mysticalblue09

[mysticalblue09]

Naming the female razor brand Venus is so personally offensive to me....you think Venus the goddess of love and sex and beauty was shaving her PUSSY? Go kill yourself

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silly little headcanon that, as Robin, each of the Batboys were trained to go limp when being lifted from areas of danger, sort of like how kittens go limp when mother cats grab the scruff of their neck. it just makes so it’s easier when Batman to grab him from a particularly dangerous area.

i imagine that, even after his Robin days, Nightwing still has going limp trained into him. one time, when he and Starfire were in a particularly dangerous battle and cornered by a cliff edge, Starfire grabs hold of him and he just limp. Starfire assumes something has happened to him and panics, but finds that Nightwing is fine. he’s a bit embarrassed, seeing that he still has his Robin training instilled deeply within him somewhere.

but where it gets even funnier is with Jason. as Robin, it’s always a little cute to see Batman grab him by the scruff of his neck and to see the small child go limp and get carried off into safety. but when Batman and Red Hood get into disagreements during the rare missions that they do come together to take down a common threat, seeing a grown, 6’0” man going limp and then realizing he did so is miraculously laughable. Tim doesn’t let him forget about his Robin habits only to get grabbed and go limp as well.

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Tim *standing next to Cass*: Dumbass

Dick: JESUS!?!?

Dick: *standing on a balcony and sneezes* Cass *standing on the roof*: Bless you. Dick: God?!

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Bruce, to Jason: you'll never guess what just happened

Jason: you adopted a new Robin.

Bruce to Tim: guess what just happened

Tim: I got a new sibling already huh? Kinda nice, I figured it was time.

Bruce to Dick: Can you guess what happened?

Dick: ALREADY? Man you have a problem!

Bruce to Damian: can you conjecture what has taken place

Damian: you have acquired another batchild.

Bruce to Stephanie: ok. Can YOU guess what's just happened?

Stephanie: you're pregnant.

Bruce to Cassandra: Can you guess what I'm about to tell you?

Cassandra: Selina said yes.

Bruce, to the entire family: YES!!! ATLEAST ONE OF MY KIDS KNOWS ME!

Cassandra: no, I just got a text from her.

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Tim: so do you have Tumblr.

Bruce: no.

Tim: get it! Please! It will be so much fun. *sees Bruce looking doubtful* Also a bonding experience 😌

Bruce: uh okay.

Bruce: *buys Tumblr*

The next day:

Bruce: Tim I have Tumblr now

Tim: that's great Bruce! So, what's your username? I can think of a few dumb ways you would try to sound smart.

Bruce:...uh

Tim: it's fine if you don't wanna tell me.

Bruce: you meant

Bruce: you meant an account

Tim:...

Tim:...yes?

Tim: Bruce.

Tim: what did you do.

Bruce: Uh nothing. I—excuse me a moment.

*Goes into next room and phones Lucius*

Bruce: Lucius. I need the purchase to be anonymous. Completely anonymous, not a word of it gets out! Especially to my family.

Lucius: uh huh...sure. Anything I can do to make you look less ridiculous.

Bruce: what are you talking about.

Lucius: never mind. As usual, I know nothing.

*Lucius keeps the phone*

Bruce: *coming out* So. Tim. Where were we.

Tim *looking up from his smartphone with a shit-eating grin on his face*: You're fucking with me. Tumblr? You thought I was telling you to buy—?

Tim starts laughing uncontrollably, literally rolling on the floor.

Tim: Bruce you complete and utter DWEEB 😭

(continues laughing)

Bruce:

Bruce: well I suppose this could be considered bonding.

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Am I getting a good grade in tumblr mutual?

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imagine tim is bruce’s bio kid, and is immediately given to bruce when he is born, but bruce already has an eight year old (dick) and a four year old (jason) at home.

just imagine how the boys would act at a baby brother omg

Jason: B? When is Timmy gonna be old enough to play with me?

Bruce who is currently holding a two week old Tim in his arms: Not for a while, Jaylad. Why don’t you go play with Dick?

Jason: No. Dickie isn’t fun, and I want to be a good older brother and play with Timmy.

Bruce: Jay, you’re already a good older brother, but you have to wait until Tim grows up a little more until you can play with him, okay?

Jason: Hmpf, fine. But can I hold him, pretty please??

Bruce: Sighs, fine, but you have to be gentle. I’ll teach you how to hold him properly, okay?

————

Dick pointing to a two month old Tim in a baby bouncer: B! Why does all Timmy do is stare at me? He’s not acknowledging all my cool big brotherness!

Bruce: Sighs, he’s a baby, Dick, that’s what he does at this age, but don’t worry, he’ll be more expressive in a couple of months.

Dick: A couple of months?! But that’s soooo long! I want him to start laughing and stop crying, it’s not fun when he cries.

Bruce: You’re going to have to be patient, chum. But I’m sure when Tim grows up, he’s going to appreciate you and Jay being awesome big brothers.

