Ralf.”

“Thank you, sir. Have a good day!” We always have time to hug and he felt like a grandfather figure I missed throughout the years since he passed away a long time ago.

I head out to grab my bike and some of the people in black and brown uniforms storm the store. I watch the scene in front of my eyes as two personnel dragging Mister Lauda out of his store. I can’t just watch, so I drop the goods and run to him.

“Stop! Stop all of this! What are you going to do to him?” I try to reach out to Mister Lauda, but they keep pushing away my arms from him and clearly, I am not welcomed by them.

When they are finally pushing me hard and away, one of the personnel is eyeing me with such disgrace as if I’m doing something wrong to save a man from the harm they do. “Young man, you have no idea how dangerous he is.”

I’m not listening to him well as I’m seeing myself bleeding. The punch tore my lower lip and got my jaw hurt enough. My eyes were full of tears as I saw them drive away and take Mister Lauda away.

“You better stay away from the mice now, young man. They are not better than your blood.” He gives me his hand, to help me stand up, but I’m not even taking it. I’m confused and I’m not taking it in.

He turns back to his sedan and leaves with the driver he came with. I’m getting more ashamed when I realized that every person in the corner witnessed what had happened to me in the last minutes. I’m covering my bloodied mouth and running to my bike when suddenly Michael crosses the street and sees me in a mess. He drops off his bike and I feel like I’m stranded somehow and I can’t breathe.

“Ralf, what happened? Why are you bleeding?”

I’m turning away my face, avoiding him from getting an insight into me. I’m breathing rapidly as I’m fetching back the shopping bags. I’m not even answering him, I just don’t want to.

“Ralf, look at me!” That was the first time I heard Michael scream in front of me. That takes me a second as I’m flying back to the last minute when those people screamed harshly at Mister Lauda and yelled some words that never allowed ever to my way of thinking. So I dodge Michael away, take my bike, and ride as fast as I can.

Never know that I have to witness one more person that I knew to be taken away. Timo was never heard from again and now Mister Lauda has to be gone too. The roads seem so hard to conquer and I feel a strange shiver and cold on my cheeks from my tears as I ride against the wind.

“Ralf!” Michael is riding to catch up with me, but I don’t even want to talk through what had happened, I don’t care to share. I’m speeding up even though my legs start to complain. I just want to be away from Michael, from everyone if I can.

“Ralf, please! We can talk about this!”

Just when I’m about to take a sharp turn, I’m shocked to meet a truck speeding up in front of me and I hit the brake hard and fall from my bike against the hard cold pavement. Never thought that rain could be so beautiful, even on your worst day. I didn’t notice that I have stopped crying and the last thing I remember is that Michael is there beside me.

-

The hospital is uncomfortable for me. My ears ringing, I guess it’s a lonely attack coming; nonsense, but it’s happening when you are too silent and the ambience of the room that only greets your ears. That’s that. And then, Michael comes in. I felt terrible for being rude and I was unstable, but there is no room to run now. I can barely feel my feet too.

“Michael, I’m sorry. I just don’t mean to be like this—”

“One thing that I’m relieved to see is that you are awake now. That’s all I ask because I’m not ready,” he hugs me and my inner child hurts as if I never got a love from a family, from my brother. Things are pretty hard for me to understand sometimes, but Michael, again, always be there for me.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I should’ve not run away, you were just asking how I was. I’m sorry.”

“You are having a rough day, I didn’t see it too. I am sorry, Ralf, I should be the one who says it.”

It is sour to my taste when the doctor refuses to release me immediately and I’m afraid Mother to find out everything. Michael tried everything, but then decide to stay with me and he will do the explanation later when we get home.

“Look at you. Feeling miserable already?”

Indeed, I am, dressing in a white hospital gown like a scarecrow because the gown is two sizes bigger than mine. “Don’t laugh at my idiocy look, I refuse to be remembered even in your memory.”

“Actually, you are good at wearing it,” Michael is Michael. Feeling bored and starting to make your day more miserable even.

“Especially got paler never been so adorable for a patient but you are different.”

“Stop it!”

“Are you sure this is not a winning aspect for you?”

“No! Stop it now!”

Laughing like a free child is something we never got to do recently, only this time we got a warning from a nurse. We both covered our mouths with our hands in a funny gesture to mock her. Just when she is about to report us, we both hide under the blankets and almost tear the bed in two as we cramped up together in a small bed and still laughing cheekily.

That morning when I woke up, Michael was still tucked safe and sound beside me. I was surprised this bed even still hold us together. A nurse comes and sees what seems to be unusual to her eyes. Before she can protest, I hold out my hand, “My brother is sleeping. Give him some space. Thank you.”

My legs aren’t so bad anymore, I can walk better than yesterday. The hospital ward is silent, so I decide to get out and have some fresh air. I am walking around until I meet a person I’m familiar with; Corinna, Michael’s fiancée.

“Ralf?”

I turn my back on her, not because I don’t want to talk to her, but because I feel bad to meet her while I’m not fit at all. I clutch my hospital gown hard, feeling nervous and confused at the same time. I never thought that a young lady, especially a young lady, could be so mesmerizing in a man’s eyes. Maybe that’s what Michael felt about her.

“Ralf, what happened to you?” I noticed she saw my bruised lip and jaw and that’s not good indeed. I’m not even ready to elaborate, it’s just not my time.

“You work in here?” I blurt out, literally unarranged to start a conversation.

“Yes, I’m a nurse. I work in the west building of this hospital. Do you have someone with you?”

“Maybe that’s a reason why Michael brought me here,” I murmured to myself while looking at my toes. “This must be the only answer why.”

“Ralf? You haven’t answered me. What happened?”

I scratch my head, trying to figure out a line, but my head refuses. “Ah, it’s not something you should worry about. I fell accidentally from the stairs and these happened.”

“Okay… is someone with you?” Of course, she can worry about anything right now as I am struggling a little to stand upright now and Michael is still sleeping.

“Michael is with me, he was the one who brought me here yesterday.”

“We better get back to your ward, can you show me the way?”

