nathansmom4411

[nathansmom4411]

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On October 1, 2014, Annie M, my friend and PA, tearfully said (or what I believe she said through ugly-crying snottiness), “You have breast cancer.” I’ve never been one to wear pink ribbons, sit in drum circles, walk arm-in-arm with my un-boobed and uni-boobed friends for Breast Cancer Awareness. It’s not my jam. It’s not wrong; some people need that. But I am definitely not one of those people.…

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GASOLINE and a MATCH

While waiting for the physician assistant to the oncologist, I’m pretty confident I heard this happening in the hallway just outside the exam room door. Medical professionals don’t like me. I know this, and I am A-okay with it. It’s not a popularity contest, it’s my life. Making beeline for the chair, so he can sit facing the computer, the PA says, “Hello Ms. Phillips. Your blood work looks…

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The Sweet Spot

Nearly three decades ago, I started my teaching career in a Baltimore City middle school, ready to change the world. My “bright-eyes” are now obscured by readers and my bushy tail has a few more grays but, just like my witticisms, my dedication to equality in education has been honed to a razor-sharp professional point. But now, I find myself in the sweet spot.  Too old to be hired. Too young to…

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Don't Skimp on the Happy.

Don’t Skimp on the Happy.

It’s been six long months since I’ve written a post. I mean “long” in the sense that “holy cow. Are you even kidding me with this?” Here’s what I have to look back on: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Looking back is counterproductive. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Heck- of course I will! Then I’ll dip it in milk chocolate and add a bit more sugar coating… Cancer sucks. It bites the big one. It…

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Saying Goodbye to Righty...

Saying Goodbye to Righty…

February 2017

Breast Thermography is a screening tool that identifies abnormal vascular patterns (for more on this…. “But are you sure, sure?”) using infrared technology to detect heat conserving tissue and blood vessels.  

After my oncologist assured me that thermography is inaccurate because the FDA said so, I closed that window and opened a door. Namely, a door with a plaque reading…

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It's Nathan's World

It’s Nathan’s World

  https://sayinggoodbyetolefty.files.wordpress.com/2017/08/its-all-about-nathan-cut.mp3

  I worked throughout my entire pregnancy. I worked while I was in the hospital with an epidural. I worked with a brand new baby in tow.  I worked after dropping Nathan off at his first day of full-day preschool when he was 18 months old. I worked a lot.

And then I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

The day I…

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But are you sure, sure?

But are you sure, sure?

Silv, my grandmother, basically hitchhiked across the country in the 1930s because women weren’t supposed do that kind of thing. Until the ripe old age of 93, at 4′ 10″ – no one questioned Silv. You wanted her in your corner, not looking across the ring at you. So when you start to doubt yourself, (Inner dialogue… “It’s not you. It’s me.”) repeat after me “WWSD” (What Would Silv Do?)

I recently…

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It has been two years since my breast cancer diagnosis. I am so thankful for advances in modern medicine that allowed me to forgo the most aggressive treatment option- chemo. I am also thankful for my family.

Andy

I am thankful that my loving husband always knows when I need a ‘pick me up’.

…and that without even being asked, he lends a helping hand around the house.

… And I am thankful that Andy always puts food on the table.

  Nathan

I am thankful that I have an adoring son who is always happy to see his mom.

Mom has the “X”. Dad has the arrow pointing to his head, with the check next to him.

  Nathan posted this sign on his bedroom door to keep me out.

  Henry and Prudence

I am thankful for Henry and Prudence, who never want me climbing into a cold bed (Even if it is 8:00 in the morning).

  The Phunderwoods

If you take 2 Phillips + 1 Underwood = The Phunderwoods. For this I am most thankful.

  Giving Thanks It has been two years since my breast cancer diagnosis. I am so thankful for advances in modern medicine that allowed me to forgo the most aggressive treatment option- chemo.

[nathansmom4411]

Kid, you’ll move mountains!

Kid, you’ll move mountains!

Since he was 18 months old, Nathan has been in school. For the majority  of this time, he has been in an early childhood public education program. After his graduation ceremony (see earlier blog), I drafted the following letter to the district’s superintendent.

Early childhood education is more than teaching. As the parent of a preschooler, believe me, I know.

The best laid plans of mice and men…

[nathansmom4411]

Turning the Tassel

I never wanted to have children in the first place. While all of my girlfriends were trying to get pregnant, waddling around in the final months of pregnancy, or changing dirty diapers post pregnancy, all I could think was “this is so totally not for me”.  Until that fateful day when… it was so totally me. And there I sat an hour early, to secure two front row seats, proudly waiting for the…

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Yesterday, a friend of mine asked, “Do you regret cutting your hair?” Keep in mind that she has stage 4 breast cancer. She has grown and lost her hair multiple times. She is currently sporting the ‘Homer Simpson’, where when she puts on a cap thinks she looks like (in her words) a hip barista. I’m trying to convince her to dye, what little is left, hot pink. She’s not there yet, but I know with a little more encouragement (read between the lines- nagging), she’ll get there.

