najaemein

[najaemein]

[5:40 PM] jaehyun makes you a playlist. you find that it’s just the shrek soundtrack.

[najaemein]

[9:34 pm] imagine Minecraft boyfriend!jaemin putting his bed next to yours

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[4:03 p.m.]

Small droplets of rain collect on his lashes, spilling over his cheekbones like tears. You know it’s a trick of the flickering, gray light- know he wouldn’t cry for you. The sight of him burns in your chest, in your eyes, and the aches of your body cannot compare.

Metal digs deeper into your temple, the barrel of Jeno’s handgun heated by his most recent volley of bullets. His hand whitens with his death grip, trigger finger quivering, the ghostly hue a stark contrast to the blood slithering down his knuckles. Beyond that, you can make out the fear trickling into his iris, the realization of what he’s about to do.

“I’m impressed,” you snap, voice thick with emotions you want so desperately to choke down. “You’ve got to keep up the lie until the bitter end, yeah? Really, I admire your professionalism.” You cough out a laugh, unbothered by the flecks of red that seep into Jeno’s combat vest. His eyes flash, his frown deepening to an agonized grimace. You pretend the pang in your chest is satisfaction at knowing he’s also in pain. 

Purple blotches mar his jaw, blood streaking over the myriad of nauseating hues, sliding from a deep gash below his eyebrow- courtesy of yours truly. He’s sporting a concussion at least, and you suspect a few broken ribs as well. 

You deny the guilt that floods the chasm in your chest, bar the gates to your own heart as it cries for him. For you both.

 “Do you really think it’s a good idea to antagonize me when I could kill you so easily, sweetheart?” he grits, and you see his chest shuddering beneath black nylon. The pet-name was meant to hurt you, to remind you of all the lazy mornings when he’d come up behind you in the kitchen, whisper a quiet good morning and drown you in sweet nothings and happiness. All those times, he said the word with tenderness, like a prayer, like it was something sacred between the two of you. Now, it drips with venom, with bitterness and hurt.

You smile in that terrible sort of way, where it’s empty and sorrowful and not at all what a smile should be. “I’m already dead, darling,” the endearment still sings with love when you say it, no matter the bite you wish it had, “you killed me the second you accepted the hit. The second you saw the name and face of your wife and decided the money was worth more than our happiness.”

His grip slacks, eyes glinting with an anguish so vivid you can feel it in your own chest. This is your chance, his form faltering and suddenly vulnerable to retaliation, but you can’t move. Maybe you’ve been in the game for too long. Maybe if you are destined to die at the hands of someone else, it isn’t so bad that your final moments are with the one you love the most. 

All semblances of anger have bled from your system, all of the roaring fury that compelled you before reduced to a mere wisp of exhaustion. You don’t want to fight anymore, not if it means you keep hurting the one you love.

He’s closer now, and you can see the redness that rims his eyes, and the stutter of his adam’s apple as he swallows heavily, and feel his harsh breaths fanning over your face. His free hand encircles your throat, your own limbs hanging limp and heavy at your sides, and he slowly walks you backwards. Beyond his form, you can see the rolling storm clouds as they prepare to unleash their full potential, and you wonder if their strength could wash away your sins. 

 Your back thunks painfully against the door that leads off the rooftop, the only escape from the carnage you’ve created. Jeno’s  grip is too tight. 

He’s still beautiful, you think, eyes slowly rolling back to him as your head pounds. So twisted with emotion, with a distraught kind of rage, surely, it isn’t just in the name of physical pain? Do his eyes burn, just like your own? Does the summer rain conceal his own torrent of grief, his own turmoil?

“What have I got to lose, Jeno?” you murmur, and you stave off the oblivion that weeps behind your eyelids, begs for you to close your eyes and let it be done. “I don’t think I ever had you, to begin with.” A small smile pulls at your split lips, a fresh wave of blood oozing from the slit, and you can feel numbness tingling on your fingertips.

Three words want so ardently to be spoken to existence, to fill the empty air between you, to slip into his mind and find a home in his heart. They want to hurt him, to haunt him, but more than anything, they want to know the truth.

“Was anything real?”

You hate how weak it sounds, even to your own ears, hate the cadence of desperation, of destitution, that thrums in each syllable.

“No,” he says, and you hate how his tone never wavers. You meet his eyes, then, his face distorted and your head throbbing, but you rebel against the voice telling you to let go, to shut your eyes and wait. 

It happens so fast you don’t even hear the gunshot.

[najaemein]

[07:47am]

you frowned as you limped into the kitchen, memories from the previous day replaying in your head forcing a smile onto your lips.

it was soon replaced with a grimace as you stepped up into the kitchen, where you noticed taeyong, johnny, and jaehyun sat idle eating a breakfast you guessed jaehyun had made.

‘what’s wrong yn? why are you limping?’

‘just sore, that’s all. mark and i were busy yesterday.’

‘oh really?’ johnny chuckled out as taeyong looked like he was about to crawl out of his skin, a small knowing smile on jaehyun’s face.

‘yes, didn’t he tell you? we went for a few hours at least.’ you nodded taking one of the cups from the rack and filling it with juice.

‘hours!?’ taeyong yelled almost spilling his cup of milk.

‘uh, yeah?’

‘you guys must be fit if you went for hours.’ jaehyun laughed patting taeyong’s back as he coughed.

‘they’re young, all young people have energy like rabbits.’

