najbeb2

[najbeb2]

Different

"It can't be easy living like that," she said.

"It's impossible to manage," I replied.

"Surely you've picked up a few tricks though right?"

I thought about it for a moment. "Shortness."

"The shorter the phrase the harder it is to change?"

"That's not it," I said, inflecting the it, to help express a different point.

"It's kinda comprehensible I guess, that inflection makes it way more confusing though," She thought about it for a second, "but doesn't it just...add a negative to everything you say?"

"No, and yes. Perspective. It doesn't have trouble with some opposites. Yang yin. I am a man, you are a woman."

"Well those aren't really opposites."

"Perspective."

"Wait so you believe they're opposites?"

"They are?" I ask.

"Pretty sure they're completely different things. It's not a binary."

"Perspective," I say again.

"This conversation is getting weird. Gender isn't real so you can't really 'be' a man or a woman."

"That's what I think."

"Yeah but if you don't believe that, then how come you don't swap the two around? Do you think people can be agender?"

"No, that doesn't seem possible."

"The mechanics of this are just weird."

"You have to accept it. It's just not weird."

"I feel like its proving that gender essentialism is bullshit."

"If you think that," I shrug.

"Shouldn't that be the opposite?"

"'If you don't think that' is the opposite, so its inverted. It's about the word, it's not about the meaning."

"Couldn't you come up with something that does invert the meaning."

"It doesn't try to mirror my words exactly, I understand why."

"Maybe you're not smart enough to reverse it," she said with a cheeky grin.

"Very impossible."

"You're not supposed to agree with me when I say that."

"I guess. It's not the conclusion I've come to though."

"Kinda hard on yourself."

"I...don't push people away. It's not exhausting dealing with me."

"Yeah I get it but, it's just the way it is right? Surely your family and friends understand that."

"They didn't understand, at first. The longer I'm not around, the harder everything isn't."

"I mean it's a little confusing to track and you might need to clarify every now and then but it really isn't that bad."

"Maybe they just loved me. Maybe I don't deserve to be alone."

"I'm not really in the mood to throw you a pity party. If they didn't want to be around you then they just suck. It's cruel to just abandon you, you deserve better than people like that and you aren't supposed to accept that the way they treated you is the way its always going to be. So what if you're a little different? Doesn't change what you as a person deserve."

"Why aren't you kind?"

"Honestly, I wouldn't know."

[najbeb2]

"What do you mean you're weak?"

"I'm weak, not sure how else to put it."

"In what way are you weak little hatchling?"

"I just can't. Anything. I want to cast spells but nothing but sparks ever comes out."

"You have aptitude then. You cannot be weak."

"Did you even listen to what I said?"

"You create sparks, that is enough to say whether or not you are capable. If you could not then the magic potential I sense in you would be wasted and I would have to find another."

"I don't really get it, if I can't cast spells then how could I possibl-"

"You can cast spells. You create sparks."

"That's semantics."

"It's the truth. You will cast your sparks for me now."

"I don't se-"

"You will cast your sparks for me now hatchling."

"Alright alright I'm doing it." She brought her battered old wand up to chest level, concentrating harder than she'd ever concentrated before. She focused on the thing that always made the sparks flicker from the end of the wand: her anger. The pit of red hot emotion bubbled away at her insides, scalding her whenever she got too close. Tapping into that well she felt her vision cloud as the energy inside surged up looking for a release valve. Traveling up and out her extended arm it found the tip of her wand, but instead of the intense torrent she always felt should come out only a few sparks emerged, disappearing into the cold night air. "Happy?"

The toothy grin plastered on their face was unnerving. "I am pleased. What emotion did you use to conjure those sparks hatchling?"

"Anger, that's the only way I can get it done." The dragon considered her answer far longer and far more deeply than she'd expected.

"Not shame? Or envy?"

"What do I have to be ashamed or envious about?"

"You do not covet what others have? Dream of a world where you are more?"

"If I am to be more then I will be that while being myself through my own power."

"Interesting. Have you learnt that anger is the weakest emotional catalyst?"

"I'm not allowed to attend lectures."

"Yet they ridicule you when you produce 'only sparks' as you put it. Such a desolate place my academy has become."

"What do you mean weakest emotional catalyst?"

"Humans start their magical journey by emphasising emotion. Magic is a soulful thing, and emotions tap into that energy quickly. Positive emotions bring out more pure energies than negative emotions, this is the first lesson of magic that we are all taught. Joy is the greatest emotional catalyst and conversely anger is the weakest. No mage in history has had enough latent potential to wield anger as a catalyst."

"But I could onl-"

"Make sparks yes little hatchling, you could only achieve a feat thought impossible. I still am not sure I truly believe it myself. If I am right, and I am always right, your potential is immeasurable. As always I am glad to have taken the trip down from my nest." The enormous azure dragon beckoned her with their neck; an invitation to ride on their back. It was a choice with an obvious answer and an uncertain future, a choice that needed to be made. So she made it.