moonlov3rrr

[moonlov3rrr]

sometimes, i want to yell at you and i want it to hurt. maybe this means i’m not the perfect angel victim scarred by your touch. but i never wanted to be.

[moonlov3rrr]

Summer rain

I went outside to feel the summer air because every piece of me felt moments from shattering. And as I sat on the old step, the one that my father rebuilt for us, I began to cry. Because I had tried so hard to feel better and nothing had worked and the people I loved couldn’t be there for me how I needed them to. And as the first tears rolled down my cheeks, i heard the leaves of the great tree that spanned over me start to stir. And soon, Mother Nature was crying too. I stood underneath the open sky. I let her tears mix with mine. I let her wash over me and I finally felt in time with someone in this vast universe. When I thought no one would, she took me in her arms and let me shatter and she herself shattered alongside me. And I didn’t feel any less sad. But I felt better knowing that I wasn’t alone. How could I be alone? When everything is intertwined, when there is nothing that happens without her involvement? I leaned against my mother and let her cradle me and she lent me the strength I needed to stand on my own. And I remembered who I am. I remembered that we are one and that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

[moonlov3rrr]

from before my birth they dreamt of the man i would spend the rest of my life with, so obviously i did the exact same. do i have a boyfriend? they asked. were there any cute boys there tonight? do i like him? and this is not to say that they were wrong to ask, because the answer can be yes. it is simply a shame that i was never asked if that girl who i would speak about with such a spark in my eye meant anything more to me. perhaps if somebody had talked about the woman i might marry one day, maybe it would be easier for me to picture it. if only it were a little simpler to love a woman and not have to constantly be aware that your very existence is controversial. i remember how i felt when your brother mentioned in passing how he could marry his girlfriend. something so simple. it was just a thought, probably meaningless. but it was how he said it so simply. i’m not sure i could have ever said the same. and so i sat in the back with your gaze boring into me and thought about how i wished you were a boy so that i could tell someone that one day, knowing it was pointless but hoping nonetheless.

[moonlov3rrr]

how i love you so

giving up a part of me

so we can share it

[moonlov3rrr]

things i want

i want to live a life i can retell one day. i want to stay etched on people's hearts forever. i want to feel the earth underneath me and i want to soar and i want to collect trinkets to leave on your doorstep and i want to lose my breath and i want to feel every cell in my body come alive. just the normal things.