mrsenglishteacher

[mrsenglishteacher]

Molly

Her collar hangs near our kitchen, tags still attached.  Even a passing glance brings a tightening to my heart, and a longing for her presence.  

We had had a rough go -- two parents who had sent two out of three daughters off to college and independence, the loss of our beloved 11 year-old golden retriever who was raised with them as one of the kids, and a disastrous experience with a pet store puppy we just couldn’t keep.  Our hearts were broken by the losses and failures.

Every time we came home, the emptiness weighed heavily on our emotions.  There was no tail wag or slobbery greeting to welcome us. 

With deep breaths, we headed off for an overnight about sixty miles from home, just the two of us.  We needed a change of scenery and were searching for a sunnier outlook somewhere along the Southern California coast.

We had always enjoyed visiting animal shelter facilities to visit with the dogs and cats looking for humans who would love them, so we ventured in to a beautiful new facility in Carlsbad where San Diego County sheltered animals picked up all over the county.  

There were so many mixed dogs there, big and small, noisy and frightened. We visited with them all looking for dogs which might be calmer and able to relate to humans quickly.  They also needed to be less than ultra furry, as my husband did have allergies and I was exhausted from the clean up required when having a golden retriever.  

I spotted a sweet shepherd mix puppy-ish boy I wanted to meet.  My husband spotted a smooth-coated female looking like a large beagle.  She came up to the kennel gate and just quietly leaned against it for some scratches and kind words.  Her ears were like velvet, and her eyes looked deeply into ours.  So, she was the one we had brought into the visiting room where I sat on a little stool, waiting to see her.

As soon as she was brought in the room, she was calm, and our high, gentle voices urged her to get acquainted.  She circled the room, walked by my husband, and came over and sat right next to me putting her head on my lap.  She was hurt at her abandonment, clearly, and lost at the noise and hubbub of the shelter.   

They “said” she was six-ish and was picked up in the east county at a park.  There were nicks in her ears and head, evidence of run ins with other creatures.  She needed a home and to be loved, and her eyes promised to be faithful, gentle and loving.  We were lost, right there, right then.

She was nearing the end of her “hold”, the time dogs are kept without being adopted out so owners can locate them, and her odds were not good.  Families tended to want younger dogs.  We spoke up, and told to come back the next day to pick her up.

Once she was chipped, and all fees paid, we walked her out to our SUV.  She jumped with ease into the cargo area, and we were off heading north to our home.  Molly would be her name.

In a few minutes, she leaped over the back seat, and was heading up to the front of the car.  Clearly she preferred riding shotgun.  We spoke over our shoulders telling her no, and to get in the back, please.  She looked at us, and hopped back.

And that was how it was for the rest of her life.  “Molly, lie down, please.” She would.  

Though her coat was smooth, she needed a bath the moment we got home.  She was indeed a hound and a smelly one at that.  That first bath released fistfulls of hair, but once that was culled, her coat remained sleek and shiny.  She accepted her sleeping place, never jumped on the couch or grabbed off counters, and became the healing balm to our raw emotional wounds.  

She gratefully ate her food, demonstrating her high level of pleasure by the littlest of two-paw jumps and raising her ears in enthusiasm.  She loved her walks, and when we let her off leash, she ran with the smooth beautiful gait of a hunting dog, for that was what she was.  She was a foxhound, maybe a mix, but the build and coloring of the English version of tan and white foxhounds.  

Molly had manners.  She was always polite, allowing children and adults to approach her and pet her, but never rushing anyone or jumping on them.  if I stopped to visit with neighbors while on a walk with her, she would quietly like down, and wait for my chat to end, never nudging or barking to get the show on the road.  

We had a bed for her in the kitchen, and one in the family room.  She loved to lie on her bed while we watched TV, and as she got older, we would hear her gentle snoring -- contentment at having a home and people to love.

Ultimately, she began to slow, and had a little limp diagnosed as arthritis.  I needed a buddy to challenge the hills around home and get some exercise, so we got a male golden doodle to liven up the house.  Jack Trout came to us from North Carolina, two years old, full of puppy high jinks and crazy to play with Molly.  He would run wild circles around the family room, while Molly barked at him to “knock it off!”.  She taught him the ways of our family -- the stable matriarch of the canine clan.

We nursed her through Addison’s disease, lovingly caring for her as medications robbed her of her spunk and energy, and then she recovered.  Then she developed a cancerous mass on her thigh which had to be removed.  Molly didn’t need the cone hat.  If we told her to leave the wound alone, she did.  And then she recovered to keep Jack in line and watch over her family.  

Trips to the vet left her more and more confused when she returned home, and we could feel her declining before our eyes.  Sometimes she couldn’t get up off the floor.  Sometimes she didn’t want to wake up in the morning.  But, all the while, she found great comfort on her bed in the family room every night, and we would hear her snoring her contentment.

The time came to ease her plight, and we sadly made arrangements with the vet for the final visit.  He was as sad as we were, as she was a favorite among the staff there.  They laid her on a towel, and administered an anesthetic and we heard her begin to snore for the last time, and then she left us.  I don’t know if we loved her more or she loved us more.  She was a gift, a blessing.  

I am sure she knew we loved and cared for her without bounds, and in that final act, we were releasing her with love.  Molly, I miss you.  I know you are free of pain and running through the fields with that beautiful gait, ears flapping in the breeze.  May our spirits unite some day.

[mrsenglishteacher]

My Heart Tells Me What’s Right

Today, following Mothers’ Day with all its messages of love and recognition of the guidance our mothers provide, an article in the Los Angeles Times brought a message home to me.  And, with it, a raw awareness of the complexities facing America today.

What I am thinking about is the message of “Doing What’s Right,” without bowing to pressure from outsiders.  In a religious sense, “right” may mean following an orthodox interpretation of the Bible despite the general social trends flowing around us in school, society, politics, etc.  

In a social sense, it may mean bucking that same social pressure to strike out in the name of equality, justice, humanity.  

The crux I am wrestling with is “What do people do when the two worlds collide?”  For instance, what is the process a conservative Christian religious person must experience when his or her religious affiliation endorses a stand (homosexuality, illegal immigrants, racial diversity, etc.) which, upon examination and consideration, doesn’t play out in a secular scene where homosexuals, undocumented families, African-, Arab-, Asian-Americans are not treated with Christian fundamentals such as love, tolerance and acceptance?

Not to focus on fundamental Christians, the same question applies to fundamental Muslims (and those using Islam to justify radical terrorist actions).  How does one process the gentle, respectful, tolerant lessons in the Koran with the overt aggressive and hostile political message of terrorist leaders?  

Which brings me back to the article.

