mj-theskywitch

[mj-theskywitch]

IF YOU LOVE FAT WOMEN HIT THAT MF REBLOG

[mj-theskywitch]

online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.

[mj-theskywitch]

Guy who didnt satisfy his partner during sex cryign and punching himself in the balls going STUPID STUPID STUPID!!

[mj-theskywitch]

😾

[mj-theskywitch]

types of nap, ranked by me (an experienced napper)

the siesta: the oldest and most reliable form of nap! you go to sleep around noon. you wake up an hour or two later feeling well-rested and prepared to face the rest of the day. this is the pinnacle of nap perfection. 10/10

the businessman’s nap: you have a limited amount of time on your hands, so you schedule a nap into your packed timetable and set an alarm. you spend half the duration of the nap worrying that you’re wasting valuable nap time by lying awake, and the other half sunk into a torpor so deep that when your alarm rings, it takes you a good few minutes to remember your own name. once you’ve splashed some cold water on your face you feel much better. 7/10

EW STICKY: you were cold at first, so you piled on the blankets and wriggled into your favourite comfy sweater. this was nice. now you are awake and trapped in a horrible sweaty gordian knot of your own devising. this is not nice. when you peel off the sweater you find to your horror that you have left an actual damp patch behind on the bed, like some sort of giant dead fish that can’t stop leaking its gross fish juice everywhere. 5/10 it was at least cosy to start with

the interrupted nap: someone barges into your room and starts talking to you. “wtsfhggl?” you enquire. they give you a judgemental look, and ask why you are sleeping in the middle of the day. “ghhfshsxkls,” you reply, graciously. they tell you to get up. you get up. the rest of the day feels like an extension of whatever dream you are having before you were disturbed. you boil with quiet resentment and shame. 4/10

the unsuccessful nap: you are tired. you want to take a nap. you lie down. you wait. you wait. time moves sluggishly forwards. you wait. your brain feels like a cup of mushy porridge but your eyes refuse to close. the noise of your fan is infuriating. you wait. eventually, you are forced to accept that this nap is simply not going to happen, and you have wasted 45 minutes doing absolutely nothing. god fucking dammit. 2/10

the handy-dandy fast-forward button: you really just want this day to be over as soon as possible, and the best way you can think of to do that is to take a nap. you only meant to sleep for an hour, but when you wake up it is already evening. the day is over. you glean no satisfaction from this. you kill time until you feel justified in going back to bed again, and spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, unable to sink back into the blissful stupor from which you so recently emerged. 0/10

The Unpleasantness: when you fall asleep, it is dark. when you awaken, it is light. this is the natural order of sleep, but perverted into a form that is frightening and wrong. you feel deeply unsettled and do not know why. are you sick? what does time mean? what does anything mean? maximum despair. -1000/10.

[mj-theskywitch]

no more gravy no more basting it is freedom we are tasting

[mj-theskywitch]

one of the jobs my roommate and I applied to had us take a personality questionnaire and I need yall to look at these images

[mj-theskywitch]

Grandma poison water SNAPPED

[mj-theskywitch]

I would literally be unstoppable if I didn’t have that persistent pit in my stomach that everyone in a room is just a little bit annoyed by my presence

[mj-theskywitch]

king shit !!!

[mj-theskywitch]

bass makes a dollar. i make a dime. that's why i think about lesbian sex on company time

[mj-theskywitch]

Hhhate it when people on my side of an argument are making bad points. You’re literally right why are you being stupid about it

[mj-theskywitch]

i think what’s on a person’s nightstand is very telling so reblog this and put in the tags the things you have on your nightstand

[mj-theskywitch]

[mj-theskywitch]

[mj-theskywitch]

I've started playing this new game when I'm bored where I look up shitty T-shirts with pictures and slogans on them intended to be worn to very specific occasions and I try to think of a different place where it would be way funnier to wear it

Some Examples:

ONE

EASTER SHIRT

Slogan or image: Easter bunny, "I have the best eggs"

Intended wear: Family event, community event

Funnier place to wear it: Fertility clinic

TWO

ST. PATRICK'S DAY SHIRT

Slogan or image: Man with two beers on green. "Dublin fistin"

Intended wear: At a bar with the boys

Funier place to wear it: BDSM club. With the boys

THREE

HALLOWEEN MATERNITY

Slogan or image: Skeletal ribcage aligned with the wearer's ribcage, and a cartoonish skeleton baby just below it.

Intended wear: Low-effort Halloween event

Funner place to wear it: Abortion procedure

[mj-theskywitch]

gonna go get some vietnamese iced coffee and blow up a toilet