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Introduction

Hi, guys!

Nice to meet you.

My name’s Ivi, pronouns she/they.

Welcome to my blog — mostly a place where I post random thoughts and ideas that pop into my head about the Transformers fandom.

I usually write within the TFP continuity, but sometimes I dip into others (TFO, ES, TFA).

Favorite trope - found family. Favorite ships: OptiRatch, RatchPax, UltraBulkJack, WaveWave.

If you're a fan of Megatron or MegOp, fair warning: whenever I write about him, it's strictly in a humorous tone, and I usually portray him as a bit of a fool.

If you're curious about any of my posts, feel free to send me ask — though sometimes I disappear for a few days because of work, school, gym, etc. But I promise to reply when I can.

English isn’t my first language, so apologies in advance for any mistakes.

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EarthSpark StarOp Or: The tale of how Megatron flirted so poorly that his intended love interest ended up dating his former sic.

I was going through old notes and found this nonsense—hope someone enjoys it.

Part 1

Megatron happily comes to Dot to ask for advice and share a decision he’s made. He’s planning to court Optimus. Dot isn’t exactly thrilled, but overall she doesn’t care much as long as Meg is happy. She also asks if they’ve already been together, but Meg gets a bit shy and says no, it never really happened.

When Dot asks why, he grumbles something about Orion never noticing anything and someone always showing up at the worst possible moment. They’re interrupted when Optimus, Hashtag, and Jawbreaker arrive at the farm. The courtship is forgotten — Megatron goes off to punch his former SIC in the face.

Part 2

A slightly battered Megatron sulks and watches as Optimus helps patch up Jawbreaker. Dot frowns at him because he started the fight and got smacked by Optimus.

Elite-1 approaches them. She rushed over when she heard about the fight and starts questioning everyone about what happened. Optimus finishes with Jawbreaker and turns to Megatron. But instead of taking the opportunity, Megatron gets angry and snaps at Optimus, refusing help and claiming he’s not weak like some people

Starscream, on the contrary, takes full advantage of the moment and demands Prime’s undivided attention. Hashtag assists under Optimus’s precise instructions. Dot facepalms. Megatron sulks even harder.

Part 3

Megatron paces back and forth, angrily ranting about how someone always gets in the way whenever he tries to approach Optimus. Dot finds it all amusing and doesn’t understand why it has to be Optimus.

Megatron shares a bit of their pre-war history, even showing a photo of Orion. Dot is mildly impressed — young Optimus was quite handsome. Megatron says that by Cybertronian standards, he was very attractive.

Later, Optimus arrives at the farm accompanied by the kids and shows off his new changes in paintwork (stickers, slightly altered color scheme, maybe some new parts?) . Megatron is impressed, but instead of giving a proper compliment, he snaps at Optimus again.

The kids (especially Bumblebee) take offense on Optimus’s behalf. Starscream shows up again and comments on Prime’s new look. Megatron boils with rage and blurts out something stupid again.

Part 4

A bit of history lessons from Optimus Prime and a discussion on the concealment and falsification of historical records between Starscream, Soundwave, and Optimus.

An explanation of Cybertron’s geopolitics and the many cultural differences between city-state dwellers and humans in general. Starscream, as always, boasts and praises the greatness of his homeland — Vos.

Optimus and Elita talk about Iacon, Wheeljack about Rodion, Megatron about Kaon. Overall, things were going well until they touched on some stereotypes about city-state residents. Things start to go downhill. Once again, Megatron is left out.

Part 5

Optimus has slightly modified his frame and added a new feature: a jetpack. Megatron sees this as an opportunity and offers to give Optimus flying lessons, but he does it so awkwardly and rudely that everyone feels a bit embarrassed for him. Optimus simply replies that Trigon Starscream has already offered flight lessons to him and the kids.

They were the ones who helped install his wings. Optimus shares that he’s always dreamed of flying freely and decided that, since things are peaceful now, he wants to live a little for himself. Megatron is invited to join them — he initially wants to decline, but Dot forces him to go.

After thinking it over, he plans to dump the kids on Starscream and the others, and spend time alone with Optimus. But it all ends with Optimus crash-landing into the nearest lake and a nose-to-nose collision between Megatron and Starscream, who were both trying to catch him. The kids described the whole thing to everyone in great detail.

Part 6

Optimus goes on vacation. Overall, Megatron sulks and scrolls through the photos Optimus posts from his trip on social media. Everyone’s liking them.

Before the vacation, Optimus settles matters with the human government.

