myrtle-thai

[myrtle-thai]

i'm at the bdsm club running into walls because someone keeps painting tunnels on them #yeowch

[myrtle-thai]

Markiplier not partnering with Honey because he didn't understand how its business model was profitable with how much it spent on advertising demonstrates a level of thoughtfulness that seems absent in a lot of youtubers.

[myrtle-thai]

there's a stage in sandwich consumption where it's falling to pieces & you're desperately cupping it in your hands & it's like this poor wounded animal that is covered in mustard & wants to die

[myrtle-thai]

sex is a lot like a horror movie in that it's awesome and sexual

[myrtle-thai]

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

[myrtle-thai]

the night is still young. i can do yoga and use my oil pastels. i can cut another fruit. i can write in my journal. i can make a poem. i can invite the figure outside my window in

[myrtle-thai]

PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE

[myrtle-thai]

you may think it’s no big deal but every sweet interaction is actually the most important thing in the world. sooo. take that

[myrtle-thai]

me in the. me in. the. uhm.

[myrtle-thai]

Reverse Air Bud movie about a human basketball player who, on a technicality, enters and wins the westminster dog show

[myrtle-thai]

i would be unstoppable if i could start a conversation

[myrtle-thai]

Translator’s note: This guy is boring as hell

[myrtle-thai]

You ever think about how we call toddlers that because they can't walk right. They toddle about. Fuckin idiots. Fuckin idiot steppers can't walk properly. Call 'em wobblers. This is my son Jeffrey he's at the age where I mock him for walking like a fucking scrub. "Skill issue" ass name.

[myrtle-thai]

would you?

[myrtle-thai]

You've been isekai'd into a fictional setting. Spin this wheel to find out which one.

[myrtle-thai]

[myrtle-thai]

Every time a small child starts crying or having a tantrum in my vicinity and I catch the parents glancing at me I’ve started saying “me when…”.

Friend kept trying to tell his crying kindergartener to calm down and relax and the kid growled “I AM relaxed” while visibly tensing every muscle in his body and I was like “oh that’s me at work every day” and we had a chuckle.

Parents look to other adults like “shit are they mad? Do they think my kid is acting like a demon?” And this response is my attempt to say “no. I think your kid is just acting like a human being.”

I WISH I could fling myself on the ground and cry because I experienced a minor inconvenience.