Dick, smiling: Thanks Bruce! When Timmy grows up, imma teach him all my gymnastics moves AND all my Robin tricks!

Bruce: Dick no-

Dick: Dick yes!

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I'm so obsessed with Kon being the most clingy but also gentle bf ever. Like whenever he's around Tim he has to be holding him; whether it's his hand, his arm, his waist, or maybe Kon is just walking around bear hugging his boyfriend from behind.

and like. of course, people are concerned because Kon has superstrength and is famously reckless. so maybe every now and then Dick and Jason jokingly ask if Tim's gotten his ribcage broken or something yet (which tim does not appreciate) but really Kon El never ever holds on tight. A light gust of wind would be able to push him off. and this is because of his superstrength. This is because he can't afford to be too affectionate. he can't afford to give all of his love. because it would hurt someone, because he was made to hurt

it even goes so far that when he and tim are cuddling on the couch and he happens to be on top, he's literally levitating half of his (very average) body weight so it literally feels like he's a bunch of pillows on top of Tim. (tim sometimes gets annoyed at this because he didn't sign up to date a body pillow (he says this as affectionately as possible because this is a touchy subject for Kon and Tim is one of the few people who know that))

maybe one day he takes a hit from some special kryptonite that takes away his powers for a day or two. he is the happiest he's ever been, because when he realizes his significant loss of strength and then sees tim running over to check if he's okay, Kon immediately tackles his boyfriend in the biggest, strongest, tightest hug he's ever given anyone. And if he cries a little too, no one needs to know. Though, from being tackled to the ground, Tim actually does break a rib this time. (he doesn't care).

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I love Bruce and Clark, I love Tim and Conner and I love Damian and Jon but I would never ships them all at once because that would make things really weird except in crack fanfic situations

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still believe that one of the greatest bits of all time was on January 6th, 2021 when. well. you know. and twitter was understandably an echo chamber of panic and fear and Justin McElroy just tweeted a selfie with a filter that was like “have a delicious national spaghetti day” followed by 3 tweets that were like “fuck. i’m sorry. i don’t know how to delete scheduled posts” and as i type this two years later i’m laughing

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PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE

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Bruce picks up the habit of casual shows of affection from Dick. It starts with little things, just a pat on the shoulder or ruffling Dick’s hair. With Jason, he pulls his son into half hugs. With Tim, he’ll drop a kiss on the top of his head. Damian, kisses to the cheek or forehead.

He doesn’t really think about it most of the time. His body simply moves, and his kids peek up at him with a smile, embarrassed blush, shock, or scowl. And Bruce just smiles warmly at them because he loves his kids. He can’t say it out loud, the words getting trapped on the tip of his tongue, but he can certainly show it through his actions.

Bruce’s casual affection isn’t a problem. At least, it doesn’t start as one. It’s not until it starts to extend outside of his family.

Kon look at him with utter confusion and shock when Batman ruffles his hair and offers him a ‘good job, kid’. Jon leans into Bruce when he presses a kiss to the top of his head, giggling as it tickles slightly. Wally and Roy get half hugs and a pat on the shoulder, and they exchange looks of confusion. No one says anything about it because as strange as it is, they’re not particularly bothered. If anything, they might even like it.

And then it gets worse.

Batman kisses Superman’s cheek and smiles so openly, so warmly. “You’re amazing.”

Clark doesn’t move a muscle. His eyes are wide, staring at the man he’s so undeniably in love with despite the fact that he’s never been able to say it out loud. He’s almost tempted to pinch himself, check if he’s dreaming or hallucinating. Because Bruce is being so sweet.

He doesn’t get a chance to comment on it because Robin stomps his way forward and grabs Batman’s hand, tugging him away. Bruce goes easily, leaning down to kiss Damian as well, and the boy most certainly doesn’t preen under the attention and easy affection of his father. What he does do is look over his shoulder and glare at Clark, as if to say ‘he’s mine.’

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☀️🦇

i have no clue how superbat came to be but it's been blowing up my tl and i am all for it.

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Clark, trying to yank the damn thing off but it’s harder than it looks: Take. It. Off.

Bruce, holding onto the cowl for dear life: I. Would. Rather. Die.

Clark, done with Bruce’s shit: THEN YOU WILL DIE!

Do you think he knows how romantic that would look?

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Ok i do have an angelduo au but its just Tommy praying to Kristin for an angel and thus Phil shows up much like that one lilo and stitch scene

Tommy, in crisis: oh my lady!! oh our mother!! send me an angel the kindest angel you have!! someone to be my friend :]

Phil:

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Barbara: Okay, I have made an infallible algorithm that will settle this debate of who has the highest kill count once and for all so you guys can stop arguing all the time.

Jason: It's definitely gonna be me

Damian: No, it shall be me!

Tim:

Tim: I hope it's not me.

Narrator: It was him.

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was actually not going to draw the movie superbat but then the idea of battinson having an awkward crush on superman took me by a chokehold