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I dreamt that there was a new meme that went, “If I dids it, I dids it. If I didsn’t, I didsn’t.” There was a third line, but I forgot what it was.

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honestly if you have a thing that makes somebody tell the truth, youve gotta be held responsible when you didnt use it and sentenced them wrong

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*They are both being chased by bad guys that could show up any second*

Dick: Hey, Bea, I’ll drive. Give me the keys.

Bea: You just assume the man drives?

Dick: No, I assume I’m the only one formally trained in evasive maneuver techniques and counter surveillance.

Bea: Okay, valid.

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*Batbros on a case*

Dick: Our killer is targeting a -holes. Think about it, he’s cleaning up the city one a-hole at a time.

*Dick and Jason exchange a knowing look*

Jason: By the way I gotta make a phone call. I know someone who’s in grave danger.

*calls Bruce*

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*Batbros on a road trip and halfway through they open the trunk to get a bag and find a random man in there*

Tim: Oh my god.

Jason: Whoah.

Dick: Did you not put him in there, Damian?

Damian: No, I did not.

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*All the batboys have plans to see a concert in Gotham, but there’s an Arkham break out so now all hands are on deck*

Jason: Oh, great.

Tim: I hate my life.

Bruce: Look, guys, I know how much you were looking forward to seeing that show. But there will be other concerts.

Dick: No, there won’t. The fact that this one’s happening is a miracle. Nobody good ever comes here because we keep killing each other.

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*Alfred is reminding Bruce to go to a school seminar for Damian that’s about helping the development of kids behavior*

Bruce: I don’t know why I have to go to this thing. In case you’ve forgotten I’ve raised a few kids.

*Cut to Jason pulling Dick’s hair and Dick poking Jason trying to escape. Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke stare at Bruce*

Bruce: Why look at me? It was Alfred’s fault. I was barely around!

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*The batkids get into some drama as civilians and Bruce has to come play dumb and save them*

Citizen: I’m calling the police.

Bruce: Listen, I’m not going to make excuses for these kids, but… life has dealt them a cruel hand, and they’re living with a very serious condition.

*they all try to look sad and play dumb*

Bruce: Truth is, sir, they’re from Gotham.

Citizen: Oh, God. Well that’s punishment enough, I suppose.

Bruce: Quite.

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Damian: Listen. Have you killed anyone, Jason?

Jason: No. Well, at least not directly.

Dick: Well, there you go. So that settles it.

Tim: I don’t think that does settle it, actually, Dick.

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Do you think after a battle when Bruce has to collect all the Batarangs he threw he feels embarrassed like how you feel chasing after a ping pong ball?

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*Dick opens the door on Tim and Tim slams his computer shut*

Dick: Hey, it’s just you and me for dinner, I’ll see you later?

Tim: Yeah.

Dick: Cool.

*Dick closes the door and then quickly opens it back up*

Dick: Hah! I knew it! What are you hiding?

Tim: Porn!

Dick: Don’t lie to me!

Tim: Fine. I’m working the case Bruce told me not to work.

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*Dick has been acting weird and Tim has been investigating why*

Bruce: Why would you keep this from me, and why would you lie about going to work when you weren’t?

Tim: Because he couldn’t go, because he’s injured.

Dick: I wasn’t injured. I was lightly stabbed.

Bruce: I’m sorry, you were stabbed?

Dick: Lightly stabbed.

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I like to imagine Dick just drops information about his life like how Alexis does in Schitt’s Creek, and the batfam is just like whaaaa, but he cuts them off before they can ask more questions.

*They just rescued Dick who has been held hostage for months*

Dick: So, this is weird. Today kinda marks the longest kidnapping I’ve had.

Tim: Kinda.

Dick: Yeah. The actual longest kidnapping I’ve been involved in was a three month kidnapping. But for the last two months of that I was debating becoming his apprentice to save my friends. Anyway-

*Bruce is forcing everyone to play two truths and a lie because he read that it was a good bonding opportunity*

Dick: My eyes are green. My suit is blue and black. And one time, I was stuck in the desert for a week with a random baby and I was able to get the baby to safety, but the two people I was with couldn’t make it very far.

Bruce: This is supposed to be easy, Dick.

Alfred: His eyes are blue, Master Bruce.

*Jason was kidnapped and it took longer than usual to find him*

Dick: Ever since Jason went back to his apartment you guys have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time I was taken hostage by Joker for weeks and no one answered my calls?

Everyone is too flabbergasted and Dick changes the subject so fast they can’t even ask him questions.

__________

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I counter your “Dick is old” statement with the batbrothers constantly being reminded of how young he actually is.

“Ask Dick, he’s ancient.” Jason says. A week later Jason saves a terrified grad student from a kidnapping and the guy tells Jason he’s 25. And Jason’s like what. But you’re a kid?!

“I was 25 when I adopted Dick.”

“What?!” Everyone says! “That’s so young, you can’t be a dad at that age that’s insane!”

“Dick is 25.” Bruce responds and they’re all horrified.

*Dick is in the hospital and Jason and Tim are trying to figure out his insurance situation when Bruce walks in and tells them them that Dick is still on his plan since he’s not 26 yet.*

I just feel like they don’t understand how young Dick actually is and they tease him so much that sometimes they don’t even realize that he’s really still so young. (I obviously don’t know the accurate ages of everything, but just saying).

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I might be the only one who feels this way but I feel like Nightwing hasn’t really had a storyline in the Wfa. Webtoon. Like I feel like they’ve been sidelining him a bit???! Idk. I just want him to have a storyline about his trauma too.

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Bruce: What were you thinking? You can’t just leave with the Batmobile, Jason.

Bruce: What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic.

Damian: But it was also wrong.

Jason: Okay, nobody freaked out when Dick went missing.

Dick: I didn’t go missing, Jason. The FBI knew where I was the entire time.