Optimus travels the world during his vacation and posts photos of landmarks on social media. One of them is a picture taken at the top of an Aztec pyramid. When asked in the comments how he even got up there, he replies, “I have pilot friends.” During his travels, he occasionally uses a holoform (I like it when bots use holoforms, okay?).

One time, he appears in a photo on someone else's account. It's a picture of his holomatter avatar, surrounded by slightly older retired military personnel. The caption reads "Finally dragged him out for a beer," with an arrow pointing to Optimus.

Very often, another unknown person appears in the photos—someone who may or may not be a holoform of Starscream.

Part 7

When Optimus finally returns home, he’s accompanied by an overly cheerful Starscream, whose servo seems almost glued to Prime’s waist. Optimus has an important announcement to make.

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TFP Headcanons

Wheeljack personally constructed a custom Apex Armor for Miko, designed specifically so she could visit Cybertron without any restrictions. He even painted it in her signature colors.

The scars on Megatron’s face — that’s Optimus’s doing. One time, Megatron made him so furious he barely managed to escape

Jazz is Soundwave’s sworn enemy. He’s the one who killed the other cassettes, leaving only Laserbeak. 

Bulkhead helped Miko overcome her arachnophobia. But after the incident with the Insecticons, she’s now afraid of bugs — even if it’s hard for her to admit. 

Autobot tears are pink. 

Arcee is very proud that her armor is blue. She says it’s the color of her enemies’ energon. 

When Jack turned eighteen, he got his ear pierced and wore an earring with a blue stone for the rest of his life. 

Optimus sleepwalks. Well — sleep-drives. He transforms into a truck and drives around the base. It only happens if Ratchet falls asleep before him. If not, the medic just grabs him and uses him as a giant teddy bear. 

Before the war, Jazz and Orion ran an underground tattoo parlor (engraving?). 

After the war, Miko got into engraving as a hobby, and her practice dummy became Ultra Magnus. He said it reminded him of his youth, always looking sadly at Ratchet.

Ratchet was into jewelry-making and constantly crafted ornaments for Orion. 

Alpha Trion was terrible at understanding emotions. That’s why he always had trouble both with other bots and with young Orion. 

Jazz had a collection of handcuffs — all the ones people tried to arrest him with. They’re his trophies. 

When Raf grew up and started looking for a job, he was offered internships at the most prestigious scientific centers in the country. Every time he visited one, Ratchet and Bee accompanied him using holoforms

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Some things the SG Autobots have done (not tied to any specific continuity)

Warning: mentions or descriptions of disturbing content

Jazz can emit certain sound frequencies that induce a trance-like state in other bots, triggering waves of euphoria that quickly spiral into uncontrollable aggression.

Once, he, Prowl, and a few others were sent to negotiate with a city allied with the Decepticons. The locals insulted Prowl. That night, Jazz took brutal revenge.

He targeted the most vulnerable inhabitants of the city with his ability. At first, they ran out of their homes, laughing like maniacs. Then they gathered in the central square and began to dance. But it wasn’t dancing—it was twitching, grotesque, distorted movement, more like violent convulsions than anything joyful.

Other citizens tried to help them, but nothing worked. The afflicted didn’t even recognize their loved ones. And then came the worst part. They snapped. A horrifying, all-consuming rage overtook them. They turned on the rest of the city. They slaughtered and mutilated anyone they could get their hands on—even their closest friends and family.

By morning, there were barely any survivors left.

______***______

After Bumblebee lost his voice module, Optimus gave a direct order: Capture the Decepticons involved. Alive.

They were locked in cages. No energon. No light. Just the slow, gnawing ache of starvation.

When they were on the brink of collapse, Optimus gave them a choice: Pick one among yourselves. One to die. Their energon would be harvested and shared among the rest.

They refused.

So Optimus chose for them. One was dragged out. Killed slowly. Painfully. Their energon spilled across the floor in thick, glowing puddles. The corpse was left in plain view. The others were forced to watch.

They weren’t fed.

Not that day. Not the next three.

On the fourth, they made a choice.

______***______

Ratchet created a virus.

It targets a bot’s processor. Not to shut it down— but to awaken something far worse.

Hunger.

Unrelenting, mind-consuming hunger. So intense it overrides logic, memory, even love.

Infected bots turned on their own. They tore into their kin. Their friends. Their partners.

They devoured them.

Not for energon. Not for survival. But because the virus made them believe they were starving— and the only thing that could satisfy them was someone they once cared about.

______***______

Bumblebee and Hot Rod staged a hunt.

