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[myway2hell]

😂

Penelope reading Colin to filth in front of god, the queen and the ton is kinda funny though

He really went on a whole trip across Europe to reinvent himself as a charming and mysterious ladiesman only for her to go: What a poser. He’s still a nerd. Hashtag not my Colin

[myway2hell]

These past few weeks have been full of confounding feelings. Feelings like a total inability to stop thinking about you. About that kiss. Feelings like dreaming of you when I'm asleep. And in fact preferring sleep because that is where I might find you. A feeling that is like torture. But one which I cannot, will not, do not want to give up.

Literally one hot carriage hookup and five minutes later:

[myway2hell]

am i the only one who is self conscious about my windshield wiper speed when it’s raining. like i gotta watch other cars to make sure im not being too dramatic

[myway2hell]

❤️

from dding dong, a lgbtq+ youth crisis support center based in seoul: (death tw) you did well, jonghyun. 청소년성소수자위기지원센터 띵동 dding dong sincerely appreciates the fans that who have supported us under the name of “shinee jonghyun”. we are sorry to share such heartbreaking and tragic news that shinee member jonghyun left us suddenly. nevertheless, there were fans who have supported dding dong through global giving (https://www.globalgiving.org/projec…/rainbow-teen-safe-space). within two days of december 19 and 20, we have received more than $4,000 in total from 173 fans a around the world. the sudden news is indeed heart-aching, however we think it is a surprise gift from jonghyun who cared about others more than anyone. jonghyun meant a lot to dding dong as he once raised his voice about the discrimination that lgbtq individuals suffer in korea. also, this support comes to a very special meaning to dding dong as it encourages lgbtq fans of jonghyun who are grieving for the passing of jonghyun. we will make sure to use the fund received under the name of jonghyun for homeless lgbtq individuals. as jonghyun once supported lgbtq individuals mentioning “difference is not wrong, i do support you“. we hope that the great artist, jonghyun will stay in our hearts forever. – an admin note: donations to the support center can be made at the above linked.

[myway2hell]

Please make this go viral.

It is so important I don’t even care if you delete what I write here, just help it be seen. 

[myway2hell]

Brienne impressed by fierce little girls from the North

[myway2hell]

BEST. SCENE.

[myway2hell]

Daaaaaamn

cause he’s dead.

[myway2hell]

👏🏽

I LOVE MY FAT DISGUSTING PIG-WIFE

I’m Josh, and I love my fat disgusting pig-wife.

I’m a freelance author and lifestyle blogger. My wife is a fatass and tub of lard. I met my wife Charlotte at the county fair when I mistook her for one of the prize hogs and started feeding her corn out of my palm, careful to keep my fingers curled in so that she wouldn’t gnaw off the tips of my fingers. About a full four minutes into feeding her, I realized she wasn’t actually a hog, but was actually a very fat yet somehow sexually attractive woman! We quickly fell in love, even as she never kept her eyes off the corn. We’ve been inseparable ever since, partially because I always have a little bit of corn in my hand and she’s always sniffing and licking it. She’s so cute like that.

I love my fat butterball wife, disgusting curves and all. I love the way she really fills out her sty. For me, there is nothing sexier than this woman right here: thick thighs, big booty, bunch of chocolate sauce in her hair ‘cause she fell asleep in her sundae, contact lenses made of Necco wafers, sometimes eats out of the recycle bin if she’s too tired to get to the fridge. This gorgeous girl I married fills out every inch of her jeans and is still the fattest one in the room. But hey, that’s just me. I’m a feminist, and so is my big-as-a-house revolting wife.

As a teenager, I was teased for being attracted to things that didn’t even look human, like women fatter than a size 4 and big rocks and like those old timey bikes with one big round wheel. Then, as I became a man and started to educate myself on issues such as feminism and farm animals, I realized how many men have bought into the lies of the media. A woman doesn’t have to be tall and thin to be beautiful! A woman doesn’t even have to have a name or personality! She can just be a shapeless blob with no distinguishing marks about her like a pile of condensed milk. That’s how I feel about my gorgeous, disgusting wife Carly. Wait, is that her name, “Carly?” That doesn’t look right. What’s her name? Definitely something with a C. I’d ask her, but her mouth is full right now, as she is eating Thanksgiving dinner in August.

Sure, my wife isn’t going to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan, except when she sits on it because I’ve lined her kennel with issues of Cosmopolitan. Because when she sits around the kennel she sits aroooound the kennel. Which is fine! But Cindy is so kind. Cindy has the biggest heart of anyone I know. Even her heart is plus-sized. And I love it for that. Whether my wife is finding an old bagel tucked underneath her cute side rolls or devouring a whole chocolate fountain even the metal parts before the guy we rented it from comes to take it away, she’s always being true to herself. She’s always just being Claire.

