Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Last Seen Blogs
Text
March - April 2022
Been taking way too many L’s. Got my heart shattered, my health completely deteriorated and most importantly my mental health is on the ropes right now. It seems like everything I do, I lose. Hopefully, I can look back at this and laugh about how this past two months almost broke me but I had the strength to endure and hopefully overcome.
0 notes
Text
9th Jan 2022:
130kg with a busted knee. Can I even attempt to climb Mount Kinabalu?
I’ll do it.
0 notes
Text
31st Dec 2021:
I’m fighting my inner demons, hope I finally win the battle.
0 notes
Text
To Vicky.
I think all my posts have been too dark and too heavily critical on myself. It’s time I write something good. I created this account as a way of expressing myself in a healthy manner. I grew up in a typical indian/asian household where men were not allowed to express their feelings and to hold back their tears. My brother till this day, teaches me about the concept of men. It’s a pretty dumb concept Vicky, don’t listen to him. Sorry I got a little distracted, back to expressing myself, I created this account because I felt like I was negatively expressing every one of my emotions. I never voice out or express emotions openly so I keep it all in and go home and talk to myself within the walls in my room. It was the only way I know how to cope with my emotions since high school I guess. But do you see how bad it is to talk to an empty wall about your emotions and regrets? I created voices in my head that’ll recreate scenarios of things that actually happened in real life and this time, I’ll be the one who comes on top. It worked perfectly tho, I’m not gonna lie. My friends constantly insult me and I take it in because I don’t know how to insult someone back, maybe because I suck at “comebacks” or I won’t say anything cause I’m so used to playing the role of “the joke” or “the punching bag” so I’ll come home and actually recreate this scenarios all over again and actually respond back, it made me feel whole again. Although it was effective, I knew it was a bad way to express my emotions. Hence, I created this account and I don’t know if it actually helps me cope with things in a more positive manner and I still talk to myself often, the walls are still my most dependable friends but I hope one day I won’t be this pathetic anymore. Damn here I go again being all negative. Vicky please stop being too hard on yourself. So here’s to a positive post (mostly).
Achievements in 2018
1. Was unemployed(technically) for close to 6 months, this taught me perseverance and the harsh reality we live in
2. Got a job despite sucking at it in the beginning, I’ve now been offered to lead a team (How fucking cool is that? Vicky you went from an ordinary lazy grab driver to a fucking leader? Your boss actually sees the potential in you that you cowardly hide)
3. Got a shitbag of a colleague/partner. This taught you patience and professionalism. Vicky one day you’ll appreciate the fact that he’s such an annoying shitbag because let’s be honest you’re dealing with him better than anyone else in the entire office which means you’ve reached a level maturity that you should be proud of.
4. You’ve traveled abroad for the fourth year in a row. As a kid, you weren’t sure about anything but there was one thing you were sure about and that’s to see the whole fucking world and in time you’ll see it all.
5. You. Let’s be fucking real Vicky, don’t give a fuck about whatever else people have said about you, you’re moving up in the world slowly but surely.
Vicky stop being too hard on yourself and be proud of how far you’ve come. Here’s to an ambitious 2019.
0 notes
Text
Bitter truth
I’m never poetic so my writings are generic and that’s fine with me because I’m just venting. 23 is such an odd age, the uncertainty of my future scares the fuck out of me. I’m fucking afraid of what’s going to happen to me. I have dreams and ambition that I’ve set out up till my 60’s and yet I don’t know if I’ll live that long. I bought a terrapin recently and I found out their lifespan could easily be more than 30 years and a friend jokingly told me, “Fucking hell dei, your pet is gonna outlive you”. I was laughing but deep down inside, his words terrified me a little. My dad and his dad never lived past their 40’s and I’m scared that I might not live that long too. So the question is, what should I focus on? My zero existence lovelife or my filming career that I’ve strayed far away from. I know I can’t have both and I know since I was a kid I’ve always wanted to have an impact on a large amount of people. I wanted people to love me or respect me for my work. I was a 6 year old kid when I told my uncle that Jurassic park was a brilliant film and I’ll never forget what he told me, “the film is good because of it’s brilliant director, Steven Spielberg”. That was it for me, I didn’t know what the fuck a director was but I was gonna be one because people were gonna talk about how much they love my work. Over the years I felt deeply in love with so many directors especially Mani Ratnam, it’s easy to make good movies in Hollywood but imagine someone making a movie that focuses solely on its brilliant story in a film industry that makes brain dead entertaining films, that’s exactly what Mani Ratnam has done for the past three decades. Been watching some brilliant tamil films recently including Mani Ratnam’s new movie and it got me thinking about whether am I really on the right path to become a filmmaker. A part of me wants to just work and focus solely on the work I have right now, editing and interviewing Millennials for a social media platform but another part of me wants to leave everything and go to India to make a name for myself.This has brought so much confusion and doubts about my future. I’m afraid I’ll never leave a mark on anyone and just die pointlessly. With so much doubts and fears over my career, I thought about my lovelife instead and it’s worse. 23 years old, never been in a relationship, never been intimate with anyone. Who the fuck is going to want to be with a 130kg man who smells bad when he sweats and cant do any fun physical activities because of his physical limitations. The bitter truth is, I have 17 years left to live and I’m afraid that I’ll die alone achieving nothing and become insignificant.
0 notes
Text
Tits
Wanna know what it feels like being a fat kid throughout of high school,primary school,college and university? Dudes constantly have this urge to grab,twist and pinch your man-boobs. Porn and women aren’t sufficient for this dudes so they think it’s okay think to cup a feel on another man’s breast. They think it’s funny. They think it’s normal. They think it’s okay. They think fat kids are okay with it. It’s not okay. I grew insecure about my own body and every time a friend, heck even a stranger lifts his hands up to my chest area, I go all defensive mode by covering my chest. Heck even some of you who are reading this, find it funny to do this. Find it funny to play with another man’s insecurities. Find it funny that we’re not worthy of respect cause well we’re fat. Well to those of you readers who are reading this, who have personally done this to me, know that you played a part in building up my insecurities. I know a friend of mine who thinks fat people should be body shamed so to that friend, I’m sorry you’ll never understand what it feels like to be in my shoes.
0 notes
Text
Gluttony
I’m sorry Vicky, but your friends don’t understand that you medicate yourself with food. I’m sorry Vicky, that even your family do not understand mental health issues. I’m sorry Vicky, that you’re not strong enough to cope with daily life. I’m sorry Vicky, that you let your emotions get the better of you. I’m sorry Vicky, that your friends make fun of your little insecurities despite them being the only ones you could trust. I’m sorry Vicky, for being a human.
0 notes