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My Curse: Trying to create a decent looking character in Oblivion.

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This is a terrible joke:

Were you aware that elves and mermaids can have children with each other? Most people don’t realize this because their children rarely make sounds louder than a mermer.

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The Most and Least Popular Daedric Princes (as chosen by you)

We asked, you answered. We didn’t specifically ask you, mind, but you were given the option at least…

Anyway, here is the Top 17 Daedric Princes, as chosen by you!

17. Vaermina

Vaermina may be the Daedric Prince of Dreams, but she is dreaming if she thinks she is ranking any higher than seventeen on this list. In fairness, she was the default last option, which might have hurt her score.

16. Namira

Namira could not be more pleased with this result. Being the Prince of Revulsion, Pity, and Disregard, second to last place is perfect for her.

15. Molag Bal

Wait, only fifteenth? The second peculiar ranking, Molag Bal. Molag Bal definitely had his eye on the prize of last place, but he only managed to fall as low as fifteenth. I’d wish you better luck next time, but with such titles as God of Schemes, the King of Rape, the Corrupter, the Tormentor of Men, the Lord of Lies, the Lord of Domination, the Harvester of Souls, the Lord of Brutality, Molag the Slave-Lord, the Sower of Strife, the Prince of Pain, the Captain of Corruption, the Father of Torment, the King of Corruption, the Elder Spirit of Domination and Supreme Law, and the Prince of Rage, could you really try harder than you already have? Please don’t answer that.

14. Peryite

As the Daedric Prince with the worst reputation, Peryite languishes on the lower levels of this list. But that would be ideal for him, as the guard of the lowest levels of Oblivion.

13. Mehrunes Dagon

Dagon, one of the most common antagonists in our adventures, has done little to endear himself to us. However, it appears that familiarity breeds contempt, and Dagon couldn’t secure himself a lower position or rank higher than thirteenth. As the Prince himself put it: “I have been a fool. Mistakes have been made.”

12. Jyggalag

Jyggalag gets credit for ranking as high as he did with what is possibly the least screen time of any of his competition. Best described as bleak, colorless, and stern, he would be unlikely to care about his ranking on this either way.

11. Mephala

Appropriately for the Prince of Secrets, it’s a bit of a mystery to us why she ranked so low. The demon prince of murder, sex, and secrets maintains strong ties to two of the fan favorite factions, the Dark Brotherhood and Morag Tong. She is also strongly associated with other fan favorite characters like Hermaeus Mora, and Vivec. Perhaps her sphere is a bit too obscured to mortals for wider popularity, or maybe it’s her thing for spiders. Either way, you put her in eleventh place.

10. Malacath

The Daedric Prince of Outcasts found his way to rank ten. Malacath’s paradoxical popularity probably perplexes some people, but it honestly makes a good deal of sense. His focus on the ostracized of society could give him a rebellious allure to some, saving him from the bottom of the list.

09. Meridia

Stuck in the middle rankings is Meridia, also known as our Lady of Infinite Energies, the Glister Witch, or the Shining Bitch (by her enemies). Her popular reputation as being one of the few not wholly evil Daedra most likely helped her rank as high as she did, but a few peculiarities in her activities most likely prevented her from being one of the top ranking Princes.

08. Boethiah

Boethiah was given eighth place on your list, and frankly that’s amazing. Boethiah has unfortunately been mostly curtailed to minor roles in stories, so by managing to rank eighth without ever having a real starring role is simply spectacular.

07. Clavicus Vile

Let’s face it, most of these votes were really for Barbas.

06. Sanguine

Sanguine stands above the rest of the competition with the unique fact that he is the highest ranking Prince on this list to never have received a major story line. Sanguine has always just wanted you to have a good time, and you all clearly had a great one with him.

05. Nocturnal

The Night Mistress took one of the top ranks on the list. While she hasn’t always been on our side, she has still managed to leave enough of an impact to reach number five. Helping her reach the top tier was her Gray Cowl and Skeleton Key, and her association with the Thieves Guild.

