mooncompanions

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“In oneself lies the whole world, and if you know how to look and learn, then the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either that key or the door to open, except yourself.”

— Jiddu Krishnamurti

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“Nothing out there will ever satisfy you except temporarily and superficially, but you may need to experience many disappointments before you realize that truth.”

— Eckhart Tolle

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let me relax……………will comment later…………………..

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when w. h. auden said “evil is unspectacular and always human” and ursula k. leguin said “this is the great treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain”

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“All the things that truly matter, beauty, love, creativity, joy and inner peace arise from beyond the mind.”

— Eckhart Tolle

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One of the amazing lesson we learn from Surah Al-Kahf…

In ayah 78, (Khidr) alayhi salam said: 

“This is the parting between me and you….”

“The short yet elevated meeting between Musa alayhi salam and Al Khidr alayhi salam, teaches how sometimes, people come into our lives only to make us learn a specific lesson, or direct us to something in a beautiful fashion…

And when they are done with that, Allah عز وجل makes them depart!

While leaving a deep, life long impression in our lives.“ 

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“In a 1994 Harvard study that examined people who had radically changed their lives, for instance, researchers found that some people had remade their habits after a personal tragedy, such as a divorce or a life-threatening illness. Others changed after they saw a friend go through something awful, the same way that Dungy’s players watched him struggle.

Just as frequently, however, there was no tragedy that preceded people’s transformations. Rather, they changed because they were embedded in social groups that made change easier. One woman said her entire life shifted when she signed up for a psychology class and met a wonderful group. “It opened a Pandora’s box,” the woman told researchers. “I could not tolerate the status quo any longer. I had changed in my core.” Another man said that he found new friends among whom he could practice being gregarious. “When I do make the effort to overcome my shyness, I feel that it is not really me acting, that it’s someone else,” he said. But by practicing with his new group, it stopped feeling like acting. He started to believe he wasn’t shy, and then, eventually, he wasn’t anymore. When people join groups where change seems possible, the potential for that change to occur becomes more real. For most people who overhaul their lives, there are no seminal moments or life-altering disasters. There are simply communities⏤sometimes of just one other person⏤who make change believable.

One woman told researchers her life transformed after a day spent cleaning toilets⏤and after weeks of discussing with the rest of the cleaning crew whether she should leave her husband.

“Change occurs among other people,” one of the psychologists involved in the study, Todd Heatherton, told me. “It seems real when we can see it in other people’s eyes.”

The precise mechanisms of belief are little understood. No one is certain why a group encountered in a psychology class can convince a woman that everything is different, or why Dungy’s team came together after their coach’s son passed away. Plenty of people talk to friends about unhappy marriages and never leave their spouse; lots of teams watch their coaches experience adversity and never gel. 

But we do know that for habits to permanently change, people must believe that change is feasible. The same process that makes AA so effective⏤the power of a group to teach individuals how to believe⏤happens whenever people come together to help one another change. Belief is easier when it occurs within a community.”

⏤ The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg

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How to be Mentally Strong

There are habits we can form that make us mentally strong, and set us on a course to success in life. They are simple to apply – but require discipline – until they’re automatic, and a part of who we are. In summary:

1. Don’t look to the world to give you an identity. You need to find yourself, and to be true to yourself.

2. Don’t look to your family and friends for approval. It will be a moving target that you’re missing constantly – and will change with the person whose approval you are seeking.

3. Set your own goals in life and believe in yourself. Decide on what success means for you personally – and know that if you work hard you will reach the goals you’ve set.

4. Expect things to take time. Life is not a race - so take whatever time you need to learn whatever’s needed.

5. Expect to meet with setbacks for you’re always going to meet them. And the obstacles we face will help us stretch and grow.

6. Expect other people to put you down, and for some to walk away, or to walk out of your life. People have their own agendas, and insecurities, and some might have a need to control you in some way. But be true to yourself. Don’t let others’ judgments sway you.

7. Don’t resent others’ gifts, or promotions, or successes. You’re not competing against others. You are on a different road.

8. Accept that there are some things which cannot be controlled. This is just a fact of life – so seek to be adaptable. Perhaps there’s something you can learn, or a new path you can tread.

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Sayyidunā ‘Abdullāh b. Mas'ūd (رضي الله عنه) said:

“The one devoted to his Lord is like the who walks on sand, you won’t hear his footsteps, but you will see its effects.”

[Jāmi’ 'l-'Ulūm wa-'l-Hikam of Imām Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (رحمه الله), 302].

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How do I make a Decision?

When you’re trying to make a difficult decision, bear the following points in mind:

1. Ask yourself if you will look back and feel proud of yourself in a month, a year, or 10 years from now. That should influence the choice you make.

2. Think about the strategies you used when making decisions in the past. What worked and what didn’t? Apply that information to your current decision.

3. Try and quieten the voices around you and listen to your heart.

4. Take your time. Rushed decisions are rarely good decisions. Don’t act in haste.

5. Think about the impact it will have on others, especially those who are closest to you.

6. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Few decisions are irrevocable – and living without risk is a life half lived. If nothing else, we can always learn from our mistakes.

7. Talk it over with people who know you well – and are willing to be honest and speak the truth (and who won’t only say what you want to hear.)

8. Ask yourself: What’s the worst thing that could happen? What are the chances it will happen? And can I survive if it all falls apart?

9. Get as much information as possible. Try to see the problem from every angle, and think about every possible outcome and effect.

10. Take time out and walk away from the decision. Opting for some space usually brings a new, and more objective, perspective.

11. Be brutally honest with yourself. Don’t sugar coat the truth, or try to kid yourself.

12. If you have to talk yourself into making a decision, then the chances are that it’s not a good decision.

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(cr:  wetheurban)

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“Letting go is the beginning of our greatness.”

—

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For anyone else who may also need these free PDF’s of the DBT workbooks

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Slills Workbook for Anxiety

Again, thank you @colders for sharing them with me

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A young boy copies quran on a wooden tablet in the school. SENEGAL

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For more posts like these, go to @mypsychology​

[mooncompanions]

For more posts like these, go to @mypsychology​