A small town in Idaho, Twin Falls, has been painted as suffering many ill effects from the arrival of immigrants.  Alex Jones, a far right conspiracy theorist, has broadcast lies (sorry no euphemisms will do any more in this time of “alternative facts.”) about the town which as welcomed immigrants escaping Eastern Europe, Africa and the Middle East.  Jones’ lies, about increased crime, nefarious intentions and spreading disease were broadly shared through Breitbart, and the backlash went viral. Caught in the wildfire rumors was Hamdi Ulukaya, Chobani Yogurt manufacturer, who willingly hired refugees, while profit sharing with them as the company prospered.

His employees were called “Migrant Rapists,” and Jones announced astounding rises in the rise of TB due to arrival of refugees, as well as increased crime rates.  Of course, those persons vulnerable to conspiracy theories jumped on this to rally around a proposal to close the College of Southern Idaho Refugee Center.  The Idaho Department of Health and Welfare debunked the claim, saying the refugees were screened properly. There is no spread of disease within the refugee population.

In the Times’ article, leaders of Twin Falls supported their diverse community, pointing out how the newcomers had integrated in the fabric of the community.  Not that there haven’t been bumps, but there are bound to be instances where cultures clash, even in my ever-so-modern home of Irvine, CA.

So, getting back to finding and then pursuing “right.”

My own heart tells me treating people from the perspective of respecting humanity trumps (sorry) directives I may hear from friends, neighbors, churches, politicos, Presidents, etc.  I find my spiritual compass guides me towards looking for the decency in all humans, and treating them accordingly.  Yes, differences make me uncomfortable, but they are just differences, not sins.

But I wonder, to a person deeply guided by the utterances of religious or political leaders, can they make that same step.  In their minds, is “doing what’s right” spelled out by their leaders, or can they separate from their peers to arrive at a different opinion?

Would a person guided by religious affiliations who says Muslims are the anti-Christ, look at me and say I am in the “wrong,” for my conviction that Islam is not the enemy, crazy angry people under the guise of religion are. 

I clearly feel demonizing generalities of any group is “wrong.” 

But, is there a true “right,” and therefore, a “wrong?”

As we as a nation struggle with the direction and misdirection of the current Administration, this conflict is becoming more clear to me.  Trumpists rally and applaud his discriminatory, chauvinistic attitudes and policies, happily calling those of us who disagree traitors.  And, there are many of them, wanting to take America back to white supremacy and prejudice.  

Others, like myself, rally and applaud the “Resistance,” feeling, if not saying, the other guys are traitors to the Constitution and the core values of America.  

Is there a solution?  Do tell. In trying to respect differences, I have to give people the right to their own attitudes.  I hate it.  I vehemently disagree with their sanctimonious message of intolerance and entitlement.  i can have a full-on argument with anyone of them about true Christian, American and human values.

But, if they are convinced they are in the “right” because Jesus, God, their minister or Trump says they are, I will have no influence.

Just as their arguments will NOT sway me from my own sense of doing what my heart says is right.  

[mrsenglishteacher]

Loyalty Day -- Really?     Really!

I just read our main man, Mr. T, wants May 1st to be loyalty day, whereby loyal Americans stand up for things and values American.  He mentioned our strong and brave military, our workers, etc.  This followed an hour-long diatribe against the media and anyone else labeled liberal, thereby implying those who disagree with his blustery policies and uncouth behavior are somehow NOT loyal.

So I stopped to think -- something I am doing far too often these days, with the resultant anxiety putting me into a chronic state of distress.   

The things he feels he is defending, those things his followers feel are purely American, and somehow under siege by immigrants, Muslims, Mexicans, Canadians, North Koreans, environmentalists, feminists, educators, (add your own here) represent something different to me.

 I am white, educated, of Northern European ancestry, qualified to be a DAR, can trace my ancestors’ arrival in the New World to 1650, Protestant, and as such, can stand up for all those “We were here first, do it our way,” values. I get what people who endorse Mr. T feel is “right.”  Be white.  Be a Christian. Uphold the values and traditions of our Founding Fathers.  I know what they are.  I love that I am part of that heritage.

But, I believe with every molecule of my now-aged body that there is nothing threatening about change.  We should not fear learning something new.  Mr. T has demonstrated repeatedly that he is a narrow, narrow man (using hyperbole here in homage to His Portliness).  He spouts vitriol stereotyping persons of different religions, different body types, different physical challenges, as if that’s something all of us “loyal” people would agree with.  

Well, I, for one, do not agree.  

I believe in working towards helping all Americans achieve the quality of life they want.  I do not feel loyal to an administration which discriminates blatantly against people because they are of a different religion or nationality.  

I believe in caring for our beautiful country’s environment, doing our best to ensure healthy land, water and air for future generations, as well as protecting wildlife and husbandry animals affected by human contact. I do not believe in fouling our land, water and air for the sake of corporate profits.  We should not have to sacrifice our land (not any of us, not any of our environments) to stimulate job growth.  There is a way to have industries evolve into “greener” efforts, providing new jobs and better ecology simultaneously.

I believe in helping people in need.  That includes people who need affordable health insurance, affordable heath care, Veterans’ services, jobs with a living wage, elderly services, and a strong education for children of all backgrounds and abilities.  I do not believe America should create a situation whereby 24 million people lose health insurance, or cripple affordable health providers such as Planned Parenthood, cut Veterans’ services, refuse to adopt a livable minimum wage, eliminate Meals on Wheels, or dismantle public education.

I believe in the First Amendment, whereby free speech (that includes that feisty old liberal media), and freedom of religion (yes, even the freedom to be a Muslim) are guaranteed.  I do not believe in an American dictatorship where Mr. T cannot take the heat of truth, and castigates the media for doing their jobs, as well as openly mocks and discriminates against Muslims here and abroad.

And, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN WASTING OUR TAX MONEY ON A USELESS WALL WHICH DOES NOT ACCOMPLISH SECURITY FROM DRUGS OR TERRORISTS ENTERING OUR COUNTRY!

I pledge allegiance to America -- hook, line and sinker.

I do not pledge allegiance to the boorish, ignorant narcissist who can only focus on his ratings or his crowds and who lies and lies and lies to make himself seem like he’s doing a good job.  

I am loyal to America, and its Muslims, Jews, Christians, Hindus, B’hai, Sikhs, Buddhists, Shinto believers, and atheists. I am not loyal to the concept that one makes you better than any of the others.

I am loyal to America and its workers, whether they work bent over the fields of our harvest, or in the plants and factories of our heartland.  I am not loyal to the corporations who have got the laws changed so they can make even more profits for exorbitant salaries for the already rich.  Seriously, who needs $35 million or more a year to live?

So, yay.  Let’s be loyal on loyalty day.  Hooray.

Let’s be loyal to all of America.  To each and everyone of us. Let’s be loyal to a better life of freedom and success for everyone.  Let’s be loyal to the American Way of integrating new people, new technology, new concepts into every day life.  

I am truly loyal to America.  Mr. T is not.

