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Look at me
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15th August
I have endured the trials of recovery for a little over two weeks. I've already seen slight progress, and despite the pain and anxiety, I was proud of myself for finally being able to go on for so long.*
I first noticed signs of a relapse yesternight when I felt pangs of hunger and hesitated to eat. I didn't feel any anxiety —my weight has been stable, after all— but I found that I relished the feeling of being painfully empty. This worried me, for I know the dangers of enjoying the emptiness all too well.
Today, I've been neglecting my body's need for fuel. Not out of worry for my weight, nor in fear of calories. I simply haven't found it necessary to eat again. I've been making excuses ("I don't have time right now," "I'll eat later," and so on) to myself; even though I know, the consequences will be terrible.
I'm afraid I'm dancing on the border line.
I'm afraid I will fall on the wrong side.
I'm afraid I won't be able to prevent it.
*I've previously only been able to last a week at most.
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its crazy to act this way with ME of all people like i will do literally anything for your attention
#fr#fp bpd#bpd fp vent#bpd fp#bpd favorite person#《♡_always×about×him_♡》#[14/08/24]#¡_found_entries_¡
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im halfway between wanting to kill them and delusionally in love with them
#bpd fp vent#bpd fp#fp bpd#bpd favorite person#borderline vent#actually borderline#borderline things#¡_found_entries_¡#《♡_always×about×him_♡》#[14/08/24]#related dates;#[10/08/24]#[11/08/24]#[12/08/24]#[13/08/24]
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some rando on discord is giving me more than my fucking boyfriend what the fuck is this
#me when my ex replied quicker than my fucking boyfriend#like what the fuck man#you're supposed to be better than the last guy!!!#bpd fp vent#《♡_always×about×him_♡》#¡_found_entries_¡#[14/08/24]#related dates;#[13/08/24]
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ok yk this is kind of good, im used to being treated like shit. idk how to handle people being nice to me so this is fine im used to being treated this way, i know i deserve it
#[14/08/24]#¡_found_entries_¡#《♡_always×about×him_♡》#related dates;#[09/08/24]#[10/08/24]#[12/08/24]#bpd favorite person#bpd vent#fp bpd#bpd fp vent#actually borderline
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We're on call. I feel like I'm gonna fucking cry. I was so cruel earlier. I'm a terrible fucking person. I should've just left him, for his sake.
#“local clown seen yelling at the wall”#《♡_always×about×him_♡》#¡_melancholia_in_my_veins_¡#[11/08/24]
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I just asked him if he wants to call tonight. I feel like throwing up. Why did I do that. Now I'm bothering him again. I'm so fucking stupid. Why am I always like this.
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#¡_found_entries_¡#[10/08/24]#《♡_always×about×him_♡》#related dates;#[13/01/24]#[09/08/24]#[04/08/2006]#[10/09/2007]
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#¡_found_entries_¡#[10/08/24]#related dates;#[10/11/23]#[31/12/23]#[01/01/24]#[12/01/24]#[13/01/24]#[11/02/24]#[23/04/24]#[24/04/24]#[25/04/24]#[09/08/24]#[31/12/24]
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#¡_found_entries_¡#[10/08/24]#related dates;#[07/08/24]#[09/08/24]#[13/01/24]#[10/09/2007]#[04/08/2006]
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