missrekie

[missrekie]

Caitlyn: My sister in law killed my mom and I'm in my lesbian dictator era

Vi: My girlfriend broke up with me right after we kissed

Jinx: I got reversed adopted by a random kid

Ambessa: *manipulating Caitlyn*

Sevika: *gambling with her new arm*

Viktor: *is Yaoi Jesus*

Jayce, Ekko and Heimerdinger: What the fuck is going on

Mel's subplot:

[missrekie]

that's not what "rearrange his guts" means jayce

[missrekie]

Vander: I've always liked the name Violet. Silco: *snorts a line* Hey, you know what I like?

[missrekie]

Translated version for all you lame-os not fluent in square script

[missrekie]

the c plot of guilty gear xrd revelator

[missrekie]

random splatoon lore shit 2(?)

so it has come to attention that a lot of people don't know about the deepcut news dialogues because they were only added in like a year ago 😭. poor deepcut man so I'm gonna highlight some of my favourites and rank em

1. lemuria hub

I find these quotes so funny because it really brings into perspective that turf wars happen in random ass real places 😭 like imagine if you were walking though a peaceful plaza and suddenly 8 footballers appear violently play for 3 mins and then leave without saying a word. it really brings together the fact that the splatoon world is real and functional and people live there (✨worldbuilding✨)

here's another one about this

I may be dumb interpreting this one but this adds onto my metaphor and makes it even funnier 😭 if I'm reading it right (correct me if I'm not) people are literally missing their trains because the allure to throw hands in a public space is just too high. now imagine my previous metaphor but instead of footballers a bunch of random ass guys who were sitting down exhausted spring to live and violently play their hearts out, only to realise they missed the train home. hmm I got sidetracked

overall: 7/10 quotes - funny in verse but I'm biased and lemuria smells

2. makomart

frye on team sweet has been really consistent characterisation for our favourite rotten tooth goblin . girl doesn't have a sweet tooth I'm starting to think it's some sort of addiction 😭. "oh guys I'm sorry the food just happened to fly out of my hands and I added 9 sugars whoopsies silly me". also the more I read the more I realise big man is the tired dad of deepcut with 2 rabid kids.

overall: 6/10 - someone fix Frye's taste buds

bonus: bag chaser shiver

shiver is actually so funny with the ads like I cannot 😭 girl wants a sponsor so bad she be dropping plugs on basically all of the stages it's acc crazy

HELP WHY IS SHE A PR MACHINE THEYRE NOT EVEN GETTING PAID 😭😭😭😭

I found another bonus for shipshape but that one has a few others I wanna talk about so I'll mention that next time

[missrekie]

Splatoon 3 is wild because imagine if you were living in Japan due to a recent economic and cultural boom, and suddenly a space shuttle with a mutant house-sized T-rex riding it suddenly burst from the center of Mt. Fuji and disappeared into space without explanation, and all you ever find out about what the fuck that was about is that Zuckerburg mysteriously disappeared the same day and was never seen again, but still "officially" ran Meta through an open secret Queen-Elizabeth-being-in-good-health gaslighting campaign, and everybody kind of suspected he may have been connected but never figured out anything conclusive.

Also the T-rex is now orbiting the earth in the fetal position like the guy from Jojo, and there are rumors of a substance that, if touched, turns you into a half-dinosaur monster. Nobody understands any of this but Meta employees just keep going to work and pretending Zuck still exists. The same 12 prerecorded voicelines constantly squak from the PA system.

Oddly, the statue in front of Meta HQ of a T-rex eating a human changes overnight into one of a giant human eating a tiny T-rex. Nobody noticed the switch, despite the statue being in a constantly bustling area. It happened shortly after the shuttle incident.

Jack Black's tiny clone, Lil' Jack, now wears a headset at all times and has been acting really shady since the incident. Also they're both hyperintelligent, immortal velociraptors found in an ancient cryogenic chamber who spend their days judging college football and eating the legally harvested flesh of hillbillies. Lil' Jack is probably plotting to kill Big Jack, but Big Jack doesn't seem to care, growing fat and lazy, sleeping on public benches in a bed of throw pillows. Also, he's very open about the fact that, as a velociraptor, humans look delicious, but he hasn't actually eaten anybody aside from the aforementioned hillbillies because he's civil.

Everyone is just expected to move on with their lives after this. This is normal to you.

The local art school was recently attacked by giant sea serpents, which were actually hideously bioengineered hillbillies, fulfilling a biblical doomsday prophecy, and they were driven back by Meta's army of minimum wage, part time child soldiers armed with warcrimey jury-rigged weaponry. The sea serpents had giant frying pans grafted into their mouths, which launched primitive tactical nukes made by filling garbage bags with their explosive blood. They still exist, and occasionally defend their comrades, but spend most of their time in the deep sea.

The local homeless emo twink everyone's attracted to is a closet millionaire who sells bootleg clothing in exchange for live rats, which he messily devours behind closed doors. He's also 8 feet tall and British and only has one eye.

North Korean refugees now flood the western world, after a greasy 14 year old hipster, under the guidance of Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift, beat Kim Jong Un in a mech battle, and the EDM remix of the Japanese national anthem they performed caused like half the soldiers to immediately realize North Korea sucks ass and defect. One of these individuals, 7 foot tall hypergenius, becomes a newscaster alongside a nepo baby rapper with dwarfism who likes to eat entire jars of mayo, and also they're a popular band. Also also, they may or may not be gay. Almost the entire population is gay, so this isn't a huge deal.

The new local newscasters are a famous Japanese lion tamer, an Indian girl with a bloodline trait allowing her to control snakes, and a Brazillian man the size of a smart car who exclusively communicates via grunts.

Gods, souls and zombies are objectively real, and you're effectively immortal because real-life respawning was invented a while ago. It works like a Keurig, but with mucus instead of coffee. Submersion in water kills you.

A good deal of the population is a hivemind. They pretend to be individuals for no reason.

Almost all men are now femboys.

Despite all this, you still have to go to work at 9 tomorrow.

[missrekie]

random splatoon lore shit 1

Ok so I was reading through the art books again (not an obsession I swear) and it turns out bisk (shella fresh aka splatoon 2 shoes guy) is actually so sweet 😭😭😭. he puts plastic over the bags when it rains outside and little business cards that smell like the shop I can't. all of the shopkeepers have cool lore actually, even bisk himself being heavily implied to have lost his lover in the past because of the sunken scrolls but here's the kicker, call it cope but he literally chose team order for crusty sean.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

now I can't stop headcanoning them being in some sort of situationship where they just sit and talk about shoes a ton.

man I wish crabs were real

[missrekie]

Random fun fact about persona 4 is that teddies voice actor actually saw the entirety of 9/11 and recorded it

[missrekie]

What the sigma