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The Crash-Bang Incident - Part One

Or: on the way to the tunnels with a concussed Steve Harrington passed out in the back seat, Max crashes into Eddie's van.

Let the record show that Max Mayfield never claimed she was a good driver. She said she could drive. Those are two separate things. Besides, the only seemingly competent adults in this shithole of a town had fucked off to some secret lab, and the next closest thing they had to a competent adult is passed out in the back seat of Billy’s car.

She can still hear the shattering of the plate against Steve’s head, see the way he’d crumpled like one of the ragdolls her Mom had finally given up on getting her to like. Max glances into the rearview mirror, eyes seeking out Steve’s face. She just needs to make sure he’s still breathing. Make sure Billy didn’t do something she’ll have to live with.

She doesn’t hear Lucas’s scream quick enough. There’s just the sound of metal on metal, the car twisting and lurching, steering wheel bucking beneath her fingers like a horse still untamed, and her neck twists sideways. Whiplash. Pain.

She opens her eyes to a car full of boys screaming and a looming black figure pounding its fist against the glass of her window. She shrieks, vaulting backward into Lucas’s spot, bumping her hip painfully into the stick shift,  seatbelt stretched to its limit.

“Are you okay? Fuck!” The figure shouts, wrenching the door open. He shoves his head into the car and looks over at her, eyes wide in his manic face. His hair’s wrecked – it’s a wild curly curtain clouding his face. “Shit, you’re a fucking toddler!”

Max, having finally decided that this weirdo is not at all a threat, lurches forward, slams her hands against his chest, and shoves the man out of the open car door. “I’m thirteen!” she replies, sneering. “Now if you wouldn’t mind, we’re kind of in a hurry!”

She pointedly doesn’t look at Steve still crumpled in the back seat, but it doesn’t seem to matter; the man turns his head, pupils turning into pinpricks as he takes in the limp form sprawled across Mike and Dustin’s laps. 

“Is that Steve fucking Harrington?”

“What’s it to you?” Mike asks snottily. Max turns toward him, already snarling in protection, but Wheeler’s got Steve’s head cradled in his lap, and he’s got his arms raised like he can shield him from this nameless threat.

“What’d you do to his face?” Eddie demands, almost whining, like Steve Harrington having his face bashed in is an affront to him personally. 

Max lunges through the still-open window in an attempt to stop him, but it’s too late. The weird guy’s already opened the back door and has pushed his way in past Dustin to peer down into Steve’s face.

“Don’t touch him,” Max hisses just as the guy reaches out to press his fingertips gently against Steve’s cheek.  

Steve hadn’t woken up as they’d dragged him to the car. It’d taken all four of them pulling his limbs into strange shapes and probably giving him a wicked roadburn. He hadn’t woken up as all three of the idiots around her had screamed unhelpful directions in her ear on the assumption that being louder would make them more intelligible. He hadn’t even woken up when Mike and Dustin started clutching at him as the stranger climbed inside. 

But one touch of this guy’s trembling fingers against his cheek, and Steve’s eyes slit open. 

“Nancy?” he asks, voice slurring around the name.

The guy laughs, all shaky past whatever bravado he’s lightly veneered on. “Guess again, big guy.”

Steve squints, making his barely-open eyes even smaller. She’s not sure how he can see anything at all, but he says, “Munson?” all soft and confused as he looks up at the other guy. “What’re you doin’ ‘ere?” he asks, voice slurring alarmingly. 

The guy, Munson, laughs again, and uses his free hand to tuck his wild hair behind his ears. Max can see his face now, and he might’ve just been laughing, but he’s not smiling as he asks, “I could ask you the same thing,” in a tone of voice that doesn’t hide the worry behind all that forced nonchalance. 

She can feel their window of opportunity closing. This guy’s going to commandeer the car, whisk Steve to a hospital, and that’ll be the end of her night. No more quests. No more delay of the inevitable. 

 Her palms are sweaty, and her windpipes shrinking in on itself like it’s one of those milkshake straws that gets stuck together if the shake’s too thick. 

Billy’s going to kill her when he sees her again. There will be no Steve Harrington and no inexplicable bat full of nails between them. He’s going to kill her, and that’s not something she can fight. 

But this? This is a plan with steps they can take to make sure everyone comes out alive. She’s a dead man walking, but Will doesn’t have to be. 