She assists me by holding my hand along the way back to my ward. I feel like I’m not deserving of all this, it’s like I’m stealing something that does not belong to me. Michael probably agreed with my view about this. When we arrived, Corinna decides to re-dressing the bandage on my right temple and I felt more dumb than ever because I got hurt more than I expected from the man who hit me yesterday.

And Michael awakes, “Good morning, Ralf.”

“Morning, Michael. Sleep better there?”

I can see how blushing red he is upon meeting his fiancée just after he wakes up, “Corinna? Your shift is up early?”

“Yes, they need a handful of nurses to take care of the patients on the west side of the building. Are you in need of anything?”

“No, you can help Ralf. I’m okay.”

I witness something I’ve never witnessed before; a true love between two people. I learn that this could give some colours to carry on life. At this time around, you don’t know which one could sweep you off from your rightful place because lately evil has taken in and the world is not the same joyful place I used to know when I was a kid. What happened between Michael and Corinna must have happened to our parents when they were younger like us.

“There, Ralf, you are good now. Do you want something for breakfast? I can bring some and maybe we can have some talks here. I’m on my break time, don’t worry.”

“Some bread and coffee will do us better, thank you.”

“Okay, watch him closely. He is still unfit to walk around alone. I’ll be back in a minute.”

I bit my lip as I turn to face Michael. He is still red as a tomato, “Never expected that this could be a date. But I’m watching you with her? What would that be?”

“Ralf, seriously? She comes just try to be a big help, I’m not using her kindness to make her in trouble!”

“You are not a good talker when you are blossoming!”

“Stop it, Ralf!”

“I’m coming back for what you did yesterday! Now I’m not so miserable looking like a scarecrow!”

“Ralf, don’t you dare!”

Shortly, I am finally discharged from the hospital. Michael decides to ride the bicycle for us. All along the way back, he comes to ask me about yesterday’s event.

“I’m so sorry that you have to witness Mister Lauda to be taken away, but, what did you do so you got yourself hurt?”

Michael could feel my clutches on his jacket a little tighter now as I’m surfing for words inside my head. I’m not even ready to tell him about yesterday, but neither of us could wait because our parents are probably worried enough already since they weren’t having us back since.

“I wanted to stop them from taking Mister Lauda away. I couldn’t let them do it.”

Michael sighs while keep pushing the pedals steady, “Ralf, you know I was worried about you, I thought you were the one they took away. I couldn’t forgive myself if they did.”

“But what makes Mister Lauda has to be taken and ripped out from his rightful place? He paid for his living, he built it from the ground up. They shouldn’t do it to him.”

“We have to look for ourselves. Do you hear me? What happened to Mister Lauda, I couldn’t even digest it, I’m not accepting it just like you do. But right now, we have to look for ourselves better than anyone. No one can touch us.”

I get a warm hug as soon as we arrived at our home. Mother was worried as she had never been. “Where two of you have been? I’m worried much, you must know that!”

“We are here now, Mother. That’s a relief!” Just like Michael had promised, he’d do the talking.

“Michael, you knew the streets aren’t safe now, son! What had happened to your brother, even?”

Michael smiles faintly because he knows that their mother only needs reassurance that everything is under control, “Mother, we’re fine. Ralf is fine. I did what I did to protect us whenever we are. No one can touch us, remember?”

Michael hugs her and he also invites me to join in. Father just come in when we are still hugging each other and he can’t be more grateful enough when everyone is gathering and safe at home.

“I’m thankful you are always dependable. I know you will always be.”

“It’s my duty, Father. That will always be.”

At least, home is where I can lay my body better than in the hospital. The warmth of the blanket is also better compared to the thin one back there. I throw my eyes to an old photograph I had with Timo when I was 10 and he was 3 years old. I had him on my lap and we both candidly pictured together Michael standing on the back of the chair where we sat on it.

“Sky is not so different wherever you are, but I miss you, Timo.”

Timo is always like a little brother to me, just as I looked up to Michael as he is a big brother to me.

One day, I got myself a job as an assistant librarian. I got paid daily and the money did enough to save some of our family’s grocery and daily needs and I save some for my college tuition, just as I promised to myself. I got home from a busy day and crossed my Father’s office downstairs when I heard him talking with Michael about moving away to some places where no one can find us or harm us.

When I heard ‘us’, I’m not certain whether it is ‘us’ as a whole family or—

“You have to bring Ralf with you. No one can know your surname. Right now, you are just plain young men and never mention your hometown no matter who the person asked you. Do you understand?”

“But, Father, how long does this have to be? Ralf is big enough to know now, you can’t always hide from him, do you? I’m sure he can understand how important the secret is to be carried by each of ourselves!”

“You, my sons, are the last person they are looking for to establish the country permanently and I never had my word for that man to lead our country into an ashtray! Never!”

“I’ve been carrying this with me forever and now, I’m giving this to you. This is your haven, your last hope to seek safety when you got nowhere to go. Go wherever, but don’t come back to Germany because they won’t let you live.”

And the bell of our front door rings. I’m retreating myself against the wall and walking away to get the door.

“Yes? Who is it?”

I heard Michael and Father rushing from the inside of the office and when the front door is open, I see the same men, dressed in black and brown uniforms just like the men who took Mister Lauda away. Not to mention, the person who hurt me was also present in front of our door.

“The Schumachers? Am I right? You must be young Ralf.”

I turn my head to look at my Father, but before he can reach me and drag me away, the man already got me first.

“You are not taking away my sons with you! I would never let you!”

“What is it so hard to have your word so we can be a country? We are Germans, you can only give a word and we all be at peace, Rolf.”

“Heinrich, you won’t get a word and use my sons to get it! Now, let go of Ralf! Don’t you dare hurt him!”

“Father, what is happening here?”

“Let go of my brother, you dirty bunch of Nazis!”

“The last descendants of The House of Habsburg are always interesting and this is not a protest, this is a polite invitation to meet The Fuhrer. Now, will you come with us?”

“Let me go!”

“Not before a word from your dear Father, young man. What say you?”

“No! You are not taking my son! Let go of him, NOW!”

The grips are strong enough to make me uncomfortable and I know I can’t let him touch me again just like that day he threw me on the side of the street while I was trying to help Mister Lauda. So I fight him, give him a hard hit on the gut and run to Michael as I also grab my Father’s hand.