[mrsenglishteacher]

Be Careful What You Ask For (Mr. President)

Dear Mr. President,

America is a diverse country.  We are of many colors and many origins.  Over the hundreds of years of our nation, each new group has been met with cruel prejudice, discrimination, and isolation, whether their label be African, Catholic, Chinese, Japanese, German, Italian, Jewish, Greek, Irish, Hispanic or Muslim, etc.  Yet, in spite of years of persecution, each group has gradually woven its way into the fabric of America, making our country stronger by their hard work and contributions to our lives and prosperity.  They are here.  They are ours.

Privilege has blessed your life, and yet it has also limited your insight and experience.  You may have had an (Irish, German, Black, Hispanic -- pick one) maid, cook or babysitter, and you may have even had a talk or two with them. But, you have not lived their lives of prejudice and struggle.  Your German and Scottish ancestors did that dirty work for you.

So, in as much as your own immigrant roots have assimilated into invisibility, you must be able to anticipate the same eventuality for Hispanics and Muslims here today, whom you mistreat and persecute.  No amount of finger pointing, rounding up, blocking or deporting can stop their integration into our society. There is no inherent, historical or factual superiority in your personal white northern European genetics, and no justifiable reason to follow your extremist advisors to see white Christian power and supremacy.

Yes, we must do everything in our power to protect Americans from vile terrorist acts.  Yes, we should actively work to defeat and destroy aggressive militants who are the enemy of peaceful, good people everywhere.  They do not come in as refugees, however.

You tout your high intelligence and yet you clearly know nothing of the faith of Islam.  Having taught history for years, I can attest to the fact Islam is a conservative peaceful religion of modesty, morals and moderation.  Head scarves and prayer rugs may make us uncomfortable, but our society’s emphasis on sexuality and cleavage makes them uncomfortable.  

By your gestures to finger point, isolate and block law abiding Muslims as they try to become a part of our country, you fuel the rage and justification of the extremists.  The War becomes White Supremacists vs. Muslim Extremists. Think about it.

I challenge you to educate yourself; to distance yourself from your ill-advised advisors, and to stop behaving like Hitler,  blaming minority groups for the country’s problems -- fueling hate.

Yes, your “base” likes what you’re doing, letting you rile them up into a frenzied mob mentality.  But, they are not the majority in America.  In most cases, they are as uneducated, uninformed and prejudiced towards immigrant groups as you are.  We others know deporting millions of Hispanics will not restore jobs to Americans. These people do the jobs others don’t want, much like the southern Europeans and Asians of the 19th Century who supplied hard labor and strong backs to build our country so that later generations could join the mainstream invisible immigrant majority. 

We know there is a clear difference between the faith of Islam and the perverted actions of ISIS and Taliban.  You can do better, Mr. “Smartypants” President.  

You must stop fracturing our country with your rhetoric and policies, and become your promised “President for everyone.”  You must stand up for a united America, rich in human resources.  What you have done is shameful.

YOU MUST DO BETTER.  

[mrsenglishteacher]

Don’t Read This (if you support Trump)

As agitated as I am about the direction the new President and his co-conspirators (Miller and Bannon) are leading America, I am sensitive to the fact that many people (and friends) I know support him.  Therefore, I have been trying not to fill Facebook with hysterical rants about how CRAZY I believe he is, and how DANGEROUS I believe his decrees are.  So, here we are on Tumblr. I justify this as it is MY blog, and therefore, a space for me to express MY thoughts.

What do you have when the leader of a country . . . 

Muzzles and invalidates the media (a 1st Amendment violation)

Consistently lies about connections with foreign political leaders (traitor)

Fires attorneys down the line in the Justice Department who are sworn to impartiality

Consistently lies and invalidates legitimacy of any one or group who criticize him

Discriminates against persons of a particular religion

Creates a scapegoat group and proceeds to incarcerate them

Expands and empowers the military and law enforcement agencies under his direction

Empowers oligarchs to pursue profits at the expense of the people, the environment and the future

ACCORDING TO HISTORY, WHAT YOU’VE GOT IS A DICTATOR. 

[mrsenglishteacher]

Greyed (not paid) Agitator

After so much rain, it was sunny and bright. A chamber of commerce day displaying the attributes of Orange County and Southern California.  The sun was so bright, its reflection off the modern tower office building reflected down on the assembling crowd like a tanning enhancer.  

They came in drips and drops to start -- these agitators wanting to send messages to the local Congressional Representative who refused to hold town hall meetings while on Congressional Recess.  Organizers politely gathered names and addresses to prove participants lived in the district, and handed out small American flags. 

At first, it was all “seniors” of all shapes and sizes, perhaps due to the scheduled rally on a Friday afternoon at 3 p.m.  There were wheelchairs and walkers, grannies in sneakers, men and women.  Steadily they came. 

There was an excess of courtesy.  Bumps were excused as the crowd grew and maneuvering became difficult.  People stepped up to move participants aside to let wheelchairs through.  Calm conversations guided new arrivals to the sign up sheets, and shared information on the activity’s plan.  

The issues were many: women’s rights, environmental destruction concerns, religious prejudice, The Wall, deportation of Hispanics, protection of transgender students and public education, blind support for an unpredictable President and his treatment of the Press as well as his connections to Russia.

A reporter from the Washington Post found people to interview. A Trump supporter tried to rile up people with an incendiary poster in support of former Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos, but no one took the bait.  Office security people were visible, and extremely helpful and totally polite handling the motion of the crowd.

Ultimately there were probably 400-500 persons gathered, joining in some chanting of “Do your job,” and “Where’s Mimi?” as they were making a point to Congressional Representative Mimi Walters, a conservative Republican representing the 45 District which had voted for Hillary Clinton.  Walters refused to hold Town Hall meetings, saying in an interview reported in the Orange County Register that she would not have a meeting with “paid liberal agitators.”

She was reported in newspapers and on her webpage as meeting with small groups of 5-7 persons building her support.  These meetings were not publicized.  

Some speakers took the bullhorn to talk.  With the crowd growing, it was hard to hear their remarks, but there were mentions of women’s reproductive rights, Islamophobia, mass deportation of Hispanics. Groups of about ten were allowed in the building to go up to the offices of Ms. Walters.

Ten in.  Ten out.  Predictably, the office was closed and locked, and after knocking, no one answered.  Each participant carried sticky notes or posters to leave on the door or around the entrance to the offices.  The entire process was aided and observed by building security who cheerfully pointed out the location of the offices and monitored the flow on the ins and outs.  

By 4 or 4:30 p.m., the crowd was more diverse with young parents, children, college students, workers off for the weekend.

The consensus was our paper messages would probably be gathered and thrown away.  Reports say emails and letters are overwhelming the legislators’ offices and often tossed, making telephone calls and personal visits the most effective way to convey messages.   Given Rep. Walters’ earlier statements, many doubted she even cared what her constituents were saying, preferring to endorse the agenda of the President and his fanatical advisors.

Everyone was courteous and law abiding.  No one was paid.  

Oh, except this little thing.  Efficient parking structure attendants were stationed by the exit payment machines, happily taking our parking stubs and waving us out without charge.  So I guess that counts as being paid.