And that girl with superpowers could probably use all the help she can get, no matter how cool she is. 

She steps on the gas pedal, careening past the guy’s van where it’s still blocking the road, and continues on her chosen path even as the backdoor shudders with each turn of the wheel, trying to shut on mystery guy’s legs. 

Everyone’s screaming, and she has no idea where she’s going, so she utilizes the lessons her family’s taught her on being heard and screams, “shut up!” at the top of her lungs until the car’s catching crickets in its silence. 

“Lucas?” she asks, something churning in her stomach as he squeaks with what sounds suspiciously like fear. “Where next?”

Still, he reaches out and puts his hand on her knee, squeezing comfortingly as he says, “turn right here.”

Max turns. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” the guy, Munson, hisses. “The hospital’s back there!”

And the guy must’ve made some sort of gesture that jostled Steve because he makes a small, wounded sound deep in his throat. Max adjusts the rearview mirror just so she can glare at Munson threateningly, barely avoiding careening into a mailbox. 

Munson’s looking down at Steve with sad, worried eyes from where he’s crouched half overtop him, using the hand not holding up his weight to pet Steve’s bloody hair back from his head. “Sorry, Stevie.”

“‘m fine,” Steve slurs out. 

Max rolls her eyes and focuses back on the road, ignoring whatever spectacle’s going on in the back seat. She’s got hours to live, and she’s going to make them count. 

It’s a few short turns, following Lucas’s instructions until she’s careening off the road and bouncing to a stop on a grassy knoll, the boys in the back screaming as she slams on the brakes. 

When she twists the keys and pulls them free, the headlights click off, bathing the clearing in darkness. 

Max is the first one out of the car. The back door’s still open, Munson’s feet sticking out until he slides out, tumbling into an ungainly heap in the grass. He groans, flopping around until he’s on his back, messy curls covering his eyes. 

Dustin’s out of the car next, stepping over Munson like he’s a log in his path, not even glancing down at him as he orders everyone around. “We have to hurry,” he says, squinting down at his watch. He turns back to the car, yelling out “Steve!” in a demanding tone, as if he hadn’t just been cradling Steve’s shoes to his chest like he was a dying baby bird. 

 Steve shuffles out at the sound of his name, much more graceful despite what she expects must be a wicked concussion. There’s a trail of blood starting at his hairline and trailing down his temple. “C’mon, Munson,” he says, holding out his hand to help the other boy up. 

Munson peeks through his fingers up at Steve before flinging himself up on his own steam, eyes wide as he looks around the clearing like he’s never seen one before. “Oh, is this what hospitals look like now?” he asks, feigning shock. “Where���s the doctor?”

“What the hell are you talking about, dude?” Steve sighs, hands on his hips as he glares at Munson. 

Munson screeches deep in his throat, loud enough that the rest of them wince. He gestures at all of Steve’s body which, yeah fair. “You’re fucked, dude!” he yells. “Your brain’s probably bleeding out your ears!”

Steve says, “no hospitals,” just as Dustin replies, “we can check his brain after,” and strides farther into the clearing without a backwards glance, like he expects everyone else to follow him without question. Max resists the urge to get back in the car and leave all these idiots to die. 

After all, Steve and Lucas are still here. The rest of them can burn, for all she cares. 

“I thought I made myself clear,” Steve says, hands on his hips like he’s someone’s beleaguered mother, even though he’s slurring, and Munson’s right: his brain’s probably leaking out his ears. “We’re on the bench!”

Dustin stomps back with a huff, clearly fed up with the delay. “Steve, you’re upset, I get it,” he starts. His flashlight’s on and blinding Steve as it’s shined directly into his eyes. “But the bottom line is, a party member requires assistance, and it is our duty to provide that assistance.”

Munson laughs, halfway to hysterical as he pulls a hunk of unruly hair taught in front of his own face and bites it like a dog. Max wrinkles her nose, disgusted, but then the guy says, “what is this a live-action D&D game? And I thought I was a nerd,” and she sort of starts to like him. 

“Henderson,” Steve sighs, rolling his eyes when he’s immediately verbally bowled over.

“I know you promised Nancy you’d keep us safe,” Dustin says, finally pointing the flashlight away from Steve’s eyes, illuminating the ground between them. “So, keep us safe.”

