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PLAYING 20 QUESTIONS WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU SHOULD’VE MOVED ON FROM A LONG TIME AGO 1. why couldn’t you have just told me that you didn’t want me, anymore? it would’ve made it easier, to move on, if you’d spelled it out. but instead i had to sit there behind my empty lemonade cup and try not to cry as you told me that it was all timing. it wasn’t me, it was when we met. do you know how afraid i am to leave the house now? 2. what did you tell your friends, about us breaking up? did you show them the texts? did you tell them about the book? do you all sit around and laugh about the girl who fell so hard into you that she broke everything she was carrying? 3. do taylor swift songs on the radio bring you back to our first date, me shoving my sweatshirt sleeve aside to show you my tattoo? what about the office? remember how you groaned when I told you it was one of my favorite shows? or, what about the comics that you’d send me of that couple that looked like us? does anything make me real again, for a moment? 4. did that person i really want to name drop here tell you we don’t talk anymore? send you screenshots, and say “that girl you dated was a fucking cunt. she never stops playing the victim.” did you defend me, when she did? did you believe her more than you believed in me? 5. how’s the bamboo that i bought you for valentine’s day? is it still in your cubicle? did you throw it out? did it die? 6. if we were alone on a desert island and you could only bring three things with you, how many of them would be rolls of caution tape? 7. have you ever thought about calling me, and asking how i’m doing? or are you still too good of a person for that? 8. why would you lie about wanting to read the poems? 9. do you ever think about me with someone else, and then feel the urge to vomit? sometimes i’ll see beautiful girls in public and wonder whether you could love them as much as i love you. i’ll tell you a secret: sometimes i don’t even think this is love. 10. did you know that it isn’t so much that i believe you’re the only one for me, but that i don’t trust anyone else to touch you? it’s true, i don’t. i think about everything you’ve survived and how easy it would be for someone to poke the bruises and it gives me anxiety, thinking of you being anything other than happy. i just want to keep you safe. i don’t have the heart for it but i want to keep you safe. 11. how does it make you feel to know that the last conversation i ever had with my grandmother before she passed away was about you? 12. does it surprise you that it took me three months after your text to tell my mom that you didn’t want to see me anymore? 13. what did you do after you left me in my car? did you sit in your house for hours, thinking about what just happened? did you visit a friend, and let off steam? go out to eat, and order dessert? how long did it take for your life to go back to normal? 14. when did you realize how much lighter you could be without me hanging onto you? 15. have you realized, yet, that this was a mistake? that you touched a poet in a way she’d never known and now she stops people on the street in order to tell them about your mouth? how far away are you planning on moving so that you never have to run into her again? 16. what do you miss the most? those nights on your couch, watching bad movies and running our hands down each other like piano keys? the nights in your bed, telling me to be quieter because the walls around your apartment were a little too thin? the car rides to chipotle and my hometown and the bank? the way your face crumpled when i said that the cracks in our foundation didn’t matter, i just wanted to be there, with you? please tell me you miss me enough to put it into words. i don’t think i can bear being unmemorable. 17. would you have agreed that we could still be friends if you’d known that the alternative would turn me into this specific breed of monstrous? 18. can you sleep comfortably at night, knowing that I still cry because of how much i miss you? that I still can’t listen to smash mouth or hozier? that it was obvious to me how desperately you wanted be somewhere else the last time we spoke? that I left my purse on the fucking chair in my haste to walk out to our cars at the same pace as you? that i drove all the way home before i noticed? that i saw how you didn’t look back at me and i still don’t know how to put it into a poem? 19. was it enough, that i tried to save this? 20. was it enough, or was it too much?

written by Caitlin Conlon (via cgcpoems)

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Emily Dickinson, from a letter to Dr. and Mrs. J. G. Holland wr. c. 1862

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i can feel the longing in you, as you sit beside her at lunch. eyes staring straight down at your food. pasta, was it? pasta, yes. you pick up your fork.

she asks you a questions, laughs. you look up, avoiding her eyes because they are so lovely. twin pools of honey. sticky. you are afraid you cannot stop looking at them if you ever started. glued.

yes, yes. you answer her, a throaty laugh bubbling. it doesn’t matter what she asks you. the answer is always yes. the answer is always please

leave –

her boyfriend takes the seat opposite her and you look back down at your food. pasta, was it? the longing in your chest thickens until you are unable to breathe. you freeze and your throat closes up. i can feel your heart hammering beneath your collarbone.

you swallow your pasta. your words. your longing thick as phlegm.

hey. you finish your food. i’ve got to

go –

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softest of mornings, mary oliver

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I still love the people I’ve loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them.

Uma Thurman (via quotemadness)

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Maggie Nelson, Bluets

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when sappho said “in the crooks of your body i find my religion” and when hozier said “the only heaven i’ll be sent to is when i’m alone with you”

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hiya! I figured id make an informational post about the little things ive noticed about being on testosterone that I found weren’t talked about a lot when I was starting my transition and even before when I was doing my research. I think that trans sexual health is an extremely important part of trans peoples lives (and that doesnt necessarily mean sex) seeing as the physical changes that happen during transition are often foreign to us. Sexual health keeps us healthy and comfortable in our bodies, so do your best to stay attentive to your body’s changes! As always, consult your doctor if you feel the need to. These are only tips ive learned from transitioning myself and from my doctor when I asked about certain things.

PATREON

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💉 HRT ANNOUNCEMENT 💉

YOU NEED TO ASPIRATE BEFORE INJECTING.

I’ve known many individuals who were never told by medical professionals to aspirate, which is unacceptable on behalf of endocrinology. This is an extremely important step because if you accidentally inject into a vein, you can literally die.

“I’ve never aspirated and I’ve been fine” until you’re not.  “My doctor never told me to aspirate” because trans healthcare has yet to be standardized and is a work in progress. “The area I inject in has little to no blood vessels” but there are so many people who don’t know which areas are safest and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

How To Aspirate: Stick yourself with the needle and then draw back on the syringe. If your syringe fills with blood, you need to reposition your needle. If it doesn’t fill with blood, you’re safe to inject there.

Signs that you’ve injected into a vein: — Stroke — Shortness of breath — Coughing — Chest and/or abdominal pain — Low Oxygen — Blood clots — Slurred speech — Headache — Swelling — Tenderness

Literally just aspirate because it takes 2 seconds and can save your life.

Please share this post so that this practice becomes more common!

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All I have to offer you is everything in me.

William Chapman (via bnmxfld)

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me, originally: if you’re paying attention, there are enough contextual hints thrown in to keep track of the witcher timelines without extra indicators. it’s fine.

the official timeline: jaskier and geralt had known each other for 22 years by the dragon episode.

me: actually, no, you really needed to tell us that.

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6.12 | 7.01

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