moraiwrites - Tumblr blog

[moraiwrites]

If every scar is a lesson learned can you tell me what lesson I am supposed to learn here? Whats the lesson for the pain you put me through? Is it that I'm better off alone? It can't be because no one else has done this to me. There must be a lesson because I cannot live thinking that the world would put me through this pain for no reason.

Oh, whats that? You're asking about the pain you caused? Its the kind of pain that sinks between your bones, in the spaces between where all the stars and space dust that make up you sit. Its the same as the chill that fills your body on cold nights that you feel even after you've woken up the next day. A kind of pain that hurts so deep because its come from someone who was never supposed to hurt you.

Its 11:27 and while I'm laying here in the darkness, feeling that chilling pain sinking deep within my skin, it hits me that there is no lesson. Sometimes people are selfish and they dont care about the pain caused. There's no light here, no silver lining on those storm clouds above me. There's me, the pain and your overwhelming silence. Its all mine to bare.

11:28 and I'm sorry for myself.

11:29 and I'm sorry for what is lost.

11:30 and I'm not sorry for you.

11:31.

11:32.

11:33.

11:34.

11:35. You're just another storm that passes. I'll be okay.

[moraiwrites]

Maybe the world wasn't meant to have two souls so close together the way ours were. Or maybe I'm looking for reasons that this won't work in any place but the truth. Let me blame the universe on why you deem me unworthy now. Its the world's fault that you used me and didn't even care. Let me curse out the stars for lining up this way to make you hurt me this way.

I know its not worth lying to myself. I know that at the end of it all its just that you were selfish and I was there. Its not on the universe or the stars or some higher power. Its on you. Maybe it's on me. But let me hold onto this for just a moment longer because if you know anything about me its that I hate hard goodbyes.

[moraiwrites]

Melodies surround me. Lyrics sung by others that represent exactly how I feel. I scream along to the words on the ride home but no one hears me, they only hear the artists. My broken voice hidden under them.

You've got one artist rapping about not having a dream, about living because they cannot die. Another artist singing about being stuck in other peoples views. I couldn't sing it better myself.

I dont sing along for fun anymore. I sing along in the hopes that someone will hear my feelings, even if it's only for 3 minutes and 27 seconds.