Munson twitches beside Steve, inching closer to him as the silence lingers, showing exactly where his loyalties lie. But in the end, Steve sighs, shoulders slumping, and Max knows the plan’s back on. 

“If we’re doing this, we’re going to do it right,” Steve says, turning back to dig through the contents of Billy’s trunk as if it was his own. 

“Do what?” Munson cried, reaching up to pull his own hair by the root as he stomped his foot like a beleaguered father. 

When Steve turns back, he tosses a bandana at Munson’s chest. He scrambles to grab it, but it falls into the grass, and by the time he stands back up, Steve’s got a red bandana of his own tied around the bottom half of his face, and what looks like a pair of Billy’s old swimming goggles strapped across his eyes. The pressure’s got to be killer on his concussion, but Steve doesn’t complain.

He never seems to when it’s his own well being in question. Max kind of wants to stuff him back in the car and haul ass to the hospital, or better yet, out of this spooky fucking town entirely.

Munson’s just standing there, bandana clutched in his hand as he squints at Steve like he’s an alien. With the goggles making him so bug-eyed, she can’t really blame him.

“Put that on,” Steve says, pointing down at the bandana. “The air in the Upside-Down is like, toxic or something. Hop had to be on some sort of breathing machine.

Munson takes two steps forward and waves his hand in front of Steve’s face rapidly. “Hello? Anyone fucking in there?” When Steve smacks his hand down, Munson takes a quick hop back and throws his hands in the air, letting the bandana flutter back to the grass. “What the fuck is an Upside-Down? Have you cracked?”

“Eddie,” Steve sighs. He sounds tired down to his bones. Probably happens to anyone who has to deal with Dustin for more than twenty minutes at a time, never mind this new guy and whatever his damage is. 

He bends down to retrieve the bandana himself and steps forward. Munson – Eddie – takes a quick step back, eyes wide like he’s afraid he’s going to get his ass kicked. But all Steve does is brush Eddie’s messy curls off his shoulder and out of the way so he can tie the bandana around his face himself.

“Just trust me, okay?” 

Max turns away, feeling suddenly like she’s seeing something she shouldn’t as Eddie shivers and shakes beneath Steve’s gentle hands.

Welcome to the fic that I started writing in (checks notes), 2023???? I had a blast writing from Max's POV, and the rest of the kids are coming! As always, a thank you for @queenie-ofthe-void for the beta editing AND the full-on writing of some parts of this fic, coming soon! I will post the credit when we get to that <3<3<3 But honestly, the fact that I have written absolutely anything at any given time as a MINIMUM of 40% due to you so <3<3<3

Part Two

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Imagine Steve Harrington, son of Richard Harrington, founder of Harrington Estates, is sent to the small town of Hawkins, Indiana to convince whoever owns the cozy downtown area to sell the land in order for his dad’s company to destroy it and build condos.

The small town is not happy to hear about this, especially so close to their annual winter festival which is always held in the downtown area. So, they decide that they need someone to convince the man to go away.

Much to Eddie’s surprise, this is the one time the town actually pays him any sort of “positive” attention, and they volunteer him to scare this Steve guy off.

Eddie, in hopes that this might bring some customers into his music shop, agrees to this, and when Steve Harrington gets into town, he makes it his personal mission to get off on the wrong foot with the guy. He spills hot chocolate on him immediately - which is actually an accident because no one told him Steve was going to be hot. Then, he pulls out all the theatrics, trying to convince Steve that the town is actually haunted by some Vecna guy, and a while back, this guy kidnapped a kid named Will who never recovered.

To Eddie’s surprise, Steve actually listens to every word he says, asking more questions until Eddie is basically improving a full D&D campaign for the man who doesn’t seem off put in the slightest. If anything, he looks like he’s enjoying Eddie’s antics.

So, when Steve casually asks, “So, does that mean the land is for sale?” Eddie’s heart drops as he realizes that he’s failed at his one task the town trusted him with.

He answers, “No, it’s not.”

To his surprise, Steve smiles and says, “Guess I’ll have to come back tomorrow then to hear more about why this place is too haunted to buy.” Then, he heads out to a bed and breakfast Eddie manages to recommend without asking if Steve would like for him to stop by tonight for another story.

