myquietsafehaven

[myquietsafehaven]

I kill you

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I only hate certain types of fic the same way I hate mosquitos and ticks. Like get these nasty little buggers away from me but also I respect their place in the ecosystem.

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Some of ya’ll need to realize than when I say enemies-to-lovers I mean high stakes shit where the characters attempt to kill or torture each other and not unproblematic crap where A and B are coworkers squabbling over a promotion or Pokémon trainers who don’t like each other

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I just want my OTP to derrive meaning from each other in a way that would be incredibly unhealthy and codependent if two people did that in real life but is profoundly poetic and romantic within the context of a fictional piece of media in consuming.

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"Hope this doesn't awaken anything in me," I say of something that's already showered and had breakfast

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Animal Wizard.

Like. Not a Wizard who works with Animals. Like.

An Animal that is a Wizard. A Crow with Caster Levels. A Horse that can rework reality with its will. A particularly pious Carp granted boons and blessings by Gods unknown to Humankind. A Raccoon which has entered into an Infernal Deal for supernatural power. Animal Wizard.

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GLaDOS to Chell walking around the inside of the testing facility: I know you're there. I can feel you here.

Me, about to solve the puzzle of how to have sex with a building:

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[myquietsafehaven]

The author's poorly disguised fetish

The author's proudly displayed fetish

The author's fetish you're pretty sure they don't realise they have

The author's fetish which they're firmly convinced everyone has and is just pretending otherwise

The author's non-sexual special interest which just sounds like a fetish because of their habitually unfortunate phrasing

The fetish the author is making a well-meaning effort to cater to in spite of clearly not understanding it themselves

The author's fetish that never quite makes it into the text because they keep getting sidetracked by the requisite worldbuilding

The author's utterly pedestrian sexual preference which the text treats like a bizarre fetish because they've got shit to work through

The author's seemingly innocuous recurring trope they're going to have a personal revelation about ten years down the road

The author's fetish you missed on a first reading because it's so far out of pocket, it never occurred to you that you could sexualise that

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There’s such a delicious enjoyment for me in scenes that are fights between two people that are so brutal because of how intimate their relationship is. They WILL bring up ancient history, they WILL stab you in all your weakest parts, and yeah most sexy of all, they WILL say things to each other they can never unsay. It’s fighting as an act of intimacy (derogatory). Evil sex scene. Nothing better

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betraying someone who trusts them deeply is one of the sexiest things a character can do its unparalleled. cause either the relationship is irrevocably changed and said character is completely at fault (guilt complex, hot) or it isnt and then both sides have to deal with the fact that they care about each other enough to overlook the betrayal (unceasing devotion, also hot)

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Unironically love logging onto Tumblr dot com to see a beloved mutual has discovered a new batch of sad old men to sink their teeth into and shake vigorously like a dog that caught a squirrel and following the dash backwards to the post that made them pick up the scent. Truly unparalleled social media experience.

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Every family has a different way of calibrating their parenting and decisions around media. Our neighbors who are horror fans (and named their kids after protagonists) have a whole programme of horror media they’re working through academically with their 5 and 8 year old, while we wouldn’t do that. But our 5 and 8 year old have watched LotR with us. But some neighbours still have their 8-year-old on “children’s media only and no video games”. And plenty of people at school let their kids watch superhero franchise media (I find this shocking and vulgar, far more damaging than historical 90s sword-based television.) everyone probably judges each other slightly, and all of the kids seem to be growing up pretty much the same and basically fine - as loved kids pretty much always do.

However, Dr Glass asked if I had an opinion on Buffy. Growing up fairly TV-free myself, I never really watched it and don’t care especially about it. I know the characters and found some bits satisfactory (and was personally quite into Anthony Stewart Head, as part of my lifelong good taste) but wouldn’t change the channel to watch it. But Dr Glass, having chatted to the horror fan neighbours, asked if I thought we ought to be doing similarly with Buffy?

I said absolutely not. I said Jurassic Park would be fine, though.

He said but Jurassic Park is visceral and realistic, while Buffy was practically CBeebies.

I said Jurassic Park is necessary education and good for the soul, and I saw it when I was 8 and found it exciting, and it lit my imagination on fire. Whereas Buffy, while not being particularly high-quality, did give me actual nightmare fuel, in terms of being “disturbing” rather than just blood-splashy.

Dr Glass said what did I mean - it was on at 6 pm - it was a kids’ show.

I said it might’ve been, but that our kids seem to be mapping along the same lines as myself or worse - Bug, 5, upon watching the mumakil smash through the Rohirrim, squealed with delight and said they’d never loved anything more - and were fine with splashy historic violence, but “teachers are secretly monsters” content would mean children climbing into bed with parents at 3 am.

Long story shortened, it TURNS OUT Buffy the Vampire Slayer had a censored British version that played in the evening on UK television, for children and teens, and the American/uncut version aired as late-night adult material.

Which we discovered, when Dr Glass shrieked “what do you mean they ate the principal”

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the magnus archives is a workplace comedy

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trans guy who doesn’t realize he’s turning into a werewolf because he assumes it’s all just normal side effects of starting testosterone

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