mrsbilal

[mrsbilal]

6 years, 3 babies. It’s difficult to remember what my life was like before children. I had hobbies. I had a lot of friends. I went out frequently. I had time for myself. I knew what true loneliness felt like.

I am not bitter. Still, sometimes motherhood is extremely dehumanizing. I have to plan simple self care, such as a shower, around the care and schedule of 3 little people. At their mercy always, it seems.

I do not have friends outside of the internet anymore. Partly that is milso/constant-moving life, other part is flat out abandonment from them. I was the first within our friend group to have a baby and get married. In fact, I think even now a majority of my old friends are still single and partying (which is okay, I am not criticizing. Only pointing out how we don’t relate as we once did).

I had so much time for any type of creative outlet I wanted to sample at the time. I wrote constantly… I was published!! So many opportunities right at my fingertips at that time. The “break” from my career after L’s birth turned into 2 more kids and a marriage. I’m uncertain that I’ll ever be a real writer again and it’s slightly soul crushing.

It is not all lost dreams and relationships, there are things that motherhood completely broke me of that I would probably still be struggling with today had I chosen not to have children yet. You wouldn’t be able to tell, but I am a recovered addict. Well, they tell us to never say “recovered”, but recovering. As we are supposed to always be addicts forever. However, I feel lightyears apart from that person. Do I think about heroin and narcotics still? Sure, from time to time, but not in ways that I’m not completely disgusted by their use and who I was using them. Back then I was filling such a void from my abusive past. Having children helped birth me into a more stable and LOVED (true unconditional LOVE) human being. I needed love.

That sick version of me still mattered though. She was the stepping stone to who I am now. Her thoughts and dreams still flow within me. Her wild, spontaneous, always hungry for experience self is the foundation of ME. Rarely these days I embody that essence of her for my own pleasure. My children are young and need my stability so I find ways to be both.

The random adventures to questionably dangerous places and substances morphed into adventures to new states, child-oriented attractions and “firsts”. It is a different kind of magic.

Motherhood is consuming. It crashes in like a massive tidal wave, completely destroying weak structures of you that once stood. The water smooths and fills all the cracks and emptiness in a single sweeping motion. To be birthed anew alongside your baby, a top the leftover foundation she before children laid.

[mrsbilal]

i think it’s important to realize that no matter how good you are to people, it won’t make them good to you.

[mrsbilal]

6 years, 3 babies. It’s difficult to remember what my life was like before children. I had hobbies. I had a lot of friends. I went out frequently. I had time for myself. I knew what true loneliness felt like.

I am not bitter. Still, sometimes motherhood is extremely dehumanizing. I have to plan simple self care, such as a shower, around the care and schedule of 3 little people. At their mercy always, it seems.

I do not have friends outside of the internet anymore. Partly that is milso/constant-moving life, other part is flat out abandonment from them. I was the first within our friend group to have a baby and get married. In fact, I think even now a majority of my old friends are still single and partying (which is okay, I am not criticizing. Only pointing out how we don’t relate as we once did).

I had so much time for any type of creative outlet I wanted to sample at the time. I wrote constantly… I was published!! So many opportunities right at my fingertips at that time. The “break” from my career after L’s birth turned into 2 more kids and a marriage. I’m uncertain that I’ll ever be a real writer again and it’s slightly soul crushing.

It is not all lost dreams and relationships, there are things that motherhood completely broke me of that I would probably still be struggling with today had I chosen not to have children yet. You wouldn’t be able to tell, but I am a recovered addict. Well, they tell us to never say “recovered”, but recovering. As we are supposed to always be addicts forever. However, I feel lightyears apart from that person. Do I think about heroin and narcotics still? Sure, from time to time, but not in ways that I’m not completely disgusted by their use and who I was using them. Back then I was filling such a void from my abusive past. Having children helped birth me into a more stable and LOVED (true unconditional LOVE) human being. I needed love.

That sick version of me still mattered though. She was the stepping stone to who I am now. Her thoughts and dreams still flow within me. Her wild, spontaneous, always hungry for experience self is the foundation of ME. Rarely these days I embody that essence of her for my own pleasure. My children are young and need my stability so I find ways to be both.

The random adventures to questionably dangerous places and substances morphed into adventures to new states, child-oriented attractions and “firsts”. It is a different kind of magic.

Motherhood is consuming. It crashes in like a massive tidal wave, completely destroying weak structures of you that once stood. The water smooths and fills all the cracks and emptiness in a single sweeping motion. To be birthed anew alongside your baby, a top the leftover foundation she before children laid.

[mrsbilal]

#justiceformuslims

[mrsbilal]

Sara Naqvi

[mrsbilal]

Asalam Walakum. May Allah bless you. I had a question, what if you can't fast during Ramadan cause of health problem and want to gain good deeds & what If I'm too young to give donations. Ps. I'm 16

Waalaykom assalaam :))

Go volunteer somewhere! 

Make dua (supplication)

Help your fam make food!

Be nice to people :) 

Do thikr (link) and send peace and blessings on the Messenger of Allah

Read Quran

Pray more

Anything that is associated with reward in Islam is multiplied greatly in Ramadan. So just do more worship. Get close to the Book of Allah–it’s the month of the Quran, so make sure you’re reading it! 

[mrsbilal]

Follow DidYouKnowBro.com For More Interesting Weird Fun Facts

[mrsbilal]

So right

[mrsbilal]