The first person to check in on how things are progressing is Robin who happens to come out of the back room in the music shop right as Steve leaves. Before she can ask about things, Eddie blurts out, “New plan! I’m going to seduce him!”

Robin cackles at the news, but to her surprise, and the whole town’s surprise, Eddie manages to pull it off. By the time of the Hawkins Winter Festival, Steve loves the whole town, not only the people but also the little shops in the downtown square. He befriends Robin quickly and even gets roped into practically babysitting a group of Freshmen - including Will, the one that supposedly was never the same after this Vecna guy. But, what’s also really pushing him to stay is Eddie… plus his hate for his dad’s soulless company which he’s always wanted to leave anyway, and what better way to do that than to make him lose a huge deal on the way out?

Eddie, on the other hand, is having a crisis about whether or not to come clean to Steve about his original intentions because he feels like he’s deceived him. To his horror, a girl at the Hawkins Winter Festival tells Steve all about the plan to make Eddie scare him off, and she makes sure to bat her eyelashes while telling him how she’s so glad he stayed anyway.

Eddie runs off to avoid the fallout of the incident, but Steve easily finds him at Skull Rock. Eddie stutters out an apology, only for Steve to interrupt him with an amused laugh as he says, “I knew.”

“What do you mean you knew?”

Steve shrugs. “Robin and Dustin filled me in.”

Eddie stares at him blankly. “They… filled you in?”

“It’s a small town, Eddie. Word travels fast.”

Eddie’s stomach twists as he wonders how long Steve has been angry at him. “So, you’ve been aware for… how long?”

“Well, it wasn’t too hard to connect the dots when everyone was asking me if you had scared me away yet. But I’m pretty oblivious, so Robin had to spell it out for me the night we got ice cream.”

“That’s the day after you met her.”

“It’s why we bonded so fast.”

Eddie steps back, trying to get space between them. “So, you’ve been mad at me this entire time?”

Steve frowns and shakes his head. “Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you for immediately ditching the entire ‘scaring me’ plan right after you met me so you could ‘seduce me?’ Don’t you know me? I’m Steve Harrington, the guy with the ego too big for this town as Robin says.”

Eddie doesn’t quite believe him, but Steve is quick to reassure him by dumbly suggesting, “Remember when you told me this spot was corrupted by being the new ‘makeout spot?’ Maybe I need that demonstrated to me, to make sure this spot also needs to be saved from horrible condos.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to disappoint the town,” Eddie replies cheekily, crowding Steve’s space.

“You really wouldn’t,” Steve mumbles against his lips.

It’s safe to say that Eddie convinces him very quickly that this land is definitely not for sale.

They return back to the festival, and Steve announces that he will be staying, and he’ll personally make sure the land is never sold to any soul sucking company - especially his dad’s. All thanks to Eddie (and Robin and Dustin of course).

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how insane must it have felt to be an actor table reading for bbc merlin. alright anthony this week, you are driven mad by memories of the children you killed in your genocide. next week? bald.

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There came a moment in parenting when Eddie realized something – kids are boring.

Eddie thought it would be the other way around — that there would come a day when his kids would think that he and Steve were soooo lame, but no. His children, as they graduate from little kid to big kid status are getting lamer by the day.

Like, it’s summer vacation and so Eddie gets that the kids are gonna want to kick their feet up and relax, which Eddie gets. He totally does.

But…they didn’t even look at him when he asked if they wanted to get ice cream, stuck like glue to Moe’s friggin Nintendogs or whatever. Since when did they grumble at him over ice cream?

He relays all this to Steve as he’s cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, who says – 

“Hazel wants to go.”

“She said she didn’t,” Eddie reminds him.

“Yeah, obviously, if Moe and Robbie said they didn’t,” Steve says, shaking his head, “She’s seven. Of course she wants to go get ice cream.”

“You think?”

“Dude – if you’d asked just her, she would’a said yes in a heartbeat.”

Eddie considers this for a moment, then turns on his heels and heads back for the living room, where Hazel is still peering at Moe’s DS over her shoulder. 

“I’m just gonna–” Eddie casually says, and Moe and Robbie both make confused noises as Eddie lifts Hazel up and away, “That’s right – I’m stealing the baby. Leave me alone.”

