n2nataliegoodman

[n2nataliegoodman]

So, the general consensus is that Edwin’s forgiveness either was what caused Simon to move on from Hell or at least played a large role in it. Does that mean that when Nada in Sandman said that only Dream’s forgiveness could free her she meant it literally and him forgiving her would let her move on to heaven?

[n2nataliegoodman]

A moment I really love in episode three is when Crystal is about the shatter the tape and how Edwin corrects himself from saying “I could lose Charles” to “we could lose Charles.” It’s a moment that shows that even if Edwin isn’t thrilled to have Crystal around, he recognises that Charles is really important to her too. It’s sort of a moment of him recognising that he doesn’t have to monopolise Charles and that he has enough love for Edwin and Crystal.

[n2nataliegoodman]

The gay boy being in love with his 'straight' best friend is such a trope and its subversion is not rejection, it's reciprocity and mutual queerness. Charles's response wasn't a rejection. It was awe and kindness and support. It was, "I don't know but you are my person and we have eternity to figure it out."

The Dead Boy Detectives is committing to a potential love story between Charles and Edwin in a way I've only read in queer books. The writing is treating the possibility of them with the same weight it is treating the possibility of Charles and Crystal.

Edwin is a main character, his potential romances dominated the narrative, and one of his love interests is another main character whose individual development and relationship with Edwin is beautifully fleshed out.

Do you know how rare that is? How special? It's all I've ever wanted to see happen with queerness in media. For the queer character and their romantic plotlines to have the same space to develop as their counterparts. For their love interests to have (any) extended character and relationship development beyond being rushed in and out of the narrative for fear of alienating a homophobic industry and viewership.

Thinking about how much Dead Boy Detectives doesn't closet Edwin's story, nor the possibility of him and Charles, how much it appears to be pointedly rejecting how queerness has been handled thus far on screen, fills my heart with hope.

[n2nataliegoodman]

I’m making my dad watch Dead Boy Detectives and we just finished episode 7 and idk if it’s just because it’s one of my favorite songs but Edwin and Charles in the episode fit Flares by the Script really well to me.

[n2nataliegoodman]

I feel like a moment we don’t talk about enough in Dead Boy Detectives is that moment at the end of episode 6 where Charles acknowledges that Edwin seemed to like Monty.

He doesn’t brush off Edwin being gay or say that he already knew because it’s clearly an important part of who Edwin is and he seems to still be figuring it out. But he also doesn’t make a huge deal out of it since Edwin doesn’t seem to want to make a big deal out of it.

His first instinct is to reassure Edwin that he loves him no matter what (romantically, platonically, I personally don’t think the specific type of love matters). He tells him that nothing will change their devotion to each other. If that isn’t true love and relationship goals (again, I don’t think the specific type of relationship is important) I don’t know what is.

[n2nataliegoodman]

“Do you think it has to be torture? Being the way we are?”

“Listen to me. No, it does not.”

As a queer person this scene means so much to me and if we don’t get another season I am going to scream.

[n2nataliegoodman]

I didn't believe it at first but after watching the show, Dead Boy Detectives was so obviously crafted to be catnip for the Tumblr girlies(gn), cause like. Homoerotic ghost detectives. Sassy psychics. Weird girls. Witches. A literal cat king. Sad twink that's actually a crow. Hot goth lesbian butchers. Slowburn ft. immortal beings. Gay confessions in hell. This show was crafted in a lab for us, and I LOVE IT. Go watch it if you haven't already.

[n2nataliegoodman]

They said “this is Edwin. He’s a repressed gay Edwardian teen who was ritually sacrificed by the guy who had a crush on him. His super power is he gets tortured so good even Despair thinks he’s neat.”

Then they threw him at tumblr like a wedding bouquet

[n2nataliegoodman]

I’m rewatching Marvel’s Runaways with my friend because they’ve never seen it and Deanoru changed my brain chemistry for several months the first time I watched the series, and I have to say I dislike how they handled Gert’s anxiety a lot more than I thought I did.