“Mama! Mama! We have to go!”

Michael pockets the thing that Father had given him but I don’t know what it is exactly as he treats it like something precious. When we are reaching the kitchen, they got Mother and there, our last hope to run away is broken into pieces.

“I knew Heinz is dependable to carry on my duties on the field. Want to witness more?”

They hit Mother.

Not once, but three times.

My memory about Mister Lauda knocks me again and I can’t let them do harm any further.

“You don’t hit her, you animals! Let her go!”

“Ralf, control yourself!”

“Michael, look after your brother!”

Heinrich goes to the middle of us, witnessing what is undone and he is less satisfied. He drops another and there I can’t let him. No more.

I grab Mother, but he got me first, again, slaps me hard and throw me far to the lines of the kitchen cabinet afar.

“You are in a tight situation, Rolf. Look what this has made me do to your disobeyed son.”

“Please. No one has to get hurt. Please…”

“Then give me your word! GIVE me!”

Never once before I saw a man cry and the man is my Father. Have I experienced heartbreak myself, I wish I never saw someone, especially my Father, crying in front of my eyes because of something unable to be endured.

“You will and have to let my sons go, swear never to hurt and touch them, then I’ll give you my word. YOU HAVE TO!”

“Rolf, you won’t… You can’t let them…”

“Elisabeth, you are not in control and let me do what I have to do. I—I can’t lose you. I can’t lose our sons.”

“You don’t trade with me! Give me YOUR WORD!”

“YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, Heinrich!”

“Father, please…”

“No, Michael! This has to be done but you won’t be the one to carry the burden!” Father steps up to face Heinrich. I felt beaten and utterly irritated to my blood as I prepared just in case he hurts Father.

“You let my sons go and I’ll give you my word. Let them run away or I never surrender anything at all.”

“Deal.”

“No, Father! If we have to go, you are going with us too!”

“Michael. Just run and bring Ralf with you. You won’t and never return, you hear me, son?”

“No, Father, please…”

“Just listen to your brother, Ralf.”

“Everyone steps away. Let The Princes go. No hunting, no chase. You are free to go.”

“I won’t go, not with Father!”

“Ralf, listen to your Father! You are going away, son!”

“Let The Princes go. Nobody moves.”

“Michael, you can’t let them take them away! Please!”

“Ralf, we have to go. Now.”

“You have to save them! We can’t leave them behind!”

Michael just keeps helping me wear the winter jacket and he doesn’t say a word anymore. His eyes are red with tears but he can’t crack any time now. He just ignores me and does not even look me in the eye.

“I don’t want to go!”

“I’d better be dead, but don’t hurt them! Michael, let me go!”

“Go. Don’t go back. Take care, my sons.”

No matter how hard I beg Michael to do something, he keeps dragging me away from the house. We are reaching the ranch when I am finally able to break free and make my way to run back to the house but only to fall and hit the ground while shocked upon hearing gunshots from the inside of the house.

“No. No!”

“Ralf! We have to go, NOW!”

“Chase and hunt The Princes! Take them alive or dead!”

“We can’t stop now, Ralf! We have to keep running!”

It takes six months for us to find safer grounds to mend our broken souls together. We tried several places but never once Michael uses the thing that Father gave him to ask for a haven for us wherever we go. Now we are building our lives on British soil, on the outskirts of London.

Two months earlier, we threw away our identity. Forget our surnames and change into a new one; Shoemaker, instead of Schumacher which sounds more German and we don’t want that as everyone may as well put us under scrutiny once they found out we are Germans. We rent a cottage from a decent old man with a family name Mansell. World War II has been rough and a sensation in every news flash in the paper and not a day Michael reminds me how important for us to keep our identity discreet.

“Michael?”

“Is there anything I can help, Ralf?”

He is making his way back to the kitchen after a full day of nurturing the crops in the back of the cottage while I am busy nursing the chickens and the cows. I am sitting now in one of the dining chairs, waiting for him until he claims one.

“Mind letting me learn about the event from six months ago? I knew I was missing something and it’s got to do with my readiness upon receiving the fact. What is it to do with our family?”

I can see the expression on Michael’s face that he realized, sooner or later, I will ask him about this. He is tensing, maybe he isn’t completely forgetting the roughness we had before, but he knows better how hard I also dealt with it. He takes a deep breath, his hands entwined on top of the dining table.

“Did you hear that Heinrich Frentzen called us ‘The Princes’? That’s because we are,”

“What do you mean, we are ‘The Princes’? What about Habsburg they mentioned?”

“We are The Last Princes of The House of The Habsburg. Our family is still in line with The House of Habsburg and The Nazis won’t let us live because we are the ones who prevent them to build a fascist country.”

“We are of royalty?”

“Simple as that. And this is—” Michael shows me the secret seal that Father had given him back on that day. The seal of The House of Habsburg.

“This is the secret seal. This is the thing that will save us when we are in danger. Just as I hope we came into the right place.”

I touch the seal delicately with my fingers, processing every word Michael exchanged with me. Never thought we are something bigger than I thought. With these facts Michael shared, it feels harder to carry me everywhere as I am already cautious wherever I go even though we are far away from home.

“Did Mama die that day?”

Michael knows that I know the answer. We heard the gunshots as if we refused that they weren’t dead, but they are dead. They are dead and won’t come back to meet us here where we can finally live as normal people. Even though we are safe so far, not a day I felt safe under our roof of cottage even. And I start to have nightmares, more than I can count. I felt slowly decreasing without a job or things to do but only nursing the chickens and the cows, sometimes I’m afraid I hurt myself in the shadow of the depression I never want to admit to Michael or anyone else if they asked me.

“I’m so sorry, Ralf…”

“I am so sorry…”

Crying heals as much as a warm hug from your loved ones. Though I am depressed, I am never more grateful to survive every day with Michael beside me.

A year has passed and we started to settle in better. Things slowly change and grow for us. We have almost everything back, but then Michael got to go out from the niche I thought we would strongly keep together. He decides to enlist and serves with The Royal Air Force. He said that he needed to do something instead of hiding and reminiscing about our past in Germany.