So Eddie absconds with Hazel, and she’s still giggling as he sits her on the kitchen counter.

“Hey,” he says, “Wanna go play mini golf with me and Papa and get some ice cream before it gets too dark?”

Hazel looks at him skeptically.

“Just me?”

“Well, I’d invite your sissies but…seems to me like they’d be no fun today. What d’you think? Wanna help me crush Papa like last time?”

“Hey,” Steve warns, “That’s not how I remember it.”

Hazel giggles, “Yeah!”

“Sweet, let’s hit the road then.”

He helps Hazel jump off the counter and sends her off to get some shoes on, and as they’re on their way out the door, Eddie pokes his head into the living room where Moe and Robbie are still lying on the rug, laser-focused on Moe’s game.

“I hope you girlies have a pleasant rest of your evening,” Eddie says, smushing a little eyelet sunhat onto Hazel’s head, “We will see the two of you later.”

Robbie spares him a glance. “Huh?”

“Hazy and Papa and I are gonna go play a round of mini-golf and get some ice cream.”

Moe and Robbie exchange a confused glance.

“Why just Hazel?” Moe asks, looking offended.

“Uh, well, I asked you two and y’said no. Don’t know if you remember that or not.”

“I’ll go…if you’re already going,” Moe says, all blasé and cool in her big age of twelve.

“Yeah,” Robbie adds, eyeing Moe cautiously, “Me too.”

"Well, chop-chop, then. Let's go."

As if to illustrate his point, Eddie hears the sound of Steve starting the car up in the driveway, and suddenly the girls are scrambling up and towards the door.

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JUST LIKE HE USED TO

Based off of this art by @rogue-alien

Steve is a hand holder. He always been, always will be.

It’s not just a romantic thing, he loves to hold hands with everyone.

He loved holding his momma’s hand in the store when he was little. Walking beside her as they walked down each aisle, getting their groceries for the week.

The first time he held Robin’s hand was on the rooftop of the mall, scared out of his life.

Now they hold each other any time they can. Simple hand holding as they walk through the record store, a hand on the crook of the arm down the street, a strong embrace to help through nightmares.

He loved holding Nancy’s hand while dating. Just a simple gesture as they were in the hallway, talking with Carol and Tommy or with Barb.

Just a simple touch to say I’m here. I love you.

Or, he guessed, I loved you.

He remembers being in first grade, as much in love as he could at age 6 with this girl with wild hair and a gap tooth smile — missing one of her front teeth. She was older than him, a second grader, but he loved holding her hand nonetheless.

They shared a music class. Steve would sit next to her, hand extended and she’d take it without question.

He’d come up to her on the playground, she’d be talking to someone and he just slips his hand in hers. She’d squeeze back, deep in conversation about dragons.

He’d sit next to her at lunch, hand extended under the table. She’d tease him, “how you gonna eat without your right hand?”

“I’ll learn to use my left,” he said softly. Then she’d take his hand.

Then, as soon as he fell in love with her, she was gone.

Moved schools. Something about her momma.

Steve still thinks about her sometimes.

Sometimes he wonders what would’ve happened if she stayed.

But maybe it was for the best.

With how fucked up Hawkins is.

Steve feels a little selfish right now. Holding hands with anyone in the party that takes it. He’s solid, unmoved, and extended hand offering support to his younger friends — Dustin, Lucas, Erica. As if he’s trying to comfort them, but he takes the contact, grounding himself. Grounding his emotions.

One at a time, they’re allowed to visit Max or Eddie. It’s Lucas’s turn to visit Max. Steve’s turn to visit Eddie.

Steve sits on Eddie’s left side, free of his IV and other machines monitoring his health. He watches for a few moments, wishing that someone would come back and hold his hand.

He glances to the door before slipping his hand into Eddie’s. He squeezed gently.

Eddie squeezed back.

Steve looked up at Eddie’s face. A moment ago, unconscious, now half-lidded with a small smile.

Steve could almost imagine the gap in his front teeth.

“Not g’nna be able to use it,” Eddie murmured, squeezing gently.

“That’s fine,” Steve smiled back, feeling tears run down his face. “I’ll learn to use my left.”

Eddie shook his head, his lopsided smile still painted across his face, like he couldn’t believe it.

Steve couldn’t believe it either.

