missmyseoul

[missmyseoul]

hey so denmark is most definitely becoming a nazi nation sooner rather than later. they’ve like done some really fucked up shit, but this might be one of the more messed up things i’ve come across from there.

the government is going to have outlined “ghetto zones” in a legal definition, wherein which they are going to have double punishment for any crime.

these areas will be areas with high populations of muslim, immigrant and worker class people. meaning they are planning to give double the amount of punishment to people for living in poorer neighbourhoods with large amount of minority people.

this is a very transparent act. and they are trying to justify it by claiming it’s about maintaining the safety and peace of the country.

but what it really means is… they are not even trying to hide that the police and prison system is about targeting minorities and poor people now… and it will not surprise me if they use this to escalate the en-masse detainments they’ve had.

[missmyseoul]

Playing at the PyeongChang store ^^

[missmyseoul]

Do not tell everyone your story. You will only end up feeling more rejected. People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. The more you expect from people’s response to your experience of abandonment, the more you will feel exposed to ridicule.

Henri J.M. Nouwen | wnq-quoteoftheday (via fyp-psychology)

[missmyseoul]

“Her heart wants roots but her mind wants wings” 🕊 my zodiac 2018 🦋

[missmyseoul]

I haven’t written on here in a long time, years, but I have so much on my mind.

I will preface this with saying, I didn’t know, and maybe it makes me a horrible person because I am wishing I still didn’t know.

I met a man in October 2017, what’s new though, I am at this point a revolving door of men that always leave, it’s hard to believe there will ever be one that sticks. Anyway, this man began as a hookup, it was fairly obvious that was all he was going to be, and a rare hookup at that, but this past month something changed. I called him up once in early December, out of the blue, to come out and drink with my friend and I, mostly as a bootycall but whatever, and prior to that we hadn’t hung out since we met. So, he hung out with my friend and I and we drank and he came over to my home.

It was the beginning I guess you can say, that night was fine just as the first time, he was very sweet, very attentive, and we had true chemistry in that area. Always leaves with a hug and a kiss and whatnot, all very respectable and proper for someone who is just a hookup.

After this, we began to text more, in particular one night when I was feeling depressed I opened up to him a lot about feelings, my situation, the hopelessness I feel sometimes and he comforted me. We started hanging out a lot more, all in the realm of just hooking up still, but it became more frequent.

I met him this Friday for a drink with friends as usual, and because we were slightly passed tipsy when we went to my place we just fell asleep. He is the ultra cuddly type, and must always be touching. I normally don’t like this, but for some reason with him it made me feel safe, comforted, and appreciated. In fact, I have never in my life, with all my insecurities, felt more at ease in my body than with him. With him nothing feels awkward, I do not feel fat or ugly or not good enough, I can feel his appreciation for my body and that he likes it, flaws and all. When we are together, it is intimate and this last Friday it literally felt like we were in sync, like we were just completely together. That feeling of togetherness almost had me saying things like, “I really like you”. Instead I said, “Hey, let’s hang out completely sober next time.” He said we should and we planned a day of it for today, Sunday, but alas that did not happen. See, he showered and when he got out, me laying on my stomach somehow prompted him to give me a massage and get intimate again, and somewhere in the middle of it, not sure why, I asked, “By the way, do you have a girlfriend?” I didn’t think he did, but asked because what started as a hookup was turning into feelings on my part. I thought may as well cover my bases, but how could I ever think he had a girlfriend, when he spent whole weekends at my house before. He said, “Yes, I do.” I was shocked! I could not believe this, I couldn’t comprehend it and just asked, “Is it serious?” He told me, “Well why would I be in a relationship if it was not.” Fuck you! Why would you be here if it was? I can never understand this. Anyway, he proceeded to try and go another round, and I said, “No what is your problem?” He started getting dressed and said, “So you’re never going to call me again.” I told, “probably not” and he responded with, “we’ll see” I walked him out and he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him and gave me a hug. I just walked away without a backwards glance, feeling guilty and broken.

I had a girls night planned with friends that night, and where he has never cared before suddenly he was texting me things like, “don’t drink too much”, “when are you coming home?”, “don’t stay out too late”, “okay stay out until whenever, but don’t drink”, etc. This is not his usual, he never cares about that kind of thing. Anyway, I didn’t really respond to him and now I am just feeling broken, used, emotions played with.

The loss of someone whom I felt so comfortable and confident with, no matter the extent of our relationship, hurts. It feels like an important part of happiness in me is missing now and I want to continue to see him to fill it, but I know it is wrong. I also know I am worth more, and if he can do that to someone he is “serious” about he is not the man I thought he was and is not trustworthy. It still hurts though, it is still a loss because never in my life did I feel so at ease in my own skin around another human being before. I don’t know what to do, except write it down, and hope I will feel that kind of comfort and connection again.

[missmyseoul]

[missmyseoul]

when vinny from jersey shore is more educated on climate change than the actual president

[missmyseoul]

He couldn’t resist going out to play with the pororo statues when he saw them

Yes, this my grown ass Liam now. It has been too long since I uploaded on tumblr. Liam has grown so much in the past almost 2 years.

[missmyseoul]

Old friends reunited! Liam had missed haesom so much when she switched daycares, but I ran into her mom while picking up Liam today and we got to have a play session at the park.(석촌동 백제고분에서)

[missmyseoul]

They are so cute together(석촌동 백제고분에서)

[missmyseoul]

No umbrella

I also didn't bring an umbrella or hooded jacket and had to walk home in the rain.

[missmyseoul]

Sick

Extremely sick and coughing. I hate this. Please stop coughing.

[missmyseoul]

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A post shared by 김리암 ❤️ (@kim_liam.sh14)

해피 벌쓰데이 리암 ^^(신천 피자몰에서)

[missmyseoul]

We went to the playground today. Liam had so much fun sliding down the slide, and every time he found the stairs leading to a slide he would scream, "찾았어! 찾았어!" He fell asleep on our stroll to lotte after, but woke up just in time to help me eat our quiznos carbonara flat bread pizza and potato wedges. Then, we went to toys r' us and I got him some books, sticker books, and puzzles.

[missmyseoul]

Also

Work is finally getting better after the hectic start of the new year, and my mom comes to visit in about 3 weeks... So excited for my mom to get here!

[missmyseoul]

Mykoreanhusbands amwf tag post

This got me thinking about differences in race and ethnicity, my thoughts on my identity and my sons, amongst other things. Through the comments I got to think more about this. I see now how it can be fetishizing. It got me thinking about what I like in a person, and on separating physical aspects from race and ethnicity. I started looking through the tags I use on my sons pics on instagram, but he is so hard to define in tags. I cannot bring myself to regret using those tags because they have given me good friends, support system, and community with others in a situation similar to my own. I will be more careful of my tags in the future though. My son is in a very complex situation though, as of now he is basically only korean by cultural identity, but there is me in his life who is mexican-american. If you know my son though, or interact with my son, at this point in his life he is just korean, he speaks korean and pretty much only remembers his life in Korea, though he was born in America. As for me, I was born and raised in America, but I can't come to say my cultural identity is only American because it is not as simple as that. It has nothing to do with the physical, but the way I was raised was very much culturally mexican and american in different ways. I will think more about it and my thoughts on it will probably change and evolve more as time goes on. I can't wait to see the person Liam will become, and really all I can think is he is just Liam, my son, that is it.

[missmyseoul]

Those last 2 posts

Describe my life about now