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@yoongiofmine

should i post the first chapter of Quitter for shits and giggles?

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We are officially over 10k words into Quitter. I'm so excited for you all to read this!!

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its so stupid that even the thought of writing out your username in a taglist makes me wanna cry

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The worst part of connecting with someone over a project you started is sitting down to work on that project after losing touch with that person and crying over the fact that I can’t talk to them about it anymore.

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I am haunted by my want for love.

To be held in such high regards that I am someone’s first thought when they are happy.

To be the first name off someone’s lips when they recall their deepest affections.

I long for the silent conversations held between lovers eyes across a room.

I long for the simplicity of being seen and loved despite everything.

I am terrified by the notion of love.

To give a part of yourself wholly to one person.

To sacrifice your independence for someone to stay by your side forever.

I shy away from those who confess affection towards me.

I push towards those I know hold no true love for me.

I don’t know what love is.

I have never felt that deep romantic feeling when I have looked at someone.

I don’t understand how loving someone can consume a person so much that they sacrifice their friendships.

The love I know was for my body, my lips, my words.

The pleasure I bring to others without getting fulfillment myself.

Too long I’ve reached for the love of others.

Warming someone’s bed praying to Aphrodite that they will stay.

I’ve neglected to notice the love that already surrounds me.

My best friend crying at the idea of not seeing me.

My sister joining me on long drives with music blasting.

My nephew smiling and laughing as I chase him around the house.

My mother watching movies with me and filling me in on the latest gossip.

My dad being proud of every accomplishment and never faltering in his love for me.

All these people love me, why then do I reach for love from others.

I have all I need to be satisfied so why does my heart feel empty.

Perhaps the person whose love I crave the most is my own.

I’ve spent so much of my 21 years trying to give it to others, watching them tear the budding flower in favor of rushed kisses and foul words.

They haven’t deserved my love, they will never love me the way I them.

Maybe my heart is crying out its own name. Begging to be heard and loved by me.

I will learn, I will love, I will water that growing bud until it blooms into a beautiful garden.

I will until others are begging at the gates to be let in, to bask in its beauty.

And I will be content,

With love of my own.

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As I lay in my almost empty room, dreading the coming days.

I realize how much I have learned, how little time is left

The people I love denying the truth, my heart finding every reason to stay

The future suddenly calling my name, a void of unknown potential

I have my last college kiss, hushed in my room to avoid my friends stares.

I take my last college exam bathing in the familiar anxiety.

I look around at this small college town and all its ups and downs, silently thanking it for all it has taught me.

The friends it has placed into my life forever and the ones it stripped away without any warning.

The love I have experienced and finding my own identity as a queer person.

I know I must leave, but I can tear my self away. Terrified for what awaits on a new winter day.

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[mushywriting]

So...

I started a kpop journal as a way to distress after school/work and I think I wanna post some of my pages here

So I guess this is my sort of intro page to my favorite groups rn. I use Good notes for my journal on my iPad.

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So excited for this!!!!!

A Little Bit of Your Heart | YOONKOOK | Announcement

Pair: Yoongi  x f!reader ; Junkook x f!reader

Summary: You had everything you could ever dream of; the career of your dreams as a music producer, the best friends you could ever wish for, and a exes-turned-friends-turned-fuck-buddies relationship with Min Yoongi. You knew you and Yoongi would never move past that and you were okay with it. Until a friend from your past comes back into your life, offering to give you everything you deserve, everything Yoongi couldn’t. Will Jungkook show you what you’ve been missing? Or will the new guy threaten Yoongi enough to do something about it? 

Genre and warnings: Series, fluff, angst, smut, non idol au, music producer au. Vmin side pairing. Roommate Namjoon, producer rap line, producer reader. Ginger Yoongi and Blueberry Koo. Namjoon and Jungkook are cousins in this, go with it. Ex-Yoongi. Childhood friend Jungkook. Mentions of Sope and Hoseok x reader.

Taglist: Open!

Coming out nov. 7th

[Membership] The first two chapters of this series will be posted early for the membership!

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Woke up to the worst news😭😭😭 Yoongi we’ll miss you!!! Stay safe and eat well. Come back soon.

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Sometime I wonder why I write and read male x reader fanfics while being a lesbian irl but then I remember that if I tried to write a wlw fic I would spend half my time screaming over anything I wrote and the other half crying that I can’t actually have it.

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Can’t wait to read Quitter!!!

Aweee thank you so much!!!

I’m starting school back up soon but I’m gonna try and write as much as I can in my down time. I’m hoping to start posting in January as a birthday present to myself lol

So look forward to that!💜

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WIP Wednesday Quitter

Inspired by @yoongiofmine to post a bit of my Hoseok x reader WIP. Hope you all like it, any and all feed back is appreciated!

Burning. That was the best way to describe how you are feeling right now. Painful, exhilarating burning. You had salty sweat dripping into your eyes, your legs and arms felt like they would give out at any moment, and you couldn’t get air into your lungs fast enough. All your unnies were convinced that you stopped breathing every time you performed and maybe today you had proven them right.

Evaluations. The day of the month every trainee dreads. A random day in a given month chosen by the managers, choreographers, and vocal coaches. They never gave more than a 24 hour warning in HYBE saying they didn’t want to know what you could prepare but what you could do right there and then. You hated this system when you first joined but had grown used to it. Even found yourself looking forward to the day where all your hard work would be critiqued to death telling you exactly what to fix and work on. 

You were last to go today, all the other trainees having left for the dorms to shower and get a good meal in their systems. You waited in the hallway for hours, the number of trainees having grown since last month. New and old, everyone was nervous because it was rumored that the CEO was here for the first time after his military enlistment. Wanted to see how we had improved in his absence was the rumor going around, but you knew better. He wanted to see how his staff had held up the training routines during his service.