[mrsenglishteacher]

Teaching Immigrants

TV news shows highlight video of armed law enforcement officers rushing into humble homes. Law abiding resident in America checks in as required at immigration office and is grabbed in front of her children, loaded on a van and delivered across the border into Mexico.  The President announces enlarging his enforcement forces, including use of the National Guard, to crack down on illegal immigrants. And I feel sick to my stomach.

These visuals are so reminiscent of footage of Nazi Germany “cracking down” on Jews and other undesirables, that I am afraid.

This hateful rhetoric is so like that aimed towards Japanese Americans justifying their internment in camps during World War II. I don’t understand why all of America doesn’t see it.

My heart is heavy with my impotence to help, or to change the fears and attitudes of the threatened people focusing their frustrations on an easily identifiable scapegoat.

“They take our jobs!” 

Really?

“They take the jobs from American citizens! It���s Mexican and Central American illegal immigrants who have shut down manufacturing in the heartland!” 

 Really?  I see Hispanic-looking workers picking our crops, mowing lawns, frying burgers, cleaning houses, building houses, tending to the aged and infirm, tending to the children. 

 If manufacturing has declined, it’s because of the decisions made by mostly white business managers who see bigger profits by utilizing cheaper labor overseas.

No, of course, I don’t want an open door policy to drug cartels and their associates within our borders. But, so far, there has been NO EVIDENCE that a wall, or massive deportations will effectively stop this malevolent business.

So why are people so focused on Hispanic illegals?  Where I live, there are many, many illegals -- people who have come as visitors and stayed.  There are some who are “bad hombres,” cleverly generating horrible businesses in sex trafficking, birth travel, drugs, etc.  Their children fill our schools, altering the curriculum to meet their needs, negatively affecting traditional white students. They change our neighborhoods. 

And they are not Hispanic. They are Asian.

I was a teacher.  I taught mostly Hispanic, but also Asian, Middle Eastern, and Russian immigrant children.  I taught in a portal city where new arrivals could find something affordable to live in, inexpensive alternatives for food and clothing, and a free education for their children.

There was rampant poverty, a lot of gritty crime problems, and many educational hurdles throughout the city.  Humble parents with very little formal education and lots of cultural messages often used school as a baby sitter.  Unfortunately, all the efforts we teachers made often were undermined by the lack of respect for education at home.  “Macho” was more respected than “schoolie”. 

 We were frustrated when families would disappear for weeks returning “home” because grandma was sick, or stretching out official breaks for additional days away.  It was just plain hard to work with children to catch them up on skills and have them gone for weeks of important instruction.  

We dealt with children being dropped off at school in the dark at 6:30 a.m. because mom or dad had to get to work, sitting for hours in the lunch area unsupervised.  We dealt with hygiene issues, contagious epidemics, and hungry children having had dry cereal for dinner and no breakfast.

We dealt with gangs sucking up impressionable middle schoolers who found something missing in the lives was fulfilled by membership. We met with parents urging them not to spend money on video game systems instead of school supplies.  We urged them to monitor internet use, as we watched 6th, 7th and 8th graders becoming increasingly sexualized from access to pornography on the internet.

I could go on and on . . . 

But there were many we reached, many we helped through life shaking traumas, many we helped move on to college and worthy careers.  I am still in touch with a bunch of my middle school students who are living good lives, have good jobs, and are now “paying taxes.”

Without these families, this community would have serious financial impacts.  Their nickels buy tortillas at the little market. Their crumpled dollars buy gas at the station on the corner. Their money pays the rent to the landlord/owner of their run-down apartment.  They keep the bus system populated.  They keep schools filled, meaning administrators, teachers, custodians, cafeteria workers, school secretaries, nurses, groundskeepers, etc, all have jobs.  

I know it’s not a rosy picture, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real!  These people are real, and their children are just children. Human beings wanting a good life.  It is a complex issue and cannot be improved by impulsive shallowly thought out gestures made to appease voters. 

Rounding up and deporting massive numbers of immigrants with have a large negative impact which it looks like politicians have not considered.  But, in my mind, the more important message is the moral one.

America is a nation of immigrants, millions of whom came to this country as the lowest level of our society, and over time, have evolved into respected members of our national fabric.  What I see being done and what I hear spewed from the mouths of hateful people is not the American way.  It is not the humane way.

[mrsenglishteacher]

The Moral Majority

I’ll confess.  Yesterday’s “rally” made me physically nauseated.  

I am not a crazed socialist, more a bleeding heart, but I do have a firm grasp on morality and humanity.  Raised a nice, WASPy Protestant, I attended Catholic elementary school, married a Greek Orthodox, worked in Evangelical Christian entertainment, taught social studies which included the origins and spread of Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, B’hai, Sikhism, Christianity, Shintoism and, wait for it . . . Islam.  I do not claim expertise, only broad knowledge.

But, inherent in all faiths is a message of moral behavior -- and in ALL these religions, that message IS THE SAME. We Christian’s call it the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” Contained within this message are the concepts of kindness, tolerance, honesty, respect, and generosity to those in need.  

For those not schooled in Islam, there are “Five Pillars of Faith,” These concepts include (Forgive me if I present them out of order.  It has been quite a while since I taught this section of social studies): Declaring there is but one God; Praying five times each day; Observing the holy month of Ramadan; Making a holy pilgrimage to Mecca; and Giving alms to the poor.  

History, man being who he is, and politics have added diversity to the Muslim faith as well as highly political and/or aggressive messages.  We in America are well aware of these messages promoting fear and prejudice towards Muslims here and around the world.  But, let us not overlook the same history, patriarchal influence and secularized/political forces affecting Western culture in the name of Christianity.  Being a woman, I sometimes feel the need to conquer, dominate and control “territory” is a “man” thing.  But in reality, it is just the way the human race has unfolded. No religion nor “state” is free from aggression towards others.

So why was I feeling nauseated? Yesterday’s “rally” was a litany of poorly constructed (I was also an English teacher) statements which rang my immoral bell.  If the President wasn’t overtly lying, he was making ugly, passive aggressive, and just plain false statements about the reality of America.  It is clear from his election there are many people who felt ignored and under-served by President Obama’s administration.  Addressing their needs and problems is important and I would support legitimate plans and policies to help improve their lives.

But only in a small number of cases are these problems the result of undocumented immigrants from Mexico and Central America.  This amped “round-up” of “illegals” reeks of Nazi Germany and Post Pearl Harbor America where good people were devastatingly mistreated.  Grabbing a mom and deporting her, while her American-born children stand weeping and helpless isn’t making America Great Again.

Shame on you, if you think it does!  It is wrong.  It is immoral.  It is not a humane way to treat a fellow human being.

