mnkululeko

[mnkululeko]

Rock Bottom

At first, rockbottom looked like my remains scraped across the concrete floor, face unrecognizable, breath elusive. Then rock bottom felt like a tight noose around my neck, toes kissing the edge of the tipping chair, eyes rolled back and everything slowly fading to black...hanging onto the desire to die. Then rock bottom felt like uncontrollable sinking with no end in sight, no hands to stop this sinking, drowning with the weight of the bottomless ocean pressing against my chest...heavy on my chest it all felt so heavy, but somehow my eyes still remaining open and my arms still hopelessly reaching for the surface. Rock bottom felt less permanent. Then rock bottom felt like a cold dark room, my hands wrapped around my body like a blanket, scared yet not alone, because I recognised my own embrace, I was there, it was dark and cold but I was there. Rock bottom felt less lonely. Then rock bottom felt like I was being showered by rain after having prayed for the sun I was drenched in sadness, but the raindrops landed on the ground rhythmically and I familiarized the tune to a song my mother used to sing when she would cook dinners for us, I loved that song. Rock bottom made me nostalgic. Rock bottom unearthered a happy memory. Rock bottom felt less threatening. Then rock bottom looked like hunger and not having money to pay for electricity, but we had candles and we had bread and butter so we never starved and we could see each others faces as the light reflected on them in the darkness. We were able to share stories and laugh too till our bellies were full of knots of hope for a better day. Rock bottom had a glimmer of light at the end of it's tunnel. Then rock bottom looked like frustration as things slowly fell into place. Slowly piecing together a puzzle with pieces scrambled all over the place, but the pieces all being there kept one going, bit by bit. Slowly but eventually it would happen. Rock bottom felt less like a bottom but more like hope. Rock bottom now visits with a smile across her face. She nolonger enters with her temper blazing, she pulls up her chair and initiates a conversation. Rock bottom has a admirable maturity to her tone, so we communicate as adults do, with no intention of causing harm. Rock bottom now the companion that encourages me to grow, to change,to look within and most of the time we kneel down and pray together. Rock bottom evokes faith. She nolonger threatens but comforts. Rock bottom turned to rock home, turned to tough love,turned to love. Turned into a friend, turned into a sister, turned into a mother, turned into God.

[mnkululeko]

themes for the next six months

1. stop living in people’s perceptions of me. don’t fall into other people’s frames because you lack clarity of your own. look inward at your friends, family, who you’re around— are they contributing things to your identity that you’re taking as truth? or is it your mind doing it? understand your core beliefs and get to know yourself better so you have a full grasp on who you are. spend all the alone time with yourself so you don’t trap yourself in other people’s perceptions of you because of the fact that you don’t know who you are. once you develop a sense of self and start building up that confidence, you’ll start to live for yourself and not others.

2. recognize when people give you bad energy or anxiety or make you feel bad about yourself. don’t give your attention to people who give you bad energy...it will lead to emotional and physical fatigue. spend time with people who care about you and make you feel good. these are the kinds of people that you’re never left wondering how they feel about you or where you stand. sometimes our own ego gets in the way and we find ourselves saying “why is this person treating me this way?” you opened the door for them and you can close it too. don’t chase someone because your ego demands an answer.

3. being present: get out of your mind. the past and the future can’t be controlled. be here in the now. focus on showing gratitude for what the circumstances are in the present moment. take the time to realize that you are going to have to create happiness for yourself. people only bring short term pleasure. you have to stop attaching happiness to people, things, places, outcomes. happiness is only what you’re experiencing consciously; it’s a state of mind.

4. mindfulness: acknowledging the thoughts in your mind. are they anxious? are they in the future? are they in the past? are they important? do you actually care about what your thinking about? half the time, no.

5. yoga every morning to connect to the present moment. exercise is important, it directly affects your mental health. go on a walk, get out into nature, & disconnect from social media. It’s okay to log off and take as much time as you need for yourself and your own healing. you aren’t missing out on anything and it will all still be here once you come back.

