mr-nault-it-all

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Oh damn the Catholics have joined in on the war against AI "art".

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The Horrors™️ persist but shall always be documented via We Didn't Start The Fire

Every 20-30 years, a new band should rewrite We Didnt Start The Fire with an updated version like FOB did with Billy Joel's original. That way everyone can see that everything really has always been fucked up but by god we are always trying to fight it.

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googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much

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i think there’s actually nothing better than being randomly told “I love you” after doing something characteristically stupid. Like what do you mean I’m a lovable person and I just did something silly and you thought “of course you would do that. I love you.”. No better feeling

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"You're saying a lot of weird shit for someone within Shadow Ball range" vibes and I love it

daily Pokèmon #0282: Gardevoir

ill never forgive the internet for what it did to gardevoir i love you gardevoir i love you i love you i love you

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Poke : ) Poke : ) Poke : ) Poke : ) Poke : ) Poke : ) Poke : ) Po.. Hive Worm? Hmm

BABY NEED KNIFE.

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the “the colonel calls me riza when we’re alone” scene is/was.. lifechanging tbh

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Concept: cursed blade rehabilitation center. Destroying a sentient weapon is expensive and highly unethical, so adventurers bring them to the center where highly trained staff can care for them and eventually find them forever homes. It turns out most cursed weapons are products of trauma and are not strictly evil themselves. Some blades turn out to be fiercely protective companions. Others don't even want to be weapons at all, finding joy in simple work like blacksmithing or farming. Most blades just need to be loved.

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What the FUCK does this mean

Guy eating pussy but he's got one of those Bluetooth earpieces on and on the other end is a lesbian instructing him how to do it.

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people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?

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"why didn't they question anything" bro forgot that there used to be a fuck ton more solstice warriors and then the dweller of strife got too silly and then moraine overwhelmed by grief was way too tough on erlina and brugaves because they were all they had left until valere and zale showed up and the reason valere and zale "never question" their role is because they had garl and literally all they wanted was to go on silly adventures and explore stuff together and what drives them to keep going is protecting each other why on earth do you think their cool big luana solen whatever powers would activate when garls in trouble bro it's bc their powers come from the love that erlina and brugaves didn't have. of course they questioned it they just questioned it and decided actually this is cool because being a solstice warrior to them means "protect my friends" and not "do we have to fight big monsters 🥺🥺" of course its a corrupt system because theyre all ultimately just pawns in some advanced wizard yaoi but valere and zale do have actual reasons for what they do bro trust me (idk i just made that whole thing up i can't fucking read)

key of love btw

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Sea of stars is a game about two guys who got a divorce and made it everyone's problem.

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Did you know

If you perform action Harmlessly Bother Cat you can receive Sounds

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Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

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johto pokemon vs pokemon from new york

bonus: that phenomenon where japanese tourists visit paris and have a breakdown bc of how shit it is

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Guy in front of me has spent the past hour creating our professor in Monster Hunter Wilds