Lumping all travelers from only seven Muslim countries as deserving of being barred from the U.S. is stupid, but also immoral.  I am not saying we should’t step up screening from all countries to try and block terrorists, but there were none ever from these countries who carried out acts of terrorism here.  The President refers to the terrorist acts we all have heard about in Europe and Africa, but former CIA leaders have identified those terrorists as citizens of those countries, ie. France.  Think about this. . . a previously unidentified terrorist with a French passport can fly in from Paris to JFK and proceed unchallenged into America.  

And, while we’re at it, I have another question.  Are we mobilizing the National Guard to “round up” illegal Chinese, Canadians, New Zealanders, English, or Southeast Asians who have overstayed their visas, and are here illegally?  

And the President’s latest slogan, “I inherited a mess,” is disgusting.  If one is a supporter of the former administration, one would easily cite the many accomplishments of that administration.  If the new administration disagrees with those policies, that is all it is -- a disagreement and a change.  If the leader of the free world really wanted to unite all Americans, he would NOT continue to insult, berate and castigate the efforts supported by the majority of Americans.  He would do all he could to bring us together, into the fold, as it were, by acknowledging validity on all sides, and enlisting support for a different agenda.

This man is a frightening conglomeration of insecurity, bluster, bullying and naiveté. His incessant lying is an international embarrassment.  I am surprised he doesn’t need a sling or two to support sprained shoulders from the amount of self back patting he feels compelled to do.  He has brought our wonderful nation of freedom to a government of the angry, by the angry and for the angry.   

Whatever good he might be capable of doing, he has subverted with his immoral posture, finger pointing and bluster.  

And now I feel angry.

[mrsenglishteacher]

We the People

Day after day, Executive Orders spew from the White House. Nearly all instill fear and dismay in my heart over concern for the people and the environment to be harmed by these actions.  We have become

A GOVERNMENT OF THE ANGRY, BY THE ANGRY AND FOR THE ANGRY.

[mrsenglishteacher]

Why I Can’t “Just Give Him A Chance”

I am not opposed to change.  I like it.

I am not a crazed nutcase. I have always been guilty of intense deep thinking and research into all sides of situations -- personal, social and national.

I get that Donald Trump is President.

So, why do I protest?

I protest because he has achieved the highest level of power in MY country and i deeply fear and oppose what he stands for.  Not everything, mind you, but much of his declared focus and action in the first 100 Days -- published by DT himself.

Term limits, a hiring freeze to reduce the size of government employees, bans on politicos lobbying, foreign fund raising for our elections -- all of these ideas hold merit and deserve serious consideration.  

Then we get to destroying trade agreements such as NAFTA and TPP.  Wild and reactive measures such as these scare me because the consequences can backfire on his intentions to boost American businesses and employment.  Besides, announcing intentions to renegotiate, to withdraw, directing the Secretary of the Treasury to name call China, directing the Secretary of Commerce to name-call China, lifting restrictions, and cancelling billions of dollars in payments to the UN on climate change programs -- REALLY?  

Mr. Trump needs a lesson in civics.  No President has this kind of unilateral power.  Not only do I shiver at the aggressiveness and hostility of these proclamations, I am angered by the egotistical mind thinking he is entitled to command these changes.  

Then he gets rather immature, saying he will cancel every unconstitutional executive action, memorandum and order issued by President Obama.  Really? First, President Obama didn’t make unconstitutional actions, and second, this sounds so adolescent and ninner ninner-ish. We are to be led by a man who publicly needs to get even?

Regrettably, he will win on the Supreme Court nominee.  This makes me sad, because the themes and beliefs he espouses disturb my sense of right and wrong, and he will place a representative of these ideologies on our highest court.

Remove more than two million criminal illegal immigrants and cancel visas to foreign countries that won’t take them back.  Please think a bit about this.  Look at the words “criminal illegal immigrants.”  What kind of criminal?  Driving violations? Only those already incarcerated in our prisons?  Those, at least, would be easy to locate. How and who will do the locating of these persons?  Raids? Door to door searches? Carding, frisking, challenging people on public transportation, on the streets and highways? Sounds so much like Nazi Germany searching out Jews, homosexuals and other “undesirables” that I feel sick. 

Suspending immigration from terror prone areas --  people seeking respite from terror prone areas are deeply in need of sanctuary.  Oh, and the WALL.  I cannot and will not ever support tax money going towards a wall between Mexico and the United States.  Walls don’t work, anyway, and the symbolic similarity to other historic wall attempts which signaled totalitarian, militaristic oppression strikes terror in my heart.

Repealing Obamacare will leave thousands of Americans without health insurance, because the proposed plan will raise premiums, raise co-pays, and not require participation, which will mean people will seek out insurance after they get sick, raising the costs to insurers and, of course, to individuals.

As a former teacher and administrator in Santa Ana, CA, a large city populated by many Hispanics, both legal and undocumented, I am deeply moved by the need for quality public schools to bring children of poverty and illiteracy into mainstream America where they can contribute to our economy and our society.  Financially and philosophically undermining the institution of public education will backfire into high levels of racial tension and unrest.  

So, I cannot “Give Him A Chance.”  I must be vigilant and energized to help protect the children, the uninsured, the businesses, the environment, and the country from the knee-jerk, frightening plans of our new President.

[mrsenglishteacher]

DO NOT TELL ME TO STOP WHINING

Please.

 Do not tell me to stop whining.  Not on Facebook.  Not in conversations. Not in emails.

 I am not whining.

 I am afraid.  

 Afraid for our environment as leaders deny the environmental effects of mining, refining and manufacturing taint the air, land and water of our country.

 Afraid for people seeking a better life in America, providing us with help and services in our lives who are being told they will be “rounded up,” sent to “containment camps” and summarily deported to the place they struggled to escape.

 Afraid for the Dreamers, like those I taught in Santa Ana, CA, who have been schooled and trained as Americans and are ready to take their places contributing to our economy and our culture, and are now told they will not be allowed to stay.  

 Afraid the boastful promises of a wall, now to be paid for by our taxes, will color America as a hostile, antagonistic political power to our neighbors.

 Afraid for millions of Americans of all colors and religions losing health insurance because they do not have the means to participate in the new, more expensive, proposed plan.  People who somehow didn’t think through the hot words of the campaign to the harsh reality of the “fix” for the detested “Obamacare.” (Now more popular than ever.)

 Afraid for our honored international alliances that count on America to offer balance and security in the face of outside aggressors.

 Afraid for public schools across America now possibly under the leadership of a woman who feels she is on God’s mission to undermine public education in favor of “alternative” school opportunities with varying standards of performance accountability – a woman without ANY training or experience in the actual process of educating young people – a woman who doesn’t even know the meaning and difference between proficiency and growth as measurements of achievement.

 Afraid for Muslims, who have been singled out as threatening security simply because of their religion – a religion with humility before God, peaceful coexistence, and respect for marriage, the family and the body as its core. (NO, do not tell me I am wrong.  We must all learn how to separate the true FAITH from the politicized actions of individuals distorting its essence.)