Michael made out and served with The Royal Air Force just like he wanted. I remembered upon his first six months of desk duties, he got so tired of doing air jets maintenance for a full day at the air base. During his time with The Royal Air Force, I am working in a small bookshop in the town and it is the same thing I did back when I was still in Germany. All I need just to patch one or two things together and I will be just fine.

An air raid is the thing that keeps everyone unable to sleep at night. One day Michael is not at home and I face the night alone, hiding in the bunker we made days before in the back near our crops yard. The only thing that keeps me on the ground is the picture of Mother and Father that I hold dearly throughout the meanest night when the bombs hit the town. I even cry all alone as I silently pray that I want Michael safe out there and I’ll be seeing him again whatever happens.

My prayer is answered when I heard a sound calling me and a set of hands enveloped me with a warm hug in the morning inside the bunker. Michael comes home. He is covered with dirt and scratches, but he is coming back. I can’t imagine if I have to lose someone dearly again.

One fine day, I decided to also serve with the armed forces, only I chose The Royal Army. I realize I can’t sit still too, just like Michael ever said. I was so sure for a night I didn’t sleep when I decided to tell him that I would go, but when I stand to write my name on the list, I feel my hand shiver. I look to my shoulder to find Michael who stands far away behind me, giving me one last encouragement that I can do it.

Without further ado, I sign my name.

I am expecting to be sent out to the front lines, but they never sent me away. They keep me on headquarters and assign me as a radioman for the army intelligence. I experience boredom in my first six months, but then they let me handle the incoming and outgoing sources later on. For nearly a year, they promote me to be a Lance Corporal and I keep ascending through the ranks.

Michael is a Flight Lieutenant now. I am happy upon hearing about his promotion through the letter we exchanged, but I am getting worried more as he flies more too. When I got my day off and plan to visit him at the air base, I’m not always lucky to meet him there as he is often in the middle of a mission and I will only drive back home.

Through up and downs, he shared with me as a pilot, I am glad he can still come home. And he also told me that Corinna is in town and he will bring me along with him to meet her. After so many years separated, they meet again in the same soil where they can be enveloped by safety and security. Above all, their love for one another reunited.

Michael marries her in autumn and I am no more than a happy brother to serve as his best man on his wedding day. It is a simple marriage ceremony that is set in the back of our cottage. Michael is sporting his Royal Air Force uniform and Corinna is wearing a traditional wedding dress she got from her mother that was also descended from her mother’s mother.

Two years of me serving in The Royal Army as a senior radioman for the intelligence division has brought me back to my plan; to pursue a higher education—going for a university degree. I ask my commander to pursue the degree while I’m serving and I’m glad he lets me do it. I take Literature just to strengthen my way of learning more about linguistics and my way of pursuing the intelligence field. I stumbled in the middle year of my university journey, but I make my way through. I never thought that I can also bounce back faster to get on track and even speed up things that I was supposed to reach in four years of study.

Michael is there when I graduated from university. Bachelor of Arts for only three and half years of pursuing. And for the first time in years, we have a photograph as a family; a whole new family of me, Michael, and his wife, Corinna that now expecting their first child. I’m crying on my way back to base as I’m wishing for Mother and Father to be here when I’m celebrating.

The happiness is not stopping yet as I get my promotion to Sergeant seven months after. Michael invites me to his new home with Corinna to celebrate my promotion. Since then, I feel better than ever as I’m slowly crawling out from my hurtful memories and scars. I’m thankful that I can still sense kindness and love after I struggle to come back as a whole person.

“Congratulations! You are in the big league now, aren’t you?”

“Not that I can feel a senior now, I refuse. My days being a subordinate are much easier, to be honest.” I sip my tea carefully and then take a bite of a blueberry pie that Corinna baked for us.

“Tell me, Ralf, are you expecting some duties outside the headquarters?”

“No, Ma’am, I don’t. When I say I don’t, it’s because I haven’t had any sign of whether they will send me out, but I hope I can stay.”

“Besides, I hope the war isn’t going to last. Heard some news that the Red Army is starting to enter Berlin, but probably they are stumbling too as we all are.”

“Where do you get that? I’m a receiver but I got nothing for me.”

“Pilots! That’s why I love flying and seeing is believing, you know? I got to see them from the sky, that’s why we are not so different from the infantry. We do advancing, don’t get us wrong there!”

That night I’m driving back to my cottage and feeling suddenly overwhelmed thinking about the discussion I had with Michael back in his home. I am going to fly, as always, just like any other day when I started my career as a pilot. I want you to take care of our secret seal with you and—Corinna. Please do me a favour on that. Take care of her if I don’t find my way home.

I was never able to comprehend goodbye, it was always like a wound that never healed for me. Even after years, I’m reconciling with myself and still unable to admit that I am healed.

I get out of my car when I noticed that someone is standing in the far corner of the street and kind of watching me. I’m pulling my jacket’s collar higher to my chin, just in case he is trying to make certain of my face. I’m walking at a normal pace and my suspicions change into relief when I found out that that person is waiting for his wife—I heard the woman calling for him— from a store across the street and then they are walking hand in hand.

I toss everything away and make my way directly to the bathroom to have a warm bath after a long tiring day. I turn the tap on, fetch a soap bar from the bathroom wall counter, and strip off my clothes. The feel of warm water as I sink myself in the tub always makes my nerves better and relax. I’m thinking about Michael’s favour on me again and I think I couldn’t do it. I just can’t believe I can because all I want that him gets positivity to come back and not make her disappointed. Above all, he is about to be a father to his child. He should consider that he has a family to come back to and take care of. I can’t simply say yes when he told me this kind of goodbye letter. I won’t let that happen.

I woke up at 4:00, drenched in my sweat after having a nightmare of the day when I had to run away and heard them shoot our parents back in Germany. I had a series of nightmares before, but this one is far more terrifying because I saw myself and Michael never getting out of our yard to make our run from them. We both shot from afar and not even died in an instant. I watched Michael get shot in my last breath before they finished me too. I’m rubbing my sleepiness away as I am too scared to fall asleep again and heading out to the kitchen to brew a fresh coffee. I put the kettle on and sit on the kitchen window seat, watching the rain sliding on the glass window. I think I’ve never had the urge to try something new when it comes to distracting my mind after having a nightmare, but now, I do. I remembered I stored two packs of cigarettes inside the kitchen cabinet that I got from my military personal items issued along with the lighter. I’m opening a pack and having a hold, thinking of whether I want this or just drop it. I’m closing my eyes and still hearing a glimpse of screaming from the nightmare I had and I got no choice. One cigarette only, nothing more.