Guys, rethink what society has told you that you should desire. A real woman is not a porn star or a bikini mannequin or a movie character. She’s perfectly unique. She has stretch marks. She has big flat teeth that she uses to bite you if you try to cut when she’s waiting in line for soft serve. She has cute little dimples on her booty that she fills with hard candies and bouillon cubes to keep for later in case she gets hungry at the DMV. The twelve teats that run vertically down her front might not all be the same size. She’s real.

Girls, don’t ever fool yourself by thinking you have to fit a certain mold to be loved and appreciated. There is a guy out there who is going to celebrate your turgid sausage of a body for exactly who you are, someone who will love you just like I love my disgusting wife Chappie. I love you, honey!

[myway2hell]

LMFAOOOO

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Soo I don’t know if anybody made this but yea, I had to

[myway2hell]

LMFAO

The Health Care Freedom Act: A Transcript

INT. SENATE FLOOR - NIGHT

SEN. MCCONNELL addresses the august body.

SEN. MCCONNELL Okay, idiots. We’ve had seven years of the Obamacare hellscape, which, as everyone agrees, has ruined our country, killed jobs, slaughtered animals, and set the Bible on fire. But now the GOP is in charge – and it’s time for this national nightmare of “sick people being able to maybe not die or go bankrupt” to end.

SEN. SCHUMER Okay, you’ve been talking about a replacement bill for eight years. Let’s see what you got.

SEN. CORNYN Whoa whoa whoa – you’re being a little “pushy” there, Chuck.

SEN. SCHUMER That’s usually code for “Jewish.”

SEN. CORNYN Nobody said “Jewish.” I said “pushy.” You’re being pushy, is what I said. Don’t put words in my mouth. Anyway: read it and weep: the American Freedom Bald Eagle Old Glory Healthcare for Everyone with No Exceptions “It’s Gonna Be So Easy” Act.

SEN. WARREN …Where is it? We haven’t seen it yet. Can we see it?

SEN. MCCONNELL No.

SEN. JOHNSON A little history for you: when the Democrats wrote “Obummercare” –

SEN. MCCONNELL (chuckles) Nice.

They high-five.

SEN. JOHNSON – they did it in secret, in scarcely 16 months, behind closed doors, with not even 100 Republican amendments, and barely 70 public hearings.

SEN. MCCONNELL Like you can craft anything good in 16 months!

SEN. CORNYN In contrast to that undemocratic process, we, the GOP, spent literally dozens of minutes crafting this, over chicken caesar wraps and Arnold Palmers, earlier today in the senate dining room.

SEN. MCCONNELL Enough talking. We’ve been discussing this bill for almost eight minutes. Time to vote.

SEN. WARREN Can we see the bill?

SEN. MCCONNELL No.

SEN. SCHUMER Can we offer amendments?

SEN. MCCONNELL No.

SEN. WYDEN Can we have public hearings?

SEN. MCCONNELL No. Go back to Oregon, you dirty hippie.

SEN. COLLINS I’m voting no, Mitch. This bill is terrible.

SEN. MURKOWSKI I’m voting no too. It’s an abomination.

SEN. MCCONNELL (shakes his head sadly) Broads. Look, I know the bill is miserable. It would crash the insurance markets immediately. But who cares? This is just symbolic. This bill isn’t going to be a law. We’re just doing it to initiate a conference with the House, so we can actually pass a real bill later.

SEN. JOHNSON I just got a text from Paul Ryan. The House might just pass this bill.

SEN. MCCONNELL They might pass it?! Why the hell would they pass this bill we are about to pass?!

SEN. GRAHAM (fanning himself) This bill is abhorrent. It’s absurd, I say. I shudder to think what would happen if it became an actual law!

SEN. SCHUMER So how will you vote?

SEN. GRAHAM Oh I’m voting “yes.”

SEN. CAPITO This bill would devastate the people of West Virginia!

SEN. PORTMAN It would ruin lives! My own governor hates it!

SEN. SCHUMER You’re both voting for it, though, right?

SEN. PORTMAN Oh yeah.

SEN. CAPITO No question. Voting “yes.”

SEN. HARRIS Can we read the bill now?

SEN. MCCONNELL No. Any word from Ryan?

SEN. CRUZ I’ve been texting him a lot. No word. Oh – hang on, he’s writing back…I see the little bubbles.

SEN. MCCONNELL What’d he say?

SEN. CRUZ “New phone, who dis?” Guess I have the wrong number.

SEN. MCCONNELL No, that’s his number. It’s just: nobody likes you.

SEN. JOHNSON Ryan just texted me. I asked him if he could guarantee the House wouldn’t just pass our bill.

SEN. MCCONNELL What’d he say?

SEN. JOHNSON (reading) “Look, this is complicated. This stuff gets a little wonky – I don’t want to bore you with the nerdy, wonky details. I’m kind of a policy geek, so I kind of get down in there with the nitty-gritty stuff, that other people are bored by, because they’re not policy geeks like me.”

SEN. MCCONNELL …He didn’t answer your question.