‘rab-bits?’ your eyebrows furrowed before they shot up in realization.

‘no it’s not what you think! we went to a indoor theme park thing! we were on the trampolines!’

‘sure whatever you say.’

‘morning everyone.’ mark said walking into the kitchen, messy hair and baggy pajamas. ‘i’m so sore, maybe if you hadn’t jumped on me i wouldn’t be.’

this only set the three older men off, going on about how you jumped marks bones.

[najaemein]

[ 14:34 ] A cool breeze rustles the leaves as you pick the ripe blackberries off of the bush. Not a word is muttered except for the occasional yelp from a thorn or exclaiming in excitement because of a huge berry you found.

Jisung is dead set on filling his bucket before you which was a silly competition decided in the car. He’s about five-sixths full before he hears a squeal. He turns to you in panic because maybe a thorn started to draw blood or maybe you saw a garden snake. Instead of cowering in fear, he sees you with a bright smile.

“Look! It’s a cute fuzzy bumblebee!” You gleam as you watch the innocent insect fly from flower to flower. You reach for Jisung’s hand and tightly grasp it when he gives it to you. “I’m so in love!”

I am too, he wants to say while watching your smile shine as bright as the sun beating down on the farm.

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[ 20:04 ] Dad!Taeyong is crouched beside your daughter’s princess bed. A hazy look in her eyes indicates that the boring story he is telling is putting her to sleep.

When he finishes the tale, he leans down and kisses her forehead. “I love you. Now and for a hundred years.”

“Is a hundred a lot?” She asks, turning to her side and clutching the blanket lightly.

“A hundred years is forever.”

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[ 20:48 ] “Can you please stop playing that song every day? Don’t you know any other pieces?” You couldn’t help but frown at your roommate’s words.

Of course you knew other songs. You’ve been playing the piano ever since you were a small child. You debated whether or not to stop playing once you reached high school. But when you met Johnny, it resparked your love for the beautiful instrument.

“I made a promise to him that I would play it everyday.”

“Deathbed promises don’t count.”

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[ 18:44 ] You shouldn’t be sitting by yourself. You should be on the dance floor, your dress swaying as you dance with your date. But you felt like you were unworthy to share such a happy occasion as your sister danced with her newly wedded husband to a singer you knew all too well. It felt like salt in a wound as the voice of Ex-Boyfriend!Doyoung fills the room with his gentle voice, reminding you of who you lost.

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[ 13:25 ] A hot cup of green tea steams next to your laptop as you furiously type away on your laptop. The paper that is due tomorrow has made you beyond stressed but the cafe scenery stops you from exploding. Absentmindedly, you take a sip from your mug, flinching back from the sharp sting of heat on your tongue. A loud yelp is heard from behind the counter followed by a crash. Your eyes dart to Soulmate!Renjun sticking his tongue into a glass of cold water as his coworker laughs at him.

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[ 22:40 ] Ordering a pizza is one of the hardest tasks to do when you’re high. Everything on the menu looks delicious and for some reason you couldn’t get past the normal yet strangely funny names of the items. Stoner!Jeno pays for the large pizza with many toppings like the gentleman he is.

As you both sit at the table, he slams a whole bottle of honey onto the surface. You stare in horror as he opens the cap. He notices your stare before grabbing a slice.

“My pizza, my rules,” he says before taking a bite, chasing it with a large quantity of honey being directly dispensed into his mouth.

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[ 11:36 ] “What’s the point?” You ask when your patience runs dry. “What’s the point of you being here with me when it looks like you want to be somewhere else?” He had passed his auditions but stopped contacting you as time passed. This is your first time meeting in four months.

“Stop being so sensitive!” He says, glaring at you. Idol!Donghyuck doesn’t see anything wrong with his vague and short answers to your attempts at small talk.

“Don’t look at me like that, Haechan.” His heart breaks, not liking the way his stage name rolls off your tongue.

“Don’t call me Haechan,” he demands. This time, it’s your turn to scoff, stuffing your belongings into your purse before standing up.

“It’s the name you chose.”

[najaemein]

[1:52 pm]

jaemin 💕: mi ricordi di un rospo ❤️

you squeal at how romantic that sounded. until you copied and pasted it onto google translate and it comes out as, “you remind me of a toad.”

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[ 11:03 ] You’re still in an oversized t-shirt with your pants in a different room. The hairbrush in your hand acts as a microphone while you sing along to what’s playing through the Bluetooth speaker. Without your knowledge, Taeil watches you, leaning against the doorframe with a smile. He loves it when you sing to his song.

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[ 13:12 ] Your mom talks to a nurse as you sit in the emergency waiting room. You try not to put too much weight on your broken ankle as you shift to find a more comfortable position. The boy next to you watches in his peripheral vision.

“How did you break your ankle?” He says, looking down at your mangled foot.

“I have no idea, maybe it’s a soulmate thing,” you reply before noticing that he too has a fractured bone. You ask him the same question.

Soulmate!Jisung chuckles in embarrassment before answering, “I was chasing after the ice cream truck but I tripped.”

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[ 22:12 ] “Never have I ever fallen in love,” your friend says, giddy from all the alcohol they’ve consumed. Jaemin grins widely and downs a shot, followed by the person under his arm. Everyone is too busy gushing over the pair to notice you throw one back as well. The burn in your throat distracts you from the heaviness of your heart.