Like, I remember at the time appreciating that I had never seen a character confirm that they have anxiety on screen and take medication for it.

However.

I really really don’t like how they handled it, particularly in the episodes with Topher. Like, the Topher episode was more focused on Molly, but it also compared Topher and Gert’s “addictions”. Don’t get me wrong, I take anxiety meds, and they can be incredibly helpful. But I don’t think I’ve ever needed them so badly that I would risk getting my family caught not once, but twice.

Idk, I just feel like it would’ve been a much more compelling storyline to have her slowly learn coping mechanisms to help her deal with her anxiety rather than treating her almost like an addict who is just a complete jerk to everyone around her because she can’t get her meds.

[n2nataliegoodman]

Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from

[n2nataliegoodman]

So. Funny little story.

I basically made my parents’ (particularly my mom’s) life hell when I was little due to three factors.

1. I had a condition called Febrile Seizures, where if my temperature changed too quickly I would have a seizure. This all stopped by the age of 5.

2. I have a very high fever point. Ever since I was little whenever I get really sick I’ll get a fever up to 104. When I was really little it was even worse since my temperature would go up to 106.

3. I got sick a lot as a kid. Most kids with the condition have 1-3 seizures total, while I had over 20.

This led to my parents dealing with a 1-5 year old who, if given something to stop my fever, could have a seizure, would be too hot to sleep, and so would stay up all night being miserable. So what did my mom do in this scenario?

Walmart $1 dvd bins.

Now, there were several movies my parents would put on for me, including Madagascar and the Winnie the Pooh Heffalump movie. But the #1 movie was a little old Disney flop from 2004 called Home on the Range.

Personally, I love it. I think it’s great. But that’s probably the nostalgia talking.

Anyway, I just rewatched the movie and noticed something…interesting. The movie is about these cows trying to make enough money to save their farm. There’s a scene where they enter a saloon where what are presumably 3 prostitutes are singing on the stage. A fight breaks out, one of the prostitutes goes flying, her wig flies off and she lands in the arm of a man.

“Daddy??” Says the man.

“Son?!” Says the prostitute.

Anyway, at this part I burst out laughing so hard because it’s so ridiculous. Now my mom is pestering me what’s so funny and I don’t know how to tell her what she exposed her sick infant daughter to.

[n2nataliegoodman]

ADD as a lesbian is trying to decide if I should try to revamp my Utena hyperfixation, try to revamp one of my older queer hyperfixations, try to find a new one, or just keep doing nothing.

[n2nataliegoodman]

We don't talk about platonic marriages enough

I am polysexual. My partner is aroace. We are in a queerplatonic relationship. We have been together for around 4 years and got engaged a little over 2 years ago. We don't do romantic things (we do sometimes, but not usually.) and we don't do sexual things. There's no romance, but we love each other. It is 100% platonic.

But I ALWAYS feel the need to clarify this with people we meet that, it's not "oh haha we were best friends for so long we just decided to get married teehee"

NO

It's still love. We live for each other. We would die for each other. We are attached at the hip. We are each others most important thing in the entire world. Just because we don't kiss or have sex doesn't mean it's not love.

I LOVE my fiance in ways words can't explain. And they love me just the same.

Just because it's not romantic doesn't make it any less of a relationship.

Just because it's not sexual doesn't make us any less engaged.

I am going to marry my fiance, my best friend, the love of my life, and I need people to know that it's not because we couldn't find anyone else. It's not because we said we would if we were still single at X years old. It's not a trend or a phase or anything like that.

I'm going to marry them because I LOVE them.

@novelcain <3

(update since this is gaining traction again: we're married now!! :D)

[n2nataliegoodman]

I have some mixed feelings about parts of Hazbin Hotel, but I love how the newest episode completely recontextualizes Episode 3 and the Vaggie/Carmilla duet.

