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[mylovediary2019]

05/03/2020

I thought that it was you said you wanted to marry me.

[mylovediary2019]

11/27/2020 First thanksgiving spent together 🍁🍂🦃 It was a loving and cozy day, I felt loved.

[mylovediary2019]

10/06 9:53pm.

You’ve been writing short messages and I don’t know whether you’re sad, want to ignore me or want to end this. I’ve said what I needed to say but I am honestly tired of this. You don’t seem to emotionally care about me. You beed saying you’re not good when people walk out on you but I don’t understand. This is just dreadful and draining me. I don’t really know where this relationship will go from here. A part of me wants to hold on but a part of me wants to leave because we’re emotionally incompatible.

[mylovediary2019]

10/02/2020 10:30pm.

We argued on Wednesday and we have talked for ever since and it’s Friday today. I honestly felt like you were so moody and it killed the atmosphere and I should’ve took into consideration that you were tired. It honestly pissed me off that you were looking all pissed and the drive was complete silent, it was really annoying. You didn’t even try to talk to me so you were giving me the silent treatment as a response as well. 2 wrongs don’t make a right and I felt like we’re just completely the same which isn’t good.

[mylovediary2019]

12/09/19 9:47pm.

I feel horrible, hopeless, sad, lonely, betrayed. I want to write you a letter to express how I feel but I just don’t want to seem needy and desperate. I cried so much in the shower today, and on the way home from school. Everything just hurts and todsy is horrible.

[mylovediary2019]

12/07 7:13pm

I miss you terribly today and I just cried the whole day. I really want to speak to you. I wonder if you miss me? I really miss the times we had together despite the difficulties. I know things were rocky, but I was immature. I miss you. I’ve been very and and I’ve been crying everyday. This is difficult but I hope I’ll be stronger as time goes on.

8:17pm

I just ate dinner and I can’t stop thinking about you. I am crying uncontrollably.

[mylovediary2019]

11/29 Black Friday

Thanksgiving week was tough, I missed you more than I did during the times I was busy with school. I miss you terribly and today I feel extremely sad. I don’t know it’s because my period is coming, but I feel so emotional. I hope you’re doing well, someone I loved.

[mylovediary2019]

11/09 9:11pm

I did my training today as a health scholar and I miss you.

[mylovediary2019]

11/08/19 10:20pm.

I’ve been doing good by not checking your social media today. I feel like I’m getting over you by 5% and it feels easier than most days. I know that if we stay together, it will end in tragedy. I’m sad to hear that my dad didn’t like you and he noticed you were distancing yourself from me. It’s hard to accept but I’m slowly doing a good job accepting it. You never truly loved me, and I always defended you for that. I wanted to protect you and I didn’t want anyone to say anything bad about you

Things that make me not regret breaking up:

- You were always so jealous and overcontrolling of who I snapchat, and you would start an argument

- You didn’t stay to eat when my parent invited you over

- You acted annoy of me when I was a bit buzzed

- You dont stay up and wait for me to get home safely

- You don’t take me to go drinking or ignore the idea of it

- You probably missed you ex, you liked her picture & still are friends on Facebook

- You csn go 2-3 weeks without visiting me, don’t you miss me? Usually people can’t stand not seeing their SO after a few days

- You used to come down a lot at the beginning

- You want to go home after eating or drinking. I thought you’d want to spend more quality time with me because that’s what lovers do

- You probably just wanted sex from me.

- I was used and was thrown away so easily. You never loved me or it would’ve shown otherwise meaning you’d probably still be here but I felt trapped in the relationship anyways, I feel free now.

- jealousy or suspiciousness when I wear makeup

Thank you for being my first love and I learned a lot from you. Thank you for believing in me and being my best friend and biggest supporter. I deserve better than what you offered me, someone who will show their actions that they love me. They will come see me more often and I will feel free in that relationship. Thank you for the fun memories together, you’ve done lovely things for me. I am moving on. I will always think of you. 11/08

[mylovediary2019]

💔

I feel so hurt. I will just continue to blame myself as I caused this, but I’m just so hurt to not have any words from you. It hurts to know we’ve been together for 10 months, but this is how it’s ending. Either way, it will hurt but I’m just really sad this is the way it’s happening😔 I wish you could just say a few words to me, I’m worried if you’re even okay? What if something happened to you? I hurt you with my words, but I was just being honest. This hurts and I feel miserable.

[mylovediary2019]

August 21, 2019

Today you came down to hang out with me and I’m happy you did, but there’s a lot of thoughts and feelings I have inside. I honestly don’t feel as if you genuinely wanted to come down here, and it feels very forced. To me, it feels as though you coming down here is simply a duty to get done as opposed to wanting to spend quality time with me. I don’t mind driving up to see you, but I’m a girl and I honestly don’t enjoy driving home by myself at night.

I don’t know how the future is gonna go for us because this long distance shenanigans doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t know if you truly love me.

We’re going to Univwesal Studios this weekend, and I’m looking forward to that. But what’s gonna happen after that when we don’t have plans, and we both have school and are really busy? I honestly don’t like long distance because communication via the phone can only mean so much as there could be miscommunications and we can’t really be there for each other. Not being able to see each other for weeks and weeks makes me feel distant. I’ll keep trying my best as each day goes by..

[mylovediary2019]

June 28, 2019. Memorial Day with you ❤️

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05/14

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04/27/2019

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04/26/2019

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04/24 It was a difficult day but fun. We talked and I shared some of my feelings but it was hard.

[mylovediary2019]

April 16, 2019. Fun day 💓