mrsjaycaycapz

[mrsjaycaycapz]

even after all this time, these feelings just never went away huh

[mrsjaycaycapz]

you make me so happy without even trying.

[mrsjaycaycapz]

wild when ppl say "oh why didn't jenn say hi to me?" how about why didnt you say hi to me??

[mrsjaycaycapz]

“It takes courage to let down your armor, to welcome people to see you as you are. Sometimes I feel the same as you: I can’t risk having people behold me as I truly am. But there’s also a small voice in the back of my mind, a voice that tells me, “You will miss so much by being so guarded.”

Rebecca Ross, Divine Rivals

[mrsjaycaycapz]

I’m so grateful for where I’m at and the friends I have. I am constantly being showered with kind words and well wishes, compliments and love. I am grateful for the season in life I’m in and the people who are apart of it. I may be a work in progress, I may not be the perfect pear in the bunch, but I’m grateful for the journey, for redemption, for love and to be loved and to be seen for who I truly am and be accepted for it. I am grateful. Everything is falling into place. I am grateful. Thank you.

[mrsjaycaycapz]

Talking to you has always put a smile on my face. You always made me happier.

[mrsjaycaycapz]

sometimes I miss you and I'm not sure why. Logically I know why I should not, but how I feel is not helping.

[mrsjaycaycapz]

After all this time you can still make me smile

I remember my old roommate mentioned noticing our interactions with one another and that she could tell you were really happy

Im grateful

[mrsjaycaycapz]

I cant believe im completing my third sem of nursing school

I couldnt imagine being where i am now even a year ago

I am grateful

Thank you

[mrsjaycaycapz]

Trista Mateer, from The Dogs I Have Kissed

[mrsjaycaycapz]

friends dont look at friends that way

[mrsjaycaycapz]

“I could fall in love with you so easily. I’m halfway there already. You’re so perfect in my memory, and you’re perfect now. It’s like I dreamed you into being. Of all the boys, you’re the one I would pick.”

— P.S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han (via ay-u)

[mrsjaycaycapz]

But just because you bury something, that doesn’t mean it stops existing. Those feelings, they’d been there all along. All that time. I had to face it. He was part of my DNA. I had brown hair and I had freckles and I would always have Conrad in my heart.

Jenny Han, We'll Always Have Summer

[mrsjaycaycapz]

I miss you. And I am unsure why I still miss you. You have revealed to me how you've felt about me time and time again.

There's a song called maybe next time. Maybe next time I'll be enough, you'll give me everything instead of giving up. Maybe next time won't be a waste, you'll be the one and not the one who got away.

I think about the summer we shared and time spent with one another. Running in the car garage or sitting in a plaza's grass. You were full of small surprises that opened me up to think of doing things outside of the status quo.

You were my best friend and time has passed far too long. Yet I choose to be happy with a glimmer of happy memories and moments that taught me a lot. And it will be just that, memories.

[mrsjaycaycapz]

“I used to say: ‘I like to watch TikTok, or YouTube.’ But I don’t really like to describe myself that way anymore. Because if you think about it, that’s not really something you do. It’s just something that pulls you in. It made me feel connected. Like, I know this person. But I really didn’t know them at all. And I’d sit at home getting sucked into this endless void of whatever I was watching. Windows closed, AC on. My dad would say: ‘Go outside and do something, it builds character.’  Most of the time he’d only say it because he wanted me to take out the trash, or go on an errand with him. So for a long time I didn’t think it meant anything. But it really does, if you think about it. Because every time you do something, it adds to who you are. You learn from life. Recently I joined a group called The Veggie Nuggets. There’s seven of us: me, my friends, a couple neighbors. We made a mural. We made a garden over by 69th and the bridge. We lobbied a little bit at the capital for climate change, because it’s kinda a disaster. I had to develop a certain mindset when I did those things. I had to affirm to something. I had to be motivated. And that’s a real thing,  motivation. It’s a trait. And now it’s part of my character.”

[mrsjaycaycapz]

It’s difficult for me to ask for help. Maybe it’s the fear of rejection or feeling like a burden to others, but reaching out when I need support has always been something I never felt comfortable doing. I am grateful however, for my friends who have extended me help and shown me so much love and support. 

[mrsjaycaycapz]

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