myblueouterspace-blog

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16/11/2017

Morning knocks roughly on the door Messy hair, tiring eyes on Pyjama She woke up Drank water, soaked herself in a bath She tenderly stretched. Life is busy but she doesn't care Cause everything is perfect in this moment. Only here and now, take a sip of tee and feel the taste. You can't go back to this very moment Once it passed. Or you can't meet that person another time If you close yourself off today.

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My one and only unexpected 13/07/2017

It is a pleasure to know you, and I'm forever grateful that we met. You told me you have nothing else to seek for anymore, you understand why we exist already. I'm happy but I'm sad because the dream we used to dream together ain't real anymore. You are still you but not you anymore, but you are always around me, as you said I'm not alone. #unexpectedfriend

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Sands 21/07/2017

We met when sky gets dark At a white sandy summer beach I was wearing lacy intimates Under my soft and shy shell You looked at me with butning eyes True feelings or burning flesh desires Could I tell from? Was the answer something I been searching for? Nothing else matters in this interval of seconds. When your lips touched mine Sands in my tangled hair Sands in the sweetest taste of your kisses Time stopped, And I lost my mind in between these intervals We cuddled when the sun 's up high Till the winter nights fell down Through the rainy storms And we wouldn't let go Hands in hands we were one

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#currentthoughts #112017

I’m also happy that this person isn’t someone that I would think of that often anymore. Sometimes we just need to accept that your brain is tricking you, tricking your feelings that you don’t know whether it’s right or wrong. Or everything is just illusions. You got crushes often cause thanks to it, you don’t have to be with yourself or whatsover. It’s the moment you reveal your real self to yourself and you unwrap all the emotions within you, you accept that you do fail sometimes but you know that you are getting better, you are fixing and working on what you are missing to get better everyday. It’s also funny to the point that a whole new person can come into my life and I can be that open to that person even I’m fucking conservative sometimes. Someone told me that being so nice to people would be pointless and taking so much energy but I don’t think it’s the right way to handle. The answers should always be yes but of course I don’t let anyone harm me. I don’t know what gonna be in the future, but this moment is true, I feel comfortable and secured, I don’t think so much or worrying if it gonna work out or whatever. I just know that we are happy when we see each others, be true to another person and honest to our feelings and that’s it. Happy to have good friends to have deep talks, to communicate and to understand life in some certain levels which lost in words. I like it.

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I'm a museum full of arts. But you had your eyes shut. #bluemayy

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What kind of breed we are? Crazy human beings?

I just watched 13 Reasons Why Series and Into the wild at the same day. I don't know why but it just blowed up my mind. I don't know what I feel right now. Right, I'm upset of human and this society, why we can just be nice to each other, why war, hate and fights instead of love, love and love? In my mind, Christopher's sayings kept popping up... Happiness is only real, when Shared! If you ever want something in your life, you need to reach out and grab it. We need to reach out of our comfort zone, our limits and being nomadic... being alive not to survive you know? And what else, 13 reasons why left so many unnamed feelings in mind heart, it was hurting and sad... Have ever you heard about suicide before? Yes I did. Have ever you felt like numb, like you don't feel anything else cause you are too hurt already? Yes, I has been. Have ever you hurt yourself more than what you have been through so you just don't feel anything about what made you too hurt? Yes I was. I have been through all of these feelings, sadness, heartbroken, disappointed, desperate, but luckily I was strong enough to get over them all and become who I am now. He is right, it's not about to be strong, it's about to feel strong... even the society is fucked up, many people live like assholes, we still need to carry on, be the change you wanna see in this world. Be the change. I'm in love with this life and I believe good things are still out there waiting for me to find out. I will try and try more to reach out of here to become a better person and to find my own answer inside me. I want a better life, I want a meaningful life, why I still hesitate working on myself more? Be brave, work on yourself, get better and keep going. The world is waiting for me, it gonna be a huge adventure!

