mynameisgoulash

[mynameisgoulash]

Call me John Lennon the way I’m taking shots Call me Elliott Smith the way I’m between bars

[mynameisgoulash]

lyrics snippets....... you guys are not ready for this

[mynameisgoulash]

Congratulations to Bruno Mars on APT!!!!! Rose!! Wow!!!

It’s funny how Bruno Mars and I both ended up essentially being held captive- me by my management and him by his gambling addiction. One time he and I got drunk and we picked up a random New Yorker and put thread through its fingers and toes and puppeteered it to dance for a few hours to our tracks while we rubbed cocaine on its gums before dropping it beneath the Washington Square arch. Sometimes I stop by and check in on it (the most philanthropy I’m willing to do)- thankfully, our fun made its mental state shatter so it doesn’t recognize me. Super excited for Bruno’s new song!!!!! Lady Gaga!! Wow!!!

[mynameisgoulash]

Once I find my lawyer (lost him in a department store) I'm going to send you a cease and desist.

We’re getting there on this thumbnail!!!!! Im gonna finish it today!!!!!!

[mynameisgoulash]

I think sex dolls have spirits trapped in them.

[mynameisgoulash]

for weeks now I have been holding my breath to train to become compound compost just to grow you one perfect cherry tomato

I mildly dislike cherry tomatoes. Pathetic.

[mynameisgoulash]

Me with my fans today. They’re waiting at the stage door to meet me but I snuck out through the front. I did it because a lot of my contemporaries wish they could live anonymously as normal people but they act like it’s so so hard… it’s not! See? Just take off your wig and makeup, remove your implants, put on a few prosthetics, paint in thicker eyebrows, get some injections to make you look paler and/or jaundiced, and switch to sweats like I did!

Also, I thought by sneaking out I’d start missing the anonymous life… turns out ummm I love being famous!!! I don’t get what everybody else is whining about!

[mynameisgoulash]

You all like but never share too. You all gawk at me like a monkey at the zoo.

got hydrocephalus cus my thoughts r swimming…

[mynameisgoulash]

You are all meal tickets to me.

[mynameisgoulash]

I went to the theatrical opening of my latest music video- yah, I know- with my assistant as my date to drum up some lesbian rumors. My team had her starve herself for two and a half weeks to fit into my clothing- I am not paying that thing and I’m certainly not buying her her own clothes- so we’d look to be the same financial class and so she wouldnt totally embarrass me with whatever shitty outfit she’d want to wear. Oh my god, I can’t believe I had to touch her… When we were in the theater, she kept looking at me to try to create a “moment”… this isn’t real, you naïve bitch. Stop trying to connect with me.

[mynameisgoulash]

New PFP again. I got my hair cut at this place in San Francisco by this guy named Fritz. He heard I was a singer and kept bragging about how I was fine but his daughter was a “lesbian singer” and that’s so much better (nevermind the fact that I used to do stuff with my FEMALE cousin)… so much more “in”. Well, you know what’s not in? Her shit ass music. I told Fritz it was much more suitable to call his daughter a lesbian with some high budget voice memos because whatever he was playing in the salon could not be legally considered a “song”. Nevermind that it ended up being “Look What You Made Me Do” by Taylor Swift… I don’t keep up on current musicians, okay! The damage was done. Fritz punished me, only cutting half of my hair and leaving the other half long, so I called up the head of UMG and had them sign Fritz’s daughter, putting her in a ten year thirteen album contract with minimal resources to produce. She’ll never get those albums done and she’ll owe them a fucking fortune. Helloooo Adderall addiction! Fuck with me.

[mynameisgoulash]

I can and will read your blog for hours

Thank you. How do I turn off asks so fans like you can never contact me again?

[mynameisgoulash]

I think it's so funny when someone I consider a fucking idiot likes my selfies. Makes me feel like I have something over them- I don't feel bad at all. Am I supposed to feel bad?

[mynameisgoulash]

okay so you guys were wondering what happened to this dog! I forgot her at my tour stop in Phoenix last year. I miss her lol!

I’ve been injecting the shivering dog in my purse with mild sedatives to quell her shakes and each time it takes a little longer to wear off. She’s super she’s sooooo cute

[mynameisgoulash]

I know it was a woman because I could taste her pheromones.

Somebody left her fingernail clippings on the floor of my trailer and I ate them… they’re my carbs for the day.

[mynameisgoulash]

Somebody left her fingernail clippings on the floor of my trailer and I ate them… they’re my carbs for the day.

[mynameisgoulash]

It’s funny how Bruno Mars and I both ended up essentially being held captive- me by my management and him by his gambling addiction. One time he and I got drunk and we picked up a random New Yorker and put thread through its fingers and toes and puppeteered it to dance for a few hours to our tracks while we rubbed cocaine on its gums before dropping it beneath the Washington Square arch. Sometimes I stop by and check in on it (the most philanthropy I’m willing to do)- thankfully, our fun made its mental state shatter so it doesn’t recognize me. Super excited for Bruno’s new song!!!!! Lady Gaga!! Wow!!!