04. Hircine

The Prince of the Hunt snagged fourth place on your rankings, and with good reason. His association with werewolves, multiple questlines, and numerous artifacts certainly helped him rank so high.

03. Hermaeus Mora

Hermaeus Mora knew he would rank third. With one of the more interesting designs of the Princes, and holding the distinction of being a major character of the last released quest line in the main series, Herma took rank three.

02. Azura

No result could possibly displease Azura more than only getting second place in this poll. This is probably the most furious she has been since she cursed the Dunmer.

01. Sheogorath

No surprises here. Sheogorath easily takes home the title of Most Popular Prince on the back of the never-ending parade of popularity he has enjoyed since the release of the Shivering Isles expansion.

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It's my theory that either "he forgot his name" is code for "offed himself," or the act of a dragon forgetting his name kills them. We all know the dov tongue changes reality when used as a shout. We also know dov names are like a summary of who they are. Alduin means Destroyer-Devour-Master. Durnehviir means Cursed-Never-Dying, and we know that the soul cairn fundamentally changed what he is, and his name reflects this. So a dragon forgetting his name or not having one could mean death. Side note, as the player we help to rewrite history regarding Olaf One Eye(the guy who caught Numixex) which goes into the college's official records. Clearly historical accuracy isn't high on their priorities.

Unanswered Lore Question: What happened to Numinex? A dragon skull is in Dragonsreach that supposedly belonged to him, according to Whiterun’s Jarl. However, Viarmo, the master of the Bard’s College, claims that Numinex historically escaped. Paarthurnax mentions visiting him from time to time, and that Numinex eventually went so insane he forgot his own name, but nothing about his death. If Dragonsreach chose to execute its prized pet dragon, surely someone would have recorded why? But then, if he was executed, why does the Poetic Edda claim Numinex escaped?

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Did You Know: Due to a glitch in Skyrim Pinball, as long as you have a moonstone ingot in your inventory, you can craft glass arrows with a single leather strip? The recipe normally calls for refined malachite and a leather strip, but the game will accept a moonstone ingot in the malachite’s place, and not use up the ingot while crafting.

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Put the beacon of Meridia in your game. Be sure to have the sound ready for when the party picks it up.

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The Deck of One Thing (the one thing is a live crab)

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Gloves of strength. But they were made by a halfling. So you can wield a normal sized sword with one hand, or hold a pumpkin, or anything a halfling would consider a great feat of strength.

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If a player gets a nat 20 on looting, they get the soul.

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Any suggestions for a Sleep/Dream warlock homebrew, I want to make one based on the “I shook hands with the monster under my bed and he said your hired” post

The sandman as a patron would be a good start, but you’re best of chatting with your DM in terms of class features. But based on what you said something involving charming monsters would make sense, maybe not needing to sleep and true sight at higher levels - Mod Paper

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Hozier - The Humours of Whiskey (Traditional, a cappella)

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Theory Time

The reason endermen don’t like it when you look at them is because they communicate telepathically with one another by locking eyes! Humans are absolutely not designed to do this so when we look at them we are accidentally projecting all of our thoughts into them at the same time and it hurts :(

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The myth of Achilles, but instead of holding him by the heel, Thetis sumberges him fully so that Achilles is completely invulnerable and Thetis has one invulnerable hand.

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Making a DaVinci bridge out of a pile of wooden sticks

Source

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What Your School of Magic Says About You

Alchemy:

You love your colleagues. Every morning, at least one of them makes the same stupid joke “Oh sorry, the alchemy lab is THAT way”, and point you in the direction of kitchen. You really, really love this joke. You have laughed at it 5,347 times, and you will laugh at it 5,348 times tomorrow. The worst part is you really are a fantastic chef, you’ve enjoyed mixing things together for as long as you can remember, and now the most complicated dish you’ve made for yourself in the last few years is a piece of sliced bread. You were once reprimanded publicly for being three minutes late for work, as a dozen of your co-workers walked in even later than you did the same day without a word. You know you are going to be pushed too far one of these days, and they really should have seen the consequences of harassing an alchemist coming.

