my-memories-and-thoughts - Tumblr blog

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

I felt so upset and sad today. Then things got better and I'm now more relaxed. My mental illness is a real struggle.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Ho dei problemi mentali sicuramente. Speriamo di risolverli con pazienza, stupida irragionevole gelosia.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Uffa. Mi sento così gelosa a momenti alterni. E di una persona così poco interessante o bella. Bah.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Agosto 8, 2021.

Ho la sensazione di non piacere molto alla madre del mio ragazzo e non è la prima volta sicuramente. Ancora una volta la persona con cui sto si comporta diversamente quando sta con la famiglia e io mi sento sempre la persona che è fuori, guarda un po' tutto da lontano e non capisce molto. Non so se sia una cosa di lingua o meno, ma sicuramente ho la stessa sensazione che ho avuto in passato. Almeno stavolta non mi secco a cercare il consenso di qualcuno, se non piaccio non piaccio. Pazienza. Sembro fare amicizia con la persona più emarginata della famiglia, manco a farlo apposta. Magari il problema è il numero di persone?

Però il mio ragazzo non si è sprecato a cercare di impressionare sua madre, tra informazioni errate e altre cose. Che noia. Invece il padre sembra una così brava persona, così il resto della famiglia. Non so. Magari mi sento io un pesce fuor d'acqua perché non capisco nulla nonostante una vita passata a studiare una lingua. Però un po' di comprensione me la aspetto e che cavolo. Non tutte queste aspettative strane che vedo negli occhi delle persone, mi sembra che non sono mai abbastanza per gli altri. Abbastanza intelligente, interessante, socievole e chi chessia. Però vabbè per ora non ci penso e vediamo come va, però sono sicuramente giù per questa cosa e sicuramente non c'entra la lingua, visto che sono abituata alle persone parlare tra di loro ma senza vedermi. Sono invisibile per loro.

Però vabbè magari è stato solo un caso.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Queer Activists I'm angry I didn't learn about earlier

1. Harvey Milk. Thanks to Dustin Lance Black’s film ‘Milk’, this story has gotten some more recognition in recent years. Harvey Milk was the first openly gay man elected to public office in the United States in San Francisco in 1977. He was assassinated the next year.

2. Cleve Jones. Oh boy. This man has arguably done more for the movement than any other individual (imo). He worked with Milk in the mid-70s, made the AIDS quilt in the 80s, and has worked for the gay rights movement for decades. Watch 'When We Rise’, also from Lance Black, or read Jones’ book of the same name.

3. Jamie Lee Hamilton. Jamie Lee Hamilton is a trans woman, former sex worker, and activist from Vancouver. She provided safe spaces for other sex workers, harassed City Hall about the dozens of women that were going missing until they listened to her, and is just an overall badass. I learned about her by reading an article by Michael Harris called 'The Unrepentant Whore.’

This is an extremely small list, but these are the three that I didn’t learn about until I started to dig into the history of the LGBT+ community, and the ones that I was shocked I hadn’t heard about earlier. I’ll probably update this as I learn more. Feel free to add your own!

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

I feel very scared. I had a discussion and it didn't go well. It seems like things escalated and there were lots of accusations on me. Then he felt the need to say he would never physically hurt me then he said he wouldn't care what he would do to me.

I feel concerned.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

È sempre occupato quando si tratta di stare un po' assieme la sera. Bah. Ma rispondere per 10 minuti di fila è così difficile in questa era? Mah.

Fa pure le battutine su "eh sto parlando con altre persone, ma vaffanculo e accirt. Dio noia che cazzo di priorità hai.

Veramente mi fai uscire di testa. Cioè davvero.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Dear You,

Why don't you just say it it's over and you don't love me as you used to? Why getting the little fuzzy feelings for others and not me? Why ignoring my texts on stream on purpose? Why feeling so bored with me on stream? Why do you keep pretending you love me? Why do you keep procrastinating on things regarding our meeting? Why you don't send me cute texts anymore? Why you acting like a boring old man?

I would say I'm 40% done with your strange behaviour and I will confront you about it when we are together. Trust me I will.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

I have this feeling that he is not interested in me anymore. He compliments this other girl and gets excited when she comes to his stream, whereas he barely acknowledges me on stream. Weird.