Members of a noble Iaconian house. One of whom had made the mistake of insulting Optimus.

They sealed the estate. Locked every door. Let the aristocrats scatter, hide, beg.

Then the hunt began.

No guns. No blasters.

Only bows. And daggers.

They moved through the manor like shadows. Tracking. Stalking. Killing.

One by one, the nobles fell. Some were found trembling in closets. Others tried to fight back with heirloom blades. None survived.

By dawn, the estate was silent. Every corridor is soaked in energon. Every room is a tomb.

______***______

Prowl orchestrated a hunt on Soundwave’s cassettes.

Each one was tracked. Cornered. Executed. It was revenge.

In a previous battle, Soundwave had severed Jazz’s arm.

When the last cassette fell, Prowl gave the order: Harvest their parts. Fuse them. Shape them.

From their bodies, a new arm was forged for Jazz.

It twitched for days. Sometimes it played static. Sometimes it whispered.

Jazz wore it proudly.

______***______

When Optimus first rose to power, the senators and nobles thought they could control him. They mistook his silence for obedience. His calm for weakness.

They were wrong.

One particularly loud and arrogant official made the mistake of challenging him publicly.

Optimus didn’t respond with words.

He chained the official by the legs — and dragged him across the ground at high speed.

Armor tore away. Screws and plating scattered like dust. By the time he stopped, the bot was barely alive.

Optimus ripped off his helmet. Held it up. Showed it to the others.

No one questioned him again.

______***______

Elita-1 commands a pack of cyber-beasts.

Hellhound analogues. Mechanical chimeras. Towering metal creatures with claws like blades and jaws that hum with plasma.

She rides them into battle. Uses them for intimidation. And punishment.

Once, a poor bot stumbled upon her during a private moment — while she was bathing.

Elita-1 was furious. She unleashed her hounds.

They tore him apart. Piece by piece. Until nothing recognizable remained.

______***______

Optimus brings Ratchet torn-out sparks of Decepticons as gifts. No one knows exactly how Prime manages to keep them alive and prevent them from returning to the Allspark.

______***______

Ratchet is jealous of Optimus — almost of everyone. Sometimes, the unlucky ones end up on his operating table and become parts of experiments. His or Wheeljack’s — it depends on luck.

Optimus loves it when his medic burns with jealousy, so sometimes he provokes him on purpose.

______***______

Once, Elita-1 made the mistake of angering her Prime. He decided she was rebelling. So, as punishment — and as an example to others—he ordered her to be hung by her arms in Iacon’s square, with heavy weights tied to her legs, and left to hang like that.

Note:

Іnspired by Greek myths

I think the SG Autobots are more horrifying than any original Decepticons, because in my opinion, Autobots, even their darker versions, still retain a sense of attachment and closeness. But in a grotesque and toxic way. It’s essentially: “No one but me is allowed to touch you. If anyone dares — I’ll start a massacre.”

Hot Rod and Bumblebee are Optimus’s children, so essentially, they were avenging an insult to their carrier

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A conversation that definitely happened off-screen:

Miko: So, you’re my dad`s Bulkhead’s boyfriend?

Wheeljack: … Possibly.

Miko: Cool. Now listen up, if you ever hurt him, I will "describe the most painful and creatively slow ways to dismantle a Cybertronian". Got it?

Wheeljack, crying with joy and pride: If I ever imagined the perfect sparkling, it’d be you.

Miko: By the way, I want at least three younger siblings.

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RatchPax moments

"My precious constellation, your laughter usually brings me immense joy, but right now that sound is causing me unbearable suffering. Please, have mercy on your poor wretch."

"You get so eloquent when you're hungover."

Ratchet felt the chill of a servo against his tormented helm. Blindly, he reached out and found the familiar curve of Orion’s thigh. 

Summoning the last of his strength, he gripped those glorious thighs and lifted his head slightly. Just a bit more effort and now his helm was resting on them. 

Their coolness felt like a divine gift from Primus himself. Above him came a quiet chuckle, followed by the faintest touch of fingers against the back of his neck. The fingers gently massaged his cervical cables. Ratchet tightened his grip and adjusted his helm for maximum comfort. 

"Where did Jazz get that swill?"

“Looks like he took it from Kup’s personal stash. Brewed by him, no less.”

"Bastard, a warning would've been nice." 

Those blessed fingers kept massaging his neck. 

"Don’t fret, beloved. He’s much worse off right now. Prowl’s with him." 

"Ha!" A fleeting moment of schadenfreude brought with it another sharp stab of pain right in the center of his helm. "Ow!" 