6. intention: focusing on who you are in the present moment, recognizing your core values to raise your emotional energy, which then raises your physical energy. shadow work = taking the issue and start the flow charts until it takes you back to your core issue of why you feel the way you do. take a closer look inward and examine why you care about the issue and why you are bothered. It’s not the person’s issue, ‘it’s why do I care and why am I bothered?’ something within needs to be acknowledged, worked through, and healed from.

7. letting go: letting life take you as you go. the biggest causes of suffering are attachment, desire, people, things, identities, outcomes, ect. when we attach— we create resistance. we make something that is not us; us. realize that you can fill your own cup. you don’t need another person to make you feel good. you’re attributing your happiness to others, when really it’s within. all reflection on the outside is a reflection on the inside. the only thing you can control is yourself. life is going to have hard moments and it’s going to have good moments but you can’t attach to either of them. keep accepting, learning, and enjoying the journey. In order to grow, you have to let go.

8. eating whole foods from the earth and foods that promote gut health and glowing skin: almonds, walnuts, sunflower seeds, chia seeds, flaxseeds, spinach, kale, arugula, avocados, carrots, broccoli, berries, papaya, pineapple, cantaloupe, ginger, garlic, lemons, yellow peppers, red peppers, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, artichokes, asparagus, quinoa, turmeric, grapefruit, green tea, coconut water, and dark chocolate.

9. consistent daily hydration: 64-96 oz

10. consistent sleep pattern

[mnkululeko]

[mnkululeko]

Read it and then after you read it,

read it the fuck again.

[mnkululeko]

For the first time in my life, my fear of losing myself has surpassed my fear of losing everything else and seeing and understanding this has been a form of freedom that I needed most.

[mnkululeko]

imma start telling guys "i know a spot" then drop them off at a therapist

[mnkululeko]

Ebsuku by Samthing Soweto

The most beautiful album you will hear this year (after FKA Twigs… lol), from jazz trio ‘The Fridge’ lead singer, Kaso. Gorgeous vocals, gobsmacking arrangements. Came out of hiatus just for this. Fresh!

[mnkululeko]

If I am living in a world in which the black community is in so much consistent pain, dealing with so much oppression, their presence should be a reminder of my failures. If everything our community does affects us as individuals, everything our community doesn't do should feel personal.

Yara Shahidi

[mnkululeko]

You have to advocate for something more than yourself.

Yara Shahidi

[mnkululeko]

There is no greater disservice than playing small, than settling into a mold that doesn't make room for your happiness, your passions, the fulfillment of your goals, by squeezing into spaces that don't allow you the breathing room required for you to feel that you are alive. We settle and I do not and will not understand why we punish ourselves by inflicting mediocrity upon our selves that we were never created for. Why do we choose self hate over freedom that is offered by love. Why don't we choose to love ourselves enough to allow ourselves to immerse ourselves in the happiness that this life has to offer, who made us believe that sadness is worth glorifying to a point that we praise it more than we glorify hope and joy. My ancestors laid my name as a dying wish on my fathers tongue, I do not intend of disappointing them or myself, Too much sadness has found comfort in making a home out of my bones, my thoughts, the tongue, not any more. I am Freedom, for myself first, for the world always, that's all I intend on offering, that is all I have to give.

Uhuru : I am Freedom

[mnkululeko]

"My being is yearning for peace, yearning for space. As it had clung onto everything outside itself out of fear of disappearing, losing that which it felt it needed, so it split itself into caricatures of everything the world needed it become , but now my being is depleted, my being is tired of pouring, its breath is bated as the air around it nolonger feels sufficient ,my being now wants to crawl in and give into itself by itself. My being wants me back, so I can nolonger be for the world, I need a break from the world, my being needs me, I need myself."