Like, of course she learned to trust people through battle. She was literally an angel warrior. And of course her way of doing things didn’t really work, look how easily the Exorcists and Adam threw her aside when she so much as faltered.

And the song?

“When I saw your face, you made me feel like a stranger in a brand new place” She was literally a stranger in a brand new place.

“And it felt so good to be understood.” Adam and the Exorcists didn’t listen. They just threw her out. Charlie, for all her flaws, her biggest strength is the fact that she tries hard to understand the people around her. She knew Angel needed space, so she specifically told Husk to keep him safe, not to drag him back. When Vaggie said she needed space, Charlie could’ve dragged her back, but she didn’t.

“But there’s so much I wished that I could say.” She wants to tell Charlie the truth about her past, but she sees how much Charlie cares about her people and is scared if she knew the truth, she’d abandon her the same way Heaven did.

“Do whatever it takes, I’ll make the mistakes, I’ll spend my life being your partner.” She’s finally found someone who loves her, who cares and trusts her unconditionally. I’m sure Charlie will be angry in the next episode, but I’d also like to think that she’ll listen to Vaggie’s side of the story and it’ll make her even more angry at Heaven.

“And I will try to make your dreams come true, whatever we go through.” Vaggie’s dreams were shattered. She was abandoned, hurt, and gave Vaggie new purpose. And now she wants to do the same for Charlie.

[n2nataliegoodman]

yet another moment where saionji says something incredibly trenchant and insightful only to be completely dismissed due to the ridiculous framing and the general cringiness that pervades everything he says and does (eg, pointing out that the castle is a trick of the light, announcing that they must shed the coffins end of the world has prepared for them, etc etc). obviously in this instance, he is both saying something that is proven correct throughout the show via a myriad of dynamics, but is also shown to be a precept that is teleologically challenged and rejected by anthy’s final choice.

upon a first viewing, one might assume saionji himself is talking about anthy here, whether by presumptuously assuming that she loves him despite his abuse, or claiming that her rejection of him does not lessen his love for her. either way, he seems totally delusional and moronic. i can only assume that utena, who has even less information than we do regarding saionji’s true feelings, assumes that he is talking about anthy, and thus dismisses him out of hand for being a violent idiot. and rightfully so. but also, he’s clearly not talking about anthy, even if he may think he is (or at least would claim that he was if questioned). and this statement is truly definitional to his relationship to touga, whom he resents, envies, and maybe even loathes, but whom he cannot seem to ever actually abandon.

even when he’s given the chance to start fresh, he returns to ohtori (and in this case you can say that it’s because he has nowhere to go, no family, the outside world is scary, ohtori is all he knows, he felt he had no other choice… but this was also true of anthy, and she eventually found the courage to leave! it’s very very hard, but it’s not impossible, which is the point). even as he vocally condemns akio’s system, he nonetheless participates in it, albeit reluctantly, for touga. he is freer, healthier, and kinder in wakaba’s dorm, but he is also deeply unhappy. which isn’t to say that he ever seems happy (at least, not after losing the rose bride), but his unhappiness in “wakaba flourishing” is that of depression, whereas his unhappiness around touga is that of resentment. he’s rightfully angry over constantly being mistreated, but at least he’s not lost. he has a purpose. even if it’s just the purpose of receiving abuse and putting up a futile fight, it’s a role he can play with the only person who has ever truly mattered to him. it’s all he knows; it’s the closest thing he has to real love. and so he stays.

nanami is in a very similar situation as saionji is. they both idealize a version of touga who never really existed, and cling to him despite his blatant mistreatment of them because he is the only person who has ever shown them true affection in their entire lives. he manipulates them, makes a laughingstock of them, facilitates and participates in sexually abusing them, but also makes sure that they are too dependent on him to leave them. nanami is even more blatant in illustrating this idea than saionji is, as for most of the show, she does not even resist against touga like saionji does, rather she purely venerates and worships him, to the point of parody. he is a terrible brother to her, but in such a way that makes it seem like he’s actually a good brother to an obnoxious, ridiculous sister. he is actively grooming her, and she has nowhere to run, because he has fashioned himself her entire world. she cannot fathom a world beyond his limits, her very own personal end of the world.

