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[murder-and-shit]

Episode 1:  The Scandalous History of the Corn Cob

The corn cob is one of the most innocuous vegetables in appearance.  However, it’s social, economic, and political impacts must not be underestimated.

Prehistoric Times: In prehistoric times, men would proposition a woman by offering her a corncob approximately the size of the man’s dingle. If the woman was not pleased by the size, she would throw it back at him as a refusal to the size of his dingle. 

Renaissance: When Leonardo da Vinci was first beginning to dissect, study, and render his first sketches of human anatomy, he found inspiration for the dingle by studying and measuring a corncob.

At the same time in Germany, Gutenberg was known to model his final version of the printing press after the corncob.  One day, he noticed that a corn cob rolled across his table taking his napkin with it, and so the idea of how the rollers would push and pull the paper was formed.

American Settlers: In the times of the pilgrims, the puritans didn't understand the threat and sexual invitation of the Native Americans bringing corn to the first thanksgiving.  It was in the early days of the Salem Witch Trials, it has been assumed that a fungus infected early crops of wheat.  However, what other crop did everyone else eat?  Corn.  However, so much of the corn’s history was overlooked. 

American Revolution: It is a well known fact that the American’s rebelled against their British overlords.  However, what is not known is the fact that in the latter days of the revolution, the colonists were beginning to run out of supplies.  There were several instances of patriots shoving corn cobs into their cannon and firing them.  The resulting effect was that the corn cobs acted as a fragmentation grenade and speared through their enemies.  It became a running joke when they said that they “COBbled together a victory”. 

Victorian Era in England: It was not uncommon to have shivs made of corn cobs in Victorian era prisons.  It was a cheap food to feed prisoners, but the left overs could be filed down and used as weapons against other inmates.  Some of the more frisky women would use them to liberate themselves of their ‘hysteria’ for which many of them were imprisoned.   

The Vatican:  For a brief time, the Vatican banned corn on the cob from being served in their nunneries and convents.  It was considered a ‘scandalous vegetable that left an insidious implement behind after consumption.’  The ban was short lived once edible underwear were discovered during convent bingo nights.  Nuns actually single-handedly saved the edible underwear market, but that’s a tale for another time.  

Biggie Smalls: The famed rapper’s sudden and untimely death was attributed to a fatal gunshot round.  However, the rapper was well known for being very alert and attentive to those around him.  What actually happened was Biggie Smalls had choked to death in a large bite of corn cob that had broken off during what would become his last meal.  His friends, in order to give their friend a less humiliating death, they put in a car and drove through known rival gang territories until they were ambushed and shot. 

We hope that you have enjoyed this inaugural episode discussing obscure history and its effect on the world.