myassortedmadness

[myassortedmadness]

It's time to play EEL! OF! FORTUNE!

[a moray spits out a thousand dollars in pennies]

[myassortedmadness]

[myassortedmadness]

A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

They walk up to God and ask to be married.

God says give me some time and I’ll get back to you. Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.

God responds “It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!”

[myassortedmadness]

How is your husband?

He should be fine I left him with enough food and water for a week

[myassortedmadness]

okay, i got real fucked up last week and ordered a fuck ton of webkinz, which i thought was a mistake, until the first ones arrived and pud decided she absolutely fucking loved them

at first i just put em on her to see what shed do, which was nothing, so i decided to just leave her alone in my room for a bit. when i came back in later, she was doing this and i dead ass started crying

[myassortedmadness]

today i hung out w my 15 y/o brothers girlfriend and i jokingly was like “tell me embarrassing stuff about him” and she was like “ok. he has a piss kink” and was 100% serious and i almost crashed the fucking car

[myassortedmadness]

I dont know what emotion this gives me but im feeling it violently

[myassortedmadness]

I’m right and I should say it

[myassortedmadness]

a work of art

[myassortedmadness]

Why does Catholic, the largest church, not simply eat the other churches?

[myassortedmadness]

[myassortedmadness]

[myassortedmadness]

[myassortedmadness]