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April 2016. This was how depression looked like. No filter. No cover. No hidden. It was me at one low point of my most tragic time. I got thousands of pimple. I got nightmares. I got insomnia. I stayed up late all night long. I gained 8kgs in a month. With my bladder pain, my constant lack of sleep, I couldn't control myself of eating, thinking, crying and feeling removal of myself. My heart started beat so fast, there were some nights I couldn't breathe and was so scared. I was in middle of nowhere, couldn't find the energy to smile, talk with anyone even my closest ones. I tried so hard to get over, to remind myself to start a day with hope and passion. Yet sadness and depression weren't simply mood swings, it just came up in your mind and I couldn't handle it. I gave up faith in myself, I gave up my relationship and discouraged myself from what I could do. I tried hard, yet couldn't get out of the emotional circle. Yes, it was me more than 6 months ago, totally in lost mentally and physically. Look at me now. The scars of the pimple fading away, the skin is getting better than ever. I fixed my sleeping schedule, and luckily my eyes look exactly normal again ( not like the photos). I am fit again, proudly wearing jeans size 34. I hang out with people and keep in touch with my friend. I am now single yet in a happy way. It has been a fight for me to take my real me back, to have faith in myself again. I was not the same me before, some scars left, some marks on my appearance, yet I am back and ready to rock this beautiful life again. It was not possible for me to win that battle without help from some special friends. Thank you so much for taking care of me, being patient with me and keeping me companied through the battle. Constantly checking if I was ok, taking me out of my corner, understanding my sensitivity, bringing me to the doctor for health and skin checkup. You guys kept reminding me that I am such a kind, beautiful and smart girl, and my skin is getting better haha ( even it was not true). Thank you for loving me, caring me at my worst point and when I was the most ugly and bitchy. I just couldn't express how grateful I am. Sometimes, change is not so bad. I was not the same old person as I used to be. Yet it is fine as long as I am happy with how am I now. Ain’s it the most important thing?

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- Elliana Esquivel aka Elesq

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What if you constantly disappointed yourself? So disappointed disappointed disappointed!!!

Your past mistakes do not define or taint your future success

Picture source: @psych2go

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I'm trying to figure it out.

“I think about dying but I don’t want to die. Not even close. In fact my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic. There’s so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I’m still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can’t quite figure out what the hell I’m doing or how to get out of it.” —Matty Healy

photography by Brooke DiDonato

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Choose Love - Lang Leav

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Deranged Cloud

A blue cloud wandered on the sky

She saw through all humans on earth

Love, truth, joy, kindness and smile

Hate, lies, tear, hurt and depress

The world was getting deranged

People with their evil greeds

Keep fighting on miserable battles

To attain what they did not need

Weren’t they happy?

The further the cloud travelled

Her heart skipped a beat

Being alive or being survived ?

It was way too much

For her fragile angel soul

She felt them all wholeheartedly

She tried to turn the bitter

Into sweet blue water drops

It was like a cut in a killing

Corroding her day by day

Until she gave up her feelings

To be a normal human again.

Aren’t you happy?

[myblueouterspace-blog]

Ruined boat

I did break your heart

Not once in a while

I dragged you deep down

Into my fucked up space

You were always be there

I blamed myself million times

How could I say goodbyes

Not once in a while

It felt like million goodbyes

Repeatedly nonstop in a darkest room

I cried, you tried hard

I was a ruined boat

And you were on it.

[myblueouterspace-blog]

Blue hair don't care

“Dear future daughter: 1. When you’re at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won’t regret it. Often times you’ll fine the strangest of people have the most captivating of stories to tell.

2. Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whilst desire will emerge as acid, slowly making it’s way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.

3. No one is going to save you, anything you’ve ever read or heard otherwise is bullshit.

4. One day someone is going to come along who’s touch feels like fire and who’s words tase like vanilla, when they leave you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.

5. Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If it’s midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you’re not so sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry’s and afterwords, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently.” — Abbie Nielsen

Artwork by Kate Powell