Orion, his radiant starlight, seemed to sense exactly where it hurt most, and now those gentle, soothing touches shifted higher on his helm. 

"Maybe this’ll teach you. Both of you." 

Ratchet felt a wave of calm wrap around him. He was drifting off. He thought Orion was humming something.

***

It’s strange how the atmosphere of a familiar place shifts when you come at a different time than usual. When he visits the Iacon Archives, it’s always with friends, classmates. During the brightest hours of Cybertron, when the halls are filled with other mechs. 

But now, it’s quiet. Empty. A little unsettling. That’s why he doesn’t much like coming to the Archives during the dark phase. Sometimes it feels like someone’s watching you—closely, intently, peering into your very spark. From the depths of the empty corridors, occasional sounds echo through, and in the vacant halls, their reverberations sound especially eerie.

Everyone knew it was just the lift mechanisms, or archive workers stretching their limbs after long hours of sitting. Someone yawns wearily, pushing a cart filled with forgotten datapads. 

Ratchet tightened his grip on the object he’d carried so carefully all the way here, and stepped deeper into the archive. He knew the archivist who often helped him during his studies actually worked in the historical department. But lately, the archive hadn’t been doing so well, if the rumors were true, and the archivists had to take on tasks far outside their usual duties.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten another urgent project that was due yesterday?” Ratchet barely stopped himself from shrieking like a startled sparkling. He spun around sharply. Oh, lucky him. That awful habit of sneaking up on bots belonged to only one archivist. The one he was looking for.

Orion Pax didn’t look great. Ratchet gave him a quick once-over, from pedes to helm. He was standing too straight, his optics too dim, and the data cables that usually twitched and shifted with constant motion now dragged lifelessly behind him on the floor.

It was an interesting thing. Those cables. They started at Pax’s helm—well, they were part of his processor, really. Thin and long, there were dozens of them. Ratchet had never touched them, but he knew they were made of fine metal filaments, encased in the strongest fiber-optic shielding.

Normally, they were always in motion, serving Pax not only in their primary function but also as auxiliary limbs. But now, they were completely still. A few hung across Pax’s face, adding a certain disheveled confusion to his already exhausted appearance.

When his gaze finally landed on Pax’s face, Ratchet realized he’d been staring for far too long. Silently. Completely silently.

“Ahem.” Was his faceplate burning, or was it just unusually warm in the archive? What had Orion asked him earlier? Oh, right! Primus, one outburst and now it’s branded into his reputation for the rest of his functioning.

“Actually, no! That was just once. I brought something. For you.”

He extended the servo holding the gift. It was a metal pin, long and tapered at one end, adorned with engravings and a crystal pendant.

Orion tilted his head, puzzled, examining it. Even more cables slipped down across his face. It was cute.

Orion’s optics returned to him. There was a silent question in them.

“This is for your cables.”

“Hm?”

“Can you sit down?”

Apparently, the archivist really was tired. Because without further questions, he sat on the nearest chair. Ratchet was sure he’d fall asleep right there.

The medic stepped up behind him.

“May I?”

He barely touched the tip of one cable with his finger. He knew Orion would feel it.

A slight nod.

Ratchet took the upper cables in his hands and gently wrapped them around a pin, just a few movements, and now they were gathered into a neat bundle. Orion turned around in surprise and reached out with one hand toward the bundled cables.

The pendant with crystals swayed and jingled with every movement he made.

***

It was nice to sit like this. Their living space was a mess.

Datapads that no longer fit on the shelf had been stacked into uneven towers nearby. The berth was unmade. In the corner by the panoramic window stood mugs filled with Orion’s techno-plants.

Ratchet’s own tools and notes for his latest research project were still scattered across the floor. The closet was open and it never really closed properly anyway. One of the hinges was broken, and their things spilled out from it, tossed in who-knows-when by Primus-knows-whom.

They sat on the floor, on firm cushions around a low table, eating the remnants of last night’s dinner for breakfast.

Orion was chatting cheerfully about everything and nothing, his voice light and animated.

The light of two moons spilled into the apartment through the wide panoramic window, bathing the cluttered space in a soft glow. Living on the top floor had its downsides but this view, this light, was perhaps the one undeniable perk.

“Wait, how many languages do you know already?” 

Orion chews thoughtfully, trying to answer mid-bite. 

“S’ver’l”

“And you want to learn another one?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Why?” 

“I want to know your native language.” 

Ratchet shakes his head. Silly thing. 

“It’s not a common tongue. Not many speakers left.” 

“But you love speaking it.” 

