mlsfortune

[mlsfortune]

[mlsfortune]

"average person sees 3 spiders a year" factoid is a statistical error. Sephora Georg, who attracts 3 million horny spiders with the spider sex lotion, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[mlsfortune]

[mlsfortune]

i love antique stores you go to check out & theyre like “where the hell did you get this”

[mlsfortune]

To the spiders in the ceiling corners: you’re keeping your end of the contract, love u honeys catch those tasty flies

To the spiders halfway down the wall and touchin my furniture: you’re on thin fucking ice babes

[mlsfortune]

Well what’s the fucking point then

[mlsfortune]

universal pictures really dug themselves into a hole with the “minions flock to the biggest villain on the planet” thing because there’s no way to deny that minions must have worked for like, fascist italy or the mafia… but they made their bed so now they can lie in it

[mlsfortune]

Not to be freaky on main but does anyone else literally not perceive the D in the Disney logo as the letter D? I have to concentrate my full attention on it to stop seeing it as a fucked up backwards G. When I read the actual logo in my head, I read it as “_isney” or “G(?)isney” because my brain doesn’t want to mentally pronounce the “unidentifiable letter.” What is wrong with me,

[mlsfortune]

[whispering] and they were quarantined

[mlsfortune]

this encounter seems very intimate and magical, like a moment in a dream

[mlsfortune]

[mlsfortune]

[mlsfortune]

[mlsfortune]

[mlsfortune]

potential employer: and what can you offer this company?

me: well. *takes a deep breath* i can take my bra off without taking my shirt off and i am fully prepared to show you

[mlsfortune]

Life doesn’t end at 23. 30 isn’t old. Fetishising youth as the ultimate desirable characteristic in a person is actively harmful to both young and old people. Some of us lost our teenage years to abuse and recovery, and can only begin living when we’re at a different life stage.  Literally knock it off, the lot of you.

[mlsfortune]

i wanna DROWN in love