Alteration:

The most well adjusted of the magical fields. You have to be, you wake up one morning after a miscast and your vision is reversed so everything looks upside down, or you weigh less than a single Septim, or everything you see has an unhealthy shade of blue to it. You are adaptable, just like your school. People confuse you with Illusion a lot, but at your core you couldn’t be anymore different. You keep seeing something out of the corner of your eye, but when you look it’s gone. You tend to respond to that issue by slipping just a small spike of liquid courage into your morning coffee.

Conjuration:

You are the most popular with the younger mages, the most disrespected by senior staff, and absolutely hated by everyone else. It’s obvious to you why, when you really boil it down, your job is to COMMUNICATE with other people, and the entrenched magical bureaucracy cannot accept the idea of a mage with social skills. That’s what you tell yourself, at least. You don’t hate your job, but you thought you’d be farther along by now. Most Conjuration experts such as yourself would have run into some desolate locale by now to join a cult, but that’s not what you want. You want to be more than the stereotypes say you are going to be, but facing the stigmatization of your field, you don’t see a way out. Then you start to spiral, you’ve spoken to beings from a hundred different planes of existence, but half of them want nothing more to outsmart you so they can break their binding and inflict a cruel fate onto you. That’s your “coworkers”. Meanwhile, the other conjurers are getting ready to bolt into the night. The archmages know where your path leads, and they push you away due to it. At least you can make that one Alchemist laugh with that kitchen joke.

Destruction:

IT IS A GREAT DAY. Everyday is great when you are the BEST school of magic. A surprising number of your colleagues scowl at your chipper mood, but it doesn’t weigh on you AT ALL. Because you are the BEST. And you know they know it. After all, they aren’t Destruction mages. They can’t be the BEST without the BEST school of magic. Why? It’s quite simple. You have never had a cold cup of coffee in your life, nor have you ever burned your mouth on it. Your ice cream has never melted on you, and it’s never given you brain freeze. Today is a great day, and you are living your best life.

Enchanting:

Fear is the best motivator. Your underlings have learned this well.

Illusion:

You had the same dream last night, as you had yesterday, the day before, and for as long as you can remember. You are sure it will be the same one tomorrow. The oppression of the dream has made the days blend together, but you still put on your robe and wizard hat and head into work for the day. You are usually a bit late, but thanks to Illusion magic no one notices, or you make them not care. Your colleagues offer you a weird sense of respect, and you usually end up grouped with the Alteration magisters. Not that you’re complaining, but they should really know the fundamental differences between the two schools. Outwardly, you are charming (it’s literally a spell you know after all), out of sight when there’s trouble (another spell of yours), and whenever a coworker loses something you can retrieve it quickly. You are doing well, but you can’t shake the feeling of falseness to everything in the waking world. Not like the dream, nothing feels realer…

Mysticism:

You were technically supposed to be fired 200 years ago, but no one in the faculty has the nerve to inform you of this. You cut off the only person who tried by telling him “I have an important meeting with Magnus about the current flow rate of your Magicka” before vanishing in a flash of light. Then you just had to quietly slip a cursed item to stunt their magic on them, and no one tried again. You are actually an amazing magister, but you have learned the best magical abilities are the ones that don’t require you to cast anything.

Restoration:

You didn’t think Restoration would be like this. Restoration is supposed to be the most noble, honorable school of magic possible. Instead, it is the most profitable. People are expected to tithe small fortunes to have the simplest healing spells cast on them. You’ve seen the desperate and downtrodden turned away because they weren’t born wealthy enough to have someone cast a very low effort spell onto them to cure all their ailments. You’ve seen the middle class become destitute to afford your services. The wealthy need not worry though, they either have the coin necessary or the reputation to get treated for free. You regularly get reprimanded for “forgetting” to collect the gold for your services, but they can’t get rid of you with the increasing shortage of healers.

Thaumaturgy:

You collected a paycheck for about thirty years before people realized that Thaumaturgy wasn’t really a thing. You are now retired.

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Cracking your knuckles is a skill with a cooldown.

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lmao😂/smh🙄