But I’m not stopping, I finish my first pack of cigarettes before I even regretted it. The coffee is cold now and less favourable. I’m ditching my last cigarette and heading to shower. I can’t stand the smell of tobacco staining my body.

Arrived at The Royal Army Headquarters, I get a warm welcome from some boys and meet with Paul just in time in front of our office. He got so many to work on already and asked me to lend a hand.

“So, I heard that your brother married recently?”

“Yes, and I’m sorry I didn’t bring you along with me. Michael, eh, he expected a small celebration and close company only. So…” I knew he would do everything to make his family away from anyone’s attention and I respected his principal highly.

“Don’t bother, Sergeant! I still wish him the goodness of marriage and I hope they grow happy until they are both old.”

“Thank you, I’ll patch the word to him. Don’t worry.”

“Sergeant Shoemaker?”

“Yes, sir?”

“You are expected at the Major’s office. Come.”

I don’t think about any possibility of this calling as clearly I got nothing in my mind since I reached my office. “Major?”

“Sergeant Shoemaker. Through here!”

He is busy with some files and reports from the intelligence that come and gone since early morning. I got to handle some of them too, but he had chaos here.

“Sir.”

“Ah, it’s great to have you around, son! How’s the work?”

“Pretty and average as usual, sir. Nothing too hard for a day.”

“I get that as a better insight! Now, I’m getting news straight from the field that they are short of field radiomen. I found that we were on the same page here and tried to be as effective as we could, but I’m still considering sending some of my finest officers to get the job done. I’m asking of you, do you mind at all, Sergeant?”

I’m expecting my anxiety attack to strike at any moment, but it doesn’t come. I’m thinking of staying, but my mouth runs before my head, “I am ready to go, sir.”

“Excellent, son! I take it that this is not your runaway from the boredom of the office work?”

“No, absolutely not, sir. I’m open to any opportunity I get at hand. I could use one of these for once in my lifetime.”

“Solid. This is the briefing, you can read it on your way there. And, make sure you bring Corporal Di Resta with you. I’m sure you will provide better support on the field as a team.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Be careful. Thousand God bless, son.”

The news is exciting to me, but there is something I’m not sure about it. I think the idea of getting yourself deployed to the frontline is not as bad as others think, especially for each person that never goes out in their years of service.

“Paul!”

“Yes, sir?”

“We have to pack for tomorrow. We are leaving.”

He was smiling a minute ago, but then it fades and he certainly did not put the information together. “Leaving?”

“They send us away. It’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

He gets up from his chair and hugs me in place. It’s a little bit uncomfortable for me as I am not able to get attached to someone, “What’s this?”

“Bless us!” He smiles lighter than a watt.

-

Being a sergeant with no experience in the frontline is harder to imagine, even to do. Even though I’m not running and attacking with my rifle, the battle room is as chaotic as the battlefield. In the middle of working, it is like a daily aspect to feel the wall and the things around you shaking and rattling because of the war raging in the distance. For the first time in forever, I come back to Germany to see everything shattered into pieces. I also see the air jets for the first time taking on the sky.

“Sergeant Shoemaker? You are needed in the war room now!”

I can run for almost a full day between offices and the war room to provide the newest intelligence, the progress of the field attack, the troop movements, and anything like. Sometimes I’m undertaking a job as a code transmitter. I barely have time to just talk and share anything with Paul.

The night is the only time I can be at ease fully. It’s near to three weeks of deployment and I’m growing to be an acute smoker. There’s a time when I can’t get out of smoking in a day and I will end up coughing all night when the air is brutally cold and hurting my lungs.

I get to do something new since I am away from home; writing a journal when I get time to do it. I’m thinking to have some to share later, not that I want my journey to be a war story to someone else as I never know how good it can be for personal consummation. Even in the public’s eyes.

-

My service overseas is not longer than I thought. The Allies had secured Berlin and I never felt good than ever when my dreams come true. I am on my way back to London before indulging myself to have a view or reminiscing about my hometown. I can’t bear it and deep down I have made my decision; Germany is not a place that I will come back to, even for a living.

In the train station in London, soldiers are in lines and coming back to their loved ones. The sight I never imagine came alive in front of me. Some of them hugging, some of them crying upon reuniting with family and relatives.

“Sergeant?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t you have someone wait for you?”

“I have no one but you. Welcome home to us.”

Paul hugs me and I get the same feeling just like when I hug every person that happened to be my family, friend, or even relative; pure love.

“Paul!”

“Laura!”

We stop hugging as I look at him with quizzes, “Your sweetheart?”

“Sir.”

“Laura! Oh, finally!”

I let them have their moment together and he introduces me to her after.

“Laura, this is Sergeant Ralph Shoemaker. We work together.”

“Nice to meet you, Ma’am. Been getting along with Paul since my first year of service with The Army.”

“You too, sir. Thank you for always looking for him out there.”

“Pleasure and it’s part of my job. Don’t worry.”

We are parting ways after having a time together in the café near the train station. Michael is picking me up just as he promised in one of the letters we exchanged during my last weeks of deployment.

“It is so good to have you back, Ralf.”

“I’m missing you too! Can’t imagine if I have to stay away longer!”

We are driving and witnessing people celebrating the victory of The Allied Forces in Europe. Some of them parade in their best and fancy clothes and some of them dance on the street.

“Never thought this day happen, eh?”

“Beyond imagination, I may say.”

Michael drives me back to his home. He prepared a small homecoming celebration for me. He even showered me with my favourite ice cream; the spaghetti ice cream with strawberry jam topping.

“Welcome home, Ralf! Everything’s good?”

“Everything is good. Thank you, Corinna!”

And I get a surprise welcome too, “Who is this beautiful young lady?”

