ms-understood-busi

[ms-understood-busi]

Three is a crowd

My silent pleading and begging for it to stop doesn't seem to work

So I slowly open my eyes and I'm instantly sucked into abysslike darkness

Lost in oblivion, dark and silent

I feel numb, I can't move

I'm trapped between two figures

Ok this is awkward and uncomfortable matter of fact it is unacceptable.

Hi old friend

You never told me you were bringing a 3rd party into my bed

The only reason I embraced you into my arms, and welcomed you back night after night, was because you and I are cut from the same cloth

A fabric torn to shreds

Barely hanging on by the thread

But somehow managed to be stiched back together

Needle and thread baby, needle and thread

We never did anything really, which is what I appreciated about you

We both hated small talk and enjoyed comfortable silence

Unlike you, your friend is very loud and intrusive

He comes with a lot of baggage I'm not ready to deal with

Tell him to stop knocking and knocking, it's annoying.

The door is closed for a reason

Tick tock tick tock the clock goes

Round and round my mind spins

Back and forth my brain swings

How can I switch my brain off?

Dear insomnia if our relationship is to survive don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness

[ms-understood-busi]

All the words in the world

Have you ever sat down and went through the pages of your heart, only to come across heartache and heartbreak page after page.

Words carefully and carelessly stringed together to form sentences that makes no sense.

Maybe I can't read

Maybe they should have been written in braille, I seem to understand physical language much better

Maybe I need new glasses, because the ones I have are constantly fogged with hot unshed tears, that seem to have made a permanent home behind my eyelids.

Words have such a monumental impact and I'm still haunted by yours.

Words explained in a leisurely manner, characterized by occasional pauses of stuttering and uncertainty.

Words spoken softly and at length

Words said out loud and echoed into eternity

Words begging to be said but instead were left hanging in the air

Words unspoken that they shriveled up and died a slow, painful death

Words that are binding with promises that were uttered under the moonlight and quickly forgotten at sunrise.

Words written neatly with loving patience and ardoned with jewels of compliments, and praise.

Words whispered seductively with unbridled passion and fire so hot it scorched my ears

Words that encourage and motivates blindly with selflessness

Words scribbled in haste, with no care or affection whatsoever.

Words that sting with criticism but gently builds with compassion.

Words that gently soothes but also possess the power to uproot and aggressively tear down

Words of war, that wounds, maims and leave you scarred for life.

It is said that words have the power to affect you based on how much the person means to you.

Sighhhhh

Now I'm gonna have to rewrite this whole chapter again

[ms-understood-busi]

Happy birthday

So yesterday I turned a year older and I couldn't be more grateful.

[ms-understood-busi]

This was a tough one but in the words of Albert Camus

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back."

Thank you @dreamcatchersza

Sunrise, sunsets and new beginnings

By Nosibusiso Dulani

Did you know the Sun appears larger at sunrise than it does while higher in the sky?

There was a time I used to be obsessed with sunsets and sunrise

The beginning of a new day and the ending of that very same day, life’s unending cycle

Sunrise always used to leave me feeling winded, warm and fuzzy with the unknown as the day unfurled

Or was that from the jogging?

Sunsets always left me spent but satisfied with the day conquered and a life lived

The striking colors of vivid red, orange and pink scattered across the skies

Mother nature’s own Picasso

Beauty so enchanting you get lost in it

And lost I did get

Let’s not even mention the sun burn

How many times have we been told that not all that shines is gold

Do we ever listen? No

All I know now are cloudy skies and windy days

Day or night everything is the same

But days of the future are on the horizon

If there’s someone who has figured out this whole life thing, it has to be the Sun.

I was so fixated with the sun’s beauty, I forgot everything else she had to offer and what she stands for.

First and foremost the sun has a purpose and that is to SHINE!

She has a fuck you personality

She doesn’t wait for your applause or encouragement, she just SHINES!

The timing of sunrise varies throughout the year and is also affected by the viewer’s longitude, latitude, altitude, attitude and time zone,

If you think she’s shining too brightly

Honey, get yourself a pair of sunglasses

Better yet, get yourself some sunblock

Everyday starts with some expectations but everyday ends with some experience.

It’s called life

The sun has taught me that strength shows, not only in the ability to persist, but the ability to start over again, every morning if that’s what it takes.

Today I woke up and watched the sunrise from a whole different perspective and I can’t wait until sunset because I now understand that

Sunset colors are typically more brilliant than sunrise colors, because the evening air contains more particles than morning air.

Arise and shine!!!

[ms-understood-busi]

Out Of Body Experience...

Where am I?

How did I get here?

There are days when I feel so lightly connected to the earth that the threads that tether me to the planet are gossamer thin, cotton candy.

A strong gust of wind could dislodge me completely, and I'd lift off and blow away, like one of those seeds in a dandelion clock.

It's 3am on a Thursday morning

I should be fast asleep or drunk out of my skull, compliments to the half empty bottle of gin in the cupboard, but I'm neither.

Yes I've resorted to self-medicating, don't judge me.