SEN. CRUZ (checking Johnson’s phone) Let me see what number you have for him…yeah, that’s the same number I have. Weird.

SEN. MCCONNELL It’s not weird. No one likes you.

SEN. GRAHAM (lying on fainting couch) My fellow members of this most august body, don’t you see we are headed for a disaster? This bill cannot pass! It would upend generations of Senatorial norms and procedure, and devastate the very fabric of American society!

SEN. SCHUMER Still voting for it, though?

SEN. GRAHAM Oh yeah, still a solid “yes.”

SEN. MURKOWSKI I’m still a “no,” by the way.

SEN. COLLINS Me too.

SEN. MCCONNELL No one cares, ladies. Go get your hair blown out or whatever.

SEN. HARRIS Can we read the bill now?

SEN. MCCONNELL (angry) No! Why are there all these women haranguing me?! How many goddamned women are in the Senate now, 95?!

SEN. WARREN Twenty.

SEN. MCCONNELL Seems like 95. Look: no one gets to read the bill. It’s not a real bill! It’s not supposed to become a law!

SEN. JOHNSON What if the House just passes it?

SEN. MCCONNELL Call that little pissant Paul Ryan and tell him they better not!

SEN. JOHNSON (dials) Paul? It’s Ron Johnson. You better not pass this bill that we are about to pass, because we don’t want it to pass, even though we are gonna pass it!

SEN. MCCONNELL What’d he say?

SEN. JOHNSON He said the process of passing bills is wonky, and it’s hard to explain, and he’ll try not to bore me with the wonky details.

SEN. CRUZ Let me talk to him. (takes phone) Paul? It’s Ted. Listen, bud – (beat) Oh, sorry. Okay. (hangs up) It was the wrong number.

SEN. MCCONNELL We were already talking to him, moron.

SEN. PORTMAN No one likes you.

SEN. WARREN Can we read the bill?

SEN. MCCONNELL No. No more women talking. Time to vote. It’s a fake bill, and if the House passes it and all hell breaks loose, we can just blame Hillary or something. (calling out) Who wants to pass a fake disastrous bill that, if it became law, would cause the insurance markets to collapse, and 18 million people to immediately lose health care, but who gives a crap, because it’d be the House’s fault and no one pays attention to this stuff anyway?

49 REPUBLICANS Yay!

48 DEMOCRATS Nay!

SENS. MURKOWSKI AND COLLINS Nay.

SEN. MCCONNELL (aside) Must be that time of the month.

SEN. CRUZ Nice!

Cruz goes to high-five McConnell, who ignores him.

SEN. MCCONNELL Okay, one more vote. John?

SEN. MCCAIN I vote no.

Everyone loses their minds.

AMERICAN MEDIA MCCAIN VOTED NO! MAVERICK! ONCE AGAIN HE DEFIES THE PARTY! HERO! NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!

SEN. MURKOWSKI …I voted “no” as well.

SEN. COLLINS Yeah, Lisa and I are also Republicans who defied–

AMERICAN MEDIA WE REPEAT: THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED! LITERALLY ONLY JOHN MCCAIN WOULD EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! PLUS HE HAS CANCER – AND HE STILL CAME HERE AND VOTED!

SEN. HIRONO I have Stage 4 kidney cancer, and I voted –

AMERICAN MEDIA JOHN MCCAIN JUST DID SOMETHING THAT LITERALLY NO OTHER MAN IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICA WOULD EVER DO EVER!

SEN. CRUZ Bummer, huh guys? Anyone want to come over to my place, get some wings, watch a little “Life of Brian?” No? Rain check, then.

Flourish. Exeunt. Curtain.

[myway2hell]

takk for alt 

[myway2hell]

MTE

Julie: *picks out of a bucket* hmmm yes we are using YOUSEF

Julie: *spins wheel* and he is LEAVING

Julie: *rolls dice* to go to… TURKEY?

Julie: nailed it. 

[myway2hell]

#when your soulmate is right next to you and you don’t know how to act

“F u c k  a m  I  1 2  o r  w h a t”

[myway2hell]

Lmfaoo

yousef seduction techniques:

teaches you how to peel a carrot

steals your ball

throws grass at you

[myway2hell]

Yousef’s going to Turkey?? What. Julie what is this mess of a season. I just want Sana to be happy DAMN IT.

Also, to all the Evak shippers complaining about how your favs aren’t getting more screen/talking time. Please just go rewatch S3 500 more times as I’m sure you’re prone to do. Julie writing about Noorhelm makes sense, they are literally her babies, she made the show for them. They’re ridiculously popular in Norway and they actually tie into the plot this season. But at the end of the day, this is Sana’s season and Julie pandering to the Evak fandom when it doesn’t tie into Sana’s plot is annoying af. Y'all are (almost) ruining my love for Even + Isak’s season. TBH don’t @ me, I’m just gonna ignore you.

[myway2hell]

I didn’t understand a thing they were saying but I am SHOOK