miu1357 - Tumblr blog

[miu1357]

i wish someone told me it was ok to be a tomboy. i wish i wasnt ridiculed for it. i wish the pressure to become more "womanly" didn't affect my adolescent mind so greatly. did i think being trans was the "easier" route? was being a woman really so mortifying for me? all that did was bring me a childhood of pain. hating my body. waiting and wishing for something that... once i obtained... changed nothing. i hope everyone can do what makes them happy...and hindsight is 20/20. my regret is not the changes that HRT brought upon me but rather the circumstances that brought me there.

[miu1357]

when you remove the female physiology from the definition of "woman", there is only gender roles & sexist stereotypes. what is a man, or a tim identifying with when he says he is a woman? he obviously cannot (and shouldn't) possess the female biology, so all he is doing is leaning into misogynistic expectations of femininity - dylan mulvaney comes to mind as an example especially

[miu1357]

i ask this in good faith and as someone who is under-educated in these topics. this is sort of how i came to the conclusion i needed to detransition, my own thoughts. any resources supporting either """side""" i'm happy to read. how exactly is gender critical ideology transphobic? my experience with the trans community was all about deconstructing gender roles so other trans people could live a happy life without really being seen as "woman with broad shoulders = man" or "short man with baby face=woman". Not just physical traits but behavioral, aesthetic, etc. so is it not upsetting that GNC women are assumed to be trans? isnt this just reinforcing the same ideology that has harmed trans folks in the past? or this whole culture of calling effeminate men "eggs". can't a man just be effeminate? the gender roles keep being reinforced... make up and dress = girl. jeans and short hair = boy. if anything this is why i mistakenly identified and transitioned myself, before realizing the hypocrisy. i personally believe that people should do what they want with their bodies. if HRT or any other cosmetic surgery is something you must to do love yourself and feel comfortable, it's absolutely not my place to discourage or advocate for banning those procedures. i believe that strongly. it's just... what exactly are you doing it for? if we abolish or deconstruct gender then... what is all this beyond simply cosmetic? i even see this with fellow detrans women... when they detransition they start dressing in traditionally feminine clothes and wear makeup again to "prove" they are women again. what does that really mean? i cant help but shake the feeling we are moving backwards. all of it makes me confused and unsettled if i'm being honest. i would love to hear what others think. i know its...polarizing.

[miu1357]

"OP is a terf" is a thought-terminating cliche meant to keep you from questioning the status quo and keep you afraid of being labeled a heretic should you come to your own conclusions about anything.

[miu1357]

when you're a young woman, especially a young autistic woman, it's easy to want answers. answers on why you're changing and hate it. answers on why your body doesn't feel like your own anymore. "i am experiencing gender dysphoria" is likely accurate, and that's where it starts. the problem is this is often drawn to the natural conclusion of "therefore i am trans", because it's an easier pill to swallow than "i, as a female, am inherently oppressed on the basis of sex. i have been treated as lesser my entire life and it is causing gender dysphoria and feelings of wishing i was a man. this does not inherently mean i am transgender." and then we have people being told their very normal experiences are being trans, telling other young women their very normal experiences are them being trans, and creating an echo chamber of dysphoria and validity culture.

a lot of trans people who criticize radical feminism intentionally misunderstand the argument of "many autistic women are lead to believe they're trans" as "oh, so autistic people can't make their own choices?" when it's more like "autistic people often inherently do not understand gender or gender roles. this can cause them to believe their inherent separation from society's ideal of "womanhood" is being transgender. autistic people have higher rates of identifying as something other than cis because of this inherent disconnect. and then the people who criticize radical feminism go "so autistic people are children to you who can't make their own choices?" and then i realize they're just incredibly stupid.

i am a diagnosed autistic. i was led to believe my internalized misogyny and gender dysphoria meant i was a trans man. i was led to believe that something was wrong with my body and i needed surgery to fix it. it was miserable. i was led to believe that hating myself was normal but it would be fixed one day by having irreversible changes done to my body. i wanted multiple surgeries.

i came out at 12 years old. i thought i was transgender. the internet told me i was transgender. people online reaffirmed my thought that i was a man. i just wanted- no, i still want- to be born a man so badly. i want all of this pain to disappear, all of this inherent pain of being a woman. but nothing can change how i was born; the inherent misery of denying my sex was overwhelming. looking in the mirror and seeing something wrong with myself for years has likely done irreversible damage to my self esteem and sense of worth.

it is with great relief that i look in the mirror now and think, as a woman, that:

"i want to be a woman."

i am not one to police others. i am not one to tell others what they can do with their bodies. but i implore women to unpack their internalized misogyny and self-hatred before deciding they're trans on the basis of gender dysphoria. because i have spent years of my life hating myself and my body under the assumption that i am a man born wrong, and i cannot get those years back.

and, yet. i look in the mirror and see a woman again.

i see somebody with the correct body again.

i see myself.

[miu1357]

a snippet of my experience

the spam in these tags...its sad and unfair. does my self reflection and my journey understanding and remedying my internalized misogyny by detransitioning automatically become synonymous with hating others? i do not have anything against the trans community. i do think it is important to discuss, especially among trans men, the impact internal and external misogyny has on their decision to transition. for me it was the driving factor, without even noticing. i couldnt be a woman because i hated my body, i hated how i didn't fit in, i just "felt" like a boy. why did i feel that way? probably because there were no other girls around me that presented and behaved the way i did. i was the tomboy in my classes. i'm happy i can reflect and understand why i made the decision i did to socially and medically transition.

i do NOT feel like i poisoned or disfigured myself. i only was on HRT and didnt undergo any surgeries however there are permanent and noticeable changes to myself. i dislike these changes but i do not feel disgust or regret. my transition served the purpose it needed to at the time, and i am moving on.

its hard to talk about these things without immediately being served the "terf" label. i disagree with the vitriol some woman have with trans people in general but i do think a lot of this discomfort i see radfems display with society is well deserved. if even just the act of detransitioning is considered a betrayal of the whole trans community, deserving of drowning out the tags here with spam, then what does that really say? do we care about the people, or the ideology more"?

[miu1357]

why are detrans people hated on here. why is the tag full of spam... assuming that being detrans is equivalent to hating all trans people.

[miu1357]

uhhhhhhm. hi. made this acc to follow other detrans to find some info/support.