it’s somewhat unclear whether touga thinks that controlling saionji and nanami is necessary to keeping them around, or whether he only wants them around because he enjoys assuming control over others. it’s probably a mix of both. he probably does hold some affection for them, but cannot conceive of a way to keep them as close to him as he would like without exploiting them, because he believes that true friendship is for fools and true love is impossible. to touga, if every relationship must be imbalanced in some way, then he at least wants to be the one with the power in his deepest relationships, unaware (or at least, willfully ignorant) of the fact that by corrupting and perverting their dynamics, he is slowly tainting their naive childhood love and affection that drew them to him in the first place. so in touga’s case, he inverts saionji’s logic to refigure it as “love can only be facilitated through abuse, no one will truly show you love unless they have to (through exploitation).” it’s the logic of someone who sees the world through an almost 2D framework of abuse, exploitation, transaction, and control. it’s the logic of someone desperately sad and desperately cynical. nanami is very wise (and brave) to ultimately reject him/it, even though it, too, is all she knows.

tsuwabuki complicates the nanami/touga dynamic by aspiring to inhabit both their roles simultaneously, and so he allows himself to be subjected to nanami’s exploitation while simultaneously subjecting her to violence. he is happy to be abused by nanami not because he loves her per se, but because their abuse is mutual. shiori and juri have a similar dynamic, wherein they are both at fault in different ways, both attempt to avoid the other (physically and psychologically) and yet constantly collide like magnets. however, the i would argue that the abuse they face is largely systemic, and their behaviors are primarily a symptom of their internalized homophobia rather than overt malice (even though shiori may pretend otherwise). miki and kozue’s tension is also mutual. they both harm the other despite loving them deeply. because love is not a bandaid that revolves all pain, misunderstanding, and miscommunication. see: the utena and anthy ledge scene.

finally, i think this quote is actually most powerful when figuring it through the lens of utena, anthy, and akio. of course, akio has fostered a dependency in anthy much like touga has with nanami, and so she does not know how to leave him despite being in incredible pain at his hand. but she is not “happy,” as saionji puts it. she is the most miserable girl in the world. she doesn’t love akio as much as she loves the memory of him, the idea of dios (which is of course also true for nanami and saionji re: touga, arguably also true for juri re: shiori, miki re: kozue, etc etc) — but anthy needs akio. or at least, akio has convinced her that she does. he is end of the world, she cannot envision a life beyond his imposed limits.

but i actually find it more interesting with regards to utena and akio. i don’t think at any point in the show, utena ever actually has real, romantic feelings for akio. i think that she is terrified of him, and in her desperate feelings of trapped helplessness as he ensnares her, she convinces herself that those heart palpitations, startled movements, shocks and thrills she feels in her presence is the emotional response not of fear, but of affection. but we know that in anthy’s presence, she doesn’t feel afraid, she feels calm, relaxed, happy. being with anthy isn’t wildly exciting, constantly requiring rationalizations to explain away the dread and internal rejection she feels towards akio’s advances. being with anthy feels like coming home. and it’s why she is initially so happy to be accepted into anthy’s family, to have a big brother like akio, to live under their roof. in utena’s naive, hopeful mind, she is joining anthy’s family in the most innocent possible sense. and she endures it, the grooming, the abuse, the rape, the end of the world; she fights til her very last breath, because she is in love. no matter how [utena] may be abused (by akio), she’s always happy to be near the one she loves (anthy).

[n2nataliegoodman]

I wish all ace/aro/agender spec people a very happy Thursday and a very special f you to anyone who claims that aspec people are less queer for being aspec.

[n2nataliegoodman]

"We need more weird queer people!" Apparently y'all STILL can't even handle aromantics