“So what?” 

“I want to speak with you in your language.”

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All done😌, after drawing my last post about the og trio I decided it would be cute but also make sense that Bee and Bulk would go to Arcee after Cliffs death. He was their friend too.

I imagine Optimus and Ratchet find them like this in the morning and leave them be.

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Post TFA MegOp but make It funny 

Some time after the events of Season 3, the Autobots and Decepticons come to the unfortunate conclusion that they need to put an end to the war and at least try to cooperate.

In practice, this turns out to be much harder than it sounds. The centuries-long divide between their factions has left very noticeable marks and created a hell of a lot of problems even in everyday communication, not to mention official meetings where every rule and norm must be followed to avoid accidentally sparking another conflict due to ignorance of certain things.

No one bothered to learn even the basic etiquette of the opposing side — and why would they, when for the past few centuries all their interactions boiled down to “hit harder and run.”

Unfortunately, in peacetime this led to a hell of a lot of mishaps and misunderstandings.

One of the most iconic incidents nearly restarted the war. Lord Megatron decided it would be fun to mock the loudmouthed idiot playing the role of Magnus and to provoke that little Prime who had nearly smashed his head in with a hammer.

So he decided to present the latter with a ceremonial weapon in front of the former, even preparing a speech about how the tiny Prime was “a true warrior worthy of his Energon…” Of course, he knew that the red-and-blue nuisance would never willingly accept even a cube of Energon from him, let alone such a gift. But Prime couldn’t refuse, especially if it was done publicly. Which meant he’d be forced to grit his teeth, thank Megatron for the gift, and accept it.

So, Megs ordered someone to find him some useless but presentable junk, come up with a backstory, and deliver it no later than the next round of negotiations with the Autobots. He assigned all this to Shockwave, who gave him a suspicious look.

Megatron really should’ve paid more attention to that look and to the question of whether he was sure about what he was doing.

When the moment came, Megatron went all in. The speech, the pompous presentation of the gift - everything was perfectly in his style. But after he finished and looked smugly at the target of his mockery, expecting a quiet (or not-so-quiet) meltdown, all he got was a room full of shocked Autobots, Magnus having a seizure somewhere under the table, and the little Prime staring at him with a rather unimpressed look, like he was watching misbehaving cadets.

Definitely not the reaction he was expecting.

The room was silent. Somewhere under the table came the sound of nervous giggling and creaking. The little Prime sighed heavily — Megatron could physically feel how much effort it took him not to roll his optics — and then crossed his arms and muttered a flat, “No.”

“Excuse me?” Megatron was already poised to deliver yet another prewritten speech about disrespect and the Autobots’ refusal to honor the Decepticons’ attempt at peace. But again came the word: “No.”

Optimus glanced aside — behind Megatron stood Shockwave. Then he looked back at Megatron, tiredly, sighed heavily, and asked:

“Are you trying to court me, Lord Megatron?”

Oh, slag. That was definitely not the question he’d expected. But the esteemed warlord quickly pulled himself together, and a sly, barely disguised polite smile appeared on his face. Oh, he knew his charisma, intellect not to mention his divine appearance �� could captivate the spark and mind of even someone like Optimus Prime. But he had to dispel the illusions of this naive fool before he got any more ridiculous ideas into his head. Hm, this was even more interesting than he’d imagined. Something to reminisce about over a fine glass of energon while gazing at the endless, cold cosmos on a dull evening.

Megatron had already pictured Prime barely holding back despair on his sweet little face, his large optics growing wider with sorrow, and one juicy lip bitten hard in an attempt to suppress inner torment.

“Honorable Prime is certainly a distinguished warrior, but you’re neither to my taste nor, of course, in line with our current situation. I would never allow myself to behave in such a manner…”

In the background: “How dare this unworthy even think that the glorious…” Then a loud smack, and silence. Praise the Allspark for Shockwave.

Optimus smiles at him. That same smile that usually precedes some kind of disaster.

“Oh, I was starting to think I hit you too hard on the head last time. Good. Then I suppose the misunderstanding is cleared up and we can return to current matters.”

Optimus pats him on the shoulder, takes his sword, and leaves the hall. Behind him walks the old medic, who doesn’t even try to hide his strangely smug yet simultaneously deadly gaze, along with a swarm of bugs Megatron doesn’t remember but who now make up Prime’s current “entourage.” The only one who stands out is the new head of intelligence — a cyber-ninja who replaced Shockwave.

When only the Decepticons remained in the hall, Megatron turned to Shockwave.

“Explain.”