He doesn't write cute things to me that much anymore. I guess it's just over? He doesn't play piano anymore, doesn't get inspired anymore.

I feel hurt by this. I really wish he just dumped me instead of acting like this. Like be a decent human and don't cheat on people, just tell them how you feel.

I'm gonna wait a month more just to see how this turns out.

I know I am stronger and will manage to get through it. I am beautiful and capable, with lots of interests. I just had to say it.

Io veramente penso che non voglia avere a che fare più con me ma sia troppo stretto nella sua logica per dirlo in faccia. Vabbè che una possibilità la merita (e anche io due settimane di pace), però non la vedo benissimo. Ci sarà tantissimo da dire e discutere ahahahaha Tra lui che è cambiato, incompatibilità varie, la mia salute mentale, è veramente assurda la situazione.

Però sono convinta che tutto andrà per il verso giusto, non importa cosa accadrà. Ho la forza di andare avanti anche quando il vento mi spinge contro. 🦾

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

As someone who uses the ipad pro and iphone x max constantly for school, I tend to dab around looking for the perfect apps to suit my needs and hobbies. If anyone wonders what apps I use for school, here are some “fundamental apps” I pertain to.

schedules and lists:

Calendars 5 - Calendars 5 is complete re-imagining of what the best mobile calendar experience should be. Calendars 5 is smart, excels in both tasks and events and runs on any iOS device you might have. It’s the calendar app you have been looking for.

Taskade - A great organized app that helps you organize your tasks or write simple notes.

Minimalist - a minimalist themed app that lets you list tasks very simple with other functions such as music and scenery to help you focus on those tasks.

timing, relaxing, and focus:

Clock - This is the default app that comes along with your ios device. I would say the functionality in it is very helpful to maintain alarms and a steady sleep schedule with the sleep function!

Tide - The tide app is an amazing peaceful app that lets you choose a time setting for how long you will work with soothing sounds playing in the background. The sounds really do help me focus and I highly recommend this app.

Flat Tomato - This app helps you split your time and measures it. For example, you would work for 25 minutes and then you would have a 5 minute break. This app really helps me with splitting my time and my tasks accordingly.

Forest - The forest app is absolutely great if you need help with staying away and off from your phone. The app grows a tree for up to two hours of constant studying which you would grow your tree in the meantime. If you do go on your phone and switch the app, the tree dies.

Flora - This is an alternative if you cannot or do not want to buy the forest app. It sort of works just like Forest, but you have a small 2D garden rather than a square terrain you see your trees grow on.

Oak -  Oak helps the monkey-minded decompress by transforming meditation practices from experiments into habits. We support you from your first session to your 500th, with mindful, loving-kindness, and sleep meditations as well as unguided sessions and breathing exercises. Individualize your meditations by duration, and customize with silence or calming background sounds. Oak tracks your progress and encourages you to continue building a healthy meditation practice.

drawing and art:

Procreate - My absolute favorite app that works so well with art. I draw most of my art work in there and occasionally make headers and calligraphy with it.

Ibis Paint X - This app is the pro version of another art app which has a few advantageous functions than procreate, but nonetheless helps a lot with making some really fine art.

titles and notetaking:

Over - The Over App is perfect to made headers and titles that are easily transferred to the goodnotes app.

Phonto - The Phonto app is another perfect app to make the titles with, but it isn’t easily transferred to the goodnotes app and you would need to save the image as a png to upload it to the page, but there are more fonts you could and you can add a lot of your own fonts as well.

Keynote - I use this app to make folders and planners and this works as a powerpoint but for apple of course. There are a lot of great tutorials that help with making cool planners and notebooks with this app.

Docs - Helps download videos and documents off online through mobile devices and organize files accordingly

Goodnotes - One of my favorite apps I use to take majority of my notes. It helps me organize my courses into different notebooks all in one app.

PDF Expert- I use this app in order to view my textbooks straight from the drives I use and occasionally edit and note take directly on my PDF books.

resources and flashcards:

Chegg - College resource with a flashcard app as well.

Course Hero - Upload documents to open documents related to the courses that you may be taking! Free when you upload your own documents, so try it! Great place to get accurate study guides.

The Khan Academy - App to take practice tests and get guidance on material related to your courses. Great app to get you on track and help you focus!

Quizlet - great app to organize flashcards and practice tests

DuoLingo- A wonderful language app that helps me keep a streak and maintain my language learning.