Steve brought their hands up to his lips, a gentle kiss against Eddie’s skin. “Found you,” Steve whispered. “I’m never letting you go.”

Now, a month out of the hospital, Steve doesn’t let go.

He slips his hand into Eddie’s any chance he gets. While Eddie’s deep in conversation, while Eddie is writing in his notebook or running a campaign. Just like he used to.

And every time, Eddie squeezes his hand back.

Just like he used to.

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Give me weird period typical Steddie. I wanna see these two wrestling on the lawn of Eddie and Wayne’s trailer. Wet Willies and titty twisters and spitting contests. I wanna see these two catch bugs and shove them down each other’s shirts. Give me Steve shaking up Eddie’s coke and Eddie getting on Steve’s nerves with literally any kind of gag item. Give that man a kazoo and let him go. I wanna see them make dick balloons out of those plastic balloon straws.

Let them be boysssss I beg. These two are 19-20 years old, let them be immature lmao

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steve who doesn't believe in the paranormal but still supports his amateur ghost hunter boyfriend, eddie.

eddie: that door just opened! steve: doors tend to do that

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me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

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"Maybe I'll kill that reporter who does all your interviews. Maybe I'll kill Clark Kent."

This is the most important line in the movie. I'm 100% serious. It tells you everything you need to know about Lex Luthor's character. It shows the audience that, despite being almost omnicognizant from the get-go, Luthor clearly has no fucking idea who Superman is, only what he does.

I've never seen anyone go from All-Knowing Evil to Absolute Fucking Loser so fast. In fifteen words he went from unstoppable criminal powerhouse to flailing manchild moron. He gave his Evil Dictator demonstration and then turned around, dropped his pants and showed his entire ass. He proclaimed his manifesto of unrelenting ego, turned around, slipped on a banana peel and landed on a whoopie cushion.

And he was so mired in his own sense of superiority that he never even knew it.

Lex Luthor, folks. Ten out of ten, no notes.

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Eddie, who has at least five nicknames for everyone he knows, doesn't actually have many himself. Well, besides the fact that everyone calls him Eddie when his name is definitely Edward.

And at some point, it starts to really annoy Steve, who has always just been Steve until Eddie shows up. Or at worst, Harrington. His name is just Steve, too. Not Steven or Stephan — and not, as Dustin insists, Stephanie. His birth certificate just says 'Steve Harrington'. No middle name to soften the single syllable. Painstaking efficiency from his father, he supposed, though he's never bothered to ask.

So, yeah, it annoys him at first that Eddie calls him anything but his name. King Steve. Stevie. Steveo. Pet shop boy (illogical). Big boy (just straight up untrue). Sweetheart (confusing and disarming).

So he starts trying to give Eddie nicknames back. In retaliation, or whatever. He very quickly realizes his mistake.

Because Eddie beams and fucking blushes no matter what Steve calls him. 

Ed? Delighted. 

Eduardo? Delighted, and speaking only in Spanish for five minutes. 

Cleverly combining his names into Edson? Huge grin, praise for being a smartass. 

Pretty quickly, they end up in a pet name war, both refusing to back down. If Steve is sweetheart, then Eddie becomes sunshine for the day. While Steve is baby, Eddie gets sugar. It goes on and on until no one can actually stand to be around them. 

Until one day they're all in Dustin's basement, playing the stupid game of Life, when Eddie accidentally knocks his plastic car off the board. 

"Hey," Steve protests. "You killed my wife, Darling." 

Only because he hasn't called Eddie by his actual name in weeks. But Eddie gets a weird, private, slightly off kilter smile and stares straight at Steve. 

"Sorry, boyfriend," he mutters.

And Steve's brain short circuits because, oh. That one wasn't a joke, somehow. That one was different. 

And Robin, who is sitting on the couch, not playing because board games suck, has no choice but to smack Eddie on the side of his head. She sighs, exasperated by these two oblivious, adorable idiots, wishing she was literally anywhere else.