 Afraid for women – who, if beautiful enough, face the possibility of sexual assault if within arm’s reach of the President – women who rely on Planned Parenthood for health services – women who are being threatened with “punishments” in the face of making heartbreaking decisions such as terminating a pregnancy.  

 So, don’t you dare tell me to stop whining.

 I am not whining.

 I am doing my best to make my voice heard for the sake of us all.  That is my right under the First Amendment of the Constitution.  That is my job as a citizen of the United States of America.  That is my sacred duty as a Christian.  

[mrsenglishteacher]

Let’s Just Be Logical Here

OK, we’re supposed to see what Trump can do and “give him a chance.”  That makes sense, since he appears to be the President-Elect.  I say “seems” because of the recent allegations that election results were “hacked.”  We will wait and see what it means.

So, what have we got, so far?  

Let’s start with indicting Hillary Clinton.  Remember those Hitler-esque chants, “Lock her up! Lock her up!”  First, he can’t do that, even if he still wanted to, because it is not for the President to do that.  It is up to the Justice Department.  Hmmm.  Homework required, Mr. Trump.  Second, he doesn’t want to do it any more, since she has “suffered enough already.”  Awww.  Gee.  Isn’t he just too kind?  He never was going to go after her; he was just saying those things to inflame his followers.  So what do we have . . . a lie, and words spoken just to give rise to emotional venting.  Nice.

Ok, going on.  The wall.  Hmmm.  From what I read, the wall is not on the agenda for the first 100 days, and the farther we get from the hysteria of the campaign, the farther we get from that ever happening.  Besides, Mexico won’t pay for it, so who will?  The middle class taxpayers?  He’s giving breaks to the big money earners, so, well, I don’t know.  Ya think it might just not happen?  Hmm.  He never intended to build a wall.  Lie number two.  Angry voices just got louder.

Moving on to “rounding up” illegal immigrants who are “criminals.”  First, define criminal please.  Does a traffic violation make a criminal?  Watch out all you bad hombres, better straighten up and fly right.  How does one round up those criminals?  Are they on a list?  Is he expecting local police forces to knock on doors, or make raids or set criminal traps on sidewalks?  This will require federal officers, or National Guard, or Army or . . .  Sounding a bit like the Gestapo, right?  And then these criminals will be deported or “incarcerated.”  Hmm.  In camps?  With guards?  With or without Muslims?  Only Hispanics? Are we going to “round up in a nice way” Asian gang members and drug dealers, or only Jewish, I mean Hispanic, ones?  Who’s going to pay these rounder uppers?  Tax payers?  Hmmm.  Again, not really a feasible policy, but highly effective in riling up anger and ethnic resentment.

And then there’s registering all Muslims.  Really?  And some one justified doing this by recalling the registration and incarceration of Japanese Americans in World War II.  Is there someone who thinks what we did to Japanese Americans was okay?  Really?  Again, won’t happen.  However, this managed to inflame all the fears and hostility non Muslims feel toward followers of that faith.  

So, will Trump actually put into effect all these pledges?  It’s looking like that would be a no.  What he has done, extremely effectively, is legitimize bigotry and prejudice across America by angry WASPy people.  It is now okay to talk about white supremacy, incarcerating Muslims, deporting Hispanics, and ‘fixing’ LGBTQ people.  

I’m not really buying this “give him a chance,” rhetoric.  I hope you aren’t either.

[mrsenglishteacher]

OMG

I can recall the morning of 911 when America was changed forever.  I can feel the astonishment and fear in my soul that our country was under attack.  The uncertainty of the future was overwhelming as all Americans spent sleepless nights consumed with anxiety of what would happen next.  Who were these enemies?  How did they do it?  Who among us were secret participants? We were threatened to our red, white and blue core.

I was teaching intermediate school at the time -- language arts and social studies.  I had to pull myself together and find strength and purpose to help my kids.  Their panic was higher than mine.  Nearly all of my kids were children of immigrants: Hispanic, Vietnamese, Arab, Persian. Their parents did not have the perspective of having survived as Americans through world wars, failed wars, distant wars.  They were refugee children whose parents fled wars, intense poverty and religious persecution.  They were terribly afraid, and it was important to settle them while at the same time, show them how NOT to turn on each other.  

I will never forget those emotional times as we figured out our united American path.

Never since then have I felt the sustained anxiety for the welfare of America as I do now.

We have elected a man who has pledged to support the needs and fears of people who want to build walls, round up people and deport them, intensify scrutiny of groups of people based on religion and cut off healthcare insurance to people in need.

People are already taking this as a permission slip to harass innocent citizens who are black, or Muslim, or Hispanic.  Are we really a country of degree citizens?  First class citizens are white and clearly superior.  Second class citizens are immigrants, or black, or brown, or Muslim, and therefore not entitled the the same quality of life as white folks.

Are we somehow taking our white anger, generated by the perceived loss of superiority, and entitling ourselves to punish others? Are we going to commit the same mistakes made by rabid nationalists in our past?  Mistakes we learned to regret in later years with much shame.  

How is “Rounding up undocumented immigrants” different from rounding up Japanese Americans and treating them inhumanely? Or Jews to be sent to concentration camps?  How is building a wall to keep people out so different from the Soviet dictated wall in East Germany build to keep people in?  

Doesn’t this centralization of power and control scare anyone but me?  

How does increased surveillance of all Muslim people in America fit with the First Amendment guaranteeing  freedom of religion.  The Amendment does’t say freedom of all Christian religions.  How do we block all Muslim immigrants based on their religion?  Have the uninformed fears of uneducated white people led us to this?  I thought we were better than that.

We must not remember the lessons of our country’s initial founding when colonists tried to block, and then contain new immigrants because they were Catholic, Jewish, German, Irish, Italian. . . 

I am a fourth-generation Californian, and so very, very proud of my beautiful and diverse state.  We have had Mexicans here from the earliest days of European settlement.  We have also had Chinese, and Japanese who bravely traveled here to work and build our state from the ground up.  No, we northern European immigrants didn’t always treat them properly, but I hope we learned our lessons.  Today, we have millions of hyphen Americans, and we are the better for it, drawing on their skills, values and cultures to weave the fabric of our state.

And, let us not forget we all are the newcomers.  The Native Americans were here first and were pushed aside as we settlers claimed their land and resources.  Now we look at their outrage as somehow un-American.

The rhetoric and promises/threats of the man elected President echo the origins  of terrible things in the worldly past -- Hitler’s fascism -- McCarthy’s communist witch hunt -- Soviet containment walls -- Japanese containment camps.  

It is possible President-elect Trump (Oh my God, did I really just write that!) might enact policies to help Americans in need.  I will keep an open mind to that.  But, I pray all those people who care about other’s human rights will keep a keen eye on what he and his team of cronies put forward, speaking up loudly and clearly when their rights as human beings are threatened. 

One message has come out through all this hateful campaign by Mr. Trump. His true message is “Make America White Again.”  