Periodic Table - This app is what it says it is. The periodic table. As someone who’s major focuses on Chemistry, I really do need this app and hopefully this app is useful for you all as well!

photos and editing:

VSCO - My favorite app that filters and edits images to make them look vintage or clean.

Snapseed - Another editing app with more controls and settings to help edit the images and color in areas to make them brighter or dimmer.

Afterlight 2 - A great editing app that helps add effects and details to images

PicPlayPost - an app that helps with organizing my images into collages or video cropping to make my images look neater. I also use it to edit my watermarks

Analog Seoul -  Analog Seoul is the eighth app of Analog Film City Series. With the specially created Analog Seoul photo filters, you can edit your pictures as if they were taken in Seoul.

printing, scanning, and storage:

Printerpro - A great app that helps with printing wireless from your iPad.

Scanner Pro - Scanning documents high quality and upload them to cloud

Drive - The best and foremost easiest storage to use and because I go to school/ university I have unlimited space for my files!

iCloud Drive - I only use this for photos or back ups, but occasionally it works well when I need to transfer files through apps that only use this form of storage.

Dropbox - Another storage application, but I usually use this for items I don’’t really need unless there’s an emergency. I use it to store mostly audio files and heavy files for keynote

entertainment and reading:

Netflix - To watch all my favorite movies and shows

Crunchyroll - I watch all my animes that I can here on this app

Kissanime - of course an alternative to crunchyroll is kissanime if you want to find animes for free (there are ads though)

Youtube - I mainly use this app for tutorials and guides to homework and projects

The CW - I watch all of my favorite local shows like the Flash, DC Legends, and Riverdale on this app for free.

MangaRock - I read most of my mangas on this app

iBooks - the installed app by apple where I transport a lot of my books into for reading and entertainment

VLive - For all my kpop friends, you know what this is for.

To be updated…

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Posted on

Friday, 4 January 2019

Periods… Or not?

I suffer a lot from premenstrual syndrome, I literally feel the lack of something in my body, the pain under the belly and so on. When it finally comes it’s all over, but it’s tough while it’s there.

Nevertheless I wonder every time if that’s the real reason I feel so low these days.

I really could use some recovery time now.

🌙

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Posted on

Monday, 31 December 2018

2018

Tonight’s going to be awesome. First restaurant and then we’ll party all night. That’s the plan.

However, I’m going to meet a lot of people, so I’m unsure if they’ll like me or whatever. Social anxiety, call it what you want. It’s hard when you have to have fun and not make a fool of you at the same time, with new people you never met before.

Also, my periods haunt me. Mood shifts, depression, anxiety. They seem to get heavier during this week, I already knew that.

I hope I’ll get in the mood right away when I dress. By the way, I’ll be beautiful, I think.

Let’s wish for a happy night, then.

🌙

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Posted on

Wednesday, 2 January 2019

Update

I’m missing my notebook. I survived the past 3 days, they have been good in one side but also really bad on the other.

I almost died and I also got up when I thought I couldn’t.

Now I feel fairly good, but I want to plan about this 2019. I want it to be special. Although I know there won’t be something special like 2016, I just hope it doesn’t suck like 2018 (which was difficult rather than appalling).

That’s all for now.

🌙

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Posted on

Monday, 7 January 2019

Well

I’m so anxious about telling my parents that I’ll be away again in 2 weeks. Jeez.

They’ll be upset but it was a bargain… For real. Sometimes I get too carried away… Maybe.

I don’t feel well but I’m not sure why. I feel sick.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Posted on

Monday, 13 July 2020

Mid July Update

I haven’t been myself in two days now. Everything feels totally black. I feel guilty about it because there’s nothing wrong with my life, more or less, and I don’t know what to do.

I stopped exercising and I can’t bring myself to enjoy food. I still had breakfast and I’m going out now, even though I’m in a terrible mood. I worry people will just realise how bad of a company I am and they’ll leave because I’m not like always. And they have every right to.

I feel very hopeless. Only hope I have is a video-game I discovered lately.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Posted on

Monday, 2 March 2020

I feel very anxious. I said I wanted to be apart but I don’t want to. I feel very bad emotionally.

[my-memories-and-thoughts]

Posted on

Friday, 28 February 2020

I fucking deserve better.