“Say hello to Uncle Ralf,” Michael walks hand in hand with her. I don’t know that they already had their first child delivered. I must be too busy working. “Uncle Ralf, this is Gina-Maria.”

She holds her little hand to me and I shake her hand gently. She lights up an innocent smile that warms up my heart, “Hello, Gina… It’s nice to see you.”

She is hiding her face just after I kiss her hand. Michael laughs at the sight, knowing I could be a heart-stopper for any other girl. I refuse that, of course, because I’m not even good at reading women.

I’m happy to have my time spent with Gina. She even invited me to her little kingdom of plushies and called me a Prince for her plushie lady. When she is sleepy, I am also there to read her a bedtime story. Just after she is asleep, I’m sneaking out of her room and sit outside with Michael.

“How’s Berlin when you were out there?”

I take a drag of my cigarette and puff out the smoke out of my mouth. “Torn apart. It used to be the most beautiful town, though.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you soon about Gina.”

“And I’m sorry for being busy working so I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you.”

“Impasse. We both knew better.”

“You still fly your jet?”

Michael sips his tea and shakes his head in disapproval, “No. I’m going to retire this week. I think they are better now without me.”

“What do you mean?”

“They can have a new Air Commander. I’m already washed up, I’m better staying home.”

“You are an Air Commander now?”

“ I am. I’m not planning to show off, so I didn’t tell you.”

“How fast! Milestones, even! Congratulations, Michael.”

“No, you are not congratulating me when I’m about to retire!”

Of course, that’s a perfect subject to laugh at. Seriously. “No, I’m congratulating you for reaching Air Commander!”

“I know, I know. Thank you, by the way.”

Time goes on as we keep sharing and talking. Mostly about our days in front. Technically, Michael had more than me and he has a more interesting story to share, to be honest. Especially, the dogfight.

“So, what about you?”

“I have told you everything, haven’t I?”

Michael smiles faintly as I’m clueless, “I mean, what’s your plan after all of this?”

“After the after?”

“After the after.”

“I’m staying in The Army. I don’t know how long will I be, but that’s currently what I can think of.”

“Good. But don’t forget about yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Find your true purpose in life, Ralf. I will always be here for you, but you need someone to keep you company better than me.”

“You mean… I need to start to find someone to marry?”

Michael nods. How is it now that I should think about this as something that comes first?

“That will go with the flow. I promise.”

We are getting up from our chairs and Michael goes directly to hug me. It feels different now as if I never felt the same again.

“I understand how you feel about it,” I never know that Michael could read my mind better. “But you can’t always live it.”

“I’m just not ready…”

“Take your time. Don’t get tired to restart.”

“Now, I think Gina is happy to meet you.”

It’s like a new routine for me to visit Michael and Corinna and end up playing with Gina for the whole day. I will come straight after my work time’s done at the office. She is an angelic kid, setting my mood at ease most of the time.

“He likes to play with Gina, doesn’t he?”

“My love, he found his way to heal.”

“I’m sure he will find his way.”

To talk and be a part of Gina’s learning process is something I’m grateful for. Never in a day, I could be tired of talking and playing with her, even though I have to be a prince at her tea party for thousand times, I would just do it.

“Uncle Ralf, what are you wearing now?”

“This is my service uniform. Is it unique? Do you like it?”

“I think Papa had one too…”

“Yes. I think his uniform is fancier than me.”

“Fancy?”

“Better looking. Do you agree?”

Gina nods as she touches my Sergeant’s chevron, “Papa and you look like a prince.”

I laugh at that and kiss her on her cheek, “Oh, thank you! And you are a charming princess ever!”

Months later, Michael tells me that Corinna is with a child again. It’s a little bit late, but at least, I’m happy to know that. I come to visit again with some goods and flowers to celebrate with them. And to my surprise, Gina asked me to stay. I almost turn I it down, but then I did as she asked me to just for a night.

-

It’s like any other day in the headquarters, but much more relaxed than the last time. I can say that war had torn every single soul apart, but I feel bored these days as I’m not catching up with any deadlines. I will end up doing more reports with a cigarette dangling from my lips to keep me focused for a whole day.

“Sarge? How far do you have this time?”

“Almost near the end and I’m done. You?”

“Same here. But I think I can’t do more. My weeks feel wasted with all of these!”

“Take a break, then! You can always come back.”

“Not when I have thousand of these! Better done and rest later!”

But then we are taking a break at a pub near the headquarters. Paul takes me there because he got there a couple of times before. I don’t drink, like ever because I can’t stand the smell of alcohol. Different for Paul, he likes it and sometimes forgets how much he has already.

“Paul. Paul, you have to stop drinking!”

“I get that you don’t drink, but this is my liberty! Just another glass, please?”

I know it’s not time for being serious, but I prefer to stop him before things go wrong. “No, Paul. We have to go.”

“He knows better.” Well, the bartender knows that he can’t take more. He nods at me to take Paul out of the pub. He even waved us off for the drink and I can’t be more thankful.

“Let’s go. I’ll take you back.”

He is stumbling hard on his feet on our way back to headquarters and I lost my count on how much I try to keep him stable.

Just as I worry, we crossed paths with a young lady and I can’t be more ashamed of what he did. I don’t care that he is drunk at the moment, it’s just inappropriate.

“Pardon us, Miss. I am so sorry, he just having a rough night.”

“It’s okay. You can continue on your way.”

I really can’t leave her be because the mess is caused by us. I offer her a hand and she accepts it. Paul is accidentally pushing her too hard when we crossed paths and she fell to the street and the dirt stained her dress. She is probably on her way back home, but still, she can’t go home like that. I give her my coat to cover the stain and she takes it wholeheartedly. Before she is on her way again, she asks me whether she can meet me to return the coat. It’s hard to say no because I will give her more trouble than she thinks, but then I tell her to meet in the restaurant near the pub where I just had a drink with Paul in the afternoon.

“Sarge?”

“Yes, Paul? Have you set your head straight now?”

“I think I have hungover, but I also think that you just had love at first sight.”

“You stop right there, Paul. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t want to talk about it or are you just overwhelmingly shy for being oblivious?”

“You are hungover and you need some rest. I’ll type somewhere but here. Goodbye.”