-Unknown

[mnkululeko]

anyway.. yara shahidi passes the vibe check

[mnkululeko]

The Full Potential Challenge

Ever wonder what your life would be like if you lived up to your full potential? Would your body be healthier? Your skin clearer? Bank account bigger? I think about these things all the time, and, judging my a previous post, you guys do to. Below is a chart designed to help all of us live up to our full potential. I’ve broken it down into time frames to help keep you from getting overwhelmed. Write the chart down and hang it someplace where you can see it all the time. I will be starting this challenge tomorrow, 9/8. I’ll check in with you guys every Sunday to track my progress. I have specific goals in mind for myself, and you guys should make some too! I really want to know how you guys are doing. Tag your progress posts with #sbfpc so I can track it and take a look. Let’s get to it!

EVERY MORNING

Stretch. First thing. Really give your body enough time to wake up. Touch your toes. Roll out your shoulders. Do not hit snooze!

Do your full skincare routine. I have mine detailed here, but do whatever works for you and your complexion. Be gentle and consistent. 

Brush your teeth and floss. I used to be a big floss-skipper too, but you’d be amazed at how dig of a difference it makes. Rinse with a whitening mouthwash. I use one by Crest, and I notice a major difference in my teeth’s overall whiteness in just a few days.

Give yourself enough time to get ready. Whether you’re a wash-and-go kind of girl, or someone who spends an hour doing a full contouring routine before class (and either one is fine!), make sure you aren’t rushing. If you need to wake up a few minutes earlier than normal, so be it. Rushing sets an awful, stressed-out tone for the rest of the day. Allow yourself to be relaxed before taking on the day.

Eat something. I’m not going to say eat a big breakfast, because some people (myself included) just can’t eat in the morning. But you should eat, or at least bring a little something with you to work or school. If you can’t eat a full breakfast, grab a fruit! You won’t be as hungry come lunch time, making you less likely to gorge yourself.

Shower. You can do this at night, in the morning, whatever. Again, this is something you should allow some time for. I don’t wash my hair every day, but I do condition it every day (from the ears down). Scrub yourself with a delicious-smelling body wash. If you shave, make yourself as smooth as a dolphin, dude. If you don’t, then don’t and don’t ever ever ever let anyone make you feel bad or weird about it. When you get out of the shower, wrap yourself in a fluffy towel and totally slather your sexy self with lotion. Top to bottom. Do it as soon as you can post-shower so it can really sink in. 

Put leave-in condition throughout your damp hair and comb it through.

Put on an outfit that makes you feel good! So important!

Drink water. Drink water. Drink water. Drink water!!!!!

Take a look at your daily to-do list. Knock out the most pressing stuff first. Take pride when you cross things off your list.

Make your bed! Oh my god, make your bed. Do it. Do it. Do it. 

EVERY AFTERNOON 

Follow the “touch it once” approach. This is a truly life-changing thing. When a task is in front of you, no matter how big or small, just do it right then and there. How many times have you gotten a work email or homework assignment and thought, “Eh, I’ll do it later”? And then later never comes? Once something pops up, do it once. Squash it and be done. Cross things off your list and feel like a badass.

Try to go for a walk at lunch. Even one little lap around the block or campus will reenergize you like nobody’s business. 

Drink water. Drink water. Drink water. Drink water!!!!!

Be present. This is so hard for me too, but you have to make a major effort to be present in whatever you’re doing. Be engaged and plugged-in and just exist in the moment. Give 100 percent.

Be friendly to friends and strangers. A smile goes a long way.

Eat something. Eat what you packed for lunch (see below) and take a break from working while you do it. You need “you time”!

EVERY EVENING

Take your makeup off as soon as you’re in for the night. Wash your face with your full routine and let your skin have a break. 

Workout. You can also do this in the morning. Whatever works for you. Make a great playlist and go hard af. Get your cardio in. Get your strength training in. Earn every freaking sweat bead forming on your forehead. Earn your shower!

Knock out your homework. Life is infinitely better you don’t have anything hanging over your head. Half the time, the energy and emotion you spent dreading/putting off your work is ten times worse than the work itself.

Make a list of what needs to be done tomorrow. It’ll set you up for success the next day, and you won’t forget anything!