It seemed his loyal servant was willing to do anything — anything but what was required of him this time. The only sign of his unease was the faint trembling of his antennae. Megatron narrowed his optics. Shockwave thawed, bowed solemnly.

“You see, my lord. The Autobots have a rather complex courtship system. It begins with a gift. But the type of gift depends on the status, profession, and lineage of the potential partner. And the sword you so recklessly chose to present to Optimus Prime… happened to meet all the criteria in this particular case.”

Megatron nearly laughed. The Autobot society was so poisoned by functionalist propaganda that even something as personal as courtship was strictly regulated...Wait.

Megatron’s optics flared red, steam hissed from his mouth. He looked at Shockwave again, more intently.

“So I gave him something that met all the requirements… and he rejected me?”

“My lord, but you didn’t...”

“The glorious Lord Megatron deserves a better match than that pitiful...”

“That’s not the point! He rejected me. He thinks me! Me, Lord Megatron, Master of the Decepticons — unworthy of a match!”

“My lord, I don’t believe it’s about...”

Megatron straightened to his full height, his posture radiating confidence.

“Shockwave.”

“Yes, my lord?”

“I want to know everything about Autobot courtship customs. I will show that Prime!”

“Yes, my lord.”

Megatron chose to ignore the tone — full of reproach, disbelief, and quiet despair.

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Having fun in the cave💕

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The og trio

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Yes, Miko was supposed to have a much bigger and weirder list, but the idea came to me spontaneously after someone broke my fingers with a slipper — and honestly, writing now is pain. Literally

Kids Do Silly Things: Part 2

Warning: contains description of injuries

The Autobots knew that humans — especially human children — were incredibly fragile, so they always tried to protect them. But what the Autobots didn’t expect was that, more often than not, the cause of their charges’ injuries wouldn’t be themselves or their enemies, but plain human stupidity and clumsiness. Every time stuff like that happened, Ratchet nearly had a stroke or a nervous breakdown.

Miko

Cut her tongue on a soda can — the tip is now split. For a while, she mimicked a snake in conversation: sticking her tongue out and elongating every “s” in words. Ratchet suspected she did it on purpose.

Broke the fingers on her dominant hand after hitting Bulkhead’s armor too hard. Went around like that for three days until June noticed.

Grabbed a red-hot piece of metal on a dare — now she has no fingerprints.

Got electrocuted while trying to lick an energon crystal. Her tongue went numb, and for the next two weeks she mostly mooed. Her hair stood on end for three days. She looked like a rabid porcupine.

Facial cuts and nearly poked out an eye — she put on Raf’s glasses out of curiosity. Tripped over the lounge railings; luckily Ratchet caught her, but she still landed face-first into his palm.

Raf

Due to sleepiness, walked into a wall — ended up with a forehead bump and a swollen nose (happened multiple times).

 Nearly choked on soda — Ratchet had a meltdown, and now Raf only drinks through a straw.

 Scraped a chunk of skin off his hand with a loaf of bread — everyone was stunned.

 Tripped over his own pant leg and fell onto sharp rocks — deep knee wound and several cuts on his arms.

 A television fell on him.

 Caught a cold after falling into a barrel of water — no one knows where the barrel came from. Got electrocuted while trying to fix wiring on his own.

Sleepy, fell off the couch — hit his head on the table while trying to get up, then tripped over his backpack and hit the TV.

Jack

Sustained a concussion — tried to do a bike trick, sped up too much, hit a rock and flew off straight into a wall.

Got three fractures in one arm (luckily, the non-dominant one) after tripping over one of Miko’s belt toys.

Sprayed pepper spray into his own eyes during a self-defense lesson with Fowler.

Twisted his ankle during a failed parkour attempt on base. Didn’t tell anyone, kept limping for days until the swelling got severe.

Scraped the skin on his left thigh and tore his pants after falling off Arcee during a ride — in his defense, he was exhausted after school and work.

Fell into a patch of stinging nettles during one of the “camping” trips with Arcee.

Got electrocuted while trying to hang up a faulty string of lights on base during winter break.

Jack and Miko

Taped their dominant arms to their torsos and tried doing everything with the other hand. The results:

Burns from attempting to make tea

Cuts from trying to prepare sandwiches

Dislocated shoulder from lifting a heavy object

Injured leg when the object slipped and fell

Bruises (both) from falling due to poor coordination

Jack ended up with a forehead bump

Rafael filmed everything.

