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Man,

Bullshit has such a distinct odor. Fortunately it all smells the same.

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What am I supposed to say

When I’m all choked up that you’re okay

You left me holding everything.

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An Adventurous Life For Wee

Never in a million years would I have thought to myself that notes like, “Hayden got a tad bit of pee on his undies and he will now need more underwear in his cubby,” would make me giggle so much. It’s the highlight of my day to bring my kid clean underwear to class.

“Hey boss, urgent matter. Undie run. Yeah, he dribbled a little again. Gotta look sharp.”

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I know what I want to do

I’m going back. For my master’s. Technically, my second master’s.

It was there in front of me the whole time. I think I needed to flail a bit, and come to it on my own terms.

Somatics: a complementary practice of physiology that cultivates mind-body connection, so as to improve movement and performance.

The autism in me is going “it’s sensory!” right now.

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I cannot believe

that I actually have a sore throat in peak summer time. Leave it to me.

Busiest work week of the year, enter stage left. My eye twitch is telling me it’s gonna be fine. Going to go peel off and die for a minute.

This is what I get for calling someone a fucking pussy, but I digress. And also #noragrets

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Here’s why you should feel your feels. There’s so much logic to this. And soo much science. I studied mind-body dualism in relation to physiology in college and lemme tell ya, mind =. blown. so many times.

PART I

Somatic sequencing - are you paying attention? Emotions are often believed to be a purely mental embodiment, but that’s not true at all.

What’s far too often overlooked are where emotions live: in a living body. A living organism, with interconnected systems that work together to maintain life. Emotions are part of that! They are FELT in the body. They MOVE through the body and are often intended to move OUT of the body. So when they don’t? Your physical health is impacted. Think endocrine, think nervous, think circulatory, think musculoskeletal, think respiratory, think digestive, because they’re all intertwined, and one derailleur can lead to total devastation on your body.

PART II

Emotions exist on a spectrum. Emotions evolve from one to another. Emotions often follow a sequence or a pattern. Emotions are a combination of pre-experience (limbic system), cognition, bodily experience, and action.

PART III

Neutral/Baseline —>

Stimulation/Trigger

Primary Reaction (Anger, Fear, Sadness, Joy)

Secondary Emotion (Anxiety, Frustration, Longing, Excitement)

Expression

Integration

Return to Baseline

Emotions Have A Cyclical Nature

If unprocessed, your sequence of emotion will loop to the point you’ve processed through the cycle (ex: fear —> anxiety —> frustration —> shutdown —> fear again).

—> This is where inhibitors in the body begin to show up as a result.

If processed, the cycle moves to acceptance, meaning, or peace before returning to baseline.

I’m pretty excited right now. I think I know what I’m doing next. I have a hypothesis to test.

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Sometimes I can be a b*tch

If you aren’t challenging every single fear of yours, that’s okay (I guess).

But if you’re continually making excuses for them? You’re a fucking pussy. Does not matter how you slice it. End of story.

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Ragebait

“You look like you read with your finger” is my new fave insult. I won’t say it, but I’ll be thinking it.

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Timestamped

No one ever notices that I notice.

At least, not that I’ve noticed.

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Trouble

When someone starts something with you and makes you feel safe there, then takes that away, it creates a void.

Desire is not the same as capacity.

I’m tired of being someone’s street car.

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Hi can I please borrow your midlife crisis

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Downregulate

Another mind boggling one.

If your parents weren’t consistently affectionate (and let’s be real on this one - that’s like, a looot a lot a lot of peoples’ parents), then guess what you might have a little tinge of?

If you didn’t know which version of Mom or Dad (or both) you were about to get, as a small child, evolution kicked your “protection mode” up a notch and it played out as subconscious background noise - noise that taught you to believe that love=ick, yikes, and whoa, because that’s how parentals reacted to you. They didn’t have the bandwidth so they unknowingly shrank yours to fit theirs. They unknowingly taught you to regulate your unmet needs. As an adult, guess what that looks like?!

It’s reality, but it’s tainted. It’s disreality. It’s not how any type of relationship is meant to be. It’s insanely detrimental to us as a race. Like….literally. Insane.

And it really makes me wonder if anything I’m actively doing to combat my own parental dynamics will influence enough of myself so that I never am that person to my son. I don’t want to control him. I don’t ever want him to feel like he’s not enough as he is. I want him to thrive. And I know that means I can’t be the one to shortchange him fresh out the gate.

The negative reinforcement really fucked us all. I’m here to tell it to kindly get fucked.

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To my neighbor who just moved in with the flute: Band practice does not begin at 10 PM. And can we even call it band practice? It’s fucking “Do Re Mi” with like, a Twilight interlude for wolves in there somewhere. Make it stop.

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Aww.

It legit blows my mind, the number of men there are that think they are God’s gift to women.

Watch the world evolve without you. 😊 🚮

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Now that we’ve aired the heavy stuff

I think we can get back to our regular programming. #dgaf ✌🏼

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Subtly

People feel when you’re keeping a hand on the escape hatch.

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A Value and A Trap

I was shaped by the belief that commitment means staying, that love is proven through endurance, and that real relationships are tested by hardship — and passed only when people choose to work through it. That can be a beautiful value. It can also become a trap when it teaches you that your strength is in staying, no matter the cost to your emotional wellbeing.

But here’s the reframe:

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up.

It means recognizing when you’re the only one holding the rope.

Staying when it’s hard together — that’s healthy interdependence.

But staying when someone disappears into themselves, and you’re left trying to both understand and repair what they’re not willing to talk about — that’s an emotional overfunctioning you were never meant to carry alone.

You learned resilience.

Now, you’re learning discernment.

Both are strengths — and both are necessary for a love that doesn’t ask you to abandon yourself to keep it.

And by darn, breaking the old habit is setting off alarm bells inside, left and right. But I’m starting to see the hard work at play, and it might be the most beautiful picture I’ve ever recognized. That’s enough for me to keep going.