moxiebxtch

[moxiebxtch]

“Go ahead and talk during silent reading. I hope you like burning in hell.”

- Elsa, probably.

[moxiebxtch]

Elsa: There’s a Walgreens right around the corner, you can just get a new toothbrush over there.

Hiccup: Yeah, no. I was banned from every Walgreens because I kept asking the 17 year old cashier to solve ethical dilemmas.

[moxiebxtch]

Hiccup: What the Helheim happened in here?

Elsa: Jack tried to hit the griddy but he did it wrong so I said, “Bro’s hitting the shitty.” And now he won’t stop crying.

[moxiebxtch]

Elsa: Hiccup and I are here so we can come to some sort of amicable solution to the problem. What would the Guardians like to propose to resolve the situation?

Bunny: It’s snowing in May in Colorado. We want to tell Jack that he sucks at his job.

Elsa: I will slit my throat and Hiccup’s throat before I let that happen.

[moxiebxtch]

Jack: So are you into short guys or tall guys?

Merida: It doesn’t really matter as long as they’re a woman.

[moxiebxtch]

Merida: *spits out her food* Ew, this is disgusting!

Elsa: Hey! We do not spit in here! Once it’s in your mouth you swallow.

Jack: Of course YOU’D say that.

[moxiebxtch]

Anna: It’s remarkable how you make me angry so fast.

Jack: I literally only said 6 words.

Anna: Yet here I am, seething with rage.

[moxiebxtch]

Hiccup: You and Flynn come up with the worst ideas.

Jack: Then why are you coming with us?

Hiccup: Because someone has to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

[moxiebxtch]

Elsa: Jack can I get a sip of your water?

Jack: It’s not water.

Elsa: Vodka! I like your style.

Jack: It’s vinegar.

Elsa: Wha-

Jack: It’s vinegar, coward.

[moxiebxtch]

“If anyone has experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.”

-Jack Frost, probably.

[moxiebxtch]

Jack: I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m a bit of a goofball and it was suggested that I was out of my league when I landed Elsa.

Jack: By Merida mostly, and North. And Bunny.

Jack:. . .and Elsa.

[moxiebxtch]

Jack: I don’t know Elsa. You really need to stop snapping at people. You yelled at Bunny for calling me special.

Elsa: Sweetie, that wasn’t a compliment.

[moxiebxtch]

Flynn: Come on! We’ll make a day of it, it’ll be fun!

Hiccup: I can’t believe I have to say this but I don’t have time to go get tested for STDs with you.

[moxiebxtch]

Bunny: Let’s try this one more time. Something’s threatening the kids of the world, you need to get rid of it. What do you do?

Jack: Call the Guardi-

Bunny: YOU ARE THE GUARDIANS!!!

[moxiebxtch]

Elsa: You didn’t have to hit him!

Merida: You weren’t there! You didn’t hear what he said to me!

Elsa: What did he say?

Merida: He said, ‘What are you gonna do? Hit me?’

[moxiebxtch]

Hiccup and Flynn after locking Jack and Elsa’s baby in the car:

Flynn: I’m breaking the window!

Hiccup, on the phone: WE LOCKED OUR FRIENDS’ BABY IN THE CAR AND PEOPLE ARE JUDGING US!

Flynn: I SWEAR TO GOD IM GONNA BREAK IT!

Hiccup: Do not break the window! You’ll get glass on him!

911 Operator: Sir, please tell your wife to relax. Everything is going to be okay.

Hiccup: That’s a man!

Flynn: DON’T WORRY ATLAS! I’M COMING FOR YOU!

[moxiebxtch]

Elsa: We didn’t even have a wedding. We just went down to the courthouse on a Tuesday.

Jack: The judge sentenced me to life with no chance of parole.

Elsa: You BEGGED me to marry you.

Jack: It’s true. I did.