As I get into another room and start typing the report again, I think of what Paul had just said to me being fell in love with that young lady.

Am I even blushing and looking silly in front of her?

No, I know better. I can’t let him win when he is mocking me for being kind to an unknown lady.

-

I’m lucky because I come early as soon as I’m done with the reports and sent them to the Major’s office. But, unfortunately, I don’t have time to really present myself properly but just a clean face and slick hair. I booked a chair outside for the two of us and I wait for her while having a smoke. Just another five minutes then she comes.  

“Sorry, I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.”

My hearts stop upon seeing her in front of me. Not to mention that she is also looking awfully beautiful under the cloudy sky of London.

“No, not at all. Please, have a seat.” It’s like I couldn’t stop stammering and I feel so silly for my awkwardness.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“Thank you, but I’m fine.”

She digs into her bigger bag and pulls out my coat. I guess she managed to wash and iron it last night.

“Thank you for borrowing me your coat. It was a big help or else my Mom will think less of me for being unable to take care of a dress!”

“No, thank you, actually. I thought that you would be mad at us for ruining your dress.”

She gives me the coat and lowers her head a little as if she avoids eye contact. I get that she manages to be polite and I think it’s rarely seen in women these days.

“I’m Cora, by the way. Cora Brinkmann.”

It takes a second for me to digest what is happening but she just gives me her name and that’s not an English name. She offers me her hand while still shyly hiding her face a bit in front of me.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Ralph.”

I never thought we could be blended in a short time of exchanging words. I told her about my interest in developing my farm and some other things that I liked to do or explore and she pays it with positivity. Though she feeds me with praise and interest, she still tries to not try hard on everything. It comes naturally and I think I start to see her differently.

Do I just admit that I nurture a feeling for her?

“Do you have a last name, even?” she asks as soon as we are about to go part ways.

“Shoemaker,” It’s always weird that I get to use that name instead of my real given name. “Ralph Shoemaker.”

“Thank you for driving me home, Ralph Shoemaker.”

“That at least a kindness I can offer you, Ma’am.”

She walks to her front door and once again turns to see me one last time, “See you sometime, Shoemaker.”

And for that, I think I’m in love.

-

Our meetings grow from twice a week to three times a week and sometimes more. We always met at the same restaurant and that becomes a moment that I long to happen most of the time. I have grown to be comfortable when I’m near her or with her. Yet I couldn’t say that I see this as something that I wanted; I have doubts and I can’t quite define it.

Michael suddenly came to tell me that their son had been born healthy. They named him Mick. I’m happy that I got the news in the middle train of my doubts and decided to visit him. I bring Cora with me.

I know I haven’t any decision yet about how I will carry out my relationship with Cora, but I don’t mind at all doing the introduction early to Michael and Corinna. Maybe they can provide an insight for me to consider about her and I will listen to them whatever their view towards her.

I have my time with Michael and I tell him everything that has been going on the last few months between me and Cora. I take that he is interested in hearing further but I got distracted when she plays with Gina and Little Mick while he is been taking care of by his mother. She is gentle and treats them just like I do. I feel a realization just hit me right at the moment that she could be the one.

“So, what do you think of her so far?”

I know Michael would ask it eventually, “I think I know the answer all along.”

I proposed to her the next month. She is happy when she got the ring and I couldn’t help to feel the same way. I found my breakthrough now that I don’t feel so little anymore when it comes to confessing my feelings towards something or anything. I think I’m growing into someone new that I never thought I would be.

-

The next month, she comes to tell me that she got a job as a clerk for a post office in town. We celebrate it together by having dinner at her home. I almost think less of myself as I feel nervous to meet her parents. The last time I met them was when I proposed to her and we came as soon as I put the ring on her finger just to share the news. This time will be a real talk, in-depth between two parties; me and her parents, especially her father. I have plans for the continuity of our relationship, but I’m not ready to share anything yet as I’m scared that I can’t make it on time or have trouble in the middle. But Cora ensures me that everything will be just fine, just like the last time.

And it’s a marvellous time, turns out. They are asking mostly about me outside of my job. They don’t even dig too much about my family and I can’t thank her enough for every comfort and reassurance she provided me to come this far.

-

“So, have you decided it?”

“Decide what?” I play with Gina and Mick this time to pay for my long-time absence because of a task that I have at hand back in the headquarters.

“That you will marry her, won’t you?”

Mick squirms in my arms while tethering his toy and Gina tries to climb my back, “Yes. I think I’ll marry her. I haven’t told her about it.”

“Uncle Ralf?”

“Yes, my Princess?”

“Do you think Aunty Cora is beautiful?”

Of course, she is. “Yes, she is. Just like you, my Little Princess.”

“Then I think you have my blessing, Ralf.”

-

It doesn’t have to be a long wait for me as I approach her and tell her all about it. I come in direct to her parents to ask for her hand in marriage and they give me their blessings. I couldn’t be more delighted to know that she is also having a moment too.

I’m marrying her at a local chapel. Paul is also there with Laura. There is a little hesitation about whether I can carry on the procession but as soon as I see Cora walking the aisle with her father, I feel all my burden is lifted by the wind. She looks amazingly stunning in her traditional 1920’s bridal gown.

“A thousand bless for you, Ralf!”

“Don’t tease me, Michael!”

And she stands beside me now, looking a little bit nervous as I am. I reach for her hand and squeeze it to send her some comfort I can share at the moment. It’s almost like time has stopped for a while when I get to open the veil and look at her this close.

Time drags on and all I know is that we are now standing in front of the chapel for a picture together as we officially pronounced as husband and wife. I realized that I haven’t let her hand go since then. Somehow I feel damaged mentally to face the crowd that also celebrating my marriage to her.

“Just smile, Ralph. We are here together, you and me. We’ll be okay.”

“Kiss her, Sergeant! She can’t wait forever!”

So I kiss her behind my service cap as I can’t compromise her privacy but they are all still shouting teasingly anyway. As we were apart, we breathed and blushed red like blossomed rose. It’s like we are kids again and then we laugh it away. Then we walk together as I lead her back to my car and drive to my house. Our house now.

