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Find My Place
I read my previous posts - here and in my two other blogs (the one I set in private and the one I let the world to see) - and to be honest, I don't know what happened to the girl who wrote those lines. I lost myself over worldly desires. I am not the girl I once were. The change that has happened to me, I believe, doesn't serve me well.
Will I ever get to find her? Or better yet: can I steer this new self into a good place and make it better than the one I've lost? Change the narrative into something more positive and loving?
I want to get out of this rabbit hole.
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The Dior Book Tote Club with Natalie Portman
(requested by anonymous)
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Mid-30s
I'll be turning a year older soon, and I just thought of challenging myself; besides, being 30-ish is something.
Goodreads have a yearly reading challenge where you will choose how many books you can read for the year. I once joined the bandwagon, albeit I am not much of a book dragon, more so, I am not even a fast reader. I don't read every day. Therefore, I didn't achieve the goal I set for myself. This year, though, I thought of reading books based on my age - I mean, if I'm 25 years old, I have to read 25 books this year. Not much compared to other readers who can read 100+ books in a year, but it's still a good goal for me to be able to go back to reading. I'm not sure if I can live up to it, but will really try.
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I was tagged by @therefugeofbooks to show my favourite book photos of 2023 ✨ (I always love this prompt)
Tagging @stefito0o @mangoslixes @aliteraryprincess @elfspectations @megsandherbooks and anyone who needs an excuse to share their books :)
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With everything that is going on in my country, I know it's best to find a much better bread and butter. Knowing we are, at some point, a third world country full of crappy, power stricken, money bandit politicians, one must know that having more than one stream of income is the right and wisest choice.
I have always been on the lookout for a part-time writing job. But having an experience limited to "personal" blog writing circled around own epiphanies and opinions, and not a slightest clue in the world of research and content making got me nowhere else until now. I have set my blog in private because it's purely personal and something I just don't want to share with the world or could be that something I'm also not confident to engage with everyone. And so I am not bothered to write more so to even proofread my work for the sole reason that my only audience is myself.
I have two writing platforms - one obviously is where you're reading this and the other I just made yesterday with nothing but a book review post. I have been on and off when it comes to exposing myself on the online blogging world. Where everything I will be writing is set for the world to see; not that I'm confident someone will be reading it, but still, I am just not comfortable with knowing it's laid out there for anybody. Perhaps, that is why I can't put myself practicing "real writing". Real writing, as a point I've just made, is something akin to content writing, where a written piece could be published, though, not limited to books. I hope you could grasp what I'm trying to say.
I have, for so many times have made accounts to different blogging platforms but would eventually put everything into demise. Simply because I couldn't commit to it with due reason of not knowing what to write aside from my mundane life. I wanted my public platform to be about as engaging as the ones I see in Times, or New York Times. Nah, that's way beyond my capacity. But at least, something that is about a piece of research.
I have asked a very close friend of mine to randomly select a topic I could write about where I could submit to employers as a written sample of my work. Public transportation has been thrown upon me. And until this day, I still haven't written even the title of my would be sample article. It's because it is not within my scope of interest.
Being a content writer, you're not given a leeway to select subjects of your choice but rather it will be given to you. And if this Public Transportation issue couldn't give me the motivation to write and research, how could I even put myself out to employers to give me an opportunity? The problem is me I know. Maybe I have to research first about content writing or content creation and work my way to familiarize myself into the work scope.
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I don't know if it's me or it's just plain stupid of other people to only think of themselves.
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I don't know myself anymore. I don't know how to bring back my faith. I pray. I always do. But the intention and my communication with God felt so shallow. It's like I pray just so I can pray but to really have a conversation with God is like not present.
I wish to have a deep and meaningful conversation with the Lord again.
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I feel sad and scared at the same time because I know that there are a lot of things I still don't know. And people expects so much from me. It's hard. Every. Single. Day
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On Being Brave to Be Yourself
Excerpt from Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur
In times like this, I don't know how one can be so brave to bloom and flourish. When greed and hatred are scattered like a confetti making people devour and hang on to it like it's the most precious thing.
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ANATOMY OF A READER
I was introduced to the world of reading back when I was sitting outside the room of my next class in college (I started late, I know!). I was thinking about how to become smart because I have always been a geek freak and a nerdy wannabe. I've started with famous writers like Albom and Coelho - Albom being my favorite for Tuesdays with Morrie because I love stories packed with life lessons, and Morrie's has so much.
It started my love for reading. In reading, I find solitude and tranquility.
Now, you may think that I have been a voracious reader or a walking dictionary of some sort; I am a bibliophile, though my vocabulary is still quite limited. I sometimes skip searching the dictionary to look for word meanings because I'm... lazy?! And many may think - or have been thinking - that I'm really smart since I read or is really good in grammar, but trust me, NO! I'd like to believe I am at least an average. I have my fair share of grammatical errors and a fair share of naiveness and boo-boo moments as opposed to being a smart-ass.
When you research the benefits of reading, many articles will never be short of the fact of how it expands your brain, thus making you smarter. In my case, though, I haven't reached the point of being smart. I sometimes don't consider myself a good reader because it's like I just wanted to finish a book so I can add it on my "read" list. But, really focusing on the storyline and feeling every experience is way beyond me. I mean, I can't focus much no matter how hard I try. When a scene reminds me of something, it easily distracts me from putting me on a daydream. I imagine things and don't read anymore. It's horrible.
Just the other day, I was caught busy with my laptop and was asked what I have been doing; I simply answered that I am downloading e-books that I have purchased. The person asked me if reading can really make you smart because she can't see it from me. It was a subtle joke, but deep down, I knew it for a long time that even though I love reading, it didn't do anything good to me but simply the pleasure of knowing different stories.
So, should I quit reading altogether? Hell. No. Because I know I have started it on the wrong foot. I started reading to make me seem smart and to brag that I have read numerous books already, but reading isn't for that. Reading should stimulate your senses and ignite your soul. I would never abandon reading. In fact, I have been fervently praying to God to bring back the passion and the drive in me to read more books. To fuel the fire in me that has long been withered and thirsty to spark again. I want to feel the spirit of loving and longing to hold a book in my hand (or an e-ink device) and devour thousands of stories. I want that feeling again.
Yes, I may have been a dorky wannabe, but despite being mediocre, I will still continue to read books because reading makes me feel happy, accepted, and calm. It makes me at peace with myself and knows that with the company of fictional characters, I am not alone.
Read.
Read books that pique your interest, not something that is forced to you. You will definitely love the feeling.
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What does this year holds for me? Do I have to be scared?
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There's something in the rain. It makes me happy and content.
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Someone asks me if I could lend her my hair dryer. My initial thought would be that she's attending an event. I replied that I'll check if my other piece is still okay, but gadamnit she'll use it on her dog!
I know it's their first time to have a dog but I don't think it must've been their first time to know about respect and manners? I mean, she didn't even inform the first time she asked, I just thank the heavens that I've found out about the purpose (from her as well!). Don't people know how to be proper? You earn because you work, why not purchase an item for your pet which is obviously your sole responsibility anyway; instead of asking people their things?
I'm a pet owner myself and I love my dog as much as I love my other humans but no, I'm respectful enough not to ask somebody else's hair dryer to use for my pet.
May manners be the next in thing!
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Can't keep my excitement over my kindle e-reader because I want my hands to hold it ASAP. I'm hoping there would be changes with my order status so I could receive it tomorrow.
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