Now here you were, head bowed as you caught your breath not daring to make eye contact with anyone in the room until you were spoken to. This would be your 97th evaluation since you first came to the company on your 16th birthday. One evaluation a month since you turned sixteen, no months off, no breaks. Nothing but hard work and determination flowing through your body for over eight years. 

You knew better than to go for water or a towel before they had dismissed you. Walking in you knew this time was different. The CEO and his two closest friends sat by him at the middle of the long table of “judges”. You had sang, rapped, and danced your heart out for the last ten minutes and not a single word had been spoken between the three of them, until now. 

You remembered just how all three had worked their ways up in the military ranks based on their cold expressionless faces as you performed. Looking them in the eyes was an absolute no go, wait until you are addressed directly or risk humiliation in front of all your mentors. Hushed voices they discussed you and your talents, if you strained hard enough you could hear key words when they raised their tone just a little. “24…8 years…background…never failed…trainees fear…no I…” You didn’t know which words belonged to who, just stood there the sound of your breathing filling the empty space in the room.

“Song y/n, correct?”

“Yes,” You kept your head down looking at your dirty trainers, you should’ve let Minyoung clean them for you. You tried to steady your breathing while fighting the urge to throw up. Never had you been this nervous about evaluations in all your years here at HYBE but standing here waiting for the feedback from the CEO you could swear you had left your body behind.

“You’ve been with us for eight years correct?” You recognized the voice of the CEO and raised your head to look at him. Steeled brown eyes met yours from behind glasses as you stared at Kim Namjoon. “You were sixteen when you first came to us, and now you are,” He pauses to look at your file again. “Twenty-four, happy belated birthday.

“Yes, thank you Namjoon-ssi.” You bowed formally, still not raising your eyes to meet his.

“That’s almost as long as it's been a company…” The blonde at Namjoon’s right spoke this time. Agust D, or Min Yoongi, better known as the legend of HYBE. Solo rapper and head producer of the company. You expected to work with him when you made your debut. “Impressive you’ve lasted here this long.”

“Not just lasted sir,” Your choreographer piped up this time. “She’s been at the top of evaluations since she was eighteen.”

You fought the urge to smile. Binnie unnie had always had a soft spot for you since you had attended her dance classes when you were a child. If it wasn’t for her you might not have made it as far as you have.

“Is that so?” You swallowed, feeling everyone’s eyes scan over you. “You joined when we were still BigHit right?”

You nodded, not trusting your voice at this moment. You knew they had your file in front of them so you didn’t understand why they were asking you so many questions.

“y/n you’ve survived 96 evaluations and you’re still here, working harder than everyone else, any company could take you right now and debut you but you choose HYBE every month. Why?” Your stomach dropped, taking a moment to collect your thoughts. Your confidence lies in performance, you hadn’t prepared to be asked questions today.

“This is all I’ve ever wanted. I dropped out of highschool knowing I could make it if I worked hard enough and if I haven’t made it yet it just means I haven’t been putting in enough into it.” You stared down the CEO as you spoke, voice never faltering, trying your best to come across as confident. “I joined BigHit because you inspired me. Your music had meaning and messages in it and I wanted to be a part of that. Being a soloist who couldn’t make it you rigged the game. You created a company when no one else took you and here you are, owner and CEO of one of the biggest agencies in Korea. I’m here because I refuse to lose a game I know I can win.”

You remembered the first time you read about Kim Namjoon, the underground rapper who wanted to make waves in the idol industry. He was a small fish in a big pond but he had created a tsunami. You looked up to him in every way and couldn’t believe the day you were accepted as a trainee at BigHit. You had seen so many people come and go you had become steeled to the proceedings but had never given up, you couldn’t.

CEO Namjoon nodded looking back at your file. “You are 24 now, not the oldest trainee but the one who has been here the longest right? I see your potential and I know you’re gonna make it. You’re close, you just need that last little push kid.”

You bowed deeply in thanks. Staring at the floor you tried not to let the emotions rule over you. Hearing that from your biggest idol brought you back to your sixteen year old self. “Thank you so much, that means so much to me.”

A silence filled the space as you stood up straight again. Your eyes met with the person to the left of Namjoon, Jung Hoseok. Your breath got caught in your throat realizing he had been staring at you so intensely. Of everything you needed to work on it was dance, and he was the HYBE god of dance and had been staring you down the whole time you performed. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from him as the other judges began discussing with each other again. His eyes burning into yours, making your whole body feel on fire once again.

After minutes, hours? You had no clue, Namjoon spoke up once again. “Well that’s all I have for you, are there any final questions from our other evaluators?”

“I have one,” so he does speak, if you hadn’t heard his music you would’ve thought he was mute after this interaction. “Eight years is a long time, with a lot of hardship. You’ve seen friends come and go, diets and exercise regimens that would kill anyone let alone a teenager. You never left but had every reason to, why?”

You had never felt so small as you stared back at J-Hope. After a moment, mustering all your courage, you finally answered.

Thank you for reading!

Mush Love <3

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My head is swimming with ideas for quitter but packing and moving to college must come first. Senior year here I come!!

At least I have a week in the apartment by myself to write before anyone else moves in and classes start.

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Hi do you have a master list? I couldn’t find it on your profile

Hi hi! I actually don’t have any writing posted as of right now! I am working in a Hoseok x reader story and will begin posting once I have more chapters finished!! Thank for the ask!

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Things I have done since sitting down to write.

beat the ps4 spiderman game

buy college textbooks

call my dad

get a visit from my nephew

curate a new playlist

message friends on discord

facetime my best friend

think about women (A specific one most of the time)

cry

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