OMG

[mrsenglishteacher]

Imaginings

I find certain people “out there” very interesting.  Always have.  I can remember being a little girl wishing I could have conversations with notable people who have piqued my interest.  I don’t think it is a groupie kind of thing, nor something to brag about to my friends.  I still have these fantasies today wishing, somehow, I could get to know some notable figure.  Here’s how it works . . 

Mr. or Ms. Public Figure learns of my honest interest in getting to know them and on the spur of the moment, decides to drop by my home for some coffee.  I am upstairs, probably, and I hear the doorbell ring.  As I open the door, I realize Mr. PF is standing outside and says he/she is here to take me up on that coffee offer.  

We come into my kitchen, where everyone always seems to congregate, and chat lightly as I start the coffee.  Then we just sit down to talk a bit.  With elbows on the table, we nestle our coffee mugs between our hands, and talk like old friends catching up on our lives.  In a while, we wrap it up, smile and say goodbye.  No attachments.  No obligations.  Just a pleasant time making an acquaintance.

So, who are the people I dream of finding on the other side of my front door? 

 I’ll start with Tom Selleck.

As a fresh faced college girl, I became acutely aware of Tom Selleck as he slathered Stetson cologne across his burly chest in a rugged Out West style TV commercial.  He looked delicious.  Girls in my sorority house thought the same.  Then we found out he was a recent alumnus of our university which made him all the more desirable. 

From there, my memory bounces to his role in Magnum P.I. filmed in Hawaii, followed by some cowboy-styled movies, a gay man,  and, of all things, a part in the show Friends as an age-inappropriate love interest.  Currently, he appears in Blue Bloods and the Jesse Stone mystery movies (which i watch religiously, still!).

A friend of mine once told me he served in the same National Guard Unit with Mr. Selleck, and that he was a really nice man.  How I wished I could have served duty with my friend just to find out for myself.

Along the way, I learned through the media that Mr. Selleck spoke out on some issues.  He was not gay, and did not want those trashy tabloids saying he was. He was pro NRA.  

As these years passed, and his image in my mind matured and expanded, I began to wonder if he was, indeed, a really nice man, or was he, like so many other celebrities, a bit of a jerk.

Enter Ancestry.Com.  I have picked up the torch lit by my great-grandmother in researching and recording our family genealogy.  From handwritten pages to manually typed records to me -- recording the information digitally for future generations, we have traced our family back from the 1600s in America to the British Isles and beyond.  In the 1700s, the a Gold married a Selleck.

Once I saw that, I began to wonder if these were the same Sellecks.  With a bit of snooping, I was able to discover Tom Selleck’s father’s first name, and from there, through Ancestry.com, I traced his family tree back to the 1700s, and, yes, it was the same Selleck family.  We are cousins.

And, it turns out, my daughter was a sorority sister of his niece, at our same university.  

So why do I want to sit down with Tom Selleck?  I seem to want to reconcile the “nice guy” testimonial with the firmly politically conservative public statements.  I’d like to see if he knows more about those distant Selleck ancestors, and if his family values this information as I do.  I would like to hear about his time at our university as a basketball player, and if he has any attachment to it now.

I would like to hear about his reactions to the Hollywood establishment, and how he pursued his own path to production, etc.  I would like to hear about his ranch and how he manages it so personally.  I would like to learn about his favorite places.  

Back when the Golds married the Sellecks, (or was that a Selleck who married a Gold?), couples had many, many children.  Since the 1700s, those many children spread across America and had many, many more children.  All of us are cousins.  There could be thousands of people who could claim Tom Selleck as a cousin.  So, I place no great importance on this special connection I have to a “movie star” I have followed for so many years.  Imagine what would happen if all of us tried to contact him!

Still, it would be fun to find him on my doorstep one day, asking for a cup of coffee.  

[mrsenglishteacher]

Why Our Daughters Get Married

I’ll bet your first thought was, “Because they are ready to start their own adult lives and start families of their own.”  Right?

Wrong!

Daughters get married so that Dad and Mom can get their sh** together and get all those repair, improvement, replacement chores completed in preparation for the arrival of family and friends to wallow in the festivities.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Steve and I love, with a capital L, all the fun of weddings.  We love seeing friends and family from far away.  We love the warm hum of happy conversations vibrating around the room.  We love meeting and welcoming new in-laws.  We savor the sentiments of witnessing one of our precious babies making the next step in her life.  It is ALL great.  

However.

This time, our happy event is local. This means if we are to create a warm and welcoming environment for all these special people, we must get our home in order.  Daughters #1 and #2 were married in northern California which provided their own special challenges.  But, if the rental home/hotel facility wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t our fault. If the food we provided was humble, hey, it wasn’t home where the gourmet goodies are easily obtained.

This time, there are no excuses.  

So, if we are to host our almost son-in-law’s wonderful and huge multi ethnic family from the East Coast, we gotta get it together!

Now for the house -- there’s the normal stuff -- clean rooms, fresh linens for our two already-married daughters.  That’s no big deal.

But, in the last year, a few nasty little problems have arisen.  One shower won’t get hot water.  Nice, right? One bathroom has a leaky sink/fixture flooding the cabinet below.  One toilet likes to keep on running. Our fence with the neighbors simply gave up the ghost, rotted out, and fell over.  Just now, the dryer started screeching at me when I push “start.” 

Not to mention the back yard, suffering from two female dogs burning the wimpy lawn, in the face of severe water shortages and intense messages to stop overwatering.  Then there are the shade coverings in the back which do a great job, and have done so for about four years, and are now looking not-so-nice and getting lots of little tears along attachment places.

Oh, and then there’s the garage.  We have a very large garage which we appreciate so much.  However, one of the cheapy cabinets decided to collapse just a week or so ago.  We heard a huge crashing sound and went out to investigate, finding heaps and heaps (literally) of tools, electrical cords, home supplies, etc. all in a pile at the bottom of the cabinet.  One side blew out sideways and dumped everything on about eight shelves.  Topping it off, Steve cannot for the life of him figure out why the previous owners had the cabinets/cupboards “hung” like pictures from a steel track running along the wall, resulting in their tops being father away from the wall than their bottoms. They bolstered the bottom edges with little piles of rocks.  Hmmm.  Interesting.

So much for the wedding “budget”.  We’ll just have to start a new “project” called, “Catching the House Up,” and carry on.  

Here’s a secret.  I really don’t mind.  It’s hard to get Steve fired up over home projects.  Now, with just a few weeks left, there’s no excuse.  But, don’t tell him.

[mrsenglishteacher]

Little Surprises

My husband looked at the calendar and saw the months and events ahead focusing on the climax of daughter #3′s August wedding, and decided what we (he) needed was a dose of mountain therapy before the folderol begins.  So, just like that, he booked us in at a nice condo in Mammoth Lakes for a week’s stay.  I had a doctor’s follow up appointment, and other chores, so I planned to fly up mid-week to join him, thanks to regular flights from LAX.