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Kids Do Silly Things: Part 2

Warning: contains description of injuries

The Autobots knew that humans — especially human children — were incredibly fragile, so they always tried to protect them. But what the Autobots didn’t expect was that, more often than not, the cause of their charges’ injuries wouldn’t be themselves or their enemies, but plain human stupidity and clumsiness. Every time stuff like that happened, Ratchet nearly had a stroke or a nervous breakdown.

Miko

Cut her tongue on a soda can — the tip is now split. For a while, she mimicked a snake in conversation: sticking her tongue out and elongating every “s” in words. Ratchet suspected she did it on purpose.

Broke the fingers on her dominant hand after hitting Bulkhead’s armor too hard. Went around like that for three days until June noticed.

Grabbed a red-hot piece of metal on a dare — now she has no fingerprints.

Got electrocuted while trying to lick an energon crystal. Her tongue went numb, and for the next two weeks she mostly mooed. Her hair stood on end for three days. She looked like a rabid porcupine.

Facial cuts and nearly poked out an eye — she put on Raf’s glasses out of curiosity. Tripped over the lounge railings; luckily Ratchet caught her, but she still landed face-first into his palm.

Raf

Due to sleepiness, walked into a wall — ended up with a forehead bump and a swollen nose (happened multiple times).

 Nearly choked on soda — Ratchet had a meltdown, and now Raf only drinks through a straw.

 Scraped a chunk of skin off his hand with a loaf of bread — everyone was stunned.

 Tripped over his own pant leg and fell onto sharp rocks — deep knee wound and several cuts on his arms.

 A television fell on him.

 Caught a cold after falling into a barrel of water — no one knows where the barrel came from. Got electrocuted while trying to fix wiring on his own.

Sleepy, fell off the couch — hit his head on the table while trying to get up, then tripped over his backpack and hit the TV.

Jack

Sustained a concussion — tried to do a bike trick, sped up too much, hit a rock and flew off straight into a wall.

Got three fractures in one arm (luckily, the non-dominant one) after tripping over one of Miko’s belt toys.

Sprayed pepper spray into his own eyes during a self-defense lesson with Fowler.

Twisted his ankle during a failed parkour attempt on base. Didn’t tell anyone, kept limping for days until the swelling got severe.

Scraped the skin on his left thigh and tore his pants after falling off Arcee during a ride — in his defense, he was exhausted after school and work.

Fell into a patch of stinging nettles during one of the “camping” trips with Arcee.

Got electrocuted while trying to hang up a faulty string of lights on base during winter break.

Jack and Miko

Taped their dominant arms to their torsos and tried doing everything with the other hand. The results:

Burns from attempting to make tea

Cuts from trying to prepare sandwiches

Dislocated shoulder from lifting a heavy object

Injured leg when the object slipped and fell

Bruises (both) from falling due to poor coordination

Jack ended up with a forehead bump

Rafael filmed everything.

[mountaingutta]

Is it normal that I want to beat the shit out of Megatron with a baseball bat?

I think despite the fact that they communicate well, Megs and Op do not talk to each other about the past at all and try to avoid mentioning their pre-war life most of the time.

I mean, that would at least explain why in all three seasons they never mention the time when they were Orion and Dee. Idk

[mountaingutta]

So today I was listening to a song, and these words (a rather lazy translation into English):

The Crater in His Heart 

No lava pour forth, 

And the core lies frozen

It loves no more. 

A bright star weeps 

Above his grave. 

Forgive me, my beloved, 

For I was the killed you

It made me reflect on Ratchet after Optimus's death. I believe Ratchet blames himself for it. And it’s not just the usual “I’m a medic and couldn’t save him.” No — it goes back to the very beginning of the show. Every moment Ratchet is angry or grieving over their planet’s fate. The peak of it all? The episode about Synth-En. And of course, the end of Season 2, when Ratchet learned Omega Lock had been destroyed. He didn’t hold back his emotions then.

And of course, almost always, that rage and sorrow — the merciless words and accusations — were aimed at Optimus.

And now, standing before the restored Well of Sparks, watching Cybertron reborn, he can’t shake the thought that maybe it really was his fault. Maybe Optimus chose the fastest path to restoration because of him. Because of his words. After all, that was Ratchet’s deepest wish — to see their home restored, no matter the cost. Maybe Optimus decided that even his own life was worth sacrificing.

And the more these thoughts spiral in Ratchet’s mind, the more certain he becomes: It was him. He pushed Optimus toward death. He killed the one he loved.

And now, for all eternity, He’ll have to live with that. With the knowledge that he was the one who let go of his beloved. Though, if the choice had been between the planet and Optimus’s life — Ratchet would’ve burned that damned planet down with his own hands. But clearly, Optimus saw things differently.

