morbidwanderer

[morbidwanderer]

[morbidwanderer]

missionary cause we both like to see it slidin in and out

[morbidwanderer]

[morbidwanderer]

thinking about how pretty she’d sound gagging on my cock as she fights to catch her breath

[morbidwanderer]

my fear of abandonment? well that comes from my experience of being abandoned

[morbidwanderer]

Hold my piss in your mouth until i say flush.

[morbidwanderer]

[morbidwanderer]

You come across as someone who needs a boyfriend who's also their dad

[morbidwanderer]

[morbidwanderer]

I’m starting to go crazy I just want to be WANTED oml

[morbidwanderer]

We'd make such cute porn together

[morbidwanderer]

[morbidwanderer]

[morbidwanderer]

You should be taking care of your partner with the same enthusiasm as fucking them.

[morbidwanderer]

Please share porn that makes you think of me. Its so hot

[morbidwanderer]

[morbidwanderer]

Dom Drop: The lesser discussed of an already lesser talked about topic.

Alright so this is kind of a part 2 my previous informative talk about Drop and Aftercare. But today we are talking about it from a side that you may not have thought about. I don’t think it was done maliciously either, it’s just not often talked about and because of that isn’t thought about.

Perhaps you don’t think about it as a sub/that side of the slash because you just think of drop and aftercare after going into “Sub Space”. Perhaps you don’t think about it as a Dom/that side of the slash because you think you don’t need it or deserve it because you’ve internalized that you *shouldn’t*. Well I’m here to tell you.

Dom Drop is real.

Deep breath. We’re going on a journey. Feel free to save this and come back to it later.

Okay first a quick recap of what we talked about before:

What is Drop? The negative feeling of regulating/returning to a “normative” state after achieving a heightened level of emotion (normally positive).

Remember Drop is often related to kink scenes in the kink scene but it can be applied to any instance in which you get a high and have to come off that high.

Okay I’m going to introduce a new term… *- Space*. Short for headspace. Please keep in mind this is a very open term and can look different to different people.

Sub Space: The headspace that someone gets in when they are in a scene and they are playing as a Sub. This can manifest as things including to but not limited to: loss of time, loss of thought, loss of verbal skills, becoming more submissive, taking on a more submissive demeanor. I’ve heard it described too as being “floating”.

Dom Space: The headspace that someone gets in when they are in a scene and they are playing as a Dom. This can manifest as things including but not limited to: Taking on a more domineering personality, actively taking more control/seeming more forceful, being more verbally teasing, thinking of more “sadistic” things in the name of kink.

What’s the take away? Both parties can enter an altered state of mind when they are deep (or even not so deep) in a session. Please see the above notes: altered state of mind -> coming back to “regulation” = Drop.

Maybe we’ll talk about Sub Space later but since this post is about Dom Drop let’s focus on the aftermath of Dom Space.

The person who was Dominant in that scene is coming down. In their Dom space maybe they are fully inhabiting the headspace of someone more forceful, more commandeering, maybe even more aggressive for the scene that was happening. Mind you, all within limits set already between the two people but still.

Well now they’re coming down. They are dropping. Maybe they’re thinking about what they just did… maybe they’re wondering if it was too much. Maybe they’re wondering if the other person really did enjoy it. They did, and if the other person didn’t does that make them a terrible person? Even if it’s just because they would add/change something next time and not any fault of the Dom.

This person may need assurances, comfort, and support when coming down.

You guessed it! They need aftercare just like anyone would. This is a message to everyone: Asking for help does not make you weak, it shows that you are strong. Ask for help, advocate for yourself, treat yourself as kindly as you should be treating others.

Subs/switches. Offer aftercare to your partners. They may not say they need it but at least offer. Worst case? You brought it up and let it be known you’re there for them even if they don’t take it. Best case? They actually think about it and maybe verbalize what they need.

What are good forms of aftercare?

Bonus topic! The way I like to explain aftercare examples are in terms of the love languages. They can of course go beyond these but still. So let’s go.

Quality time

Offer to spend time with them. Take time to decompress after a session. Enjoy each others company and allow yourselves to just be after that big thing y’all just did.

Acts of service

Did you need a water? Did your partner need a snack? Did you want to do a dual massage? Offer things for people, help when they ask, verbalize what you need to show that you are cared for after being in such a vulnerable place.

Physical touch

Cuddles, massages, hand holding, caressing, whatever. Yes it can be good just to feel someone but I’m talking more in an assuring way or a comforting way.

Gift giving/receiving

Maybe you brought something or can leave something as a memento of your session together. Maybe you would like to keep something small and talk about it and what it means to you? (This is my least knowledgeable one. 🙂‍↕️)

Words of affirmation

Talk it out! How did you do? What did you like most about the session? What did you think could be better? What would you change? Did they do a good job? Tell them! Assure them! Back and forth, talk about and let them know they did good.

Notice I didn’t say any specific side of the slash for any of the above. It could and should be applied to both of them. And of course you don’t need all of them, you may only want or need 1-2 or so. And you may do your own thing! This is just how I explain it to people sometimes to start them thinking.

The important thing is that aftercare is important. Now you know how it can look and more so you know that Dominants need it too. They may not verbalize it as well or as often but please check on them, care for them, and let them know that it is okay to need help from Drop if they need to.

Take care of yourselves and each other,

Brush.