While I was alone in our house, I did what every self-respecting housewife would do -- I cleaned like a daughter-of-a-gun.  That vacuum was blaring every day as I hit every room sucking up dust in the way I knew best.  Felt GREAT.  I even took that nesting urge outside and attacked the climbing roses which had gloriously popped with a gajillion flowers now shedding petals all over the front yard.  

Late on Tuesday, I went to see “my” oncologist, with whom I have been in contact following my last bout with cancer -- the thyroid cancer. He walked in the examining room and asked how I was, to which I answered, “Still pretty sore after the breast surgery.”

He was visibly startled.  He said, “What? I thought this was your follow up visit from the thyroid cancer!” 

I guess, despite listing his name EVERY SINGLE TIME as someone needing to receive my records, he had not a clue as to my latest dance steps in the cancer contest. Somehow, most of my records had not reached his office, despite his direct link to the hospital and its breast care center.  

It took just a minute or two for him to get the material sent over, and another minute or two to read and digest my pathology reports.  Then he was very kind and discussed it all with me.  He said that they consider only the invasive part of the tumor as cancer.  Interesting.  So, the two small spots which were still “in situ” were not considered cancer.  Weird, isn’t it?  

He was also very positive and optimistic about the prognosis and said I needed to take a hormone suppressing pill every day for the next ten years.  Ten years!  Wow!  I don’t mind, because by blocking the estrogen, any random cancer bugs cannot be nurtured by whatever trickle of estrogen my body still produced.  

Still.  Ten years.  Can you imagine?  OK, I am officially old.  I now must take a thyroid pill and a no-no estrogen pill every single day in the morning.  Then, before bed, I must take a go-away cholesterol pill and a calcium/Vitamin D pill. This is the woman who still feels like the busy pre-adolescent who tore around her neighborhood on her three-speed bike with her friend on his paper route. Nest stop will be one of those plastic compartment boxes with the days of the week inked in and little spaces for the pills you are supposed to take.  

Get me my walker and Depends, please.

Despite dispensing the news for yet another required daily medication, my time with Dr. Oncologist was the best of this entire cancer dance.  I cannot fault any of the other talented professionals who saw me through the diagnosis-surgery-recovery steps, but I didn’t feel as though I had a relationship with any of them. I understand.  Especially with the Medicare/supplemental insurance payment situation, it is simply a fact of life that the medical system tries to provide the highest quality of care, in the most efficient way.  This doesn’t allow for developing relationships.  

But, I did feel as though I had a relationship with Dr. Oncologist who. like me, was surprised to have me sprouting yet another form of cancer.  He was compassionate and kind, and obviously will be my new best friend for the next ten years.

But, back to the mountains.

I don’t know if it was the flight (I doubt it) or the altitude (possible), but by the time I got to Mammoth, my pain level was high.  A spot under my arm flared up with high levels of pain, and the breast, itself, pulsed with stinging, burning sensations.  I couldn’t wait to strip down and wrap myself in my binding tube top thingy and wear my pajamas.  Advil barely reduced the discomfort.  

Of course, I turned to the internet, and found discussion boards all over the place on the topic of armpit pain post breast surgery.  Reading them, I concluded every other woman had a worse experience than I did, so I stopped.

I carried on, however, thankful for the stormy mountain weather which limited our adventures to beautiful car rides and no attempts to hike or fish.  Finally, I found that the warmth of a hot shower eased the armpit pain, and that by stretching my arm up over my head, I could begin to clear up the discomfort.  

I did not expect to be more uncomfortable three weeks after surgery, but that was the case.

By Saturday, it was much better, so our six-hour drive home was most enjoyable.  The Eastern Sierras are so scenic and awe-inspiring as you coast downhill from Mammoth to Little Lake beside the towering mountains.

So now, the underarm pain is gone, and the breast is slightly better on the burning/stinging front.  I am looking forward for that to CLEAR UP RIGHT NOW, if you please.  I have no idea how women survive six weeks of full breast radiation, if this is what they experience.  

I have started the non-no estrogen pills, and have not had side effects -- yet.  Can’t wait to look even older and have my hair thin as possible side effects.  I guess that just goes with qualifying for MediCare.  Bummer! 

But! I am truly thankful for the medical system which let me get the care to detect this cancer in such an early state and receive such fast and effective manner.  And I am thankful for our MediCare system which has eased me through every single step without a hitch.  

Now, I just need to get my blubber reduced and my blood pressure down.  It’s a never-ending challenge around here.

[mrsenglishteacher]

A Blooming Recovery

No matter how quickly one recovers from surgical “procedures”, it seems there is always some part of the process/pain which lingers.  And lingers.  And, reminds you over and over again that your body just had something bad done to it.  

As much as I want to stand up straight, walk forward with vigor, and live my every day with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, I hear that little voice inside me saying, “That was a yucky experience, and just so you don’t forget it, it’s going to keep on hurting just enough to irritate you.”

I’m up, cleaning house, walking dogs, going to the market, and so on.  But, by the afternoon, I am worn out.  It’s not the activity, but dealing with the irritated, burning, stinging feeling in my left breast.  Poor thing.  Dr. Surgeon took a chunk out of it, Dr. Radiologist singed it with radiation, and no matter what kind of bra I wear, something rubs it on the incision sites.

I know it would be better if I was more of an invalid, because when I don’t move around -- no arm movement, no up and down steps, no bending over -- it doesn’t talk to me as much.  Come the end of the day, I can hardly wait to take off my clothes, wrap myself in that binding tube top appliance supplied after surgery, and sit still.

When I lie down, it feels the best.  I think it’s a gravity thing.  Less gravitational pull in a downward direction, if you get my drift.

I am also finding I automatically offer the “Right Side Hug.”  One look at open arms zooming in for supportive expressions and I twist away, raising only my right arm and side for the embrace.  Really, I would prefer we all give each other hip bumps and avoid the upper body contact altogether.

So, I find myself walking around my house, riding or driving in the car, holding my left breast with my left hand to apply a little pressure to alleviate the discomfort.  Weird, right?

But I don’t think I have ever lived with so many beautiful flowers around me. Dear friends have stopped by, blooms in hand, to offer support for my recovery. My house has gorgeous plants and bouquets in nearly every room.  I love flowers, but I hesitate to buy them for myself.  So, that makes this floral richness all the more special, and I resist the temptation to compare my house to a funeral home. 

I know, know, know this pain stage will end sometime.  I really have very little patience for the recovery process.  Right now, I can’t imagine being able to breakdance at my daughter’s wedding in August -- something I was counting on doing.  But, even if I can’t whoop it up, I will have a blast, and will feel ever so thankful just to be there.    

Clearly, I need to focus forward.  Need to keep shedding the extra lubs (lbs), I plan on losing before the wedding. Need to complete the arrangements which are my responsibility. Need to get the house/yard up to snuff.  Need to remember the birthdays, anniversaries, appointments on my calendar.  

In other words, it’s time to focus on living and being able to do so.