Drink water. Drink water. Drink water. Drink water!!!!!

Lay out your clothes for tomorrow. This will save you SO MUCH TIME in the morning omg I can’t even tell you how important this is.

Eat something great. And once you’ve decided to be done eating for the night, be done. Brush your teeth so you can’t eat again.

After brushing, do a whitening treatment. Whether it’s classic baking soda, a Crest white strip, or a laser. Do something. And floss! Retainers in too, ladies 0:)

Relax! Take a few hours to do what YOU want to do. Scroll through Tumblr, binge on some Netflix, FaceTime gossip with your friends, anything. Do whatever makes you happiest. 

Shut the electronics off an hour before you want to go to bed. Put your phone on sleep mode. If you stare at the screen, it will keep you awake and alert and you won’t be able to fall asleep. A good night’s sleep is crucial for weightless and general happiness lol

Do a quick sweep of your room and see if there’s anything you can put away real quick. A clean space is a happy space.

Crawl into your bed (aren’t you happy you took the time to make it?!) and read a book by lamplight for a while. When you start to feel sleepy, go to sleep. Don’t push it. You kicked ass today and you deserve rest. 

EVERY WEEKEND

Do something with your friends. It just has to be one thing. Even if you’re just hanging out at the coffee shop, spending time with your squad will make you a better, happier person.

Drink water. Drink water. Drink water. Drink water!!!!!

Do something just for you. Set your laptop up in the bathroom and watch a Netflix marathon while you take a bubble bath. Buy an old school bottle of Mr. Bubbles ($3 at Target!) and really just soak. Relax. Light a candle.

Do something creative. You can read a book, write, blog, draw, code, anything. It just has to be something that speaks to your passion.

Track your progress. Just do this once a week so it doesn’t become all-consuming. And remember that non-scale victories are just as important as shedding pounds.

Take the time to be grateful. Tell your friend how much you admire her taste in music. Mention to your mom how much you love her cooking and how happy you are that she takes care of you. Thank your teaching after an especially interesting lecture. When you do something awesome, take a moment to admire yourself. Be grateful for even the little things.

Anything I missed? Reblog + add yours! Don’t forget to tag your progress!

[mnkululeko]

Every morning, Hank Hill wakes up and drinks a big glass of Respect Women juice

[mnkululeko]

I learnt 3 new words today. 

Ephemeral :Meaning: Lasting for a short while. 

Nebulous: Cloudy like, hazy 

Circumvent: Find a way around 

[mnkululeko]

After years of living in the adulting world, I think I’ve come to a realization: Manners exist to guide you to good conduct even when you’re in a bad mood.

When you’re happy, when you’re feeling generous, when you’re pleased with your gift or your service or your outcome, it’s easy to be nice. It’s easy to tip the waiter well when you’ve had a good day. It’s easy to thank the teller or the clerk when you got what you wanted out of the transaction. It’s easy to smile and chit-chat with strangers on the road when you’re in a good mood.

It’s hard to tip the waiter when you didn’t enjoy your food. It’s hard to thank the clerk for their time when you’ve just been told there’s a problem with their account and they weren’t able to fix it for you. It’s hard to think of something nice to say when your aunt gave you a crappy sweater you neither need nor want. It’s hard to be nice to people when you’ve had a shitty day. It’s HARD.

That’s what manners are for. Scripts and phrases that you learn by rote to say when you can’t think of a single nice or good thing to say from your own volition. Yes, they’re scripted. Yes, the sentiment is empty. But the scripts work in every situation, and the emptiness provides a buffer between your own unhappiness and the rest of society.

Because most of the time, it’s not the waiter’s fault that the food you ordered wasn’t what you expected. It’s not the clerk’s fault that your account is overdrawn. It’s not the fault of the barista or the stranger on the subway that you got fired today or your favorite aunt died. But even when you can’t summon a smile or a cheery word, you can still have manners, because they will serve you the same in sunshine or rain.

[mnkululeko]

I have a right to be rich.