Weeks turn into months as I still actively served with The Royal Army and Cora stays at home and helps me to take care of the chickens, the cows, and the crops. She also sells some eggs and makes butter from fresh milk she collected from the cows at a local groceries store. Since we are transitioning from war, I will go home early than usual and be able to enjoy the evening together with her.

“How’s your day at home?”

“Slow. But everything is fun as usual.”

One thing that I loved since I have her is that I could walk the farm with her every weekend now, hand in hand, and feeling in love every day.

Weeks later, she shares the good news that she is with a child. Words unable to express as I’m beyond happy upon hearing the news from her. I write a letter to Michael to let him know and also to share some of our farm progress here. A week later, Michael, Corinna, Gina, and not-so-little Mick come to visit us. They are coming to celebrate the news and I’m no more than delighted to have the kids around as I grew to miss them lately.

Cora and I are having two ponies now and Gina is excited when she gets to see it. She even asked me to ride the pony. So does Mick. I let them ride it and accompany them to explore the farm together until the afternoon.

-

I’m probably better at taking care of animals, but when Cora experiences pain in her late eight months of pregnancy, I panicked. I am confused about how to help her, so I can only drive her to the nearest hospital in town. I feel small when I couldn’t do anything that helps her better, but I’m relieved that the doctor understands me well about this. The doctor comes back with confirmation that Cora is fine and the pain she felt was just a regular contraction that is not leading to something concerning and she is releasing her from the hospital.

I am not sleeping at all since she will experience the same thing when she reaches nine months of pregnancy. I couldn’t do much as I don’t get a permanent day off from work to stay beside her all day. I will become fatigued and sleepy while I’m in the headquarters, sometimes falling asleep while typing daily reports.

I got a call from the Major one day when I’m feeling low inspired to do anything that my wife is rushed to hospital by my brother as she is bursting in pain. He said that she is in labour now. I run from the office and go straight to drive my car to the hospital where she is now.

“Cora Shoemaker? Where she is now? I’m her husband!”

“She is in labour now, sir. I’ll take you there.”

The nurse leads me to her room and as soon as I arrived, I go inside. She is halfway through, though I’m lucky I can still be with her while she fights for her life and our child. The nurse tries to support me to calm down and shows me the way to comfort Cora all the way.

“You will be okay. I’m here all along with you.”

I hold her hand until the end. She is having a rough labour process but I’m glad she makes it. The nurses are taking care of our child as soon as it is delivered.

“It’s okay, Cora. You did well. You made it, love.”

“Congratulations, Sir and Madam. You have a son.”

We both breathe in relief as our nerves send us waves of happiness upon welcoming the great news.

“Give me my son. I want to have a look at him.”

I couldn’t be more grateful when I heard him cry for the first time. He is healthy and amazing.

“What’s his name, then?”

Cora holds his little hand gently, “I’ll name him David. David Shoemaker.”

-

I’m happy that now there are three of us in the family, but later on, Cora is having complications from the labour. She is barely able to make it through the day and is spending most of her time resting in bed. She will have David all day, still nursing him until she dozes off again while holding him in her arms. At these times, I have my permanent days off from work and busy myself between taking care of the farm, the animals, and David.

I’m blessed because David is a calm kid. He is reminding me of my brother’s children; calm and angelic. He is as adorable as them. My kind of evening routine is different now. After I help Cora with her bath and dinner, I will sit in the living room while holding David near the fireplace. I read him a children’s book that has been my favourite when I was a child. He will fall asleep quickly or sometimes still awake until the last paragraph and babble randomly to me as if he tries to tell me something. Every time he does it, I will forget my day, all my sore joints and tired body even get better.

I will retreat at the end of the day to be by Cora’s side and I got nothing to worry about as long as the morning and tomorrow come.

Cora is getting better as the week drags on. We have a special occasion today; to have a picnic in our garden. Cora is playing with David and never we expected that today will be the day we witness him have his first step while we are watching. Cora is the happiest mother alive as I watched her welcoming David back into her arms.

Our happiness is always there to fill as David keeps growing and showing good progress. He starts to talk several words and starts to walk in stable even though sometimes he is stumbling on his little steps. At the end of the day, he will be a medicine to my tired days of working. Life is more stable too as I notice a few more changes in me. I could say that married life has cured most of my past and scars.

At the end of the week, I will have all day walking while taking David with me around the farm and the garden. I teach him to plant and water the crops. He is a fast learner, I noticed. And he is barely complaining, he just has a sense of curiosity over everything he does. He also grows to be more excited every time in the morning when we are about to go to our farm every weekend.

“He’s growing fast…”

“And that’s better, Cora.”

“Do you think he would love to stay here forever with us?”

“He will have his life and I’m sure he will always come home to us. He will always come back to you.”

I am still serving with The Royal Army for another two years. I am now helping a colonel mentor privates for their initial radiomen training. As a Lieutenant now, nothing feels less different than when I was still a private.

After reaching the end of my final years serving, they offer me to stay longer with The Army. I had been through everything, but I decide to retire. I want to be there for my son and maybe grow my farm better. I want to be there for my wife and my son, too. The reality is, I never had a choice to choose because The Army had given me everything, especially when I had to battle my beliefs as someone new instead of confessing my true identity as the world is still pretty much in conflict, even now.

But I have my life now. I have what I wanted for so long; a peaceful life after a long train of wounds and sorrow. I am lucky that I don’t have to let anyone know who I am, at least, I would just bury everything now, left it behind.

Though I live in the shadow, I am still the young man I used to be: A German, a soldier, and the last Prince of Habsburg.

[nativadron]

a comeback of the dead years.

hello, everyone. i think it’s been a very long time that i haven’t active in here. to be honest, that was some dead years! dead years! but, i’m coming back just to let you know that i wrote a fan fiction [formula 1 fan fiction, of course] that i would gladly share with you and i hope you guys don’t mind to read and send me some insights or feedbacks. this will help a lot. 

this is a work of fiction [read: fan fiction]. it also has a background history of the second world war and royalty that i beg so much of you to pardon me for the inaccuracies! you’ll find the story after this post. 

above all, have fun! hear some from you all sooner! thank you! 

[nativadron]

Sidney Crosby #doubleexposure