mydreamdrain

[mydreamdrain]

just realized that i am incredibly lonely. i do not and never wi have a friend group that is totally fine but i never hang out with friendS just a friend which is FINE but they’re not even close friends the only close one lives in a different country and we both wanna stay where we are so we’ll never be close enough to develop a group together and she has her own group anyway already and i just never had that ability in school and ive always wanted it holy fuck i never realized how sad that makes me im so jealous of my boyfreind he talks to his friends all of them for hours every day and i just cant ever do that holy fuck how sad is that i never realized that this made me feel upset and ostracized and lonely but damn it does

[mydreamdrain]

had a guilt dream about work and calling out because i said i had a family emergency with my grandmother and the whole dream was about all of the work responsibilities being put on me during the shift and i started sobbing while making sandwiches and trying to find large containers, fifteen to be exact, for an elderly couple who swore they ordered them ahead of time but all of the containers were in tightly sealed plastic bags and for some reason i could not muster the strength to open it because as i was making sandwiches my arms got heavier and heavier the more assistance i was denied and it got to the point that i could not rip a fucking plastic bag to get some containers for this kind and considerate elderly couple and i got so frustrated at my weakness that i used a knife and cut myself open and the whole time my coworkers were just involved in their own conversation completely ignoring all of the customers in line to check out or order sandwiches or get deli items and every customer complaint was directed at me rather than my coworkers standing around talking so i just kept crying and bleeding and crying and bleeding and eventually i just got so tired that i screamed “WILL ANYONE JUST HELP ME? PLEASE? WHY IS IT THAT YOU’RE ALL HERE AND I’M THE ONLY ONE WORKING??” it was perhaps the worst thing to experience ever and i think it is a psychological manifestation of how overwhelmed and mentally crowded i feel in life at the moment and how i feel bogged down by everything i try to do or accomplish and i try to reward myself for my accomplishments but that is simply distracting me from accomplishing my goals and i cant send an email to my chemistry professor for help because the real reason i am struggling is because i am not teaching myself because i’m so used to being taught that i dont feel as though i can teach myself because what if i try and i dont get it and i have to ask for help why is asking for help such a process and a worry for me and why does it make me suicidal to think about the idea of 1. asking for help 2. failing community college 3. my parents finding out about what a failure i am 4. my boyfriend ever seeing what my grades really look like 5. sending an email to or, even worse, receiving an email from a professor. i want to die thinking about the fact that i am still in the same mental state that i was senior year of high school. i am so dissatisfied with myself right now i feel like absolute shit and i want to fix it but im so tired and maybe id feel less tired if i took care of myself or dedicated time to my own personal growth and health and development but FUCK i have no time to do that or maybe i do have the time to do that but i definitely dont have the energy to change my habits. whatever. dream rant / life rant. needed to get it out

[mydreamdrain]

liam went ftishing in my pond

i stopped

he said he dreamt about me sometimes

i had three eons n a joint

chris o was there

[mydreamdrain]

“donald trump used an old vine meme of a nickelback song as an attack against joe biden and nickelback got the video taken down for copyright infringement” is not a sentence i EVER thought i could say and have it be true

[mydreamdrain]

[mydreamdrain]

dream i was at school there was a contest to get 6 slips to be part of a game. people pretended to be teachers and we threw balls like bathbombs into basketball clhoops on two dif teams three people each. saw liam in the hallway bc he touched my ass and i rolled my eyes at him and talked to him for a sec. both went into thebathroom. stalls were like bus seats. rose bellody talked to me, we walked off the bus bathroom thing and david looked scrawny and ugly. talked the lady that was at my sat she was sitting with mahon. weird fuckin dream man. 10719

[mydreamdrain]

dream that brooke told mom about my entire sex life down to the consent details. dreamt that nobody is trustworthy whatsoever

[mydreamdrain]

i had a dream where i scratched my car coming of the highway going fast as fuck with a lot of people in the car. sarah was there. delaney, hannah, josh her brother, others. womehow acratched the motorcycle at the same time. when i got out hannah said she couldve told me where to go bc i was lost. competitive even in dreams i see. i had to pee many times, for in real life i also had to piss. practicaly cuddled w sarah. hm

[mydreamdrain]

stonedream: created illegal tents for some event, cam and haleycwere there, it was kinda like prom? went home and had zos juul and pen some reason. i was mean to becca i was like “youre kinda being a dick” when we made the tent. fuchs was there drectijg us to dit down. some kid child boy like eight years old sad on my lap

[mydreamdrain]

did i tell you that you show up in dreams? no different than now, just in button up shirts and sometimes you give me a smile that looks different. one that says “i know” and i feel comfort. because i know, too. did i tell you? i dreamt last night that i burned down a mansion. your car was in the parking lot but the place was abandoned. in my dream, i thought stop playing with fire, or you’ll have nightmares. but my dream was of peaceful fire. of “burn this to the ground” and of “i love you”

[mydreamdrain]

a dream that she wrote something about me confessin my love so we could “get it over wjth” or whatever... my god... wish it was real

[mydreamdrain]

made poptarts for nolan but he’s gf and dairy free and i forgot i couldnt bring them so i left them and gt milk chocolate instead (which also doesnnot work) and then went to jfenns house to try to find something because she was having company over and then i was at emit foxs house and she was like whaat really and i sat with riley b in her living room. sarah s was in the dream somewhere

[mydreamdrain]

[mydreamdrain]

jax tryna seduce, “you were too much of a slut for j” “she didnt deserve you”

jay tried to kiss i didnt tho

[mydreamdrain]

people watch how dif people react and act wearing different clothing. simulation vibes.

crew party at funeral abby brought vodka

[mydreamdrain]

segregated floors of panera bread

playing ukulele for a shakespeare productionin english class

hugging mt and he called me pretty

crew in new lake with tiny frogs and jennnnnongs

watching two buses flip with kids on them.

jtn and candy and hed snap story

[mydreamdrain]

football with a long weight?? sophie dubs. track in the commons? high knees? in soem department store seducing some amputee to fuck me?? crutchez?? weird. called 911 a bunch of times. pretty odd.