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A Steve Harrington shit wingman-ing fic idea

Dustin and Robin are both trying to set Steve up with Nancy. Both are bad at matchmaking, Nancy is dating Jonathan when they team up. They don't care, they want their boy to be happy. They both try to break Jancy up while putting Steve and Nancy in 'romantic' situations (Their ideas all come from romcoms, so go terribly in the real world)

meanwhile, Nancy is trying to set up Robin and Steve. She isn't as invested in this as Dustin and Robin are, but she doesn't want Steve to be alone, and him and Robin clearly love each other. Her attempts to set up double dates with her and Jonathan, which end terribly, or suggest they go to the movies or out to dinner together. Those plans half work; they do go on a date, but they never get together (Robin and Steve go on friendship dates all the time, they both think Nancy is being nice and recommending things). Dustin somehow also gets involved with Nancy's scheming.

Eddie is aware of both these plots to some degree, so is completely oblivious to Steve's attempts at dating him.

Hopper also gets involved. He clocks Steve's crush on Eddie, and immediatley thinks FUCK NO, and tries to get Steve to self actualise or something so he stays single. Lots of movie nights, babysitting and occasional fishing trips are forced upon Steve. Joyce gets involved with this plot, but only because she wants to look after Steve and make him happy.

They all think they are being sneaky as fuck but Steve has known about this nearly since the beginning. Jonathan, El and Will are helping him mess with them.

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bbc merlin is a fun silly show that begs the question what if you were given a destiny you didn’t understand and you betrayed yourself time and time again in what you think is a selfless act of love that will serve a greater purpose, only for that to be the exact reason you fail and the undoing of the person you love most. and then the random filler episodes are like this witch is doing terrorism in camelot by sneaking magic mushroom bombs into the soup and merlin has to gaslight arthur into thinking he doesn’t like mushrooms or something idk

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Steve refuses to be caught off guard by upside down bullshit ever again which means regular patrols through the woods with full monster fighting get up nail bat included

His patrols make him cross paths with Eddie while he's out selling

The nail bat plus the get up and the vauge warning about being careful in the woods makes Eddie fully believe steve is going to murder him

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Party guy!Eddie who goes clubbing and to house parties on the weekends, sometimes to perform with his bands, who regularly makes his way home around 4am looking like a hot mess.

Eddie constantly crossing paths with Runner!Steve who goes out to run at the same time looking like the complete juxtaposition of Eddie, all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed at ass o’clock in the morning.

Eddie with rumpled clothes, post-sex hair, smeared liner, and visible hickies showing above the stretched neckline of his shirt bumping into Steve (“that one annoyingly hot fitness freak”) who is wearing bright fucking reflective spandex and a runners vest, already glossy and red cheeked like he’s entering mile 3 when the sun hasn’t even begun to rise.

Eddie fucking hates him. Like ‘oh wow look at you all put together and diligent like some fucking psycho, seriously, are you for real??’

This happens so often that it would awkwardly not to acknowledge each others existence, so Steve smiles and offers as he passes: “hey! Wanna join my run?”

To which Eddie always responds “fuck off, golden boy!”

Every single time. It’s tradition.

Until one day, Eddie has partied a little too close to the sun. He’s still really fucking drunk when he encounters Steve (which Steve finds absolutely delightful because he’s never actually seen Eddie as the energetic drunk that he is, rather, than the exhausted rat man that emerges like a cryptid just looking for a hole to crawl into and die in).

Steve offers (like always), “hey! Wanna join my run?”

And this time Eddie, full of alcohol and artificially enhanced bravado, says, “you’re on pretty boy!” And startles Steve by taking off like he’s being CHASED by the police for a solid 10 minutes before collapsing by a nearby bush to expel his guys out.

By the time Steve catches up (left in the dust cuz wtf?) Eddie is out cold, his phone is locked and apparently does not have Face ID on, and Steve has no choice but fireman carry Eddie back to his apartment.

Eddie wakes up with his mouth tasting absolutely rancid, his head is pounding, he doesn’t know where he is, and for some god damn reason his legs are on fire.

“What the fuck”

“Thank god, I was half convinced you had just up and died on my couch. Dude it’s been like 11 hours. I’ve gone to work and came back. Robin thought I was gonna come home to my house cleaned out of all my valuable—not that I have any, but the tv is brand new so thanks for not like, robbing me. I got you Advil by the way.”

Which is way too many words for a hungover guy to process, apparently, because just leans over and throws up into a conveniently placed plastic popcorn bowl on the floor.

“Oh Dude, ew.”

