montysjourney

[montysjourney]

learning to stop hating yourself isn’t something that happens overnight.

it’s a series of negotiations you make with yourself over your whole life. it’s making one less self-deprecating joke. it’s looking at yourself in the mirror with a little more generosity. it’s forgiving yourself for that little mistake.

it’s not one thing and then you’re good. it’s many small choices you can make that slowly make your brain and body a little less uncomfortable to live with

[montysjourney]

Lawwwwwwd my voice has finally started calming tf down lol I can actually sing without it cracking every other note

[montysjourney]

Nope, still not a horse girl. I have left that identity behind me, or at least I'm trying to, despite seemingly everyone ignoring my journey. I have a hard enough time with my family, the people I have to work with, and all the whispered bitterness behind my back. You might think a horse game shouldn't be so important to me amongst all of this, but if I can't even escape the chains of forced womanhood there, when can I ever?

I'm working so hard, enduring so much, just to pass as my true self in the real world. Is it really so much to ask that me and the countless people like myself feel the same sense of carefree joy that everyone else does when escaping to the world of Star Stable?

I suppose what makes it worse is that SSE has voiced support for the rainbow several times, even created an event around it. Yet my character wears a Santa beard from the Christmas event because it's the only way I can even begin to try and show my true self.

I shouldn't have to constantly correct people who are too used to assuming everyone's a girl. Maybe it's time people wake up and realize horses aren't exclusively for girls. Yes, I was a horse girl. And I didn't leave that behind when I started on this difficult road. I brought it with me, clinging to something that made me feel joy in this craziness I've brought upon myself.

When first creating my account, I felt disheartened when realizing I could only be a girl. So much so that I didn't even bother looking through the name options, just picked something random because what did it matter? I do still regret that, since I could have at least tried to go with something sort of masculine, but even if I had, it wouldn't change much.

Oh yeah, and if I buy SC once a month, it costs more than double my phone bill.

[montysjourney]

First Shot of T!

[montysjourney]

At least Stalker Cat still loves me

[montysjourney]

It may be a filter but hot damn, I look amazing! I can't wait!

[montysjourney]

Step One: Get Contacts ✅

[montysjourney]

The first time I decided to chop all my hair off, my mother screamed at me all the way home. As if I wasn't a 24 year old adult. But I finally felt better. Not whole, but better.

[montysjourney]

It's been a long time since I last had long hair... I was always told that I was beautiful, always got compliments on it.

I just always hated it and never realized why I had such an issue looking at myself in the mirror.