But back to the story… I try to never have any regrets in life. Everything is an experience. A lesson.

My hair and I had a deal: I loved it and it loved me. So much so that I didn’t cut it for almost 10 years. I mean a little snip here and there, and once to dislodge a Hot Wheels, but other than that we had a symbiotic relationship.

While I know the fashion industry dictates that women over 40 shouldn’t have long hair,  it was my security blanket. We had been together for such a long time. My hair was my identity… well that and being Nathan’s mom.

But things change.

Not the “Nathan’s mom” part… although some days…

well anyway…

After hearing “Aggressive, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma” I immediately made up my mind that I would donate my hair before watching it get swept off the floor, clog the shower drain, and stay on my pillow long after my head had left it. Even when the doctor said that many people with breast cancer don’t need chemo anymore, I still heard the words Aggressive. Invasive. Carcinoma echo in my head (where brain cells used to be before becoming Nathan’s mom).

So off I went and off it went.

Not a little at a time, to get used to the idea, but the whole kit & kaboodle.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

I immediately looked and felt like a different person.

BEFORE

AFTER

Since “After”, it’s been cut again (and again), bleached and dyed. Things I never would have done “Before”. So to answer her question:

Do I miss my hair? Yes, actually, I miss it a lot.

Will I grow it long? Yes, at 6” a year it’ll take about 4 years.

Do I regret cutting it? No. Because when you get rid of your security blanket, you have nowhere to hide. So here I am world: dyed hair (currently purple), tattooed (7 and counting!), and pierced (ears and nose).

?

??????????????

?

My type of cancer has a fairly reasonable chance of recurrence, and I won’t have the option of ‘opting out’ again. So if I lose all my hair I know I can handle it. I’ll dye something, pierce something,  and tattoo something. Who’s with me? Who’s in?

The Long and Short of it Yesterday, a friend of mine asked, “Do you regret cutting your hair?” Keep in mind that she has stage 4 breast cancer.

[nathansmom4411]

It's Just as Good as the Real Thing

It’s Just as Good as the Real Thing

From December to March, kids across the east coast wore their pajamas inside out and backwards at the mere mention of snow. A day to spend sledding, building forts and watching TV while drinking hot chocolate. How to Get a Day Off? Try a Snow Ritual As the buzz of snow possibilities ran rampant through our apartment complex, we called Silv. She could predict the weather better than even Bob Turk…

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How the Mighty Have Fallen.

How the Mighty Have Fallen.

It’s been nearly two years since I last ran. I used to put on my running shoes and head out the door only to return an hour or so later, sweaty and feeling great. One year after my surgery, it’s time to get my shit together.  When better than during the holiday season.

  6pm: I set my alarm for 5:30am the next morning

10pm: I checked my alarm one more time before going to bed

10:30pm: Yep! Alarm…

[nathansmom4411]

Dios Del Muertos

I was wheeled into surgery on November 19 2014 to say goodbye to lefty. Through a whirlwind of information, emotions and mental instability, all I knew for certain was that when I woke up I would have a ‘man down’ (or girl down as was the case). And now, here I am, exactly one year later to share what I’ve learned.

Size Matters

There is no real way to break (whispering) The Cancernews to friends…

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I've Lost My Marbles

These days breast cancer treatment is like going to In N Out Burger. You can get it tailor-made if you use the secret language. Those in the ‘know’ sound like this:

“I am HER neg, PR/ER positive”

“I found out mine is triple negative”

“What are your staging numbers?”

“PT2CN0.”

“BRACA neg, which is good”

You thought that was confusing? Try navigating through the treatment plan options. If your…

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

The day of my surgery I was assured there would be no drains, which is fine because I can just relive that experience by reading my earlier blog, no need for a repeat performance. Post-surgery, showering is prohibited for 4342 minutes. After 1440 of those minutes I couldn’t take it anymore. With the grace of a swan and agility of a mountain lion, I sat in 6” of lukewarm water with a washcloth in…

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All that Glitters is not Gold.

Prior to June 2013, I have never been sick. EVER. I mean a cold here and there, but all-in-all, nothing. Not even the flu.

Then BAM! Like a load of bricks- pneumonia. Again, and again, and just one more time for fun along with pleurisy. After finally saying goodbye to the viral “house guest” who refused to leave, I couldn’t seem to get my ‘groove back’. So the girl who has never seen the inside…