So here we are

Eyes wide open, mouth dry as a desert and a dull throbbing sensation on the left side of my chest

Staring into the darkness

But worry not, I'm not alone, I'm never alone

Lying next to me is my very good friend, insomnia

She comes over uninvited every night and I welcome her with open arms everytime

But I wasn't expecting her tonight

We don't speak or have any kind of interaction

We just lay here floating and drifting between reality and imagination

I guess we both believe in waking up in the middle of the night and packing our belongings leaving our worst selves for our better ones.

[ms-understood-busi]

Before 2018 ends, remember...

[ms-understood-busi]

Have you ever heard me trying to explain myself?

Issa mess

Metaphors does it best.

[ms-understood-busi]

When steel finally bends...

I don't know you

I don't recognize this thing you call a smile. Wipe it off your face!

You don't even laugh anymore

Your hellos and hugs are not the same

I miss your pungent scent of genuine happiness and self assurance

Your unshakable spirit

That breezy cheerfulness that was such a breath of fresh air

You used to sing as well.

Corny made up lyrics and offbeat tunes, that used to annoy some people but not me.

Remember that glow and halo you used to have?

Where did those go?

What happened to you?

You are now a figment of my imagination, a used to be

Snap out of it!

Wake up! This is just a bad dream

Come out from wherever you are, you are missed

No! let go of me, loosen your grip on my thoughts, actions and emotions. Who told you it was ok for you to subtly and subliminaly penetrate my unique state of mind, my very own Smultronställe.

Ohw that was me

Well... run along, there's nothing to see here.

All you will find is a shadow of a girl I used to know, standing over a grave of broken bones and dead dreams, on the look out for the walking dead

If I have nothing tangible to give

Then take me, take all of me.

Take my time, my thoughts, my words, my tears, my silence and my laughter

With these, I want you to weave a blanket of memory

Hopefully it will keep you warm on days when you are feeling cold, lonely or just miss me

Or use it as an invisibility cloak on days when you do not wish to be seen or interact with people

I would appreciate it if it wasn't a perfect blanket but a blanket with character

Please make it colorful but not too bright

I'd hope it would have jagged edges that cut or tickle

Maybe a loose thread that has come undone here and there

A soft spot right by the corner, where you often lay your head

It wouldn't be a beautiful blanket but it wouldn't be an ugly blanket either

It would be a comfortable blanket

That has stood the test of time

And hopefully you'll take it with you everywhere you go.

[ms-understood-busi]

The climb...

Sometimes we get so focused on the difficulty of our climb that we lose sight of being grateful for simply having a mountain to climb.

[ms-understood-busi]

Nothing...

Perhaps we should let the emptiness speak for itself.

At the very least, listening to nothing would seem to

require exquisite attention to every subtle detail

Echoes of silence so loud they are almost deafening.

I can hear my thoughts creeping from miles away

[ms-understood-busi]

I Scream melting

Dear ice cream, yes I love you but can you please stop with your melting

These constant meltdowns are no longer cute anymore.

I know it started with a sweet tooth

but now you are giving me a stomach ache,

nah actually make that a headache

This is a sticky situation

[ms-understood-busi]

LOVEly hands

Resuscitate you and get you breathing again,

long enough to hurt you again.

This time breaking your heart into a million tiny pieces,

that even the best Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the world could not fix.

Once again you are left with a HUGE gaping hole

in your chest where your heart used to be.

Maybe you should have listened when they said

“ use your hands and not your heart”

[ms-understood-busi]

Sing along :)

At different times in our journeys, if we’re paying attention, we get to sing the song we’re meant to sing in the perfect key of life. Everything we’ve done and all we’re meant to do comes together in harmony with who we are . When that happens, we feel the truest expression of ourselves.

[ms-understood-busi]

Rocky Beach...

Waves came and washed away everything but still you were left standing strong, with feet planted firmly in Love and this chaos called friendship

[ms-understood-busi]

Dying to breath...

I could feel my lungs swell and expand

My heart beating faster by the second

My ribs slowly closing in on my vital organs, crushing the life out of me

This is a fatality

My chest is on fire and my heart is suffocating, I'm in need of CPR

I'm falling... or am I drowning?

I don't know and quite frankly I don't care, but I knew

that I had to take a huge gulp of air and hold my breath

for the longest of time, because with every move or

sound you make, you take my breath away.

[ms-understood-busi]

Sleeping Forever...

Up at dawn, the dewy freshness of the hour, the morning rapture of the birds, the daily miracle of sunrise, set her heart in tune, and gave her Nature's most healing balm. - Louisa May Alcott

The beauty in sleeping is looking forward

to waking up again tomorrow morning.

To hear the birds sing, to see the sun rise

and hear the laughter of a child.

Why would you want to sleep forever?

I would imagine the silence to be so loud it's almost deafening.

Like a thousand waves roaring and crushing on a thousand oceans.

Imagine to never bring into fruition and reality

the dreams of the night before

and every other time you thought of the future.

[ms-understood-busi]

Don’t Even Try!

She’s extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing her vulnerable or in pain. Her emotions and pain are hers, and this is what she’s used to.

(Artwork by Rita Renoir)