[ms-spkhd]

Modern Steddie where Steve is a very tired firefighter who just wants to sleep, and Eddie is his obnoxious neighbor who’s always setting off the fire alarm in their building.

This happens at least four times before Steve loses his patience. On the fifth time, Steve gets out of bed, goes straight to Eddie’s door and pounds on it until he finally opens. Whatever complains or curses he was about to yell are completely forgotten, though, once Steve sees the black smoke all over the other man’s apartment.

He panics for only a moment or two, his instincts kicking in then and making Steve search for the source of all that smoke. It comes from the open oven, where there’s still a pan inside with something that at some point had been food, but now just looks like char.

Turns out Eddie is setting off the fire alarm so often because he is just hopeless in the kitchen and cannot be trusted near a stove.

“I just forget sometimes,” Eddie explains. “I put the pan in the oven, then something else catches my eye and I lose track of time.”

For the sake of his own sleep schedule, Steve buys the other man a timer and offers to teach him some basic dishes that even Eddie won’t be able to fuck up. And that’s how Steve finds himself spending most of his days off in Eddie’s apartment, drinking beer, chatting and watching closely as Eddie follows his instructions every time they try a new recipe.

But Steve doesn’t mind because it’s been two months since the last incident with the fire alarm and he’s been sleeping like a baby every night. That's a major win for him, really.

(A few weeks later, Steve is the one who sets off the fire alarm and it’s all Eddie’s fault. He was the one who distracted Steve by kissing him in the middle of the kitchen, without giving him a chance to turn off the stove first. Steve's not complaining, though.)

[ms-spkhd]

im on episode one of bbc merlin after finally putting it off for years and i find it objectively hilarious that hunith sent merlin to gaius in camelot because she feared for his wellbeing. thats like having a gay son and sending him to be with his uncle at conversion therapy island

[ms-spkhd]

I think one of eddie’s many favorite things about raising kids with steve is watching their kids start to outsmart them (which, to eddie’s delight, starts way sooner than he’d expected it to).

One notable instance of this is when Moe is about two-and-a-half – maybe closer to three – and just starting to have real opinions about things, and one of the first things she had a very strong opinion about was how she did not want Steve going back to work after the parental leave he took when Robbie was born.

Look – Moe is who she is.

She likes a routine and she’s been stuck to Steve like glue pretty much since day-one, so she and Steve had both loved the way his pat-leave had allowed for three straight months of starting the day with some serious cuddles, but alas, that came to an end when Steve went back to work.

Thing is, Moe is also a smart cookie, so it didn't take long at all for her to realize that if she just woke up before Steve’s alarm, she could sneak into their bed and get her morning cuddles in which, sure, was cute at first, until Eddie was spending the rest of day with a toddler who got two hours less sleep than she was supposed to.

Which...isn’t ideal.

One morning though, Moe doesn’t wake up early. Steve points it out somewhat glumly as he gets out of bed, woken up by his alarm instead of their oldest daughter, and Eddie just groggily mutters, “Please don’t jinx this for me, Steve."

The early morning is notably Moe-less as Eddie heads downstairs to start the coffee maker and make Robbie's bottle while Steve gets himself ready for work. Still, Eddie has a funny feeling they'll be seeing Moe before Steve has a chance to head out for the day, and sure enough, just as Steve is sitting on the couch to pull his shoes on, Moe appears in the doorway, eyes bleary and blonde hair sticking up in every direction.

“Oh jeez,” Eddie says from his spot on the couch beside Steve, baby Robbie cradled in one arm as he helps her hold up her bottle, “Look who’s up.”

“Why are you out of bed?” she pouts at Steve.

“I woke up before you this morning,” he tells her gently as he finishes tying the laces on his sneakers.

Moe only stares at him blankly for a while, hands fiddling with the hem of her Cinderella t-shirt.

“But…” she says slowly, “But what about our snuggles?”

Steve lets Moe climb into his lap, gathering her up in his arms.

"We'll have so many snuggles when I get home from work," he tells her, "Promise. You've just been a bit of a grump lately and I wanted to let you sleep."

"You didn't get me," Moe says, ignoring what Eddie thinks is a fairly valid point. “I would’a got you if I woke up first.”

And Eddie can’t help the snort he lets out as Steve tiredly says, “Yeah, I know, babe.”