Ratchet will never know for sure — all he can do now is stand over the source of their planet’s life, which was also its grave, and beg forgiveness, hoping somehow his words might still reach the spark he loved.

[mountaingutta]

[mountaingutta]

A sweet yet unsettling tradition among the Autobots — when measuring the height of their sparklings, they carve a mark directly onto their own frames.

Back in the early days of the war, Autobots still had sparklings — their own, or those they managed to rescue during Decepticon raids or city bombings.

As the sparklings grew, adult bots would measure them at intervals to track changes in height. The growth marks were etched into the walls or doors of their dwellings. But as the war escalated, it became painfully clear that even the safest homes were only temporary.

They were destroyed — sometimes along with the Autobots and their sparklings. Sometimes the adults or the children perished. Sometimes everyone managed to escape, but the dwellings were still obliterated.

Optimus was one of the first to grasp this grim truth, and it was he who began this tradition.

When it came time to measure the height of one of his sparklings, instead of using a wall or a door, he told the young bot to come stand beside him and stretch up to their full height. As the bewildered sparkling did so under equally puzzled gazes, Optimus transformed one of his servos into a blade and carved the mark directly into his own frame — followed by the glyphs of the sparkling’s name.

The higher command and the other sparklings present were horrified, but Optimus quickly explained his decision. He wanted to preserve the memory of these moments in a way that nothing and no one could destroy. And what could safeguard those memories better than his own body?

They were still deeply unsettled — yet his reasoning, while profoundly distressing, was strikingly logical.

Since all of Optimus’s sparklings were shared with Ratchet, the medic insisted on doing the same himself.

He didn’t just ask, he demanded it, with a tone that brooked no argument. If Optimus could carry the memories etched into his own frame, Ratchet would carry them too.

Over time, those close to the pair — and who had sparklings of their own — began doing the same. Eventually, other Autobots took notice, and the practice spread throughout the ranks.

Some initially carved the marks into weapons roughly the size of a full-grown bot — cannons, axes, hammers with long handles, or greatswords. But even the finest weapon could be destroyed in battle, or taken by Decepticons as a trophy. So before long, most Autobots bore sets of marks on their own bodies, each accompanied by glyphs denoting age or names.

Many had lost their sparklings, and sometimes, those marks were all they had left.

When Autobots were dying, they often looked at the carvings — symbols of the sparklings they'd lost or those who are still alive, or have already grown up. Medics or comrades would later say that, in that moment they smiled.

The Decepticons learned about this practice during interrogations of captured Autobots — and found a new form of amusement.

They would mock the prisoners, reading each mark and noting how high the last one was. Often, if the name glyph remained very low, it meant the sparkling was dead. The Decepticons always tried to extract the details: how it happened, under what circumstances, whether the sparkling had suffered. All for the sake of inflicting deeper emotional torment.

Among the particularly sadistic ones, some would destroy the marks — or cut off pieces of Autobot armor that bore them, keeping those fragments as trophies.

On Earth, only Optimus and Ratchet among the Autobots carried such marks. Each of them bore six identical sets of height lines, accompanied by glyphs denoting age and names.

Miko was the first to notice — and of course, she drew everyone’s attention to it. The bots were already aware, so they didn’t react much. But the humans were genuinely intrigued and naturally wanted to know what the markings meant.

To them, it looked like something ceremonial, or maybe sentimental — but the story behind it was heavier than they could’ve imagined.

Optimus, of course, explained the meaning — and even pointed out that one of the sets belonged to Bumblebee.

For both him and Ratchet, the very first mark was etched near the bottom of their pede, while the most recent one sat high on their chest plating.

In addition to Bumblebee’s set, they had five other series of markings. People noticed that one of them, just like the rest, began near the base of the pede — but the final mark and its familiar glyphs were etched only slightly above the knee.

No one commented on it.

But everyone understood why.

Arcee, caught in a strange wave of melancholy and nostalgia, remembered that Tailgate had two sets of height marks. Both ended at the level of his thighs.

And Airachnid never gave him the chance to look at them one last time before she killed him.

Some time after Smokescreen joined the team, Ratchet and Optimus each gained another set of marks and glyphs.

No one was surprised.

By the end of their time on Earth, every bot bore such markings.

Bulkhead, Wheeljack, and Ultra Magnus had height marks for Miko. Arcee and Smokescreen carried those of Jack. And Bumblebee, Ratchet, and Optimus - Rafael.